I know I took kinda long to update but oh well! Here I am again!

Chapter 6- Perfect.

"Congratulations, Nellie. You have a beautiful baby boy," The words rang in my ears like a dream. I thought for a second that I was dreaming.

But then I held him.

I held him in my arms for the first time today; So small and wonderful. And perfect. Oh, it's overwhelming.

My midwife, Jane, said he looks a lot like me. "Poor boy," I had responded laughing, not looking up from his perfect face as I cradled him in my arms. I don't think I could of looked up if I had wanted to. I just couldn't keep my eyes off of him.

He's so tiny, I'm almost afraid to hold him, afraid of breaking him. Foolish, eh?

For the longest time, silence hung in the room and for the first time possibly ever, I was ok with it. I smiled down at the little thing in my arms and ran my fingers through the very small amount of hair sprouting out of the little boys head. He squirmed a little in my arms and open his eyes. Unusually big if you ask me; but with a beautiful shade of brown that made my heart melt. "You've got yah fathers eyes, love," I whispered to the baby in my arms.

And for the first time in what seemed like forever, I found myself thinking about Albert. But it seemed right; I mean, it's his child too. I wondered if he was looking down from up above right now and smiling too; or if he even cared…

Now Mr. Barker, he would have cared. He would have been the one down here right now, congratulating me and asking to hold the baby. And I wouldn't have let him because I just can't keep my eyes off of him. And Benjamin would joke about it and eventually…

I had to stop myself. Mr. Barker is gone, and even if he was here, he wasn't mine. It still hurt inside to think that.

I forced myself to stop thinking about it. It's certain pain that I just didn't need right now. I instead centered my attention on surveying the room. Jane had left my bedroom momentarily to get something, and the only sound came from the soft voices and tittup of house hooves outside. The light shone in brightly through the closed, light colored drapes in the room. In the stillness of the room, I heard the breathing of the boy down in my arms. My eyes again flickered down to him.

He had fallen asleep in my arms. A sense of trust, love. Someone actually trusted me with everything; with his whole life. I'm his mum, and nothing can take that away.

Jane came walking back into the bedroom, her brown curls falling out from under her bonnet. She smiled at me sitting in the bed and put a glass of water down on the table next to my bed.

"Want me to take the boy so you can relax and have some water?" She asked.

I shook my head, "No. everything's perfect right now,"

Jane sat down in the chair next to the bed and asked. "Have you come up with a name yet?"

"Name?" I was surprisingly drawn back by this question. I hadn't even begun to think of a name. Well, I guess then I'll have to start thinking of one.

I bit my lip and couldn't help but feel kind of foolish for all this time not even really thinking about it. Had Albert ever had a name he would have liked? No… me either really…

After what seemed like years of staring at the little boys face and trying to think of a name, I got it.

I decided to name him Benjamin. I mean, no one would know that the name was after him, would they? Mr. Barker will never be back, I've faced that. (Well, maybe not) And Lucy, well who cares about her anymore, right?

Naming my child Benjamin will be a nice way to remember him. And I won't call him Benjamin all the time. I'll call him Ben most of the time. Well, I've always sort of liked the name anyway.

Benjamin Albert Lovett. It's perfect.

"Benjamin," I whispered out loud, just to hear myself say it. "Benjamin," I said again, this time more to Jane.

She smiled "Is that what you've named him?" she asked.

"Yes. Do you like it?"

"It's perfect," she said, looking down at the baby half-asleep in my arms. "He looks like a Benjamin."

I looked down at the little boy again. "Yes, I guess he does."

I can't even express how delighted I am to have him; To have someone to look after and take care of and love. Not only that, but to have someone that loves me back. I don't think anyone's ever loved me like that child does, and I don't think anyone ever will. I see it in his eyes.

I laid my head against the stone wall behind my bed and closed my eyes, taking in the moment.

"Are you tiered? Would you like me to take the child?" Jane asked again. I kept my eyes shut and shook my head.

"No, no. It's fine." I opened my eyes and glanced over at the little corner of my room I had prepared for the baby ahead of time. All it had in it was a shelf with a single blue stuffed bear on it. A bassinet was meant to fill up the corner too, but right now it was placed next to my bed.

That cradle was the most expensive thing I've bought in my entire life. But I'd buy a million of them for my child, no matter how hard times are…

I glanced back down at Benjamin then up to Jane. "I only hope I can make a good life for him. Times is so hard. Money so tight." I frowned.

Jane sighed. "Tis true." She agreed. "But you'll get by. You're a wise girl. You will." I smiled at her. It's been a long time since anyone's encouraged me. "Why don't you rent the place upstairs for a few extra pennies?" She asked. "Sure some nice couple will move in,"

I sat my head against the wall again and looked at Jane in her dark blue eyes. "Oh, that up there? No one will go near it."

She seemed a little shocked. "Well, why's that?"

"Haven't yah heard? People think it's haunted. I tried to rent it out, no one went even close to it. I thought that rumor spread around a while ago."

She shook her head, her brown curls hanging out of her bonnet bouncing. "I guess I'm not really up to date with the latest gossip." She admitted. "Do you believe the rumors?"

I shrugged, trying not to wake the peaceful little thing in my arms. "Who's to say they're wrong?"

Jane frowned and nodded again. "I did hear what happened to the people who use to rent the place though. Tis a pity. Poor barber sent away and his wife gone completely mad. Lucy was her name, yes?"

I moved slowly to move a piece of hair that had fallen into my face behind my ear. "You knew the Barkers?"

"I was the midwife for Lucy when she had her little baby a little over a year ago. Little Johanna." She answered. I nodded.

"Lucy just didn't go mad though." I informed her. "She poisoned herself. Arsenic." Jane's eyes went big with shock.

"Poison? She tried to kill herself?" She asked.

I nodded. "Yes. I was the one who found her." I added.

"Oh, how horrible."

I nodded again.

"Well, I suppose I can't blame her. Not after what happened at the Judge's party," Jane said.

The judge's party? What Lucy was drug off to that night when she left Johanna with me? Yes. I remember thinking how there was something she wasn't telling me about that night.

"Wot happened?" I asked, leaning in and listening curiously at what Jane knew about this.

We had talked for the rest of the night. I never realized how wonderful it was to actually have someone to talk to about things.

Jane had informed me what she heard happened to Lucy at the Judges that night. Suddenly, I don't blame Lucy for wanting to kill herself. I'd kill myself if the judge simply touched me. Slimy serpent.

Before I knew it, Jane announced that she had to leave for the night. So we said our goodbyes and she left.

Now, all alone again, I looked down at sleeping Benjamin. He blinked a few times and opened his big brown eyes to look into mine. "Why, ello, love." I spoke to him. I felt warm tears fall down my cheeks. I hate crying, usually I do. But right now, looking down at my new world I couldn't help but think I was the luckiest person alive and cry out of happiness.

"Alwight, little one. I'm gonna tell you right now that life can be tough sometimes. But your goin' to get through it because I'm your Mum. We'll get through it all together. You're my Benjamin, and nothing will ever change that." He blinked as if he understood, and after I was done talking, he slowly drifted back to sleep in my arms.

I nodded. "You're my Benjamin. You're my Benjamin." I repeated, loving the words and how well they seemed to flow. I fell asleep with my Benjamin in my arms, peaceful, wonderful, and perfect.

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