All That I Am

by SuddenlySandi

Sequel to She Is His Only Need. Bella and Edward grow up and try to fix all the problems in their lives. All Human.

2. Chapter 4 thru 6

4

I stared though the glass window as Emmett tried to manage the tiny baby in his huge hands. He looked like a giant kid, smiling widely, as tears fell from his eyes. He finally felt secure enough to hold the baby up and we all sighed in unison.

"He's so beautiful," Alice cried. "I want one so badly."

"Don't steal one," I teased her, "The hospital frowns on that."

"Oh little baby," she said in a funny childish voice adults use to speak to infants, "Someday you will be a big boy and a mean girl like Bella is going to hurt you."

"Truce," I said and Alice nodded without taking her eyes off the baby.

"I guess I'll have to let Emmett knock you up," Jasper said, and I could tell it was something that was eating away at him.

"Yeah, right," Alice laughed uncomfortably, "he would split me in two."

Jasper and I both gasped and stared at her incredulously until she finally realized what she said, "No, I didn't mean it like that. I meant I would have a huge ten pound McCarty baby. Come on, Jas, you know how big…."

"Stop," I yelled and put up my hand. "I want to be able to keep a straight face around Jasper and Emmett, let's please stop the penis talk."

We all went back to staring at the baby and Emmett's teammates began to slowly arrive. I felt dwarfed by their huge bodies and excused myself to check on Rosalie. She was sitting up in bed and reading a diet book.

I walked over and took it from her hands, "Not on your life."

"I have to get back into my clothes by pre-season," she complained.

"I just saw your baby, nursing that brute will get you back in shape," I said forcefully and then softened my tone. "He's beautiful."

She smiled and her eyes filled with tears. "Giving birth is awful," she warned.

"I'll have to take your word for it," I mumbled. "Alice is drooling on the glass."

"I hope it happens for her soon. She wants it so badly," Rose sighed.

"And you didn't?"

"I had to have a baby so Emmett would have to pay support if he leaves me for a cheerleader," she laughed wiping her tears.

"Yeah, he drags you out of an engagement party just to leave you for a cheerleader; I don't think so. What happened to becoming a lawyer?" I asked her.

"With my looks, get serious," she teased.

"Well, you have a great husband."

"You should have seen him, Bella, he is so proud," she beamed.

"I'm so happy for you both, what did you name the little guy?"

"Emmett wanted to name him after his father," she said as she rolled her eyes.

"Remind me," I pushed.

"Elmer."

"Oh God," I laughed.

"We decided to name him after Emmett's hero, Ken Houston, so his name is Houston E. McCarty."

"A football player?" I asked dumbly.

"Yeah, a famous safety or some shit like that. I'll just tell people we named him after Sam Houston," she laughed.

"Who is that?"

"Google him," she said with irritation, "He was a great man."

I didn't tell her if her son turned out to look anything like his dad, his nickname would most likely be, Ton. I would let her live in ignorance for a bit.

"The team is beginning to arrive," I told her so she could get her makeup in order.

"Find one you like, and I'll set you up," she said getting suddenly excited.

I had not heard from Edward for over two months, but I was trying to stay positive. The last thing on my mind was some football player; especially since I would be seeing them so often at media functions and charity events.

"I'm too busy right now, and they all need to concentrate on the game. We want a winning season," I said pointing at her.

"Bella, are you waiting for Edward?" She let out a long sigh as if my answer would disappoint her.

I took a deep breath and tried not to think about him. I saved that for sitting alone in the dark. "I hear Alice. Congratulations," I said and kissed her cheek. "I'll see you Saturday at the shower."

I headed to the station and opened my office to find a large bouquet of flowers sitting on my desk. I hoped desperately they were from Edward, but when I opened the card I found they were Jake.

I realized it was the anniversary of our wedding. I grabbed the vase and went to toss them into the trash, but then looked at the gorgeous arraignment and decided to appreciate the flowers.

I was busy at work when my administrative assistant buzzed in to tell me a man was on hold for me, I picked up the receiver and began speaking without saying hello. "Thank you for the flowers, Jake, but you shouldn't have sent them."

The line was silent and I said, "Jake, can you hear me?"

"It's Edward," he said with a tight jaw causing his words to slur a bit.

I wanted to apologize for calling him Jake, and for letting him know about the flowers, but I realized I had nothing to apologize for. I had asked him to stay in touch, although he never actually agreed. I was having this entire inner monologue when he finally spoke to interrupt me.

"I just spoke with Emmett," he said with a really weak voice.

"Edward, are you okay?" I asked him.

He laughed, but it sounded like he moved the phone away from his mouth. "As screwed up as always," he replied.

"Where are you?" I pushed hoping he would say Washington.

"I'm at my mother's grave," he whispered and my heart dropped. I stood from my chair, having no idea why that would have any positive effect at all.

"Edward, did you do anything to hurt yourself," I said in a panic.

"Isn't that how we roll?" he laughed and then groaned loudly.

"Are you bleeding?" I clarified.

"No," he whispered, "But I am very, very drunk."

I sat down feeling overwhelmed by relief and felt my legs shaking from the explosion of adrenaline. I took a deep breath and he continued on. "I'm sure you're disappointed. I always disappoint you."

"You have never disappointed me," I said softly.

"I didn't send you flowers, but he did. He always did the right things," he mumbled as the sound of glass hitting the phone came across the line.

"Edward, put the bottle down. It won't help anything."

"Ah, you are wrong, it helps a great deal."

"How does it help?" I asked him.

"It helps you to disappear, you haunt me, love," he chuckled.

"Oh Edward, I don't want to disappear. I want to come to you," I begged.

"No," he said forcefully and I could picture his furrowed brow and his lips sticking out in a pout. "You are his now."

"I was never his, I have always been yours," I assured him.

"She said she would never leave me. She wore yellow, like the rising sun, but it's just dark now."

"She didn't leave you, she's always with you. Close your eyes Edward. Can you feel her arms around you?" I said as fresh tears fell.

I heard a heart wrenching sob break free from his chest as the phone moved from his ear. I called out to him over and over again, and finally had to wait and see if he would give me his attention once more.

"Bella," he finally said with a faraway voice.

"Yes," I said loudly hoping he could hear me.

"I need you. I need you so badly."

Loud rustling sounds could be heard and the phone went dead. I ran into the hallway and yelled for my assistant. "Get me that call back on the line," I told her.

She looked at my face with concern and tried dialing the number that showed up on the screen. "It's a cell phone and it's turned off," she explained and waited for further instructions.

"Get me booked on the first flight to Chicago," I yelled as I grabbed my purse and ran from the office. Seth called on my cell phone to remind me we had a newscast in less than an hour. I told him to get a replacement and I would understand if they fired me, but I had to leave immediately.

I packed a quick bag, not even paying attention to what I was tossing into it and got a call from my assistant telling me I had a flight in two hours. I tried to calm down and called Esme.

"Hi, Aunt Bella," Lilly answered.

"Hi sweetheart, can I talk to your mom or dad?"

"They're out for dinner, try their cell phones," she suggested.

"Do you know where they are eating?" I pressed hoping she couldn't tell the panic I was feeling.

"No, they are going to see the baby. Have you seen him?"

"Yes, he's adorable, I'm sure you will be his number one babysitter," I said with a shaky voice. "I'll talk to you later, honey."

