AN: I don't own Bleach =( This story is another in my random series of unloved crack pairings! xD While I was writing it my friend somehow convinced me to turn it into a love story... So I'm trying, never done it before, so it won't be full on. Hope you like!

Ulquiorra gazed down at the ground rushing below his unnaturally speedy footsteps. It was due to this bizarre concern with the dirt beneath his feet that Ulquiorra, Fourth Espada and Aizen's most loyal servant, managed to crash into a human. And this was no ordinary human. This was Keigo.

"WAHH!!!"

Ulquiorra flinched at the loud yell.

"Out of my way trash." He muttered, not at all expecting that he would be heard.

"Hey, I'm not trash! And you crashed into me!! Watch where you're going you… you…. you…"

Ulquiorra glared as haughtily as he could from his awkward seat on the ground.

"What are you? Emo?" Keigo asked quite rudely.

Then he noticed that the strange looking thing was practically on top of him.

"WHAT THE HELL!!!!! GET OFF OF ME YOU GAY EMO THING!!!"

Ulquiorra was so shocked that he obeyed Keigo without question.

"Wait a minute!" Ulquiorra was feeling quite out of place in this bizarre situation.

"How dare you speak to me like that, you trash!" He struggled to his feet.

Keigo also stood, but unfortunately for Ulquiorra, he wasn't planning on running away anytime soon.

"WOW!" he exclaimed. "That's a cool helmet, but pretty useless, I mean, it's only half a helmet." He rapped his knuckles loudly on the remains of Ulquiorra's hollow mask.

"How does it stay on?" He asked incredulously.

Ulquiorra was at a loss for words. His normal haughty, I'm-so-much-better-than-you act seemed to be doing nothing in this situation, and this trash didn't seem to understand the concept of not touching other people's stuff. And while Ulquiorra's brain tried to catch up, Keigo had already moved on and was staring expectantly at Ulquiorra's face. It took a few moments for Ulquiorra to realise that Keigo was waiting for an answer to something.

"What?" He asked.

Keigo rolled his eyes.

"Man, you're so dumb, you might think you're smarter then me, it wouldn't be hard, but you're obviously not."

Ulquiorra rose to the challenge.

"Of course I'm smarter than you!" He exclaimed. "I'm also a lot more powerful then you, you trash, I could end your life in a heartbeat."

Keigo scoffed.

"Fat chance, I'm taller then you too!"

"What has that got to do with anything?"

"Alright, whatever, I'll try again; Why are you crying?"

Ulquiorra looked at him blankly.

"I'm not."

"Yeah you are, look"

Ulquiorra looked at him witheringly.

"I'm afraid I can't see my own face without a mirror."

Keigo shrugged and then decided to settle the mystery for himself. He looked closely at the 'tear stains' that ran down the emo kid's face, then traced on of them.

"Hey it's not wet!"

"Why did you think it would be? It's not like it's paint or anything."

"So… a tattoo then?"

"No."

Keigo was beyond confused.

"Then how's your face like that?? Are you deformed?"

It was at this point that Ulquiorra's brain caught up to his mouth. And he realised that the reason he had been going so fast to start with. He was late. And this useless conversation with this… trash… was wasting precious minutes. If he waited any longer then forgiveness for his late arrival would not be given.

Ulquiorra, with this in mind, took off without a word.

Keigo, with nothing in mind, freaked out and raced after the speedy emo.

It was only a minute, but it was enough. Ulquiorra snuck quietly into the Espada meeting, cursing Aizen's sudden desire to hold a meeting on the battlefield. His arrival would have gone unnoticed if not for the very loud footsteps and puffing of Keigo, who had somehow miraculously managed not to lose track of the fleeing Ulquiorra. Grimmjow grinned evilly at the fourth Espada.

"Brought company with you, eh Ulqui?"

Ulquiorra scowled. "Do not call me that Grimmjow."

Grimmjow laughed. "What cha gonna do Ulqui, go cry to mummy?"

"That's enough Grimmjow." Aizen's voice came calmly from the far end of the table.

"Ulquiorra, would you care to explain yourself?"

Ulquiorra did not want to explain himself, but no other option seemed to present itself to him. So he did his best, but his best was not enough.

That was how Ulquiorra ended up locked in a jail cell with Keigo.

"Why am I here?" Keigo wailed.

Ulquiorra shuddered and wondered for how much longer he could put up with this whinging, deafening trash.

"Will you please shut up!"

Keigo continued whining.

"How am I supposed to get to school tomorrow??! All my friends will think I've abandoned them!!!"

Ulquiorra rolled his eyes. 'This trash is so dramatic it's ridiculous…'

Keigo spent the next hour wailing at the window.

Ulquiorra had never been in isolation before and had actually been curious about it. He was very annoyed that his isolation had actually turned into a real punishment. Suddenly Keigo turned to him.

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!!"

Ulquiorra looked up in surprise.

"Really? I believe you followed me here. That would make it your fault."

Keigo, finally surrendering to Ulquiorra's superior logic, went and sulked in a corner.

Ulquiorra thought nothing of it, glad that Keigo had finally shut up.

"How long do we stay locked up for?"

"A week."

Keigo was horrified.

"They feed us, don't they!? I'm not going to starve to death, am I?" He paused. "A week in here with you!!!"

Ulquiorra sighed. "I'm not that bad."

Keigo was still horrified and Ulquiorra suddenly realised that those in isolation usually weren't fed, seeing as the Arrancar that were punished in this way didn't actually need to eat.

