"Ulqui~!"

"What do you want now?"

"It's hot."

Ulquiorra sighed. In Scotland it was too cold; here it was too hot. Fortunately Keigo was still receiving a piggyback, which meant that complaints of sore feet were no longer an issue. In the distance Ulquiorra could hear faint thunder.

'Hmm…' Ulquiorra mused. 'That might be nice… Being rained on in this heat might be a relief, for the annoying one at least. And so the pair continued to trek through the hot Afghani desert.

Meanwhile in the cold and snowy heights of Scotland, Grimmjow was once again cursing his bad luck.

"DAMN THEM!!!" He hollered. "Damn them both to heck…"

"ACH!" Came a cry. "It's another one of those wee lost laddies!!"

Turning slightly Grimmjow caught a glimpse of a fate more horrendous then a thousand Aizens, though slightly less horrendous then a thousand Gins. It was… An army of naked Scotsmen.

"ARGHHHH!!!!!! What do you want??!!!? PUT THOSE THINGS AWAY!!!!!"

The leader of the army brandished himself threateningly.

"ACH!! Your wee laddie friends killed our leader, now is the time for revenge!!!!"

And with that the army charged, leaving Grimmjow with little else to do but run and hope he would survive this encounter.

"My, my… What ever is the matter?" Came a familiar voice.

"AIZEN!" Grimmjow shouted. "Aizen save MEEEEEeeeee"

"What's the magic word Grimmjow?"

"Um…." Grimmjow was puzzled. He was not aware of magic words, let alone one that Aizen would want.

"Please?" He tried.

"And the other words, say it properly man, do you want saving or not?"

"PLEASE save me Aizen!!"

"And the last word…"

"Please Aizen-sama?"

"Right."

Suddenly the army of naked Scotsmen found themselves being blown to pieces by a sudden blast of raw energy that has on occasion been known as Aizen-sama. When they awoke they discovered that they had become wandering naked ghosts.

"Ach." Said one. "I can't feel my toes…"

"Afghanistan." Said Aizen wisely.

"Huh?" Replied Grimmjow.

"My evasive child has gone to Afghanistan. You must find him there."

And with that Aizen once again, disappeared into thin air.

"I really wish he'd stop doing that…" Grimmjow muttered as he once again set off in pursuit of the elusive emo and pet.

Ulquiorra was beginning to regret ignoring the thunder. At the moment he and Keigo were right in the thick of this supposed storm, and neither of them were getting any cooler. It turns out that rather than a thunderstorm; they had wandered into the crossfire of a heated war. Ulquiorra, being as uneducated as he was, had no idea why people would be so cowardly as to shoot at the enemy from a distance and not even know the names of those who fell in battle. It was taking all of Ulquiorra's flash stepping skill to keep Keigo from being shot in the back, but it just wasn't going to be enough to get them safely out of the area. A stray bullet glanced across Keigo's shoulder and somehow detached him from Ulquiorra and sent him flying across the ground. Not realising what had happened until it was too late, Ulquiorra lost sight of his little friend and managed to get free of the shots. He stared back into the heat of battle and hoped that Keigo got out alive. But Ulquiorra is as Ulquiorra does, and being an extremely emo sort of a person, he assumed that Keigo had perished, and took off to somewhere else. No body knows where.

So we will return to poor little Keigo. Lost and alone in the great big desert with no one to complain to and no one to stop his feet from hurting. He plodded along tiredly and mourned the loss of his best friend in the whole wide world. A little while later he cam across a lone shrubbery.

"Oh!" He cried, "You are just as lonely as I am!" And he immediately attempted to give it a great big hug. Unfortunately the shrub was not too keen on being hugged, so it gave him a bunny rabbit.

"It's a bunny rabbit!" Shouted Captain Obvious… sorry… Keigo. He was about to bestow hugs upon the poor mammal when its head exploded. Keigo stared in shock at the lifeless and headless body before him.

"I wish Ulqui were here…" He whimpered.

He continued to walk, and further on, he discovered another lone shrub. Worried that his one would also produce exploding rabbits, he kept his distance. As soon as his back was turned Grimmjow burst out of the shrubbery and tackled Keigo from behind.

"GOT YOU, you little!" He paused "Where's Ulquiorra?"

Keigo wanted to cry, but his face was too dry and dirty.

"I don't know!!!!" He wailed.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I don't know!! We got separated."

Grimmjow scowled. "I'm looking for Ulquiorra, not you! How on earth did I end up finding you??"

Keigo shrugged and continued to whimper pathetically.

Suddenly, and for the first time in his life, Grimmjow had a bright idea!

"I know! Ulquiorra will definitely come and try to find you! So as long as you're here, Ulquiorra will come right to me!"

Keigo stared at the blue man in wonder.

"You really think Ulqui will try and find me?"

"Of course- Wait… Did you just call him Ulqui?"

"Yes"

"Why?"

"Why not, it suits him."

"But he doesn't like it…"

"Doesn't he? I never noticed…"

Grimmjow furrowed his brow in confusion, and then gave up.

"What ever, you're coming with me human!"

And so Keigo continued to trudge along through the desert, though thankfully he was no longer by himself.

"Grimmjow~"

"…"

"My feet hurt."

"I don't care."

"It's hot!"

"So?"

"Grimmjow, I'm tired…"

"WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT IT???"

"Give me a piggy back!"

Grimmjow was horrified.

"What?! Why??"

"Cos my feet hurt and I'm tired."

"…"

"Grimmjow?"

"…"

"…"

"Fine."