I tried both of their cell phones and couldn't get through. I assumed they were at the hospital and left a message on both phones for them to call me immediately.

I hadn't heard anything by the time I boarded the flight and had to have a drink just to calm down. When I landed in Chicago it was after midnight. I realized I had no idea what Edward's address was. I felt I could find the place from the hotel we ate dinner at so many years ago. I rented a car instead of taking a cab and drove to Michigan Avenue.

I made my way through the city up the coast to a street that seemed familiar. I drove around until the sun was beginning to rise and finally found the house. The lawn was unkempt and the shrubs were overgrown giving the house a disheveled look.

I pulled into the driveway and made my way to the front steps up to the huge oak door. I knocked loudly and rang the bell, but nobody ever came to the door.

I thought Edward would be either passed out, or still at the graveyard, so I went to the back of the house to see if I could find an open door or window. The door was locked so I began pulling on windows. When I came to the music room one of the floor to ceiling windows was open, allowing me to climb in.

I felt relief when I recognized the interior of the house and hoped some silent alarm didn't sound as I walked around. The place was a mess and I could tell right away Edward had been experiencing rage; I just didn't know if it was a resent problem or from years ago.

I headed up the stairs and could see his door was shut, but his mother's room was open. I passed his door and peaked inside the room I had packed up ten years earlier. I gasped when I saw the room had been perfectly restored to its previous condition. Every picture, every bit of memorabilia was back in place. It was just as his mother left it.

I walked further down the hallway to look inside his father's room. I opened the door and burst into tears when I saw the room completely ransacked. The mattress on the bed had been ripped apart and the curtains shredded. Broken glass was everywhere and photographs torn into pieces.

I headed to Edward's bedroom door and leaned against it, to see if I could hear snoring or the sound of anyone stirring. I knocked but he didn't answer. I opened the door and peaked inside to see a body lying under the covers.

I walked over to find Edward lying buried under the comforter in deep sleep. His back was bare and I pulled the cover to see his was totally nude. I reached out and touched his shoulders and gently ran my hand down his back.

He sighed loudly and movement came from the other side of the bed. A woman with short blonde hair sat up, revealing her own nudity, and stared at me with big, round, blue eyes.

The girl looked so young and I wondered if she was a teenager, then prayed she wasn't a minor. She glanced at Edward and then back at me before saying, "Are you his wife?"

I shook my head, still too stunned to speak, and she asked, "Are you a cop?"

"Who are you?" I asked in a harsh voice.

"Um…just call me Jane," she said with a nervous face.

"Are you a friend of Edward's?" I asked, not sure which answer I wanted to hear.

"I guess, we met last night," she shrugged.

"He asked you to stay over?" I questioned further.

"Not really, but he kind of owes me money," she said with a whisper.

"Are you a prostitute?" I asked in an appalled manner.

"Are you a cop?" she asked again and narrowed her eyes.

"Edward," I said loudly as I shook him. "Edward, it's Bella."

I wanted him to wake up and handle the whore himself, but I was afraid if he did wake up he would ask me to leave and get his money worth.

He didn't respond and the girl grabbed a short tight dress and pulled it over her head. "So you're Bella," she said. "He kept calling me Bella and I thought he meant Belle, you know from Beauty and the Beast, because his hair is so long."

I mentally was begging her to stop talking and just leave. Her mere presence was making me sick, yet I felt oddly protective of her and wondered what put her on such a bad path.

"What does he owe you?" I said grabbing his jeans off the floor and looking for his wallet. "And please tell me he used a condom."

"Well, actually he kind of just feel asleep, but he still has to pay me," she added quickly.

Edward began to stir and opened one eye before falling back onto the bed in a groan.

"How much?" I asked her again.

"Um…two hundred bucks," she said sheepishly.

"I'll give you a hundred dollars and bus fare," I said, holding out the money to her.

She thought for a moment and then reached for the money. I noticed her dirty feet as she pulled on her sandals and the way she glanced around the room as if looking for something. I made sure to walk her out the front door and I stood at a window to make certain she left the property, before heading back to Edward's room.

He was sitting up but had his eyes closed in pain, obviously very hung over. "Do you need a can to vomit in?"

He nodded and I went into the bathroom and brought out the trash can. I pulled the covers from the bed and began pulling off the sheets. He stood just long enough for me to pull the sheets out from under his body, and then fell back onto the mattress.

I removed the pillowcases and grabbed the remote to open the shutters covering the windows. Edward groaned from the bright light and I grabbed his arm to pull him from the bed and into the shower. I left him sitting on the shower floor with the hot spray dousing him and went back to stripping the bed.

I got fresh linens from the closet and made a clean bed before grabbing a towel and shutting off the shower. "Get up," I demanded and he slowly rose from the floor. I wrapped him in the towel and brought him back into his room to sit on the unsullied sheets.

I grabbed a brush and yanked it through his long locks before pulling it into a ponytail and using craft scissors to cut it off. I threw the long strands onto the ground angrily and began layering his hair as professionally as I could. The cut hair fell onto the towel he was sitting on so I pulled him up and used a small hand towel to beat the hair off of his body.

I handed him a pair a basketball shorts and he moved slowly to pull them on. I cleaned the hair from his bed and pushed him back into it, pulling clean covers over him and shutting off the light as I left the room, leaving the windows uncovered.

"Bella," he yelled out and then grimaced in pain.

"What?" I said harshly.

"Am I dreaming or did you pay a hooker?" he asked.

"No and yes, get some rest, because I am going to kick your ass the next time you wake up."

I heard him chuckle as I headed down the stairs. I grabbed trash bags and began cleaning up the filthy house. I took me most of the morning to get the downstairs presentable. I called a lawn service and made arraignments to have the yard taken care of as soon as possible.

Within an hour trucks began showing up. I called a delivery service to have groceries delivered and spent half an hour cleaning out the fridge. I was exhausted and had been up for over twenty-four hours straight. I finally used another bathroom to shower and climbed into a guest bed.

I was out cold and slept harder than I had slept since hearing Edward's name again in March. I couldn't remember dreaming, but something woke me and it took a moment to figure out where I was. I stretched, and my foot hit something making me jump in fear.

"Sorry," Edward said and I looked over to see his silhouette sitting on the end of the bed.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I was going to ask you that exact same thing," he said back.

I sat up and tried to straighten my hair. "Don't worry, it can't be any worse than mine," he chuckled.

"Turn on the light and let me see what I did to you," I instructed.

He walked to the door and turned the light up with a dimmer switch. It was light enough to see, but not light enough to make me squint. I look at his hair, sticking out in all directions like a lion's mane. I put my hand over my mouth and fell back in laughter.

"I'll take you to get it fixed," I promised.

"Maybe I liked it long," he said with humor.

"No way, your hooker thought you looked like the beast in Beauty and the Beast."

He let his head drop and walked back over to the bed to sit. "I don't remember… her," he said softly.

"She seemed to remember you, two hundred dollars worth," I told him.

"Oh my God," he said into his hands.

"But, I negotiated a discount and got you out for only a hundred dollars," I laughed.

He shook his head in disgust and I finally let him off the hook. "You fell asleep, Edward, nothing happened."

He glanced at me to see if I was lying so I added, "I promise."

He continued to stare so I pointed out the obvious, "Would I be here if something happened between you and Jane?"

"Jane," he sneered, "Not even original."

"That's what she said," I teased, making him laugh.

"So, why are you here?" he finally asked.

