A/N: The main song in this chapter is called "Nicest Thing" and it's by Kate Nash, if you'd like to go listen to it. Also in this chapter we discover Santana has a secret love for quaint British detective novels.

Thanks for all people reading/reviewing/making me feel incredibly flattered and blush-y when they link me on tumblr, it's really appreciated :) Hope you enjoy this.

It wasn't the first time in her life that Rachel was cursing her rather diminutive stature, not that she would ever admit it. It was, after all, not necessary to be physically large in order to have excellent stage presence (but it did make it easier to have an ego three times the size of you, as some of the more unkind students at McKinley might have said). Stage presence, however, was little help when in English class with one Finn Hudson sitting directly in front of you, and the slightly shorter but equally wide Sam Evans and Noah Puckerman sitting either side of him. Normally of course, she sat front and centre, so as to minimise distractions and ensure the teacher saw her raised hand first when it came to answering questions. She'd been running late today however, after finding a copy of Taylor Swift's new single in her locker and being sent into an epic romantic fantasy involving a serenade and a thousand red roses (the fact she wasn't quite sure what face to give to her Romeo was a minor detail), and so had been forced into the back row, behind the Glee club football players.

Straining up in her street, Rachel tried in vain to see over Finn's immense shoulders, wondering why they didn't just sit in the back row - wasn't that the place to sit when you wished to maintain the illusion of disinterest in education in front of your peers? At least, she thought, as she attempted to write down what the teacher was saying, they weren't talking to each other and she could hear what was going on.

"Hey, dude." Finn whispered to Sam.

Rachel rolled her eyes - sometimes it really felt like someone was exploiting her inner monologue for comedic purposes.

"Dude," Finn repeated, in a whisper that could probably be heard from space, "Are you really gonna ask her out?"

Rachel sighed, she was trying to learn about English literature and instead she was being treated to idle gossip. She considered telling them, politely, to please shut up... but then again as Glee club captain it really was her duty to know about any social occasions that might disrupt the dynamic of the team, so she decided to allow them to continue. For the good of the team.

Sam shrugged, "I don't know, I think so. She seems into me." he pointed at Finn's paper, "And Shakespeare is just one word."

"No it's definitely two." Finn answered, and Rachel suppressed a groan as she buried her face in her hands. "Are you sure? I mean, going out with her could get...kind of insane. I mean really insane."

Rachel's eyebrows raised, Sam was thinking of asking someone insane out?

"I know...I mean, I don't even know where I'd take her. I totally suck at this stuff."

"Just take her to see some crappy chick flick, girls dig that." Puck barely bothered to whisper.

Rachel looked at Puck, if he knew about this then Sam definitely wasn't asking Quinn out. So if it wasn't her, then who could it be?

"She'll definitely like that." Finn added.

"Mr Hudson," their English teacher interrupted, "Since you seem to have so much to say, perhaps you can tell us what a sonnet is?"

Finn looked bewildered, "Uh, isn't he a hedgehog?"

There was general laughter through the classroom, but Rachel barely noticed. Sam was going to ask out someone who liked "chick flicks" and would cause insanity? She grinned - she was pretty sure the search for her MySpace fan had just ended.

xxx

"Quinn, I need to talk to you." Rachel stood in front of the table where Quinn and Santana were eating. She normally ate her lunch in the library or the choir room, so she was a little unsettled by the bustling cafeteria. "It's about an urgent and private matter." she added, looking at the dark-haired cheerleader pointedly.

Santana took another bite of her sandwich, "I'm not leaving."

Rachel huffed in annoyance, but as she was endlessly impatient, took a seat next to them anyway. "It's about Sam." she said, in a whisper that could rival Finn's in volume. "I think it's important that you know he doesn't return your affections - in fact I believe he has his sights set on a rather different member of the Glee club."

Quinn blinked. "Yeah, we know."

Rachel looked from one Cheerio to the other in confusion, "Well aren't you upset? I thought you liked him."

Santana smirked, "Oh yeah, I forgot about that huge crush Quinn has on Sam. Berry's totally right, shouldn't you be devastated? You know. Because of your huge crush on him."

Quinn glared at her, "I'm very good at keeping my emotions in check. I'm very subtle. Something some of us could work on. After all, we know who Sam's asking out, don't we?"

Santana's lips curled, and Rachel frowned. "Well, if you know who he's asking out, I sincerely hope it won't cause any problems in our fledgling friendship."

"What do you mean?"

"Our newest Glee club member is planning on asking me out. And I have to say, Quinn, if it will cause ill-feeling between us, I won't hesitate to decline, Sam and I aren't - "

"Wait." Quinn looked confused, "Sam isn't going to ask you out."

