Keigo watched in awe as the city lights slipped away from him. The darkness of the night made him feel as though he were being sucked into a black hole. He decided that he approved of this feeling. From the front of the boat, Ulquiorra was watching Keigo. The human was transfixed by the lights on the shore for some reason that Ulquiorra's logic could not comprehend. He glared at the lights furiously, wondering how they could possibly be enrapturing enough to interest someone for 5 hours straight. He was beginning to think that perhaps Keigo was not quite a typical human. His thoughts drifted languidly to his master. The defiance he had shown amazed even him, and he was mildly curious why he had not been destroyed. He supposed that Aizen-Sama must have had ulterior motives. He could sense Grimmjow back on the mainland, and was quite sure that Grimmjow could also sense him. The trash was probably revelling in his freedom for as long as he could before having to return to Hueco Mundo.
"Keigo" he called.
The sudden voice startled Keigo out of his trance, and in his clumsiness, he toppled over the side of the boat. His foot caught on one edge, and as the boat was not particularly large, he ended up capsizing the boat and making both its occupants soaking wet.
"HELGHLUBBBUKEPPPP!!" Keigo wailed.
Ulquiorra, if he had not been struggling to stay afloat, what with his rather bulky clothes and all, would have hung his head and mourned for Keigo's intelligence. Instead he had to try and tip the boat back upright, climb in and save Keigo from drowning all at pretty much the same time. This was one of those times that he regretted being nice to this…. boy.
Later, when they had been in the boat long enough to become dry again, Ulquiorra attempted to start a conversation.
"So… where do you think we should go?" he asked.
Keigo thought on this for a while
"America." He decided.
Ulquiorra, did not have any sense of geographical locations in the human world; why would he, he thought they were all trash. Due to this, he thought that this America place seemed like a reasonable destination and he was oblivious to the fact that they would have to cover 9000 kilometres in a small dinghy. Keigo, lacking any common sense, thought that this feat would be relatively easy.
It only took a few hours for the flaws in their seemingly watertight plan to show. For one, the boat was beginning to leak, and after being buffeted by ferocious waves for several hours, Ulquiorra was again not feeling particularly happy.
"HOW MUCH FARTHER??" He hollered over the howling wind.
"I DON'T KNOW!!" Came the disheartening reply.
A particularly large wave dumped massive amounts of water in the boat on top of them causing Ulquiorra to splutter.
"I don't think the owners of this boat will ever see it again…" He muttered to himself.
"Ulquiorra??"
"What?"
Keigo pointed shakily at the monstrous wave bearing down towards them.
"Can you possibly run on the air and get us out of here?" He asked. But the question came too late as the wave came down and smashed the boat mercilessly. Terrified for his life Keigo clung to the closest thing to him, this just happened to be Ulquiorra. A second wave was all it took to send both of them hurtling out of the boat and into the swirling ocean. As the water plunged over his head Keigo wanted to scream, but the water tore all breath from his lungs. He felt himself sinking deeper into the sea and the last thought that crossed his mind was:
'Damn, I never did get to tell him…'
Ulquiorra came to lying on a rather uncomfortable surface with the sun shining directly into his eyes. He struggled to remember how he had gotten there, but the last thing he remembered was being dragged underwater by Keigo's dead weight. Groggily, he sat up.
"ACH! The wee laddie's awakening! Wotcha feelin'? How's yur head?"
The bizarre barrage of speech that welcomed him was greatly perplexing to the poor, half-drowned Espada.
"Shut up, trash." He said vaguely.
"ACH! We got one with a temper, lads!"
"Ach!" Came a resounding chorus from somewhere beyond the first voice.
Suddenly, Ulquiorra remembered what it was that he was doing on that ill-fated boat in the first place.
"Is this…America?" He queried
A round of accented chortling greeted his question.
"ACH! No laddie! This here is Scotlnd! The great motherlnd!"
His eyes by now had adjusted to the sunlight and he caught a glimpse of the man that was speaking. He immediately wished he hadn't. The speaker was standing or rather, looming above him. He was wearing typical Scottish garb, which consisted of a flannelette shirt, a kilt and a set of bagpipes. Ulquiorra was not pleased with his viewpoint. Especially since all the rumours were true concerning the Scotsmen's lack of undergarments. Suddenly a moan from somewhere around his waist distracted him from the horrors that were gracing his eyeballs.
"ACH! The wee-er laddie is also awakening! We're awful sorry, my lad, we couldn't detach him from you… He's got the grip of a deep sea clam!"
Ulquiorra glanced down and caught sight of Keigo's head.
"wha? … WHAT THE !!!!!"
It was this moment that the kindly Scotsman had shifted his stance so he could get a closer look at Keigo.
Ulquiorra felt sorry for the poor human's eyeballs.
Later, around a nice campfire, the Scots told of how Ulquiorra and Keigo had managed to end up in Scotland.
Keigo was especially intrigued, as he had always assumed that the Scottish people lived in little huts in the snow. Ulquiorra was stilling wondering where they were in relation to America.
"ACH!" The story began.
"We belong to the noble Scottish Underwater Secret Submarine Organisation. We hold our weekly meetings in submarines under the water. We don't often have anyone driving them though, so we usually end up miles and miles away from our grand homelnd!"
