Warning! This story contains curses and the song War is the Answer by Fiver Finger Death Punch. I strongly advise that you listen to said song before reading this and viewers under the age of 10; I advise thee to go back to reading stories that have the K rating. This is also not for people who dislike a handful of swearing, but I am not the one who's deciding to read this, well I am but that's not the point. From this point on you are going solo on this, and I do hope you enjoy.
Warning! Viewer Discretion is advised!
I should have had Elliot show me around, or maybe Blood. Because right then and there I had to pee, I was in only a paper gown and my undies, and I wanted to take a shower. I was also thinking of bashing my head into a wall until I smashed my skull in. But then Angel would be sad…god damn contradictions! I continued walking down identical hallway number 562 that probably led to nowhere, my bad luck just loved to pick the worst times. I also didn't know where Angel was, which did not help me in the slightest.
"Damn. My. Life," I growled out to the air. Great job doofus, now you're lost, I thought to myself. I let out an exasperated sigh, looking around me for someone to help me. I looked forward again and goose bumps covered my body. If a vampire was white, I was paler and I honestly thought my soul had flown out of my body. In front of me were two little girls with blonde hair and blue eyes. They wore matching white sundresses with a purple sash wrapped around the middle; they looked like they were going to a tea party. They smiled sweetly at me, but then their jaws unhinged and they screeched. I screamed and ran away. Oh no, it wasn't a run it was a sprint! And I heard the monsters roar at me. I thought my butt was going to spontaneously combust. I felt they were 2 feet from me, and I started to cry. I looked back and their faces were disgustingly horrifying. Their faces looked kind of like a gargoyles, except their eyes had to have changed to a bright red. I thought I had peed in my pants. I looked forward again and saw a blur of green in front of me as I collided with something hard. I looked behind me again to find the ghost girls gone and let out a relieved sigh. But, I also noticed I was on top of something, it was kind've squishy. I looked down to find none other than Elliot underneath me, I raised a brow and when he opened his eyes, he blushed. All of a sudden, that's when I said it, and I looked him straight in the face.
"Do you always go this far on the first date?" I looked him in the eyes. His face was P-R-I-C-E-L-E-S-S, and I think I laughed so hard I cried even more. My whole face was a red as a tomato, and I think his brain just exploded. I was going to say more but Ace came jogging in with his usual smile. I was still laughing and Elliot, I think he died inside. Angel came trotting in after Ace with Blood and co. tagging along. I finally stopped laughing and looked at Elliot with a goofy smile on my face. I leaned my mouth near his brown floppy ear.
"Are you ready to join the Dark side? We're still offering cookies," I whispered. Then another horrified look became plastered onto his face.
"What the hell were you screaming about ma'am!" he yelled at me. Now with my ears ringing, I fell over onto my side and was now in pain from the sword wound I had accidentally gotten from Ace earlier.
"OK. One, I'm pretty much defenseless, only in paper and undies. And two, did you not just see the two demon girls, screaming and trying to reap my immortal soul? Or are you blind?" I yelled. I stood up and my bones let out a couple loud cracks. I looked up at Blood and the two twins.
"Also I desperately have to pee, I need a shower, and I want all my items accounted for and brought to me," I said in a serious tone. To be honest Blood gave me the creeps. I was expecting him to pop out a coffin and rob me of all my blood. I know that sounded wrong just now, but it's true. I finally got a good look at him and even though I somehow respected him, his hair was so weird. It defied gravity, kind've of like Cloud Strife's from Final Fantasy 7….good god that was awful. I'm sorry it was not my kind of game, I mean I am more of a fighting game person where you beat the snot out of your opponent, I don't see the point of turn based battles and though I love Pokémon it faces the same problem too. I shook my head, to get rid of the thought, and reaffixed my gaze at Blood. Wow my brain just may be more screwed up than Peter's... and that is saying something.
"So…yeah…bathroom…clothes…please?" I asked. His mouth shifted into a foreboding smile and he bowed. I was scared.
"Oh of course, I am truly sorry for my…worker's actions earlier. I will be sure to have a pleasant chat with him later," He smiled but I knew he was looking at Elliot through his apology, who at the moment, was now probably scared shitless. I felt bad for the poor guy and Blood now was officially on the creeper list.