"You called me," I said to his shocked face, "From your mother's grave."

His eyes grew wide and he shook his head back and forth. "I found a hooker at the cemetery?" he asked and we both began to laugh so hard we couldn't speak. He scooted up onto the bed and moved to lie next to me. "No wonder I called you."

I stared into his eyes and reveled in his beauty, even with the lion's hair. I reached out and ran my finger over his lips and he opened his mouth and bit my fingers lightly.

"Edward, let's fix this," I said softly.

He reached up and held my fingers with his hand, kissing them gently. "I'm in a real mess here, Bella," he admitted.

"I'll help you sort it out," I assured him.

"It will take awhile."

"I have time, I think I've been fired," I smiled.

He opened his mouth to say something and seemed stuck on how to phrase what he was feeling, he tired and couple of times and finally said, "I can't just have a piece of you. I can't function that way. I need…."

"Can we work together on it?" I asked. "Find a way to make it work?"

"I have money, Bella," he said and I wasn't sure what he meant. He could tell I was trying to figure out his meaning so he clarified. "I'm very wealthy, you don't have to work."

"Oh, well there are many reasons to work besides money," I began but he quickly cut me off.

"I know a lot of women stay home when they have a baby, but I want you to stay with me. I want to be with you all the time, okay?"

I swallowed hard and didn't want to fight with him, he wasn't well yet and I didn't want to push him. "Edward, I can stay with you and help you sort everything out, we'll do it together, okay?"

He smiled and added, "You won't leave me?"

I felt tears fill my eyes as I stared at the face of a hurt little boy. "No, Edward. I won't leave you."

He moved to cuddle up against me and I held him tightly. I needed Carlisle and was terrified I just made things worse. But I would do what I needed to do to make him feel secure so he could get the therapy he needed.

"Are you hungry?" I asked him. "I had groceries delivered."

"Yes, I'm starving," he admitted.

I took hold of his hand and walked him to the kitchen. When I turned on the light he looked around in shock. "Your hooker cleaned up," I teased and he rolled his eyes at me.

"In the morning you'll be shocked to see the front yard, too."

He looked over at the dark windows, but only saw his own reflection and quickly tried to smooth down his hair.

"I think it looks hot," I laughed.

He raised his eyebrows and gave me a sexy stare that sent my heart into a gallop. I opened the fridge to concentrate of food instead.

"How about an omelet?"

"Perfect," he said and sat at the table.

He watched my every move like he was afraid I would suddenly disappear. When I handed him his plate he grabbed my wrist and looked right into my eyes, "Thank you, Bella."

"You might want to taste it first," I warned him.

"I'm not talking about the food," he clarified.

"Oh, you're welcome, Edward."

I made my food and he had already finished his omelet, so I placed the second one on his plate and he smiled up at me. I cooked myself one and sat across from him to eat.

"Edward, how did your father die?" I didn't want to bring up a painful memory but I needed information to know how to deal with him.

"I don't know," he said between bites.

"What do you mean, you don't know?"

"His partner called me and said my dad died, and I left."

"Did you destroy the room?"

He looked into the air like he was trying to remember and then shrugged. I realized the damage must have been done to the room years ago. I decided I would call his father's partner and see exactly what happened.

"Did you take the bar exam?" I asked and he nodded quickly.

"I'm not stupid."

"I know," I assured him.

I was only wondering if he had a career he could focus on as he healed. We ate and cleaned up the mess and turned to look at each other.

"I'm wide awake and it's bed time," I pointed out.

"We can watch a movie," he suggested.

"Pretty Woman?" I said and raised my eyebrows.

"You're not going to let me forget it, are you?" he laughed.

"Never, Masen! In fact, I think I'll get a kitten and name her Jane," I said as I headed upstairs.

"I'll find Ben and have him get rid of it," he threatened.

I stopped halfway up the stairs and turned to speak to him as he followed me. "Tomorrow, I'm cleaning the top floor," I announced.

"Okay," he smiled.

"That means fixing your dad's room…."

"Okay," he said again.

"…And your mom's room. It's time Edward, to let her be at peace."

His eyes darted to her door and he looked back at me nervously. "When you're done, are you leaving?"

"No, honey, no," I promised. "We're together, okay?"

He nodded and looked back at the door. I ran my hand through his hair and said, "Come on, Simba, let's go watch the Lion King."

5

I woke up the next morning to find Edward wrapped around me tightly. The television was still up at the foot of the bed and the sun was shining through the uncovered windows. I moved and he tightened his arms, "No," he whispered.

"Are you awake?" I asked him.

"No, I'm dreaming, so don't wake me up," he mumbled.

"What are you dreaming?" I asked quietly.

"Bella's with me," he whispered.

"Ah, that's nothing special."

"You're wrong, it's amazing," he said and took a deep breath.

I stared at his beautiful face and felt overwhelming love for him. The years melted away and I was back in his bed, where I belonged.

"If she kissed you in the dream, would you let her?"

"I'd kiss her back," he smiled.

I leaned in slowly and pressed my lips softly to his. He pulled me against him and I could feel his arousal as he moaned when I made contact with him. He rolled us, so he was over me, and deepened the kiss. I ran my hands through his hair and arched my body into his.

He pulled back a bit, hesitantly, and finally fell to my side.

"What's wrong?" I asked as I leaned over to look into his eyes.

"I can't stop thinking about him touching you, it eats away at me." He pounded his fist over his head into the wooded headboard.

"Edward, I love you," I said honestly. "I never loved him like I should have; it was always you I wanted."

"All those nights I stared up at the sky, knowing he was kissing you and loving you, I wanted to die," he said angrily.

"Those same nights I thought you had other women in your bed, Edward. We need to get past that and work on us."

"No more others, Bella, I won't allow another man to ever touch you again," he said holding my face in his hands.

"It isn't about allowing or not allowing, it is about us, being together. I want to be with you, Edward. Do you want to be with me?"

"Yes, but how do I erase all those painful nights?" he asked sincerely.

"You fill them with wonderful nights. I'm right here, in your arms; we don't have to rush anything. I'm not going anywhere."

The doorbell rang and I whimpered in disbelief. "If that's Jane, you are in deep trouble," I said as I got out of bed.

"Shouldn't I answer it?" he asked.

"Not with that hair," I laughed and headed down the stairs.

I opened the door to see a middle aged man with a large stomach light up for joy. "Finally somebody answers. Can you get in touch with junior?"

"Junior?"

"Edward Junior," he clarified.

"You are?"

"I'm Martin Dodge, his accountant."

"Thank God, please come in. I was going to call you today. Edward needs some assistance in getting his affairs in order. I'm Bella Bl…Swan. Let me run and get him."

"He's here?" he asked in shock.

"Yes, he's been here for a couple of months."

"Here, in this house?" he asked.

"Yes, why?"

"We've been trying to find him and we were told he was out of the country."

"He was, he's back now."

Edward came walking down the stairs wearing a sweater cap and spoke without emotion. "Martin, how are you?"

"Edward, do you have any idea how long we have been looking for you?" he asked with anger.

"Have a seat," Edward said and walked over to sit on the sofa.

"I have a box of mail for you," Martin said shaking his head at Edward's lack of concern. "You are now the head of your mother's foundation. We can't function without your signature; we were about ready to have you declared dead."

"Please, sit down Mr. Dodge," I said trying to calm him. "I don't want to overwhelm Edward, let's start with the most important matter and move forward from there."