"He isn't?"

"No, Scrappy Doo." Santana said, "He's going to ask Brittany out."

xxx

Rachel peered over the menu, dark sunglasses hiding her eyes. Brittany and Sam, she was sure, would be completely unable to recognise her. She was undercover, a spy on a top secret mission the nature of which could be revealed to no-one. Glaring across the restaurant at the two blondes, she wondered if Sam really wasn't her MySpace admirer - or was this all an elaborate ruse to disguise his true identity? She didn't know him very well, she couldn't be sure he was that cunning, and if she was honest she would be a little disappointed if he was - he seemed nice and everything, but she couldn't shake the idea of him being Finn in a blonde wig.

Brittany turned her head and she gasped and ducked down behind the menu again, cursing herself for deciding against bringing a menu with pre-cut eye holes. Dark glasses would only go so far, she knew, and she couldn't take any chances. Daring to peer over the menu again, she whispered into her digital recorder, "7:08PM, Brittany and Sam appear to be ordering their food. Sam has consumed eighteen bread sticks."

Santana looked at Quinn, "Why the hell did we bring her?"

Quinn shrugged, staring at Rachel hiding behind her menu, "She wanted proof that Sam isn't her MySpace whatever. Plus she has her own night vision goggles."

Rachel whipped her head round as Santana muttered something that caused Quinn to elbow her in the ribs, "Would you two be quiet? I can't observe properly if you keep - "

"Oh shut up, Berry." Santana said, rolling her eyes for maybe the fiftieth time that night, "We're just here to make sure he doesn't try anything funny. He's not likely to do that in a busy restaurant, is he? And take those sunglasses off, you look dumb." she paused, "Actually, I think I like it better when I can't see your face."

"Leave her alone, she's enjoying herself."

Rachel had, in fact, taken her sunglasses off though and was staring at Santana with interest. Santana sighed, sensing she was about to be engaged in conversation. "Why do you want to spy on their date? I thought Brittany went out with lots of people."

When Santana continued eating bread sticks and clearly had no intention of replying, Quinn answered for her, "Brittany sleeps with a lot of people. She doesn't go on dates with them. So her asshole "best friend" here doesn't want Sam doing things like...I don't know, being nice." She smiled sweetly at the other girl, "Things Lady Lopez is too much of a bitch to do."

Santana slammed her hands down on the table, sending bread sticks flying, "I'm nice to her, okay? I'm fucking lovely to her. She's just going on this stupid date to make me jealous because I wouldn't agree to be her girlfriend and march through school carrying a rainbow flag or whatever. So, shut the hell up Fabray, before I spill a few secrets you wouldn't want to get out. And Berry, their waiter just left and you haven't even told your little recorder thingy, so get back on the damn case, Poirot."

Quinn smirked but stayed silent, Rachel put her sunglasses back on and Santana glared at Sam.

xxx

Rachel: I've successfully narrowed down my shortlist of candidates for who you are.
MySpace Fan: It took you all night to realise I'm not Sam?
Rachel: No, that didn't take very long at all, but then Sam kissed Brittany and it took Quinn and I, as well as three waiters, to hold Santana back.
MySpace Fan: Did you make that up to hide the fact you really enjoyed playing James Bond?
Rachel: So you were there! Perhaps you are Sam...
MySpace Fan: Or I just have my own spies. Or I could be Santana or Brittany.
Rachel: Santana?
MySpace Fan: Okay, probably not Santana.
Rachel: So when will I find out who you are?
MySpace Fan: I don't know, I have to fix a few things first.

xxx

Rachel stared at Brittany in confusion. She, along with a few other Cheerios, was dressed in a long skirt, a blouse practically buttoned to her chin, and a cross necklace very similar to Quinn's. They appeared to be handing out pamphlets with titles like "Jesus is my BFF" and "Church is hip, yo". She approached with extreme caution.

"Brittany..." she began slowly, "Are you okay?"

Brittany gave a bright smile, "Yes, Rachel. Would you like to find out how God can enwhiten your life?"

Rachel stared around the halls, wondering if this was some kind of elaborate practical joke. "No thank you. Why are you doing this?"

"Coach Sylvester said we had to, in order to - " the girl frowned as she tried to remember, "in order to 'please our holy sponsors'." she shrugged, "I guess that means God."

"Okay then. Where are Santana and Quinn?"

Unexpectedly, Brittany frowned. "Santana is probably with Puck, since he's her boyfriend now. Since she wants to date a boy and never ever date a girl."

"What? No, Brittany, Quinn and Puck are dating."

"Not any more, ask Quinn, she's over there counting how many conversions we've made."

