This was going to be a one-shot.
But no.
You all expected me to write about the shampoo.
Now I'm forced to write another chapter.
Ah well.
Here is In Which Severus Receives Shampoo.
My name is Popcorn Chicken, or PC for short.
I work at a company called Pothead's. One of our products is called Lily's Shampoo.
I heard from my friend online that a man called Severus Snape hates shampoo.
Now it's time to do work.
Snape is a wizard, so I don't think he has a computer.
But I know a wizard who does have a computer.
I'll send a message to
Dear Mr. Weasel...
Fred and George were hacking into Dad's computer. Again.
"Look," said George with a smirk. "Dad has a message from Pothead's. Actually, the term applies to Percy a smidgeon more than Dad."
"Dear Mr. Weasel," read Fred.
"Weasel. There's Percy again."
"As our biggest client in the wizarding world, we have decided to call upon you to help us reach another client. Severus Snape has orderd 1002 bottles of shampoo."
Fred and George looked at each other. Their smile was bigger than the smile on Severus Snape's boggart.
Fred continued reading. "We would be pleased if you sent a few owls to him to tell him that his order of shampoo has been confirmed and will come at dinnertime on October 31st. Thank you for your time."
Severus Snape was sitting in his seat in the Great Hall. This day was starting out bad enough. Mondays were never good. That Potter boy was sitting in his seat. He should be standing up! Oh, and look now. He's eating some food. Stuck-up kid with his scar and all.
He heard a ruffling sound. Snape didn't bother turning around. It was the owl post; nothing ever came for him.
But then an owl landed on his plate. It was carrying a Howler.
And then another owl with a Howler.
And another.
And another.
And another one bites the dust.
A whole tornado of Howlers flew into the Great Hall.
The Howlers screamed open.
"SEVERUS SNAPE!" they bellowed. "THIS LETTER IS TO COMFIRM THAT YOUR ORDER OF POTHEAD'S LILY SHAMPOO HAS BEEN CONFIRMED. IT WILL ARRIVE ON OCTOBER 31st AT DINNERTIME! THANK YOU FOR USING POTHEAD'S FOR POTHEADS. P.S. SNAPE, YOU ARE A DORK. SLYTHERIN SUCKS!"
Snape stood there, dumbstruck. Then he ran to his room crying.
Snape got eternal teasing from the students. Worse, he had been kicked out of the Greasy Haired People With No Life Club. And how'd they know about Lily? They didn't understand. He and Lily were meant for each other. She was a kindhearted, Gryffindor Mudblood. He was a selfish, Slytherin Half-Blood. He created curses. She was killed by them. They were perfect!
Halloween arrived, and with it, shampoo. But by then, Snape was long gone. He had run away to Pigfarts.