"He didn't do anything wrong, OK? I was the one who bumped into him, and probably scarred him for life. So, just give him a break all right," I said. Their jaws dropped, and I think Angel scoffed.
"What? Are really surprised?" He began, and then paused for about 5 seconds." Never mind, you ignorant people."
"Now Angel," I said," be nice." I leaned in closer to his ear and whispered," That's my boy." I grinned and then frowned once more and wagged my finger at him. Then I remembered what I needed to do.
"Bathroom please!" I think I started crying again. They blinked, the twins started laughing and Blood just led the way. We passed one door and we were already there. One freaking door. I opened the door and held it open for Angel to walk in. What? He's my sweet baby boy and he's a cat if you hadn't noticed. I felt Blood's gaze on the back of my head and I whipped my head towards him making him jump.
"Yes?" I hissed at him, and took a large step into the bathroom. I slammed the door behind me and managed to lock it. It would be the day hell froze over when I wouldn't lock a door to take a shower around those men. I looked Angel who was rubbing his face on the edge of the counter. It was a basic little bathroom, kind of cozy if you thought about it. The counter top was granite with a small basin in the middle, the walls were painted a tan color, and the tiles were marble. There was a toilet and a shower/bathtub that were also black. I smiled to myself and looked back onto the counter to find none other than my clothes and my IPod and cell phone.
"Oh YEAH!" My voice going down a couple pitches to match the Kool-Aid man's and I proceeded to do my victory dance. But I stopped short when I heard a giggle; it sounded like one that belonged to a small child. A toddler most likely. I flinched and froze in mid twist; note to self, next time ignore paranormal activity. I didn't look at the mirror, behind me, or behind the black shower curtain; my exstensive knowledge of how horror movies work finally became usefull. I did only two things, the first thing I did was pray that I wouldn't go to hell, and the second thing I did was obvious. I screamed, that scream made nails on a chalk board sound like a lullaby. I heard Angel yell for help, but I knew that it was all I would hear, before they made me die of fright. Everything became silent and became black and white except for me. I turned around and found one of the same little girls I had found earlier.
"Time to go," she said sweetly. I let out a sigh, her hand was outward and she wiggled her fingers. I sighed again bowing my head and taking a small step forward. And all of a sudden colors became flooding in, I smirked underneath my curtain of hair and looked right back at her. I smiled wider than the Cheshire cat ever could and widened my eyes making sure my baby blues were visible.
"Let's dance," I said my voice sounding like something out of the exorcist movie. I ran to the shower and pulled out the bar of soap from the small indent in the wall. I whipped around to the girl who was scowling at me, and I held out the soap towards her. She raised a brow.
"The power of Christ compels you! I will clean your soul!" I repeated this phrase about 5 times before the ghost finally knocked the bar of soap out of my hands.
"Oh come on its lavender scented!" I yelled, in a small, cozy bathroom it was hard to run. Angel was sitting contently on the closed toilet seat, which almost made me want to call him an ass. I watched as the once locked door became kicked open, and by Blood no less. Poor door. I yelped and leaped into Elliot hugging him like no tomorrow. Elliot hugged me back, which I am eternally grateful and Blood ran into the bathroom, to either A) look for whatever made me scream, or B) to find any property damage. Somehow I think B) was the likeliest outcome. I also knew the girl was probably gone and I now looked insane, well I am but that's beside the point.
I also realized that I had yet to pee and shower. I groaned. This is freaking perfect. I decided to look at Blood while his gaze was still on me.
"You need to get your place exorcized," I politely pushed Elliot out of the door frame and proceeded to grab Blood's wrist to tug him out of the tiny bathroom. He pulled me backwards so he could whisper in my ear. I was expecting this.
"Do you honestly think I'm going to let you walk away without an explanation?" He whispered, and to quote the Lovely Bones, he gave me the skeevees. I turned my head towards him.