The robust man looked back and forth between me and Edward and said, "Is he somehow…limited, mentally?"

"Mr. Dodge," Edward said, dropping the casual use of his first name. "If you are suggesting filing a motion in probate court to have me declared incompetent you will not get past the first stage of the three part process. I do not require a guardian; I was simply mourning the death of my parents. Due to my unlimited financial resources I was able to remain in isolation until I felt the need to return home."

"No, not at all Junior, I was simply wondering who the fine lady is," he said smiling at me.

"Please call me Mr. Masen," Edward said sternly. "Bella is…mine."

His words sent a chill down my spine but he smiled and held out his hand for me, calming me a bit.

"You must be at the board meeting tomorrow so we can disperse funds and vote on a budget. Then you need to meet with your lawyer to sign your inheritance papers and distribute your holdings."

"Are you finished?" Edward asked him.

"I'll send a courier with your mail, you might want to hire a private secretary to assist you," he suggested and headed for the door.

"Nice to see you again, Martin," Edward smiled and pulled me onto his lap making the bean counter very uncomfortable.

"That wasn't nice," I laughed.

"He calls me junior just to piss me off," he said and began kissing my neck.

"I need to be a trapeze artist to keep up with your mood swings," I laughed.

"Let's take a shower and go get my hair fixed. I also need a suit." He pushed me up and began walking to the stairs.

"You are going to look so hot in a suit," I said as I swatted his ass.

"You can shower first," he said and my disappointment was evident on my face. I tried not to let him see it and grabbed a clean towel before shutting the bathroom door. I cried in the shower, wondering if he would ever get over his jealousy of Jake and forgive me for giving up on him.

We walked out of the house and Edward stopped to look at my rental car. "What's this?"

"Um…a car, surely you weren't on the island that long," I teased.

"I mean, why do you have a car?"

"I didn't know your address, so I had to search for the house."

"Well, take it back. You can have my mom's car. It's never been driven," he opened the garage, separate from the house, and pulled a dusty cover from a beautiful yellow Porsche.

"I'm not driving that, I'm too afraid to even walk up to it," I laughed. He didn't laugh with me and I could see the anger rising in him. I remembered his mother refused to drive it when his father only wanted to express his love.

I walked over to kiss his cheek and said, "Thank you, Edward. I look forward to you teaching me how to drive it."

We dropped my car off downtown and I rode with him to a parking garage. We walked into a small salon and some very fashionable young women gave me an up and down glance, obviously finding something offensive about me. "I got angry at my boyfriend and need someone to fix his hair."

The girls all looked at Edward, and obviously found nothing offensive about him.

"Take off the cap," a girl smiled at him. He pulled the cap from his head and their eyes all shot open in surprise. "My God, what did you do?" another girl asked him.

"I drank too much," he said with one of his killer smiles that made all the girls go, "Ahhh."

"With a hooker," I added angrily and all the girls glared at Edward.

He sat in a chair and I noticed how the stylist kept running her hands through his hair as she talked to him, he finally turned to look at me and said, "Bella how do you want her to cut it?"

"What style do you want, Edward?" I asked him.

"I want whatever you want," he said with sad eyes.

"You have a board meeting; do you want it short and professional?"

He shrugged, so I finally told the girl to leave it a bit long on top but clean up the sides. I notice Edward's jaw tighten so I asked her to please excuse us for a moment. She walked away after giving Edward a strange look.

"Edward, it's your hair, what style do you want?"

"Like you said, if that is how you like it," he repeated.

"I would like you bald; can I tell her to shave it?"

He laughed but said, "If that's what you want."

I exhaled loudly and glared at him. I was not going to live his life for him, but I decided a hair cut was not worth fighting over. I called the girl over and told her to leave it a bit long but use gel and style it. Edward smiled and I knew it was what he was wanting.

We left and he looked so much like the angry kid from ten years earlier, I wasn't sure if it was good thing or not. Our next stop was at a department store for a suit. He didn't have time to have one tailored so something off the rack would have to do.

The man helping Edward, who was way more into him than a salesman should be, picked out a few choices and sent Edward into the changing room. I picked out a tie, socks and new boxers. When Edward stepped out I actually gasped. He was made to wear a suit, his long legs and broad shoulders made the fabric hang perfectly.

The salesman stood behind him, and I mean an inch behind him, and played with the suit as Edward looked in the mirror.

"I love it," I smiled.

"Okay, I'll get this one," Edward said and began taking off the jacket.

"Wait," I said quickly, "Let me see the others."

The man, who was hoping for much more than a simple commission, smiled and led Edward back to the changing room. I laughed and shook my head. Edward was clueless about the effect he had on both men and women, and I was grateful.

We debated between two suits and finally bought them both. As we headed from the store I looked at his feet, "Do you have dress shoes?"

"No, do I need them?" he asked innocently.

I groaned and pulled him to the shoe section. We were loaded down with bags by the time we left and we only had things for one meeting. When we got home I found a box had been delivered, stuffed full of mail; he really did need a secretary.

I fixed him some food and began the task of cleaning the upstairs. He sat at the piano and played as I filled bag after bag from his father's room. I would pack up his mom's room while he was at the board meeting the next day.

I was bent over the tub with a scrubber, dripping in sweat from exertion and from the humid, summer, Chicago day. I felt a hand touch my back and I screamed, almost falling into the tub.

"Whoa, you okay?" Edward laughed.

I used the back of my hand to move my wet hair out of my face and hoped Edward wasn't disgusted by the sweaty mess in front of him.

"What do you need?" I asked him.

"I missed you," he smiled and I rolled my eyes.

"Go play, so mommy can finish her work," I chuckled.

His smile faded and he gave me a disapproving look so I instantly apologized. "I'm almost done and then I need another shower," I said as I pulled the clinging shirt from my skin.

"Can I shower with you this time?" he asked.

My heart went crazy, "Sure, if you want to."

He licked his lips and reached out to hold onto my hips, "Yeah, I really want to."

"It will cost you two hundred bucks," I teased.

He stared right into my eyes and said with a cooked grin, "I plan on it costing much more than that."

I looked at the tub, knowing nobody would be actually using the thing, and tossed the scrubber and rubber gloves into it. "I think it's clean enough," I announced.

He motioned with his head for me to follow him and I walked with shaky legs into his room. He was busy positioning all the shower heads as I removed my sweating clothing and tossed them in a hamper.

"Those will mold if you don't wash them right away," he said.

I was a bit disappointed that he mentioned the clothes and nothing about the fact I was standing nude in front of him.

"Fine, you shower while I do laundry," I said angrily and picked up the hamper.

"If you're doing laundry naked, I'm coming with you," he laughed.

"Oh, you noticed," I said sarcastically.

"Are you mad at me?" he asked with a smirk.

"Aren't I always?" I sneered.

He placed his hands on my shoulders and pushed me towards the shower. I stood under the array of sprays all pointing at me as Edward stood back and let his eyes moved up and down my body. He finally looked at my eyes and smiled.

"Can I suggest one change?" he said and I felt like a creature from The Blob.

"I work a lot, so I don't make it to the gym very often," I mumbled, humiliated, and he began to laugh loudly.

"I want you to get my name tattooed on your hip; there is not one thing on your body you need to improve."

I could feel my face blush and he stepped forward and pulled me to him, "You're beautiful, Bella, you should know that by now. Didn't…um…didn't he…."

