AN: Hey guys!! It feels good to be back! I wanted to let you know that if you have any questions about any of my stories you can check out my forum now and even my blog. I will be posting pictures relating to all my stories including The Bodyguard and will now be taking any questions you have….so please don't hesitate and ask away!!

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Chapter 12

I Will Not Bow

"I will not bow, I will not break. I will shut the world away. I will not fail, I will not fade. I will take your breath away. And I will survive, paranoid, I have lost the will to change. I am not proud, cold blooded fake. I will shut the world away…." Breaking Benjamin

BPOV

Five days had passed since the attack. Five days without any word from Jacob. His father and friends tell me not to worry about him. That he does this sometimes. This being up and leaving without no warning….no contact to let anyone know that he is doing alright. Apparently he took a few personal days and skipped out on work as well.

I stayed the night of the attack at Billy's in hopes to see Jake. I waited up most of the night expecting him to walk through the door and hold me in his arms and tell me everything would be ok again. However that was not the case. My hopes were shattered once and for all once Seth walked through the door with an apologetic look as he explained to me that Jake was in fact not coming back. At least not while I was here.

Seth held me as I cried my eyes out and the remaining pieces of my heart were shattered beyond repair. Not once did he complain though. He just held me close to him and did his very best to comfort me.

I can only imagine what was going through his mind at the moment…..I must seem like some crazy lady. After all, everything that happened tonight was entirely my fault. If I would have just listened to my father in the beginning of Edward and my relationship and stayed away from him none of this would ever have happened.

I decided to go home the next day. It was obvious things weren't going to change at least while I was still at his house. Maybe…just maybe he was waiting for me at my house. Maybe he was wanting privacy and awaited my return in the bed I was shared with him.

Charlie was still busy tying up lose ends with Edward's death and all that he asked Seth Clearwater to take me home. The drive was silent, he didn't once try to speak to me so I didn't speak to him. I was rather relieved actually.

I didn't even wait for the vehicle to come to a complete stop before I was rushing out of it and toward the house. I clutched my keys in my hand tightly as I finished unlocking the door.

I couldn't believe the sight before me as I enter my once peaceful house. Things were missing…important things…..things of Jake's. The place he once threw his keys was now empty. The place in the closet where he hung his coat…bare. Faster then I thought possible I dropped keys in my hand, they hit the floor with a clatter and took off toward the stairs.

"Bella….Bella please wait…" Seth called out fro me but it was too late.

By the time he caught up with me I was a crumbled mess on my bedroom floor. Tears were coursing down my face, soaking the rug beneath me. He didn't just leave La Push….he left me. Everything that was his was gone…..down to his toothbrush in the bathroom.

In one swift movement Seth had me cradled in his arms as he sat on the edge of my bed. Here he was, a boy a few years younger then I, my safe harbor….my shelter for the time being. Not once did he raise his voice or even speak for that matter. He just allowed me to have my moment. It was then that I realized he must have know more of what was going on between Jake and I then anyone else did. He had to. Why else would he allow me to completely lose it and not question my reasoning even once?

Unsure of how much time had past, I reached up and wiped the tears from my eyes. My face was warm and stung horribly. I can't remember when I cried this much before. I don't think I ever actually have.

My throat was sore and my mouth dry but somehow I found my voice. Granted it was low and pitchy but it was still there. Much to my surprise.

"What am I supposed to do now?" I sobbed trying to will the tears from breaking free once again.

Minutes passed by slowly and I was beginning to believe he wasn't going to answer. After all he was Jake's friend not mine. There had to be a sort of loyalty to the guy code or what not wasn't there? I wasn't so sure about anything anymore.

"Maybe you have just been saved and you just don't know it yet…." Seth spoke in a low guarded tone.

Before I could argue the point to how in the hell it was possible that this amount of pain would be considered saving me he began to speak again.

"Don't get me wrong….I know you have been hurt so please don't be afraid to show it…I'm just saying that sometimes it is better if things end early on in a relationship rather then later. Once you are years in you are so much deeper so much more attached…that….if it doesn't end well it will ruin you."

I pulled back to look at his face, trying to figure out where this was all coming from. I never heard any mention of Seth with a girl but then again I didn't know him very well. Almost as if he could see my appraisal he choose to clarify the situation.

