INT. MUPPET THEATRE
Kermit walks on the stage.
KERMIT:
Hi, everyone. Now, to keep this really entertaining evening going on, here he is – the wonderful, talented Mr. Fozzie Bear!
Kermit leaves the stage. The curtains reveal Fozzie Bear.
FOZZIE:
Hey, thank you. Thank you. Love you. I know my recent jokes have been rather unfunny...
STATLER:
More like, ever since you started, your jokes have been so boring that boring itself is interesting.
He and Waldorf laugh at this.
FOZZIE (CONT'D):
...but anyway to make my jokes funnier tonight, here is funny man John Ratzenberger!
Ratzenberger smiles as he joins Fozzie. Audience applauds him.
FOZZIE (CONT'D):
So how are you doing tonight, Mr. Ratzenberger?
RATZENBERGER:
Well, Fozzie, I'm doing good. I feel good!
Then a hook appears from above Ratzenberger's head. Without looking, he bangs it up in the head.
FOZZIE:
Oh, sorry. That hook's not suppose to be there. I don't know how it got there.
RATZENBERGER:
That's okay, Fozzie. I still feel good. Bumping my head on that hook makes me feel alive!
FOZZIE:
Ha ha! That's very good! So Mr. Ratzenberger, who would you say is the king of baseball?
RATZENBERGER:
I'd say, Batman!
VOICE (OOV):
I'd say the ones who play baseball in the army.
Fozzie freezes and looks around, but Ratzenberger laughs at this.
FOZZIE:
All right, moving on. How can you tell if people are bold?
RATZENBERGER:
Because they're brave and strong?
FOZZIE:
No, if they have no hair.
He laughs at this. Ratzenberger doesn't find that joke funny.
SAME VOICE (OOV):
Well, what about the women, then?
RATZENBERGER:
He's got a point.
FOZZIE:
(Getting rather angry now). Right! My best one yet. Who's in charge of making sure every rapper gets their songs made?
RATZENBERGER:
Either their agent or their manager, I suppose.
FOZZIE:
No, Santa Claus! (Laughs very loudly).
SAME VOICE (OOV):
It's the people cheering them and loving them that keeps their careers going, you know.
Fozzie really loses it. He sees the hook and pulls it down. A tow truck rips through the background and it flips over. It's Mater from Cars. Lighting McQueen appears out of the background and races towards him.
MCQUEEN:
Mater, you've really done it now. Let's go!
But the audience gives them applause.
MATER:
You hear that? We're a success!
RATZENBERGER:
And you're even better than this bear over here.
Fozzie angrily leaves the stage.
CUT TO: THE THEATRE BOX.
STATLER:
I think this is the best show the bear's ever done.
WALDORF:
Yeah, I agree.
Then Fozzie appears behind them.
FOZZIE:
You got what you want, so I'll get what I want.
Fozzie slams two blackberry pies right in each of their faces. He walks off, laughing and feeling proud of himself.