Guess what? Its Me again! To make up for the last short chapter and the gaps in updating, here is another chapter, posted on the same night!

So you better enjoy it! =)

Chapter 9- What has to be done

I sat in bed, wide awake for what seemed like the hundredth night in a row. I glanced over at Ben who was sleeping so peacefully in his bassinet in the corner of the room. With the small amount of light illuminating from the candle on a table next to me, the room looked calm and peaceful. But my mind was far from easy.

It had been around six months since the Judge has bothered me last. I think I got through to him that day at the store. That or he simply got bored of me. Nothing much had changed in the last few months otherwise; unless you count the money problem that I seem to be running into more and more.

Ben had to go without breakfast and dinner today. I had been going without the two for a couple weeks. But today was the first day I'd had to take that away from him. And it broke my heart.

Meat to fill the pies had become too expensive all together. So I haven't been able to even open up shop for over a week now. Of course, no one will move in upstairs, and there just doesn't seem like any other way to provide for us.

A tear fell down my cheek. I wiped it away brutally, angry at my own weakness. I needed to be strong. I needed to be strong for Ben.

I told myself that tomorrow, I would save the little supper I usual have and give it all to Ben. He needed it more then I do, right?

I closed my eyes and sighed. That can't possibly be the right answer. I wasn't sure, was there even a correct answer in a situation like this?

My eyes were heavy yet I was unable to get to sleep. All it seemed that I could think about was how tomorrow's meal was coming… or not coming.

Almost absentmindedly, I threw the covers off of me and swung my legs over the edge of my bed. Although I didn't seem to have the energy, I grabbed the candle and made my way to the parlor. I don't know exactly why. Maybe getting up and walking around will make me more tiered; get my mind off of things perhaps.

I sat down in the chair besides the fireplace and proceeded to try to fall back asleep. With no such luck, I stood up and found myself looking at myself in the mirror above the fireplace. I frowned at the face looking back.

"Look at yah now, this isn't the cheery look you had on but a few months ago, is it? Look at yourself love. You're not sleepin', and now, you're not eatin'. What's goin' to become of yah?" I looked around the room, slightly embarrassed at the conversation I had struck up with myself, even though there was no one around.

My stomach growled.

Splendid. Hungry already are we?

I felt more tears coming on but pushed them back. They've never helped any.

Suddenly, I heard a small voice coming from the bedroom. "Ma?" It asked softly before becoming a louder cry. "Ma?" Oh, I left poor little Ben in the dark. Poor thing.

I grabbed the candle "Coming, my love! Shhh, it's ok."

I walked in the room, letting the candle flood the space in a weak glow. Ben was relieved to see light. I walked in and set the candle down before swooping Ben into my arms. "Sorry, dear. Mummy just left for a li'le bit. But I'm back now, eh?" His breathing slowed as he calmed down. I carried him to my bed and laid back down with him, humming softly to him as he fell back asleep.

I thought he was already back asleep, so I stopped humming. I held Ben closer in my arms, hugging his small figure to me. Was it just me, or was he… lighter?

He can't be, it's only been one day I've had to have him go without food, hasn't it? Oh, no. I can't let this happen. Something has to be done. Benjamin can't starve.

My poor baby. I again struggled to resist the want to cry, but tears still blurred my vision until I just decided to let them fall down my cheek.

I can't let anything bad happen to Ben.

I didn't know it, but Ben was still awake. He looked up at my with his big eyes and reached up to touch my cheek. "Try?" He asked, I was a little surprised when he spoke. I looked down at him and smiled. His eyes sparkled in the dim candle light and concern was displayed on his little face. He cared about me. I guess I was still getting used to being cared for.

I nodded. "Yes, deary, I'm crying. But I'm alwight. Mummy's ok." I hugged him closer and whispered in his ear. "Don't worry Benjamin. Nothings gonna harm you. Not while I'm around, alright?"

I pulled him away, only to see that he had fallen asleep, his thumb in his mouth. His peacefulness and carelessness made me smile. He doesn't have to worry about the outside world. And he shouldn't have to worry where his next meal is coming from. And neither should I. That's just too much. Besides I don't think I can keep this up much longer. Starving myself and getting no sleep.

I simply can't provide for us; Plain as that.

I just knew I wasn't fit to be a Mum.

But I stopped myself from thinking this. Just because I can't provide for us doesn't mean I'm not fit to have a child. It's how I handle the situation that makes me fit right? I have to do the right thing for the both of us. So we can get food every day, and have a nice warm place to sleep. Winters coming soon, and I don't have logs for the fire.

So then and there, I figured what had to be done.

So, that night, after setting Ben down in his crib and still not being able to get back to sleep, I began to pack. Pack up the little belongings. His favorite stuffed animal, a few small things of mine, and that was about all.

The next day, I filled out the papers. And the day after that I walked out of the store with Ben in my arms and locked the shop for what would be the last time in a while. Taking one last look at the windows in the room above us, I prayed that someday, we'll be able to come back.

Someday we will. I know it.

And we started down the road, covered in a thin snow from the night before.

After we had walked for a while, Ben looked around confused. He wasn't familiar with the part of town we had wondered into, neither was I much. He looked at me with his big eyes even bigger than usual.

"It's alwight love. Everythin's goin' to be fine. We're just goin' some place to stay for a li'le bit until Mummy can find some stable income, kay? Everythin's fine." I turned the corner and stopped dead in my tracks.

There, at the end of the street stood a giant, gruesome, and horrid looking building. There at the end of the street stood our home for, hopefully, only the next few months. There at the end of the street, stood the workhouse.

Thanks for reading loves!

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