"No, and please don't bring him up right now," I begged.

His face turned very serious and his eyes darkened. "I want you to think of him right now, if fact I want him to fill your mind, because I plan on erasing every thought of him, forever."

I was packing up Mr. Masen's clothes into large boxes and thought about our shower yesterday. I couldn't understand how Edward could be so needy he couldn't tell someone how to cut his hair, and then turn into a man who could make my body into mush.

I could never accuse Jake of being front and center in my mind, it was the whole problem with our marriage, Edward resided where he should have been. But Edward made good on his promise. My body remembered him after all these years and responded in a way it never did with Jake.

I felt a shiver run through me just thinking about it. He performed a symphony, moving in unison with the sprays, never letting my flesh free from attention until I begged him mercifully to let it end. I couldn't stand and had to be carried to the bed.

I laughed to myself as I determined I owed him a lot of money.

I marked the boxes for the Salvation Army and moved to his mother's room. I was a bit ticked that all my hard work had been undone and got busy repacking all the memories. It bothered me that her clothes had been left unused for so many years. They could have gone to a good cause.

I stripped the bed and pulled an old quilt from the linen closet to cover it, giving the room a totally different look. I carried a box up to the attic and found box after box marked 'junior.' I opened one to find it full of baby clothes.

I pulled out the tiny items and felt my eyes fill with tears. I could imagine Edward dressed in the little garments being held lovingly by his mother. I also heard the loud sound of a clock begin to tick and I rocked the tiny romper back and forth in my arms. I was pathetic.

I never heard Edward come home and was stunned to look up and see him staring down at me. "What are you doing?" he asked hesitantly.

"Look at your tiny clothes," I said, holding it up for him to view.

"So," he said harshly.

"I just think it is so sweet, can you imagine a baby this small?"

He grabbed the flannel from my hands and threw it back into the box. "These are personal items, don't rummage through them," he said as he quickly shut the box and put it back on the shelf.

Okay, now we reached something worth fighting over. I stood slowly and squared my shoulders. "Rummage through them?" I asked angrily.

"Don't look at me like that," he demanded sending me right from anger into rage.

"Maybe I was searching through the boxes to find you something appropriate to wear, since you can't seem to make a decision without my constant advice, you damn baby."

"Or maybe you just want a baby of your own," he yelled back at me.

"I already have one, Junior," I screamed at him.

He turned and headed down the attic steps so I ran after him. "Don't walk away from me," I yelled but he kept walking.

He went into his room and slammed the door shut, locking it behind him. I stared at the knob absolutely stunned. I didn't know if he was taking a stand and I should encourage it, or if he was sulking and I should call him on it.

So I did the one thing I knew would push his buttons. I went back to the attic to 'rummage through' the boxes. Each box was like stepping back in time. They contained his clothing and his toys, envelopes of hair and boxes of lost teeth, his entire childhood confined in boxes, neatly preserved.

When I finished the sun was beginning to set and I came downstairs to find Edward making something in the kitchen. I felt bad he had to make his own dinner, but very happy that he took the initiative to do it.

He glanced at me and went right back to cooking his noodles. I walked over and put my arms around his waist and hugged him from behind. "I can't guarantee its good, but it will be edible," he said softly.

I kissed his back and moved to lean against the counter to see his face. "How was the board meeting?"

"Long," he groaned.

"Feeling overwhelmed?" I asked him.

"Not really, but we have a gala Friday night. Take my Visa, buy a gown or anything else you need."

"Do you need a tux?"

"Yeah," he sighed and I smiled widely.

"What?" he asked, a bit irritated.

"I am going to love seeing you in a tux."

His mouth twitched and he tried really hard not to smile. "There's more, but I have to make sure you're in a good mood before I tell you."

"So, if I stay grumpy I don't have to hear the bad news?"

"It's not bad news, just…uncomfortable news," he explained to confuse me more.

"Go ahead, I'm happy, Bella," I said with a fake smile plastered to my face.

"You're singing," he said without looking away from his boiling pot.

"Edward, wake up, you're having a nightmare," I said as I shook him lightly.

He finally laughed at looked at me. "I'll play for you, but I promised them you would sing…it's to….honor my mother."

"Oh. I would love to sing to honor your mother," I said softly. "Are you sure you can play?"

He nodded without answering and I pulled some things from the fridge to make a salad. When we finally sat to eat he asked, "Do you know the song A Bunch of Thyme?"

"I've heard it, but I don't know the words, why, is that what you want to play?"

"It was my mother's favorite," he said without directly answering my question.

"If you have the music I can work on it," I told him and watched as he swallowed and finally nodded.

I sat through dinner thinking about it and got more and more excited to perform with Edward. It was the one thing we did together that allowed us to still be individuals.

I headed to the music room and tuned the guitar while he looked for the music. He handed me the worn sheet and I said, "I can sit on the bench if we need to share?"

"I have it memorized," he told me and I could have smacked myself for even wondering. He sat and began playing lightly.

"Show me the tempo you want to use," I said as I stopped playing the guitar.

"Do you want to try the fish thing?" he asked.

"The fish thing?" I laughed, "What in the hell is the fish thing?"

"Where you play slow and I back up with a faster tempo," he explained and I remembered him telling me he thought of it watching Jake fish.

"Oh, yeah, but let me sit in the other room so I don't get pulled into yours." I sat down the hall where I could still hear him but the sound was much softer. I yelled for him to start and he yelled back the count of three.

I held the notes as he improvised flourishing rifts for each stanza. On our third run through I began to add some vocals. I sang softly, so he couldn't hear as I began working on a pattern. By the tenth time through I walked into the music room and played right next to him.

The song sounded totally different, because it was ours, not a cover of the original. When we made it all the way through with music and lyrics I looked up to see tears streaming down Edward's face. I sat the guitar down and walked over to hug him.

"Is it painful, to sing her song?"

He gave me a shocked look and then smiled, "No, love, it's hearing you sing that brings me to tears."

I clutched my heart and felt my own tears coming, "Edward, thank you, I will never fight with you again," I vowed.

He put his hands on the sides of my head and said, "Where will we find a doctor willing to sew your mouth shut?"

I leaned my forehead against his and whispered, "Maybe the same one who reattaches you penis will be willing."

He laughed loudly and it was music to my ears. I hugged him tightly and we sat in silence letting the music in our heads resonate around us, his tempo much too fast, and mine much too slow.

I was more nervous about buying the right gown than singing in front of a bunch of do- gooders. I wanted to look sophisticated without looking matronly. I tried on gown after gown and finally decided to bring in professional help. I called Alice.

"I should hang up on you," she yelled.

"Why?"

"You run off without telling anybody and then turn your phone off so we can't check on you," she said in one remarkably fast sentence.

"I didn't want to hear Jack fire me," I explained.

"You call friends, Bella," Alice screamed loudly into the phone, making me hold it far from my ear.

"Okay, I'm calling," I yelled back at her.

"So did you talk him off a roof or something?" she softened.

"I need a gown," I said with a less than enthusiastic voice.

"Are you getting married?" she screamed loudly again into my ear.

"No, stop yelling at me, I need a ball gown," I explained.

Alice immediately became her perky self and began telling me exactly what to look for. "Get one in midnight blue, it will look great with your skin and compliment Edward's tux…he's wearing a tux right?"

"Yes," I said and she quickly began talking again.

