AN: This popped into my head when ffnet wouldnt let me get chapter 3 out.
Minato stared down at his strangely excited but beautiful blond haired boy held in his hands as he stood in the hokage office with saratobi and Jiraiya, minutes away from charging out to the battle field to seal the fox, knowing he would soon be joining his wife.
Sarutobi and Jiraiya couldn't help but stare at the child, but it was Jiraiya who found his voice first.
"Minato.. what is.. that?" he asked pointing to the child's rear as what looked like a long yellow monkeys tail wiggled about.
Minato looked at his sensei in confusion "Huh what are you talking about?"
Clearing his throat sarutobi spoke up. "I think he is asking why your son... seems to have a tail."
Minato looked at them dumb founded before instantly smiling at them like a parent would when a child told a tall tale.
"Now's not the time for jokes, the kyuubi is almost here." Minato said before looking at his child again, his smile twisting into one worn by someone in extream denile.
Sarutobi and Jiraiya shared a glance before looking at the child held in the Hokage's arms again, noting how odd the child looked from what they were use to from a new born that just had its cord cut.
He seemed slightly bigger then he should be and had golden hair that seemed to almost glow. Not only was the head full of spiky blond hair odd, but instead of his parents eye color, his eyes where a teal.
What really drew the eye though was instead of baby fat the child had muscles. Not just tiny muscles too, but it looked as if the child had some how gotten hold of a bar bell and had been spending its 9 months doing nothing but exercising while waiting impatiently to be born.
How ever the most odd this was
"TAIL, HE'S GOT A TAIL!" Jiraiya blurted out into the silent room.
Minato looked at his Sensei slightly annoyed "Jiraiya enough fooling around we don't have time for this." Minato said, his voice gaining a warning edge.
"Minato... I was there when litt... Naruto was born so there is no doubt about the mother but... are you sure... he's your son?.." Sarutobi asked as gently as he could hoping to break though the denial the fourth Hokage seamed to have wrapped himself in.
Glaring furiously they could hear the anger in Minato's voice. "Just WHAT are you implying about my WIFE!., No you know what this isn't the time for this."
Before they could react he twirled away from them and vanished in a flash of yellow leaving the two standing alone in the office.
"I love him like a son... but no way could that puttz be that child's father, that baby had more defined muscles on him then most genin." Jiraiya commented.
Sarutobi could only sigh while trying to rub his headache away.
Appearing in the path of the Kyuubi, Minato couldn't help but be thankful that the beast was not yet visible from the village, or the civilians would panic as they where escorted to the shelters. Going though hand seals, hands blurring he slammed them into the ground.
"Kuchiyose no Jutsu"
As smoke clouded his vision he felt himself raise into the air at a rapid pace. Before he could do anything else his eyes widened as a single massive tail became visible though the smoke, to close to dodge.
Reacting quickly he turned his body so the tail would strike him in the back, and not in the harness his cute, little, defenseless, baby boy was in.
As his summon was instantly returned to the summon realm from having the technique interrupted, Minato couldn't help but scream as he was sent flying though the air.
"YAAAAA HOOOOO HUOO EEEEE"
After crashing into the ground, as he was loosing consciousness, he felt proud he managed to protect his little baby boy, but also felt mortified he managed to let out such an unmanly sound.
As the Kyuubi snickered to himself from the sound of the human he managed to hit with his tail made, little Naruto couldn't help but stare at the giant light in the sky. He seemed mesmerized by it.
Turning its attention back to the task the greatest, and most handsomest of the Bijuu, in his most humble opinion anyway, continued its march of destruction while humming to itself.
"We can dance if we want to
We can leave your friends behind
'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance
Well they're no friends of mine"
How ever before it could take more then a few steps, it gaped as a giant glowing yellow monkey that suddeny seemed to apear from no where, dwarfing not just its power but size as well.
As Kyuubi stared into the great monkeys eyes, the great ape spoke to it in the language all animals understand.
"I'ma rape you bitch... Believe it.."
The great and most powerful of the Bijuu could only let out a tiny whimper before the ape attacked.
AN: Got stuck in my head from watching episode 16 of 'Dragon Ball Z Abridged' Zarbon vs vegita
And yes Minato wasnt his father and year he was born as a level 2 legendary super sayian of kickassery of the same type as broly but stronger, because unlike every one in the show he can not only use physical energy:ki, but also spiritual energy:chi, and chakra (ki and chi combined)
If i could pull this crap off in real life i would be trolling everyone, taking chopsticks just before they put the food in there mouths, removing kakashi's mask in public, shaving Gai's and lee's eye brows, and thats just with super speed. If you got it may as well have fun with it.