"My sister….Leah…..she was dating a friend of mine for many years. They were very much in love and were planning on getting married. It was at their engagement party actually that it happened." My forehead scrunched up in confusion…"Sam, the friend and her finance, met our cousin for the first time. They say it was like love at first sight. He called off the wedding and has been with Emily ever since…damn near ruined my sister…." Anger and remorse flickered in his eyes as he starred off and focused on the wall behind me.

I could tell he loved his sister very much and seeing her in this pain hurt him as well.

"Wait…Sam as in Sam Uley? I met him at Jake's."

"The one and only…" His spoke sarcastically.

"Ok…I understand how difficult that must be but I don't understand why you are telling me this." I looked down at my hands folded in my lap. Instinctively I knew why he was telling me this, instead of owning up to it I decided to play dumb and allow him to explain further.

"Because sometimes pain can become too much to bear if you allow it to consume you….My sister, she ran away…never really dealt with it and just took off. Months later she had returned but she was never really the same after that." He sighed and paused as he got lost in thought. "You cant let that happen to you Bella. I wont let that happen to you."

His last comment caught me off guard. Why would he care? What would it be to him if I did succumb to the pain and run…run far away…

"You are going to take this broken heart he left for you…you are going to pick up the pieces and get on with your life. Don't wait around for him to come back….don't give him the satisfaction. I know it will hurt like hell but you have to move on past this……better now instead of later."

The rest of the night was nothing but a blur….The tears made their presence know once more and Seth continued to comfort me until Charlie got home. He even stayed and sat with me the rest of the night. We didn't do anything particular and barely even spoke but he was there. He didn't leave. He just allowed me to silently work through my problems and begin to mend my broken heart. Then when the time would come he was the shoulder I would cry on when the pain was too much to bear.

The hours turned into days, the days in weeks, and the weeks added up to almost a full month since the attack. Seth was still coming over almost every day usually bringing his mother along as well. We would sit back and watch as she and Charlie would flirt aimlessly back and forth.

Late one night when Charlie and Sue were out on a date Seth brought over a stack of movies for us to watch. There was one in particular one that left me in tears curled into Seth's side. He wrapped his arm around me pulling me in closer. We never once mentioned Jacob's name…but he knew. He knew and I knew that my heart was far from being whole again.

After almost a full hour of endless crying he finally spoke….

"Bella…hun…what's wrong? What is it? I want to help you but you will have to talk to me…tell me what's going on." He pleaded as he comforted me. I held on to him for dear life, afraid that if I let go I would lose him….such a good friend as well

"I'm……I am….pregnant…." I sobbed even harder but I felt as if a thousand pound weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Finally someone other then Sue knew my dirty little secret.

After multiple minutes of stunned silence he spoke.

"Does Jake know?" his voice was sincere but the anger was obviously present. Surprisingly he put the pieces together and knew the baby was Jake's.

"No…..he left before I could tell him. I found out the night of the attack and he was gone."

Instead of asking me what I was going to do or whether or not I planned on telling Jake, he consoled me. He told me things were going to be ok that I would be a great mother even without Jake in my life. He also promised to help me any way he could.

He even referred to himself as Uncle Seth. When I questioned it he shook his head and laughed. Joking about how if Charlie and his mom kept it up we would be siblings in no time. That night he kept me laughing until I had tears in my eyes. Only they were happy tears this time.

Seth's comforting and reassuring words were what lead me to decide on keeping the baby. He was right, I didn't need anyone to make me succeed, I had what I needed all along. The pain was still intense….I hadn't heard any word on Jake at all. Everyone kept that part hidden and I couldn't say I would want it any other way.

The pain still threatened, it was there every second of every day but as time passed I began to manage it better. I would push it aside and focused all my attention on something else. The night I decided to keep my baby was also the same night I thanked Sue privately and had her help me tell Charlie.

Charlie wasn't the happiest to hear the news to say the least. He didn't ask who the father was, assuming it was Edward's and Seth nor I spoke to say any different. It wouldn't matter either way because neither guy was in my life now. It would probably cause much unnecessary conflict between Billy and Charlie if he was to find out. So it was another one of my secrets for the time being.