"Stay away from thick fabrics, it's summer, look for light material that flows, but no taffeta. You have great legs so find something with a slit to show some leg. Buy a silver shoe with heels and thin straps."

"Here's a dress in peach," I said as I looked at the hanger.

I could hear her actually pound her phone against a hard surface three times, "Are you listening to me? Midnight blue," she demanded.

"Okay, let me hunt and I will send you a picture from my phone."

"Oh, and Bella," she said, "Hair up."

"Let's get the dress before we move on to hair and makeup," I laughed.

I went to three stores before I found something close to what Alice suggested. I tried it on and had to imagine it with full hair and makeup. I asked the saleswoman to take a picture for me and I sent it to Alice.

My phone began to ring and I placed it to my ear, knowing Alice wouldn't give me time to say hello. I listened to her critique and turned to the saleswoman, "What are 'spanks' and do you sell them?" She smiled and nodded to me, so I went back to listening to Alice.

I made it home with an Alice approved dress, shoes, spanks, which pissed me off when I found out they were just a modern day girdle, an appointment to have my makeup done so I could have a 'smoky eye,' and a manicure and pedicure. Edward would regret giving me his Visa.

I found him in his father's office going through his mail and noticed he sat condolence cards off to the side without opening them.

"How's it going?" I asked.

"Well," he said as if he was exhausted. "I lost a shitload of money in the market and then made it all back. I think everyone should go three years without opening mail."

"Why don't you hire a secretary until you get caught up with everything," I suggested.

"You don't want to be my secretary?" he asked as he opened another envelope.

"Not if I'm sleeping with the boss," I laughed. "I'll go back to work eventually.

His eyes flashed with anger and his jaw tightened. I reached for his hand, but he pulled away.

"Edward, I'm not a lawyer, I can't follow you to work and sit by your side all day and unless you plan on filling my life with children I have to do something."

"I have money," he said harshly.

"I know, but you need purpose, Edward. You want to know you added to your family's fortune or helped people who don't have money by representing them. Just like I need to know I can do something that makes a difference."

His head fell to the side and he said with a sorrowful voice, "Make a difference in my life, I need you, Bella. Things are so much better now you're here."

"Edward," I said with as much emotion as I could, "I'm never going to leave you. I love you with all that I am."

He grabbed my hand and held it tightly to his cheek with his eyes closed. I could almost feel the fear rolling off of him. I ran my other hand through is hair, and screamed at myself for focusing so much on his anger, and not realizing how terrified he was all the time.

6

I stared at my reflection in the mirror and wondered who the woman was staring back at me. My hair was stacked loosely onto my head and exposing my long neck as the gown made a tight silhouette down my body. I loved spanks and would thank Alice for bringing them into my world.

I was holding onto the railing making my way down the wide staircase when Edward stepped into view. I froze and gawked at him like a buzzard during the plague. I had an instant fantasy enter my mind which involved Edward making love to me while dressed in his tux.

"Bella, my God," he said softly.

For a moment I thought he meant the thoughts running through my head, but that was silly, Edward couldn't read minds. I blushed and began heading towards him.

"You must find a job that requires you to wear a tux daily," I smiled.

"You look so amazing," he said as he wove his hands around my waist," that I want to rip the dress right off of you.

"Hold that thought, I'm sure you'll be angry at me by the end of the night," I teased.

"Are you trying to tell me what to do?" he said with mock anger, pretending to be enraged.

"Like that would work, you want me to tell you what to do," I said rolling my eyes.

"You are stunning," he said with a serious look.

"I have a bit of a sore throat, I hope I can sing decently," I admitted.

"Are you getting sick?" he asked feeling my head.

"Do you want to play doctor?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

He pulled me tighter against him and whispered into my ear, "I'll give you a full exam after the gala."

"I'm holding you to it," I murmured.

He grabbed the music and the guitar and held out his elbow for my hand. I was stunned when he led me to the Porsche and opened the passenger door, but I didn't make a big deal of it. We pulled in front of an old perfectly restored building and I noticed the large banner of Elizabeth, hanging from the rafters.

People began greeting us right as we entered the door and I tensed when Edward introduced me as his wife. I glanced sideways at him, but he just ignored me. We may be fighting by the end of the night after all.

I met so many people I couldn't tell one from another, until a Doctor approached me and introduced his 'secretary'. I stared into the round, blue eyes of Jane. She was dressed in a gown and wore heavy makeup to make her appear older, but it was Jane alright.

Her eyes showed absolutely no recognition of me and I knew Edward's lack of long hair would make it hard for her to recognize him, but I couldn't resist seeing for myself. I called him over and introduced him. His face was as blank as hers.

"You remember the lion's mane, don't you dear," I said to help his memory. It had been less than a week for crying out loud.

He tensed and looked from Jane to the doctor and his mouth opened wide. I stood and enjoyed the uncomfortable silence with a big smile on my face. I finally spoke up and said, "Jane, Edward is looking for a temporary secretary, do you know anyone you could recommend?"

She looked Edward up and down and asked, "Do you pay well?"

Edward chuckled and the poor doctor looked like he was ready to pass out from stress. "You'll pay what, one, two hundred dollars," I said looking at Edward.

"Actually, love, I'll let you work out those details," he smirked and quickly excused himself.

I took a glass of champagne from a waiter, trying to sooth my aching throat, and began to worry about the song.

The program started and everyone found their seats. Dinner was served and I noticed everything tasted so bland. I was sure I was coming down with something and leaned over to speak into Edward's ear. "I'm feeling really weird. If I can't sing, can we just play a duet?"

"Do you need to leave?" he asked with worried eyes.

"No, I just feel really weird, my throat hurts and I can't taste anything."

"The room is full of doctors, I can ask one to take a look at you," he suggested.

"No, I'm sure it is just a cold."

He began to pick at his food and his arm remained tightly around my shoulders. I was mad for making him worry. I should have realized Edward would over react. I smiled throughout the auction and felt a surge of relief when the time came to sing and my throat had not gotten any worse.

Edward moved my chair closer to the piano bench and I had to move it away again. "I can't have you play so closely, I can't concentrate on my tempo," I whispered to him.

I could hear his tension in his playing, but as soon as I added the lyrics he seemed to relax. When we finished the room erupted into thunderous applause and I saw Edward wiping his eyes. He was so beautiful and his mother would have been so proud.

We stepped from the high rise and were met with throngs of well wishers. I was suddenly much more interesting for some reason, and everyone wanted to set up lunch dates or have us for dinner. The only question I couldn't answer was the one about the timing of our marriage. I deflected it by telling them I knew Edward since I was seventeen.

A band began to play and Edward saved me by pulling me to the dance floor. I held him in my arms in complete bliss. "I'm going home with you after this dance," I laughed.

"I don't care if Angela is giving birth on top of the Hancock building, you are absolutely coming home with me," he said before kissing my nose.

"I love you," I smiled at him.

"Say it again, what you said the other night," he said with an intense face.

"Yes, Oh God, yes?" I laughed.

He smiled his crooked smile and said, "No, the thing about why you will never leave me."

"I love you with all that I am?"

His eyes grew wet and he swallowed deeply, "Yeah, that's it."

I put my palm against his cheek and rubbed my thumb against his flesh. "I love you Edward Masen, with all that I am, and I will never leave you."

"I'll never grow tired of hearing it," he smiled and kissed me softly. We listened to the music as we held each other until Edward finally asked, "Do you remember Jane, not the hooker; the little girl I said was my girlfriend?"

