Syed woke up and smiled as he reached across the bed to take Christian's hand. He scrunched his face up in confusion as his hand found the edge of the bed. Didn't he always sleep on the right? Suddenly, the previous night came flooding back to him and he sat up, his eyes flickering open. The white walls with flowers on weren't right. The single bed he slept on was comfortable, but Christian wasn't there. There wouldn't even be room for him in this bed.
Syed's boots sat beside the antique wardrobe, but they weren't beside a huge pair of Christian's shoes... 'boats', as Syed often called them. Syed's still-sodden jeans were hanging over the wardrobe door, and his case lay open on the floor. They were his clothes inside... but they didn't belong in the pristine, old-fashioned room. He didn't belong there. His eyes filled with tears again as he remembered the argument. Last night he had felt he didn't belong anywhere, but now, he realised, of course he did. The only place he belonged; the only place he'd ever belonged, was with Christian.
But he'd broken his heart. He'd seen the pained look in Christian's eyes as he left; the look of utter despair. He probably never wanted to see him again. Syed closed his eyes and pulled the covers back over his head. All he wanted to do was forget.
-x-x-x-
Christian opened his eyes and pushed the covers back, despite hardly having slept a wink. He thought back to Syed's last words. 'A boyfriend who makes stupid decisions without me, ignores my wishes and winds up my family'. Was that all he was? He was the first person to admit he sometimes got carried away when he wanted something, but Syed was the most important person in his life. He would never deliberately try to hurt him, and was hurt that Syed would even think that. But then, he could see it from Syed's point of view too... he had rushed into it, and honestly hadn't thought about the fact that Syed might still be uncomfortable, until it was too late - and that was selfish of him.
"You're an idiot Christian, a stupid idiot. Look what you've done. You had the one thing you wanted, and you even managed to mess that up." He spoke aloud to himself simply to break the eerie silence, but it didn't help.
He looked around him in dismay. Everything reminded him of Syed. The flowers that Christian had bought for Syed the previous week, wilting in a vase on the windowsill. The clothes strewn across the floor that hadn't quite made it to Syed's case in his haste to leave. His toothbrush in the bathroom, his towel hanging over the shower door, a half-finished packet of custard creams on the side in the kitchen, the pillar Christian had pushed Syed against to kiss him countless times. The small table with two chairs opposite each other, so they could watch each other while they ate. The dent in the pillow on the right side of the bed, usually occupied by a beautiful, dark-haired head.
It wasn't his flat anymore; it was theirs. He'd lived in it alone for years, but only now did he see that it he had bought it with Syed in mind, despite never having met him at the time.
-x-x-x-
It was getting late; the sun would be setting soon. Syed stiffly clambered out of the-bed-that-wasn't-his, belatedly realising he hadn't brought his toothbrush or shower gel. The clatter of plates from the room beneath him indicated that he'd missed lunch, but he didn't care as he couldn't stomach any food. He headed over to the sink in the corner of the room to splash his still tear-stained face with cold water. Something pale blue in his case caught his attention and he padded over and tugged on the corner of it. His breath hitched as he realised what it was; Christian's favourite shirt. He pulled the shirt over his messy hair and wrapped his arms around himself, but it just wasn't the same. It smelt like him, but it didn't feel like him.
Sitting back down on the bed , he thought back to Zainab's words. How could she say that? And how could he retaliate like that, blaming it on Christian? Maybe Christian shouldn't have responded to her goading, and maybe he couldn't keep his mouth shut at the best of times, but didn't he love him for that? Everything Christian had said had been out of anger towards Zainab, for everything she'd done to him - Syed. Syed closed his eyes as he realised that Christian hadn't simply been winding Zainab up because he could, it was just his way of getting back at her for the months of mental torture she'd forced upon her son. He'd done it out of love; and Syed had thrown it back in his face.
Despite Christian's flaws, nothing was the same without him. Syed sighed, pulled his jeans and boots on, and headed out of the door with his belongings. He had some apologising to do.
-x-x-x-
Christian trudged into the Minute Mart, his eyes downcast. Every glimpse of a dark-haired man on the short walk there had made his heart lurch with anticipation, and then sink back to the pit of his stomach when he discovered it wasn't his dark-haired man.
Patrick cocked his head curiously at Christian's downcast expression at the counter. "Hey Christian, lovely afternoon for February, isn't it?" Christian half-smiled in response, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Lovely."
"What's wrong? You're not your usual cheery self..."
"I lost Syed. I don't know how to get him back." He shook his head and half-smiled at Patrick again, thanked him and left, not in the mood for conversation.
-x-x-x-
Syed took a deep breath as he reached the Square. Life was carrying on as normal; Roxy was bantering with Alfie outside the Vic, Billy was at his stall selling fruit and veg, and Mo was standing on a street corner in a beige jacket, holding a box of goods and attempting to look inconspicuous. Rays of late-afternoon sunshine spilled from behind a fluffy white cloud in the sky, throwing interesting shadows over the square. He followed one of the rays down to his eye level and froze as he saw the man underneath it.
-x-x-x-
As he traipsed home, Christian slowly lifted his head to face the end of the road, where a very bedraggled, scruffy and unshaven Syed stood. He blinked twice in quick succession, sure he was dreaming, but no – it was Syed. He'd come home. Even from a distance he could see his eyes were still puffy, and he looked so tired. Christian automatically started to walk over to him to comfort him, while Syed left his case where it was on the pavement and mirrored Christian's movements, closing the gap between them within seconds. Christian didn't even leave time for words before pulling Syed into a tight hug, wrapping one arm around his neck and the other around his lower back, pressing their bodies together from head to toe. Syed's hands instinctively wound around Christian's waist, resting in the small of his back, and before they knew it their lips had met in a slow, but passionate, kiss. Syed teased open Christian's mouth with his tongue, and their mouths melded together for what felt like an age, before Syed broke the kiss off.
"I'm so sorry Christian, I'm so, so sorry. Everything got too much and I couldn't take it. It felt like my whole world was shattering. My mum..."
"Don't worry about your mum, Sy. I'm here for you. And I'm sorry too, for everything. For going ahead with the plans without Roxy without checking with you first... I got carried away. All I could think about was how we could raise our own child together; see it walk its first steps, says its first word, kiss any bumps and bruises better. A little girl, who'd love her Daddy Sy more than anything else in the world. I just... I thought you wanted it too."
"Oh Christian, I want anything that makes you happy. And... I think I do want a baby... but in the future, and if we do it the right way. Not using Roxy as a surrogate mother. I need to sort out my life first."
Christian gazed into the deep chocolate brown eyes of his lover and nodded. "Anything, if it means I don't lose you again. That one day felt more like a year... I couldn't bear it."
"I know you think I'm perfect, but I'm not. When I'm sad I hide, and when I'm scared I run away. But you're the most important person to me in the whole world. I know now that I'm not alone when I've got you." A single tear ran down Syed's face and he nuzzled his head into Christian's neck.
Christian pulled back, taking his hand away from Syed's upper back to lift his chin, encouraging him to make eye contact with him. "Hey, no more hiding," he whispered gently. "We'll tell Roxy later, I promise."
"I love you, Christian."
"I love you too. Flaws an' all."
A/N So I went for the happier of the two possible endings I had planned... I just can't manage to leave a Chryed fic on a sad note! Hope you enjoyed this mini story, reviews are much appreciated :) x