"Ach." Confirmed the other Scots.
"We were just surfacing when we heard a thoomp! And we poked our heads above deck and discovered you and yur wee friend on top of our submarine!"
"Ach."
"So we packed you in and took you home with us! Aren't we lovely!"
"ACH!" Replied Keigo.
"Keigo, don't…" Ulquiorra had had just about enough of the stupid exclamation, and he was not happy with Keigo joining in.
"ACH! The white laddie hasn't recovered yet; we'd best set him down until he gets some colour back into him!"
And that was how Ulquiorra ended up strapped to a straw bed to await some colour.
Grimmjow meanwhile was wondering what Ulquiorra thought Scotland was going to do for him. It seemed a very silly choice to make. As far as Grimmjow knew, Ulquiorra neither spoke Scottish nor English. Grimmjow himself was not entirely sure where Scotland was.
"And how on earth did he get there?" He mused.
"GRIMMJOW!?!"
"Y-yes Aizen?"
"Why have you let that rebellious child of mine get away?!"
"I didn't do it on purpose Aizen! I don't know how I'm supposed to get to Scotland!!"
"Use a garganta you fool!!"
"I thought they only linked to Japan?"
"Don't be ridiculous! What would be the point of that?"
Grimmjow sighed.
"Alright, I'll use a garganta and go to Scotland… Happy now?"
"Why yes! Yes I am… Thankyou for asking!"
And with that, Aizen departed once again.
Meanwhile in the cold and windy fields of Scotland, Ulquiorra is still restrained to a bed.
"Why don't you use your super-awesome-mega-demon powers?" Keigo asked.
Ulquiorra sighed.
"They are not called 'super-awesome-mega-demon-powers', they are just exceptional Espada powers."
"What's the difference?" Ulquiorra decided that he must have been getting used to Keigo's thickness. Thought he had to admit that Keigo had a point.
So he did what Keigo suggested and stood up, easily snapping the bonds of iron that had held him down.
"ACH!!" Came a familiar cry.
"The wee laddie had recovered at last! Although he still has very pale skin… and green lines on your face…"
He paused as his backward and absurd mind mulled over this new information.
"ACH!" He cried.
"The wee laddie is EMO!!"
Ulquiorra sighed and finally gave into the temptation of ceroing the annoying man. Keigo stared at the smoking spot of ash.
"Ach! You didn't have to do that!!!"
"If you say that word one more time, then you will face similar consequences."
Keigo quickly returned to his typical Japanese slang.
"Ah, so now what should we do?"
Keigo glanced at the weather outside.
"It's cold." He complained.
Ulquiorra stood and dragged him to the door.
"Grimmjow is coming." He replied. "We must leave now."
Keigo sighed. "But I don't wanna!!"
"Tough."
"My feet are cold."
"…"
"My face is cold too!"
"…"
"My hands hurt!"
Ulquiorra's eye twitched.
"Are we there yet?"
"…"
"Ulqui~ I'm bored~"
"WHAT DO YOU WANT!?!?"
Keigo was stunned by Ulquiorra's sudden outburst.
"I-my feet hurt…"
Ulquiorra felt like punching the human, but restrained himself, choosing instead to continue hollering.
"I DON'T THINK YOU COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND THE SITUATION HERE KEIGO!!!! IF GRIMMJOW CATCHES ME HE'LL TAKE ME BACK TO AIZEN AND AIZEN-SAMA WILL PUNISH ME AND PROBABLY CHOP SOME PART OF ME OFF AND MAKE ME LESS IMPORTANT THAN GRIMMJOW WHICH WOULD ABSOLUTELY SUCK AND PROBABLY KILL YOU AND MAKE MY LIFE EVEN MORE OF A LIVING HELL THEN IT ALREADY IS!!!!"
In the face of this explosive rant, Keigo couldn't help but be amazed.
"You care that he'd kill me?" he asked in wonderment.
"WHY DID YOU PICK THAT PART OUT OF THAT WHOLE RANT!!!"
Keigo decided that he'd had enough.
"My ears hurt now, thanks a lot."
"GARRRHHGAGRHAGAGHHH" Ulquiorra shouted.
It was clear to Keigo that Ulquiorra had finally cracked. But this was not helping his own situation.
"That's all well and good, but Ulqui~ my feet still hurt,"
"Oh, really? Well, would you like to be carried then; your majesty?" Ulquiorra asked sarcastically.
Keigo liked this idea very much.
"Yes thankyou." He replied. "That would be nice."
So that was how Ulquiorra ended up trudging through the forests of Scotland with a half-asleep Keigo snuggled up on his back.
If Grimmjow were to see this scene, he would probably have found it very gay and amusing, it would give him plenty of fuel to verbally abuse Ulquiorra for the next century. He would have loved it. Unfortunately, just as he was arriving in Scotland, Ulquiorra had flash-stepped his way across the sea and ended up in Afghanistan.
AN: Woot for another chapter. Some of you may have noticed that Ulquiorra was slightly ooc. (By which I mean that he was barely in character at all.) I'm sorry if you disliked it, but I found it very fun to have Ulquiorra show off his awesome lung capacity. Tune in next time for the adventures in Afghanistan!!