I thought back to the picture of the little girl in his wallet, "The cooks daughter, yeah, why?"

He suddenly shook his head like he regretting bringing it up. "Let's go home," he said as his hand came to take mine and lead me from the dance floor.

We snuck out and I'm sure Edward was supposed to stay all night, but they didn't even know he was in town a week ago. I kept my hands on him the entire ride home and we rushed right upstairs. I grabbed one of his shirts and took my time in the bathroom, letting my hair down and removing the hideous spanks.

When I came out he was already in bed with the lights low and music playing. My hair was falling in huge curls around my face and he whistled loudly. I grabbed onto one of the large posts at the bottom of the bed and danced provocatively.

"Bella, get in bed right this second," he said with a thick voice. I laughed and jumped up onto the tall mattress and he pulled me quickly into his arms.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Perfect, now."

He gave me one of his toe curling kisses and everything in the world disappeared.

I woke up hoping to feel relaxed and contented, but I felt woozy and achy. I knew something was coming on and I was glad it held off for the gala. I climbed out of bed and made my way to the kitchen where Edward sat with his laptop and coffee.

"Good morning, love, how…"

"I'm sick," I groaned.

He jumped up and rushed over to feel my head. "You don't have a fever; do you want me to call a doctor?"

"No, I just need some Tylenol and fluids," I complained.

"Get in bed, I'll take care of you," he said determinedly.

I dragged my sorry butt back upstairs and climbed into bed. Edward came with some juice and medications and the next thing I knew it was dark again.

"Bella, wake up," he said as he shook me vigorously.

"Yeah," I said.

"Are you okay, you slept all day?" I could hear the panic in his voice and I asked him to help me to the bathroom. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and my skin was very pale.

"What can I make you to eat?" he asked.

"I'm not hungry," I said and sat on the toilet.

"You have to eat something, let me at least get you some cereal."

I nodded just to get him to leave and saw the toilet was full of blood. Getting my period was the last thing I needed right now and I yelled for Edward to get my purse. I used a tampon and splashed water on my face and returned to the bed totally exhausted.

Edward fed me a couple of bites of Cheerio's, but I couldn't eat anymore.

"What can I do for you?" he asked.

"You can run to the market and buy me some tampons," I said with my eyes closed.

He didn't respond, or move, so I opened my eyes. He chuckled uncomfortably and said, "Bella, it's embarrassing."

"Are you kidding me, grow up," I said and closed my eyes again.

"I don't even know where to get them or what to buy," he said, trying his hardest to get out of the task.

"Edward, please don't make me call your hooker, do this for me, please."

"Do you have Jane's number?" he seriously asked me.

"Help me up, I need to pee again," I said holding out my arm.

"You just went and you haven't had much to drink," he pointed out.

"Do you want me to pee the bed or are you going to help me," I said angrily.

He assisted my to the bathroom and left the room after making sure I was seated safely. I was stunned to see the bowl full of blood again. I removed my tampon to see it was clear and began to really panic.

"Edward," I yelled loudly.

"Yeah," he called from the door.

"I think I need to go to the hospital."

The door flew open, banging into the wall, and the look on Edward's face made me begin to cry. "I'm bleeding," I cried.

"Isn't that normal?" he asked.

"The blood is in my urine, not from my period."

"Should I call an ambulance?" he asked in a panic.

"No, just help me to the car."

He was frozen to his spot and I watched the color fade from his face. His breathing was becoming erratic and he began shaking his head back and forth. "You promised me, Bella. You promised," he yelled.

"Promised what?" I said with a weak voice.

"You said you would never leave me," he cried.

"Edward," I said through my tears, "Help me."

He finally moved from his spot, and gently pulled me up, only to gasp when he saw the blood. He helped me stand to pull up my boxers and then lifted me into his arms, carrying me down the stairs and into the car. He was speeding from the house and I didn't bother complaining. We were at the hospital in minutes and he carried me inside screaming for help.

I tried to tell him to calm down but I was too exhausted to even speak. I was laid on a gurney and rushed behind large automatic doors. I could hear people talking around me but I just wanted to sleep. As I faded off, I thought I heard Edward screaming in rage.

The room was dark and I had to blink several times to make out the outline of a figure sitting in a chair and lying across my legs. I sat up, not understanding where I was but feeling so much better.

"Edward?" I called out.

He jumped up and rushed to my side. I could only see a shadow of his beautiful face and pulled it right up against my own. I could feel the wetness of his tears and soon heard the sobs he was trying to hold back.

"Don't cry," I begged.

He wrapped his arms around me and rocked me from side to side, too emotional to speak.

"What happened to me?" I asked.

"They don't know," he whispered.

"I feel better," I said to encourage him.

"You were given an infusion of blood; your red cell count was so low."

"Do I have a disease?" I asked him and instantly regretted it.

"Don't leave me," he said and began crying loudly.

"No, I'm not going to leave you, I promise."

I let him hold me tightly for several minutes and he finally pulled back and wiped his eyes. "Carlisle and Esme are here."

Now I was scared, why would they come all this way if I wasn't extremely ill? I was excited to see them and get their take on how Edward was doing, but something didn't seem right.

"I'm starving," I said and Edward began listing foods he was willing to get me. I finally asked for salty chips and he smiled as he quickly left the room.

He returned with three different kinds of chips and I laughed at him. I picked one and he opened the bag just as Carlisle and Esme entered the room. I was so relieved to see them and Carlisle gave me a huge hug before asking Edward to step outside and speak with him.

Esme gave me a hug and pulled a chair up to the side of the bed and looked at me like she was choosing her words carefully.

"Bella, honey, what are you doing?" she finally settled with.

"About what?" I asked surprised.

"What are you doing here? You walked out on your job, your friends, your parents don't even know where you are, and you isolated yourself in Edward's world."

When she said it like that it looked totally different than running off to save the man I loved.

"He needed me," I said softly as I began playing with the edge of the blanket.

"I understand that, believe me, I do, but you need to set up boundaries and make him be a partner in the relationship or he will always need you."

"He's so much better than how he was. He went to a board meeting and we attended a gala," I said trying to convince myself.

"And what about your relationship?" she pressed.

"I promised I would never leave him."

"Is that healthy?"

I shook my head and then whispered, "At the gala he introduced me as his wife, and we've never discussed marriage."

"Did you correct him?"

"No," I said in shame. "I didn't want to embarrass him in front of people he knew."

"Bella, he is systematically taking away your identity. Soon he will offer you money and expensive things you can't possibly pay him back for…"

"Like a Porsche," I said, angry at myself.

"Yes, like a Porsche."

"He gave me his Visa card and keeps telling me I don't have to work because he has money," I cried.

"Bella, you need to come home and get your life in order. If you want to work Edward into it, great, but you can't run from yourself to fix him."

"If I leave him he will fall apart, I can't," I said adamantly.

"There's two more weeks before school starts. Carlisle can stay with Edward while you get your own affairs in order. Edward can manage two weeks."

"What if I bring him to Washington with me while I clean things up?"

"Bella, Edward can manage for two weeks," she reiterated.

"How am I supposed to tell him?" I said almost on the verge of hysterics.

"We will sit down with both of you; you are being released as soon as the doctor comes to sign the order. Then you will fly home with me."

When Edward and Carlisle returned I tried to smile as if nothing was wrong, but Edward gave me a funny look and glanced at Esme.