Over the next two weeks I looked at multiple apartments in the surrounding area. I still had my weekly appointments with Sue and so far everything was fine. The baby was growing as it should and the pregnancy was progressing smoothly. I wasn't showing yet but I could feel my clothes growing tighter.

The only ones that were aware of the pregnancy was Charlie, Seth and Sue. All three agreed to honor my request and keep the pregnancy a secret for now. The thing I would miss the most once I finally moved out were the family dinners each night.

Sue and Seth would be here every night around the same time and each of us would sit around the table. It was something I always wanted as a child but never had. Now I had the chance to give that very thing to my son or daughter and by all means I was sure going to try.

Seth agreed to go with me to look at the last few apartments. I was starting to get rather discouraged as we left the fourth one of the day. There was one last apartment to look at today. Seth read the directions he wrote down earlier.

"This is supposed to be an apartment but looks more like a little house wouldn't you agree?" Seth raised an eyebrow and was looking out his window from the passenger side.

After driving down the long driveway I saw what he was referring too. I placed the truck in park and stepped out and walked around to meet Seth on the other side. Both of us leaned back against my truck, taking in the sight before us.

I knew without a doubt that this was the place for me. This was the place I wanted to raise my child….the place I wanted to make a home. My new home was a tiny light pine colored log cabin….burnt orange colored mums circled the house and the front porch was covered with an elegant arch.

"This is it Seth….." I whispered as I walked toward the house.

"I figured you might say that." Seth chuckled as he followed me into the house.

The inside of the house was even more beautiful then I ever imagined. A soft subtle glow filled the house and the smell of cinnamon filled my nose. As you first walked inside form the covered deck../porch you entered the dining room. Off to the far right was the living room as well as a huge built in fireplace. The place was complete with furniture so I wouldn't have to worry about much. Excapt for the baby's room that is.

The dining room and kitchen were connected by a built in bar complete with stools that amused Seth to no end. Inside the living room a staircase lead to the first bedroom. The entire floor was the room itself….no too big but just the right size. Back behind the kitchen was the bathroom as well as the second bedroom.

I walked through the house over a dozen times going through the plans in my head. Seth made himself at home on the sofa and ultimately fell asleep. Reluctantly I left the house only after putting in my bid for the place.

Patiently I waited by the phone for two days before I got the call saying I could come pick up the keys. With Seth's help I moved into my little sanctuary that night. After starting a fire in the fireplace Seth was about to leave but turned around half way to the door.

"Bella….are you sure you are going to be alright? I can stay if you want me to." Seth was concerned. He didn't want me being alone here but I explained it kinda defected the point if I wasn't.

I miserable tried to convince him I would be ok. At first I didn't think he was going to leave but surprisingly he did. Once alone I began to go through boxes that sat in the middle of the floor. Dozens of memories packed into a tiny box could unleash a whole lot of hurt but I continued on.

I sorted through multiple pictures and notebooks that I held dear. Some were better off left in the box. Packed away in the back of a closet or something. Not everything in the box, from my past, had a place in my future, I know that now. I was determined to make this work, determined to move on past the mess that was Jake.

After I gave up on the unpacking I made my way to the couch and covered over with the green blanket that Sue knit for my new home. She claimed it gave it the homey feel. She was right. As I watched the flames dance I felt myself drifting off to sleep.

My dreams were full of a beautiful baby girl….my baby girl. She had Jake's dark hair and beautiful smile but she had my eyes. My sleep was disturbed by a loud pounding sound coming from the distance. Once I woke up out of my slumber I realized it was in fact someone at the door.

Slowly I made my way to the front of the house. Much to my relief I heard Seth's voice.

"Bella……Bella it's me. Please open the door." His voice was full of panic and fear which struck a cord deep with in me.

I swung the door open and took in the sight before me. He was out of breath and figeting like crazy.

"What's wrong Seth? What happened?" My voice began to mirror his as I began to panic myself.

"Bella…there has been an accident. We have to get to the hospital right away. Charlie, Billy and my mom were in an accident. Come on we must hurry." he grabbed my hand and I shut the door behind me.

It didn't matter that I was in my night clothes, or the fact that I didn't bring a coat. My family was hurt something was wrong and my mind couldn't focus on anything else at this point.

"Please let them be ok…..I will give anything just please…" I mumbled to no one in particular as Seth drove frantically to the hospital. "Please…"