"If I told you would you believe me?" I questioned, and before he managed to speak I continued talking."And besides a lot of stuff happens to me on a daily bases so it's nothing new. So please just let me shower in peace sir. "
I don't think he likes me anymore, oh well. Too bad for him. He grumbled something under his breath and continued to walk out of the bathroom. I looked back at the clothes and towel before I closed the door. I began to undress, when I heard a snort. I looked at the toilet which Angel was on top of. He burst out laughing, maybe it's just me but I didn't think cats could laugh. I glared at him which made him laugh even harder making him fall onto the floor. I ran over to my poor baby.
"Are you OK?" I yelled worried. He got back onto his feet.
"Yeah, I'm fine," he replied before laughing, again. I did my business, took my shower, and got redressed. I rummaged through some drawers to find a comb, and in no time I opened the door with Angel at my heels mumbling something about me taking forever. I raised an eyebrow and wasn't even expecting to find Elliot across from the hall, lost in space. I had the scenario of me clapping my hands to get him out of space, but I decided to be nice and just wave my hand in front of his face. I walked over to him, getting on my tippy toes to wave my hand in front of his face. And NO I am NOT short I'm 5 foot 6; he's just a giant, OK? I felt my stomach growl loudly; he just raised an eyebrow at me. What? Did you expect me to blush? Blasphemy.
"Let us get food!" I yelled, pumping my arms in the air. I blinked a couple times before I realized that Ace and the twins were missing. I looked up at Elliot and realized he was looking at me before he turned his head forward. He's definitely stalker material.
"Where are Ace and the twins? And who are the twins anyway?" I asked. He looked back at me and shrugged his shoulders.
"Oh that's Dee and Dum the guards," He said rolling his eyes.
"But, where are they along with Ace?" I asked. He just rolled his eyes.
"That dumb knight is probably lost in the forest by now, and I don't know where the brats are," he said. I gasped.
"Don't call the love of my life dumb! At least he's better than you!" I yelled at him. By the way, Ace isn't the love of my life, I just wanted to screw with Elliot more. Ah, the simple pleasures in life.
"The love of your life?" He yelled, surprised I would imagine. I just rolled my eyes, an art I had perfected.
"Yes, he is. And what's so bad about Ace anyway? Do you think someone else should be the love of my life?"I yelled at him.
"Yes, in fact I do think someone else should be," he spat back at me.
"And who would that be, oh wise and noble Elliot?" I said sarcastically.
"That would be-" He stopped himself. I raised my eyebrow.
"Um, okay? Let's just get some food, I'm freaking starving, and I'm not afraid of calling child services," I said.
"All right," Elliot retorted. I pulled out my IPod and placed my ear buds into my ears. I scrolled through my songs and finally stopped at the song War is the Answer by Five Finger Death Punch. I threw my head back and forth, singing along.
"This ain't a test, fuck the rest!
Time to set the record straight.
Talk your shit behind my back, let's hear you say it to my face!
I've heard the words fall out your lips,
You little trendy fucking bitch!
The time has come to get you some,
Because I just do not give a shit!"
To say Elliot was surprised would be an understatement. I smirked before going back to singing along.
"Do you take me for a fool?
How's it feel to be a tool?
See to me you're just a cancer!
Mother Fucker, WAR IS THE ANSWER!"
Seeing Elliot's expression almost made me laugh, but I just continued with an air guitar and more head banging.
"As now the end begins,
I want to laugh but there's no joke!
To eat with the beasts,
And run with the wolves,
On the ashes you must choke.
I know it's got to chap your ass,
To think I just won't go away.
Effects me not, I'm writing you off
I've got nothing more to say.
Do you take me for a fool?
How's it feel to be a tool?
See to me you're just a cancer,
Mother fucker, WAR IS THE ANSWER!"
Elliot probably hadn't heard the f word more than once in a song. Almost made me pity him, oh well. My favorite part was coming up.
"Get some!
You want to disrespect me,
You little fucking punk?
Everything I've done
To be who I am,
As far as I've fucking come?"
I turned to Elliot poking him in the chest.
"I'll slap you so hard,
It'll feel like you kissed a freight train.
Fuck you!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
I yelled and even rocked out harder to the guitar solo.
"Do you take me for a fool?
How's it feel to be a tool?
See to me you're just a cancer,
Mother fucker, WAR IS THE ANSWER!"
I stopped, god I love that song. I smiled and returned my attention to Elliot, who looked kind of scared. I laughed maliciously.