"I hear I'm getting out on good behavior," I teased.

"I'm taking you home and spoiling you rotten. I looked into a mattress that adjusts to different positions," he said with pride.

"No, Edward, the mattress is fine." I said forcefully but he just changed the subject.

"You need to hire a cleaning service; you've worked too hard around that big house."

"I miss my condo," I said honestly.

His face tightened and he stood. "You miss the condo or Jake?"

My mouth fell open and Esme quickly interceded.

"Edward," Esme said with authority, "Did Bella mention Jake?"

He shook his head shamefully and crossed his arms. Esme continued. "Does Bella lie to people?"

He shook his head again. "Then when she tells you she misses her condo, it is what she means."

Esme was a freaking genius. I hoped to someday have half of her skill.

A nurse came in and began the discharge process and I was told to visit a family doctor in the next week or so to have my red cells checked again. I walked out the door with hope that not only was I fine, but Edward and I could be fine together.

As soon as we walked through the door Carlisle asked to speak to us both and my knees began to shake. Edward sat and pulled me onto his lap, making me feel like a child. I didn't have the nerve to move. Esme sat next to Edward, probably with a syringe hidden in her pocket.

"Bella, you left behind some responsibilities that need to be addressed," Carlisle said.

"We can hire someone to take care of it," Edward said forcefully.

"You can't hire someone to explain her disappearance to her parents, they deserve respect."

"She can call them, or send them a ticket to come visit us," Edward offered as if he had given it a lot of thought.

"Okay, first of all, I am in the room. Don't speak for me, Edward, I am not a child. You wouldn't treat Lilly like this," I pointed out and watched his jaw tighten.

"Fine, I will take you to Forks," he said as a compromise.

"You have responsibilities here, Edward," Esme said.

"Bella is my responsibility," he said with tight lips.

"Why did you introduce me as your wife?" I asked him.

"Because that is how I think of you," he answered.

"Edward, you've never talked to me about it. You just assumed I would be okay being introduced that way."

He pushed me from his lap and stood angrily. Carlisle stood too, to even the intimidating presence.

"Would you rather I call you Jacob Black's wife," he yelled.

"Oh, don't you dare go there. I would rather you court me, and buy a ring, and get on your knee and give me a proposal I can tell my grandkids about, but that won't happen, will it Edward? There is no way you would be willing to share me with grandchildren."

"You promised," he said in his terrifying calm.

"I'm not leaving you," I screamed at the top of my lungs. "I need to give notice at my job, I need to sell my condo, and I need to explain to my friends and family why I'm leaving."

"You can do all of that from here," he demanded.

I took a deep breath and decided to take a stand. "I have a phone and email. We can talk every day and I will come visit you, and you can come visit me. And about the car, I have one, if you want the Porsche, great, but I don't."

"You expect me to be your pen pal?" he screamed.

"No, I expect you to sacrifice too. I'm giving up so much for you, what are you giving up for me?"

"You are my life," he yelled in shock.

"You didn't answer me, what are you giving up, bringing me into your life?"

He began looking around in a panic as he tried to come up with one thing he sacrificed for me. It was a defining moment and showed me the balance was off in our relationship.

I stood and said, "Edward, hire a secretary and get through the mail, open the damn cards, get all your inheritance papers signed, and meet with your accountant, your lawyer, and your father's partner. I will take care of things on my end and then we will talk about our future together. I refuse to continue to hinder you as your mother did."

"Don't you dare use my mother's name to make excuses to break your promises to me. If you walk out that door, don't come back."

"You better be very careful with your words right now, Edward," I warned him.

"I should have stuck with Jane," he sneered.

I squared my shoulders and readied myself for an all out brawl, but his next words took all the wind from my sails.

"You should have stayed with Jake."

He stormed from the room as I stood in stunned silence with my heart bleeding profusely.

"Bella, don't fall for this, it is a temper tantrum and nothing more," Carlisle said to hold me together.

I heard Edward's car screech from the driveway and I turned to apologize to the Cullens. We were adults now and they were still working like crazy to fix us. I sat in a chair and they both sat across from me.

"Bella, tell me why you love Edward," Carlisle asked.

"I know you must think I am crazy for loving him…."

"No, I didn't mean to infer that," he said to stop me, "We both love Edward very much, I want to hear you articulate in words why you love him."

"There is a part of Edward that is not broken, a part that is confident and giving, like when I see him with Lilly," I smiled at the memory. "He would be a great father, but he doesn't see the good in himself. He feels the fear and it blinds him to everything else."

They both nodded and Esme was trying to contain her emotions. "Sometimes," I added softly, "I don't feel worthy of him."

"Bella, the reason we want to help so badly, is because Esme and I were once you and Edward. I was raised by just my father, and he made me his entire life. When I didn't want to be a minister, like he was, it broke his heart. I craved his affection and approval to a very unhealthy degree. Esme married at a young age to a very abusive man. He took her dignity and she felt weak. It is possible to fix the problems you two are having, we are proof of that."

I jumped from my chair and grabbed onto the both of them as I sobbed. "Please help us," I begged, feeling the desire to have a life with Edward, not just becoming his shadow.

I was up most of the night with Esme and when she finally went to sleep I headed to the attic. I was looking for something of Edward's that I could cling to for hope. After digging through several boxes I found a picture. He was around twelve or thirteen, and he was standing this his arms around a couple of buddies at his school. His smile was wide and his eyes sparkled. He looked completely and totally happy.

I put the picture in my pocket and returned the boxes to the shelves and went to see if he was in his room. It was empty so I looked at the only place I knew he could be. I climbed inside the Porsche and prayed I didn't wreck it as I crawled slowly from the driveway.

I saw his car parked outside the cemetery so I climbed the brick wall and began walking around looking for anybody. I was terrified and imagined shadows everywhere, but when you love someone as much as I love Edward; you are willing to battle the otherworld.

I finally saw him lying on a small cement bench under a tree. His hand was hanging loosely and I could make out a bottle in his grasp. I walked up to see him staring upward with glazed eyes.

"Edward," I said softly knowing he was aware I was there.

"Do you hear it?" he asked without looking at me.

Hear what?"

"The sound, it comes from the east."

I looked around the cemetery and saw nothing. "I don't hear anything," I told him.

He raised a finger and pointed at the moon, "It pulls away, always taking things away."

I reached down and took the bottle from him, assuming he was drunk, but the lid was unopened. I bit my lip and looked around, trying desperately not to cry. "Edward, I need you to get well, because I want you so badly."

He continued to stare upward and said, "It never stops, so I just play louder."

"Edward, stop, listen to me," I said loudly and pulled on his arm.

He groaned loudly and stuck his fists into his eyes to rub them vigorously. "Why are you here?" he suddenly asked.

"I want you to come home, so we can talk," I pleaded.

"Talk... No, I don't want to talk to you," he said and began staring up again.

"I want to set up a schedule of phone calls and visits, until I come here permanently," I explained.

"Sure Bella, just like last time, I wonder who you'll marry now," he said to twist the knife.

"At least Jake asked me," I said angrily and then stomped my foot for not being able to shut up.

I began to feel weak and I wanted to sit down, but Edward was covering the entire bench. I didn't wait for his retaliation and began walking back to the block fence. I began to climb and numbness spread through me as nausea overwhelmed me. I dropped from my climb and vomited into the shrubs. I couldn't find the strength to stand and crawled to sit against the wall.