"Hang on." He said.

Keigo watched him in suspicion as he walked over to the cell door.

"Hey, you trash!" He yelled into the corridor. The jailer, who for some reason was Nnoitra, came over in a rage.

"What?!" He hollered.

Calmly, Ulquiorra continued

"Does Aizen-sama intend to keep this human here for a whole week?" He asked.

"Yeah, why wouldn't he, that guy's an intruder."

"Does he plan to provide food?"

Nnoitra paused.

"I'll check… Hey, why do you care about that guy anyways? All he does is annoy you as far as I can see."

It was Ulquiorra's turn to pause, and he realised that he didn't know why he cared about the human. 'It's because he'll complain more if he's dying of hunger.' He reasoned.

Later, as Keigo wolfed down some food that Aizen had kindly provided, Ulquiorra had discovered a very big issue. Or at least, he thought it was a big issue. There was only one, single bed. Of course this fact was completely understandable considering he was supposed to be in isolation, but there were two of them. Ulquiorra really didn't want to sleep on the floor, and he knew that without a doubt he could force the human to sleep on the floor, but for some very strange reason, Ulquiorra didn't want the human to have to suffer that.

'What's wrong with me?' He wondered.

"Hey you!" Keigo called suddenly, startling Ulquiorra.

"What?" He retorted.

"Gee, you don't have to get so uppity, I was only gonna ask you your name."

"What's it to you?"

"Well… I figured since I'm gonna be stuck with you for a week I should probably know your name so I don't have to say 'hey you' all the time."

Ulquiorra shrugged. "I think I'd rather you didn't talk to me at all."

Keigo then recalled that one of the other strange people had called the emo guy something… What was it…

"Ulqui?" He asked.

Ulquiorra froze.

"Do. Not. Call. Me. That." He hissed

Keigo backed away a bit.

"Alright, so what's your real name then?"

"…Ulquiorra Schiffer."

"Whoa, that's a really weird name."

"Really, and your's isn't."

"No."

"What is it?"

"Keigo Asano."

Ulquiorra had nothing more to say.

Hours later and Keigo had also become aware of the bed problem.

"We could take it in turns." Ulquiorra suggested. "You sleep now, and at night and I'll sleep during the day."

Keigo shook his head. "Then I won't be able to talk to you."

Ulquiorra sighed, that had been his plan.

"You could always squish in there together!" Nnoitra called through the bars, always wanting to have his opinion heard.

Keigo and Ulquiorra looked at each other.

"No way." Said Ulquiorra, looking away.

"It might work…" Keigo mused.

Ulquiorra's head snapped back around.

"WHAT?!" He asked incredulously.

Keigo looked at the floor awkwardly.

"It might be a bit warmer…" He said in a very small voice.

Ulquiorra didn't know what he was more horrified about; the idea or his sudden urge to take the boy up on his offer.

As it ended up, Ulquiorra's general horror at his own thoughts led him to sacrifice his own comfort and allow the boy to sleep in the bed. He soon discovered that the floor was absolutely freezing and that the warmest place in the cell was at the foot of the bed. Half-way through the night, Keigo woke up and sleepily looked around the room for his cellmate. He heard soft breathing from somewhere on the floor and sat up so he could investigate. He was surprised to see the emo guy curled up at the end of the bed in a ball. Keigo watched him for and bit and felt extremely guilty when he shivered. He searched around in a cupboard until he found another blanket. He was in the act of putting it over the sleeping figure when Ulquiorra awoke with a start.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU CREEP?!" He yelled.

Keigo stepped back. "Hey, relax, you looked cold, I was just…"

"You are in no position to feel sorry for me, trash!!"

"Yeah?! Well, fine, whatever, it's not like I really cared anyway!"

"GOOD!!"

Ulquiorra stood up and stalked to the other corner of the room. He found a random piece of chalk and drew a line down the middle of the room.

"You see this line?"

Keigo nodded.

"Don't cross this line, don't touch me, and don't feel sorry for me. Is that clear?"

Keigo nodded, and then put one foot over the line.

"What happens if I do this?" He asked.

Ulquiorra scowled and threw the chalk at him.

"Oh, I'm so scared!" Keigo scoffed. "Ooo, he's going to throw chalk at me. Oh no, run away!"

"Don't patronise me, you trash."

"Go cry, emo kid, no-one loves you."

Ulquiorra didn't know what to say, he had been lucky to get this far in a verbal argument. He would have found it much more convenient if he could kill Keigo and end the fight that way. Before he could rally a reply Keigo had already launched a new attack. He stepped completely over the line and walked straight towards Ulquiorra.

"Hey! What do you think your doing?"

Keigo, Ulquiorra decided, didn't understand the concept of personal space.

As Keigo advanced, Ulquiorra backed away, not at all comfortable with Keigo's blatant disregard for the chalk on the floor. Suddenly Ulquiorra's back hit the wall.

'Oh crap.' He thought. 'This isn't going to end well…'

Keigo stopped with his face mere centimetres from Ulquiorra's.

"This bother you, does it?" He asked.

Ulquiorra nodded slightly.

Keigo took a step back, and then flicked Ulquiorra on the end of the nose.

"If you wanna sleep on that side of the room, then fine, but take some of these blankets, alright."

Keigo chucked a pile of blankets at Ulquiorra, who was too shocked to catch them and was hit in the face. He watched wide-eyed as Keigo slumped on the bed and went to sleep. Slowly he slumped to the floor and grabbed lightly at the blankets.

'What the hell just happened?'