A/N: Thanks again to all of you reading along. I'm heading off today on a week long vaca where internet will be spotty, so I might not be able to get to reviews, but I do appreciate each one. Should we have a group hug in advance? ;) But, since I'm leaving, you get this chap a day early, yay!

Big thanks & love to my own personal dream team: Char, Gin, Caren & Ash - they help make my words purdy and my ideas not suck so bad.

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, I just come up with random things for them to do.

Bella

"Victoria," I say, trying to get her attention while doing the best to keep the annoyance out of my voice. She's been making eyes at some ratty-looking guy for the last five minutes and continues to successfully ignore me.

"Do you have this? I need to go get something in the back."

She nods, barely looking at me, and I'm thankful that it's slowed down a bit in the last couple of hours. At least it's not like she'll be ignoring actual customers. I don't really need to get anything, but if I have to put up with another minute of Victoria's incompetence there's no telling if I'll be able to keep my cool with her. I need the extra help, and I can't be too hasty in firing her, no matter how damn annoying she is.

I slink off to the alley in the back of the cafe and slide down until my body is barely supported by the brick wall. Reaching beneath an overturned cracked planter that sits by the door, I retrieve a hidden pack of Marlboros and a lighter. I'm pretty sure Alice knows about my secret stash, but even if she does, she hasn't said a word about it to me.

I just need this release.

I pull out a cigarette and place it between my lips. I flip the lighter on and watch, mesmerized by the flickering orange flame. I reach out with my other hand and trail my finger slowly through it, almost numb to the heat, but just as I nearly make it through, the searing pain of a burn hits me. I pull my finger back and into my mouth, letting the cigarette fall to the wayside. It's not like I'm looking to hurt myself, but sometimes feeling pain in a place other than in my heart feels...good, in a distracting way .

My finger stops throbbing so violently until it's a dull ache. I grab the cigarette off the ground, brushing it clean before placing it back in my mouth and finally lighting it. I take a deep inhale as the smoke invades my lungs and a wave of calm floods my body. I know it's only fleeting, but I'll take what I can get.

My eyes close as I smoke, and flashes of my morning pass through my mind. There was a couple that came in after Edward left, and it was a miracle that I didn't have a complete breakdown. They were facing away from me, and the man rubbed the shoulders of the woman in front of him. He leaned down and whispered in her ear, and I could hear her laugh at whatever was said. When they turned around, I could see that she was swollen around the middle, clearly pregnant. My hands were shaking so bad that the mug I was filling slipped and shattered against the floor, creating a mess of ceramics and coffee. I bent down to clean it up but ended up just staring at it, unsure how to piece anything back together anymore . Thankfully, Alice was nearby and brought over a mop to wipe away my mess, so I could work on pouring a new cup of coffee.

It's not that every little thing sets me off. I'm not that fragile. I see pregnant women almost daily and am usually able to deal with it. But this...this was different. More familiar in a way. Maybe it was the way she looked at him or the loving ways in which he cautiously touched her. As they waited in line, the man wrapped his arms around her, gently rubbing her belly and whispering more beautiful things into her ear. He fingered a solid gold band that was strung around the woman's neck. Perhaps her wedding band was too small to fit over her swollen fingers. I watched them for a while, equal parts jealous and sad, pining for what I can never have. What I won't allow myself to seek elsewhere.

Smoke filters into my eyes, making them water, and I look down to see that my cigarette is now only ash. I flick it onto the ground and stub it out with the heel of my shoe. My eyes water, and I'm not sure if it's from the smoke or the memory from earlier.

Watching the couple - happy, carefree, and so obviously in love - makes me remember what I once had. I twist my own gold band around my finger and think about Edward who was in earlier today. He looked at me, at my finger, almost longingly. If he only knew...

"Damn it!"

I can't help shouting as I grab a nearby rock and throw it into the alley. It hits something metal, making a satisfyingly loud noise. I am so angry that I want to break something, hurt something. Instead, I lean back, pull out another cigarette and light it. Closing my eyes, I allow myself to remember, if only for a brief minute.

White satin and lace...

Matching gold bands...

Standing up at the altar in front of our friends and family, pledging to love and cherish each other till death do us part.

Death.

I vowed not to leave him until death separates us and I've stuck to those vows. Little did I know at the time that there are things much worse than death.

When Alice finds me, the cigarette pack is empty, and I'm surrounded by the nasty, yellowed butts. My face is streaked with dried tears, and my eyes are itchy and swollen. Thankfully, she doesn't say a word, just lifts me up and allows me to lean on her until we reach the employee bathroom. She runs some warm water in the sink and offers me a wet washcloth to wash my face. She finger combs through my hair until I look as presentable as I can.

With a hug from behind me, she presses a kiss to my cheek before letting me know I have some paperwork to go over in my office, so I should go do that while she keeps an eye up front. It's like Alice knows that nothing good will come from me being amongst people right now. I'm not sure how many times a week this happens, but she manages to get me through each one.

I'm not sure how much longer either of us can do this.