The Ultimate Evil Organization

Episode 2

(The 13 villains are sitting an oval table. Hao is sitting the head of the table. On the left side {from nearest to farthest from Hao} are Vice, Yami Bakura, Father, Millennium Earl, Eneru, and Fate. On the right side are Aizen, Tobi, Medusa, Gerard, Phantom, and Cell.)

Hao: All right, welcome to the first ever meeting of The Ultimate Evil Organization! (Lightning strikes.) First order of business is to assign jobs. Since this whole thing was my idea, I call leader.

Aizen: Hey, you can't do that!

Hao: I just did, didn't I?

Aizen: A leader has to be someone that a majority of the group feels can lea-

Hao: *Cough* dork. *Cough*

Aizen: …Just wait until I kill you in your sleep.

Hao: Anyways, because you did help me in the last episode, you Vice get to be my second in command.

Vice: All right.

Hao: Father, you're going to be my advisor.

Father: And what does that entail?

Hao: Just answering any questions I have for any reason what so ever like… what is two plus two?

Father: …Four…

Hao: Really? I didn't know that.

Father: …

Hao: Oh well… Next, Millennium Earl is our Battle commander.

Millennium Earl: Battle commander?

Hao: You're going to lead our army!

Aizen: What army?

Hao: …I'm still working on that…

Aizen: I'm not surprised.

Hao: Medusa, you're going to be our doctor.

Medusa: I'm a villain, not a doctor!

Hao: But didn't you pose as a school nurse in order to trick people? You had have learned something in all that time.

Medusa: Not really. I mostly just covered people in leeches.

Hao: Note to self, don't get sick. Anyhow, the position of strategist shall be filled by Yami Bakura.

Yami Bakura: Why me?

Hao: Who better than the guy who plays children's card games all day?

Yami Bakura: How about… Oh, I don't know someone who actually has experience in making military related strategies? Or at the very least someone really good at Risk.

Hao: I shall not be held down by your logic!

Yami Bakura: …

Hao: Now then, our look out is going to be Tobi.

Tobi: Yay!

Aizen: Why do we need a look out?

Hao: I Dunno.

Tobi: Oh! I know! So we can reduce the likelihood of our base getting taken over and us getting our asses kicked as well as anticipate enemy attacks so that we can form an effective counter strategy in response!

Hao: What he said.

Aizen: …

Hao: Fate, you're the torture master.

Fate: Why?

Hao: Because I said so!

Aizen: Now you're just being ridiculous!

Hao: Maybe I am… Oh, that reminds me, Aizen, you're our chef.

Aizen: I don't know how to cook!

Hao: Then learn!

Aizen: Why do we need a cook anyway? How will that help us reach our evil goal?

Hao: It won't. I'm just hungry. Now, Eneru is our secretary.

Eneru: What?

Hao: Look, I know you're pissed at me, but look on the bright side; you get to kill telemarketers. Plus, we don't have to pay phone bills because you can just use montra.

Vice: And out of curiosity, how many telemarketers can use montra?

Hao: All of them. They are not human.

Vice: But is there, like, a do not montra list?

Eneru: Yeah, but if I sign us up I don't get to kill them.

Vice: Point taken.

Hao: Anyway, Gerard is our head of intelligence gathering.

Gerard: That's… Actually not bad… I was expecting something a lot worse than that.

Hao: Cell will be our carpenter and construction person commissioned with building our HQ.

Cell: I thought this was our HQ.

Hao: No! I mean this place is a crappy excuse for a hide out, plus the resale value is horrible. No offense Father.

Father: How dare you insult the resale value!

Gerard: This is just a random question, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU CONCERNED WITH THE RESALE VALUE?

Hao: Think about it. If someone finds out where we are and we have to move because of it, the resale value has to be good! Also remember to pay no mind to the furniture because it won't be there when we move in.

Phantom: If it's being built from scratch there won't be any furniture in it!

Hao: Oh yeah…

Phantom: So, what is my job?

Hao: Well, because I didn't have any thing else for you to do, you shall be the maid.

Phantom: WHAT THE FUCK!

Aizen: Gee, a useless position like half of the other ones. What a surprise.

Hao: Keep complaining and you're switching jobs with Phantom.

Aizen: …I shall cook with honor.

Hao: That's what I thought.

Medusa: Something's been bugging me for quite some time now, what the hell is the point of this evil organization anyway?

Hao: I just thought it would be cool, like on T.V.

Yami Bakura: You got the idea from the tele?

Hao: What's wrong with that?

Yami Bakura: Don't you remember last time?

{Goes to a flash back with Hao, Yami Bakura, Cell, and Toguro standing around a tractor}

Hao: OH MY KIRA! I just saw this awesome show called Jackass where they did the most awesome thing ever! Watch this!

{Flash back ends}

Hao: I put the fires out.

Yami Bakura: You made them worse.

Hao: Worse… Or better?

Cell: Besides, we lost Toguro!

Hao: Yeah, well… You can't make an omelet without sacrificing the mortal souls of thousand of innocent people.

Fate: What the hell kind of omelets do you make?

Hao: The BEST kind.

Medusa: It sounds weird.

Hao: You're the last person who should give anyone advice on cooking.

Medusa: Don't insult my cookies!

Fate: Right. Instead, let's insult how generic a villain she is.

Medusa: Hey, at least I don't go after the secret of a world that turns out to be a fucking Keyblade!

Fate: And I didn't turn my daughter into Ansem the goddamn seeker of darkness!

Tobi: (Demonic voice) Yes, fight, kill, let there be blood. MWA HA HA HA HA HA!

Hao: Tobi! Stop it! And you two, save it for later!

Medusa: Y'know what? Maybe Aizen was right. Maybe we need a new leader!

Hao: Fine, who wants to be the leader?

Aizen: Me!

Vice: I've been dealing with your crap for quite some time now! I think I deserve a shot at being leader!

Tobi: (Normal voice) Ooh! Tobi wants to be the leader!

Hao: …Why?

Tobi: Because it'll be fun!

Hao: Well then gentlemen, and Aizen…

Aizen: I'm so going to kill you.

Hao: …There is only one way to decide who will be the leader!

Aizen: A democratic vote?

Hao: No!

Vice: A game of Wii Sports?

Hao: No!

Tobi: Knitting competition?

Hao: …Umm… No…

Millennium Earl: Then how?

Hao: Simple, we will do as is customary in my universe and have a tournament consisting of team of three. Any objections?

Aizen: Nope.

Vice: I'm game.

Tobi: (Demonic voice) Soon you pathetic mortals shall be my slaves as you scream and fear the name Uchiha "Tobi" Madara… I mean… I have no objections…

Hao: Alright! Let the contest… Begin!

End of episode 2.