And so they continued with Grimmjow carrying Keigo unceremoniously over his shoulder.

"Grimmjow, your shoulder hurts my stomach."

"Would you rather walk?"

So Keigo lapsed into sulky silence and Grimmjow sighed in relief.

"Where is my child?"

Both Keigo and Grimmjow were startled by the sudden voice behind them.

"A-Aizen-sama!" Grimmjow stuttered.

Haughtily, Aizen perused the situation.

"Why are you carrying a human?"

"Because he was complaining too much."

"Why do you have the human at all?"

"Cos the emo and his precious little pet got split up."

"HEY! I'm not a pet!"

"Shut up." Snapped Grimmjow.

"Hmmm…" Said Aizen. "You think that my rebellious child will come in search of this human?"

Grimmjow nodded.

"Bring him home then."

"WHAT?!" Keigo and Grimmjow yelled simultaneously.

"Then Ulquiorra will come home to Las Noches without us even having to drag him there by force."

Grimmjow had to admit that this was a good idea. He nodded.

"Yeah, sure. We'll lock him up and wait for Prince Charming to arrive."

"Good." Said Aizen, and missapeared.

"Home time!" Grimmjow chuckled as he opened a garganta and stepped through into the blindingly pink halls of Las Noches.

Keigo looked around in confusion.

"I thought this place was white?"

Grimmjow stared at the walls in terror. "So did I."

It was at this moment that Halibell chose to round the corner and catch sight of Grimmjow's priceless facial expression. She chuckled before she felt inclined to explain.

"Do you like Szayel's handiwork?" She asked.

"Who. The. Hell let Szayel change the paint scheme?!?!?"

Halibell shrugged. "Aizen I suppose. Szayel's been banging on about it for some time now, the only reason he hadn't been allowed before was because you and Ulquiorra always kicked up a stink. As soon as Szayel realised that neither of you were home, he went to Aizen."

"And Aizen said yes…" Grimmjow shuddered and attempted to shield his eyes from the horror as he lugged Keigo down to the confinement block. Upon arrival, Grimmjow noticed that these particular halls were not pink, but a soft shade of grey.

"I am dibbsing guard duty." He decided as he dumped Keigo unceremoniously on the floor. Once the door was closed, all sounds from the outside were cut off, though Keigo would have been thrilled to know that Grimmjow had not been permitted to be on guard duty. He had been made to swap jobs with Nnoitra who, to Grimmjow's horror, had been helping Szayel paint the meeting room.

So Keigo sat. And then he slept. Then he got up and walked around a bit. Then he ate. Then he slept some more. Then he harassed Nnoitra. Then he found a piece of chalk. Then he slept again. Then he began to work on his escape plan.

Despite his brave face, the little rant that Ulquiorra had at him earlier had struck a nerve and Keigo decided that he really didn't want Ulquiorra to be captured, which meant that he couldn't stay here if there was any chance that Ulquiorra would come looking for him. He had to escape; there was no other option. He pulled out his piece of chalk and set to work.

Hours later, Nnoitra came in to bestow Keigo with food. When he entered, the first thing he saw was Keigo looking in disappointment at a whole lot of chalk scribble on the floor.

"What's an…ee-ss-aa-pp-cc pp-aa-mm?"

"It says escape plam."

"Yeah, whatever, I can't read real good. What's this 'escape plam' do?"

Keigo sighed miserably. "I don't know… It won't work. I can tell." He sniffled.

"Without Ulqui I'm useless."

Nnoitra shrugged and tried his best to be comforting. "Well, personally I think you were pretty useless with Ulquiorra as well, so don't feel too bad."

Keigo nodded. "Thanks."

Nnoitra stood awkwardly and tried to work out what to do next.

"So… I guess I'll see you later, when I bring you your dinner."

Keigo shrugged. "I guess."

"Urh…" Nnoitra punched Keigo lightly on the shoulder as he went out. "Good luck with your plam thing."

Keigo nodded. "And you… ah… have fun with your guarding."

Nnoitra grinned, something that you would not want to see everyday.

"Yeah, well at least I'm not on Szayel's 'Super-Mega-Awesome-Redecorational Team Uber."

And with that, the jail door swung shut. With determination written all over his face. Keigo got back into his plan of escape.

It wasn't until dinnertime that Keigo finally got a bright idea. When Nnoitra came into the room, Keigo noticed for the first time that Nnoitra had a very spoonly shape. He remembered the last time he had escaped he had used a dinner spoon to dig his way out. Surely with a spoon Nnoitra's size he could be out in no time! While Nnoitra's back was turned, Keigo snuck past and shut the door firmly.

"I'm about to be really sorry for what I have to do." He said.

Nnoitra had little other warning before he was scooped of his feet and set to work as some sort of a spade.

"Huh? Mmnhmhph!" The dirt in his mouth, though being white, did not taste like snow. For reasons unbeknown to even Keigo himself, the total time taken to dig out of Las Noches was about ten minutes. When he was free, Keigo stretched out and placed Nnoitra carefully on the ground.

"Thankyou." He said and ran off into the distance.

Nnoitra groaned. His head hurt, he had dirt in his eyes. He had dirt in his mouth. He had dirt in his ears. He had dirt in his hood. Now if only he could cry green, he could be just like Ulquiorra. Damn that Ulquiorra. Always being so much more prettier then he was. And more emo. And less creepy. Damn him. Then Nnoitra whimpered. He had let a prisoner escape. No worse then that, he had helped a prisoner escape! It was not going to be a pleasant time for him when Aizen found out…