"Let's get going," I said with a smile. He gulped and led me down the hallway, I almost want to tackle hug him, oh I just love screwing with him.
After filling my stomach with grilled cheese, and soda, Elliot and I decided to take a tour. And by decided I mean I forced him. And by forced I mean threatened with I'm going to talk to you everyday if you don't. Unfortunately for Elliot, I still was going to talk to him every day until I could leave. As they say, ignorance is bliss. I had found out that with every hallway there were three bathrooms, full bath, a kitchen and 2 dining rooms; along with 15 staff bedrooms. Yes all together 21 rooms, in one hallway, weird huh? And this was the Hatter's Mansion, Hatter's Estate, or the Hatter's crib, depending on your preference. But, what mainly disturbed me was the fact they had 2 miniature hospitals. Yeah, that is creepy. And on our tour Elliot tried to block my view of 7 people being carried in the opposite direction on stretchers, also they were leaving puddles of blood on the nice carpet. Call me Larry, but that wasn't ordinary. I actually gagged, it looked like a massacre had taken place. Elliot looked worried, and I thought I was going to puke. After the threat of puking on my shoes was gone, we continued on with the tour.
"And this is Blood's office, he's got all sorts of books," he said with excitement, if you're wondering, during that tour whenever he talked about Blood he would smile, so much so that Ace's cheeks would hurt. Also his ears rose up too, but that wasn't the important part. I smiled, as a thought shot into my brain. I could throw a party in his office while he was asleep. Yeah, then I could hide out for a while in the forest, but then I'd have to sneak back in and Angel would be lonely and come after me. Me and sneaky are complete opposites. As I thought of this Elliot had a worker come up to him with a stack of papers that would go up to my knee. I decided to get a good look at the fellow, and what I saw was none to calming for my nerves. He was in a white and black suit, and he had blonde hair with a couple strands over his left eye. It was spiked out and dyed black at the tips. His ear was pierced with a nice silver hoop in the cartilage and a black and spiked hoop for the regular one. He had a small black hat on his head, and when I got to his face I sort of freaked out.
"Holy hell in a hand basket, you have no eyes!" I then proceeded to back up into one of the walls and screamed. What, if you saw a guy with no eyes walking around you'd freak the hell out to.
"What's wrong with that? Only the role holders have eyes," Elliot said coming towards me. But it was either stick with him, or be murdered by ghosts….. maybe the second option was better. I was trying to back up farther, but walls are solid unfortunately, though if they weren't you wouldn't be able to build houses.
"OK, I'm just high, Blood put heroine in the cheese and weed that was crushed into a fine powder in my pop," I reasoned to myself. Elliot looked even more confused, and the worker behind him started apologizing. I slapped myself a couple times and took a deep breath.
"I'm just going to ignore that you don't have eyes if you please ignore I just had a mini heart attack," I said, wide eyed. I gulped loudly and slid down to the floor, panting. I let out 2 or 3 wispy curses. I looked back up at the poor man.
"I'm sorry, in my world everyone has eyes, it was wrong for me to freak out," I said.
"I knew it! You are a foreigner!" Elliot yelled.
"Well that certainly gives me a higher self esteem," I mumbled, rolling my eyes."And besides Elliot, I think we had established that fact already."
I sighed and stood up. I felt gravity tug me back down again. I hit the back of my head on the wall with a loud thump, and then the world went dark. I was still conscious but I couldn't open my eyes. Elliot was freaking out and so was the faceless man.
"Elliot... I'm just so tired," I felt kind of drowsy, it felt like I was lifting a crate when I moved my mouth. My guess is either the sleeping medicine they gave me before was starting to kick in or Blood drugged me. Either way sleep sounded freaking amazing. I felt the two men pick me up but I leaned more to the person on my right and shuffled my feet as we moved forward.
"No…don't take me to the hospital…I don't want a bill," I managed to slur out. Unless their currency was dirt, then I wouldn't have minded. I was about to say something, when Angel started growling from behind me.
"Okay, who ever hurt her is going to have their face shredded to the point of where I rip out your eye balls," Angel hissed at them. I was surprised but then I remembered that he was my baby boy.
"We can settle this later, we need to get her hospitalized first," I heard faceless guy say. OK, when I wake up I'm giving him a name.