Rachel found Quinn sitting behind a desk with a Cheerios cloth draped over it, several piles of pamphlets in front of her, muttering to herself about whether they could technically be counted as a convert if they weren't sure which denomination they'd like to go into. She looked up as Rachel, who was feeling more bewildered than ever, approached.

"Hi," she said, "Would you like to hear about how God can enlighten your life?"

"What? No, I've just been talking to Brittany, and she said - "

Quinn sighed, putting the cap back on her pen, "Is she still telling people that God is sponsoring us? I explained to her like three times..." she shook her head, "I'll have to get someone to supervise her. Anyway, this super strict Christian group offered Sylvester like, a ton of sponsorship money, but in exchange we have to give out these stupid pamphlets, and we have a quota of people to convert to Christianity per week. And we have to dress in these crappy outfits for a while."

"Sue Sylvester is certifiably insane, isn't she?"

Quinn laughed, "Yeah, but you get used to it. And she's most of our tickets into college, so as long as we keep winning, we'll keep doing her bidding."

Rachel smiled, "I'm sure you could get into college without the aid of the Cheerios, Quinn."

Quinn blushed and shrugged, and Rachel suddenly remembered the more pressing matter she wanted to ask about. "Brittany also said that Santana and Puck are dating."

The cheerleader was distracted by a potential new convert, although Rachel was fairly certain he was among the few students who almost got suspended for worshipping Satan in the gym the year before. As it turned out though, a smile from a pretty cheerleader could convince pretty much anyone, and he went away clutching a handful of pamphlets.

Marking the tally chart on her sheet, Quinn finally answered, "I don't think they're dating as much as Santana is pretending they are, in a desperate, transparent attempt to make Brittany jealous. Although I'm pretty sure it's working."

Rachel was back to being confused, "Quinn, you may have forgotten, but you and Puck are dating."

Quinn gave her a sideways glance, "Keep up, Rachel. We broke up this morning."

"You don't seem very upset about it."

"You know he's not the one I like right now."

"Yes," Rachel gave a small sigh, "You like Sam."

It seemed you didn't have to worship Satan for a smile from a pretty cheerleader to give you butterflies.

xxx

Rachel: It seemed a little callous for Quinn to be so dismissive of her break-up with Puck, after everything they went through.
MySpace Fan: Come on, it was pretty obvious they got bored of each other the second they got together. They only stayed together out of obligation, and broke up the second one of them got a better offer.
Rachel: You seem very knowledgeable about this, secret friend. Or should I say...Puck?
MySpace Fan: Would Puck play online Scrabble with you?
Rachel: Probably not.
MySpace Fan: You want to play?
Rachel: You read my mind!

xxx

"Okay guys," as usual, Mr Schuester looked incredibly excited about whatever lesson he'd plucked out of the air that week, "We're in for a treat today, Quinn's prepared a solo for us."

Looking nervous, Quinn began to rise from her seat, and Rachel privately wondered if Quinn would allow her to help with her solos, if their friendship continued to develop - as she hoped it would.

"Uh, okay." she looked at Brad, "This is called 'Nicest Thing'. Um, here goes."

Quinn took a deep breath as the first few notes were played on the piano, and Rachel couldn't help but smile a little to herself as the girl began to sing.

"All I know is that you're so nice,
You're the nicest thing I've seen."

"Rachel Berry!" the piano, singing and Rachel's smile cut off abruptly as Jacob Ben Israel burst into the room, "I can't hold it in any longer. I'm your secret MySpace admirer, it's me!"

Rachel's mouth dropped open in horror, Santana laughed loudly and there was giggles and muttering through the rest of the room. Quinn was looking at him incredulously.

After staring, shell-shocked for a few long moments, Mr Schue appeared to remember he was a teacher, and put a hand on Jacob's shoulder. "We're in the middle of practice right now, maybe you and Rachel can sort out anything going on between you later, okay?"

Rachel found her voice, finally, "There's nothing going on between us! There's no way he can be - "

"I'll wait for you!" Jacob cried, as he was guided from the room.

"Okay," Mr Schue said, when the door was safely closed, "Quinn, could you start over please?"

Quinn sighed, looking at Rachel with a frown, but nodded, and the piano started again. As she began to sing, Santana glanced at Rachel, who still staring in shock at the closed door, and rolled her eyes. "It is impossible for anyone to be this dumb."

All I know is that you're so nice,
You're the nicest thing I've seen.
I wish that we could give it a go,
See if we could be something.
I wish I was your favourite girl.
I wish you thought I was the reason, you are in the world.
I wish my smile was your favourite kind of smile.