"No…." I moaned.
"I think she just said no," Elliot said unsure.
"No hospital and no more bills…"I moaned out. If I could see everyone's expression right then I would have laughed but I was kind of SOL.
"Mommy, you're gonna kill yourself one day you know that?" Angel let out a cute sigh." Come on let's just let her rest."
"No way! She could die!" Elliot argued, sounding generally concerned. Aww, that was nice but I would have to get him back later.
"Look, I'm her right hand cat!" Angel yelled." I decide what happens to her and I've decided you are not taking her to this 'Hospital' and you're just going to let her rest! Got it bunny boy?"
After his proclamation Elliot got silent. I was rooting for my boy, and soon Elliot finally spoke just two seconds after the faceless man let out a high pitched whine.
"What did you call me?" Elliot said, his arm trembling and I was thinking the ever so popular phrase "oh shit" repeatedly in my brain.
"I called you a bunny boy!" Angel yelled at him. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. I could almost hear the steam shooting out of Elliot's ears.
"I AM NOT A RABBIT! MY EARS ARE JUST LONG!" He yelled. I snapped open my eyes and ran out in front my gray tabby.
"Touch him and you will be castrated with a pair of hedge clippers and will have your eyes gauged out," I said seriously, my mouth in a straight thin line. You see I'm like those bald eagles on the Animal Planet, beautiful and nice to look at. But if you touch my chicks I will claw your eyes out with my talons. Elliot gave in, and pouted.
"But he started it," he began.
"I don't give a crap about who started it, I'm ending it!" I yelled." Elliot I just need sleep, OK? I'll be fine after another nap. Please?"
"But Blood invited you for a tea party, he'll be upset if you don't come," he said in a sad tone.
"Elliot, as much as I love tea and how much I have acquainted myself with you and the twins. I want to sleep, and I'm sorry but I have to decline his invitation," I looked out a window I had noticed and that outside it was nighttime. The sky was a deep rich blue and stars twinkled even in the dim glow of the street lamps outside. The moon was full and the glow around it made the air in the hallway just a bit more refreshing. I blinked a couple of times and returned back to Elliot and he was smiling at me. As soon as he noticed I was looking at him, he blushed. I smirked and swooped Angel into my arms, he then started to snore softly. I held him to my chest and smiled. I slowly rubbed his white and speckled belly to which he started purring.
"See even the little boy is tuckered out." I said sweetly before yawning." So, I think I'm gonna hit the hay."
"All right let me show you your room then." Said faceless man…and that reminds me.
"Um sir what's your name?" I asked. His cheeks heated up and he smiled at me.
"I'm sorry ma'am, I don't have one."
"Now you do," I said." Your new name is Jacob." He only nodded with another smile and our group of 4 including me continued down the hallway. After going down about 12 hallways I eventually had to ask Elliot to carry Angel, I was swamped. Now when I am tired I spout out random quotes for only God knows the reason.
"'Only a few find the way… some don't recognize it when they do… some don't ever want to.'" I said. Elliot replied with "huh?" before we continued looking for my room. I yawned again and Angel's left paw twitched. I wanted to say it was cute but the wall was coming dangerously close, so I waded back in line. More and more as we walked I began to just drag my left foot which was too numb. It didn't matter I've had worse moments. Elliot was about to say something but he was interrupted.
"We're here!" Jacob said gleefully. I almost said finally but it wasn't necessary after all, at least he led me here. I just yawned, and waddled into my room. There was a white gown on my bed, too lazy to even raise a brow, I just walked toward it. Elliot placed Angel gently on the bed and I managed to slur out thank you.
"Jacob, please stay with her until morning. We don't want anything happening to her," Elliot commanded. Before smiling at me," Goodnight Audrey!" he said gleefully. I slurred out something close to "goodnight".
"Yes sir," Jacob said with a bow. I just burst out laughing, a tired Audrey makes a crazy Audrey, and pushed them outside the door. I changed into my nightgown and flopped onto the bed. I felt for a pillow and when I had found one I pulled it under my head. There was a window on my right; the moon practically begging me to look at it. I flipped over to my right side and instantly my muscles relaxed and I drifted into slumber.