7
The sun was beginning to rise and I heard a lawn crew come through the gates. I wanted to call out for them, but my voice wouldn't carry over the loud equipment. They had just passed when I saw Edward walking towards me. I raised my hand to get his attention and he sprinted over to me.
"I need help," I said softy.
"What's wrong?" he said as he picked me up off the ground.
"I'm sick," I said feeling totally exhausted.
He put me into his car and drove quickly to his home, after I begged him not to take me to the hospital. He carried me to his bed and placed me gently before running off to find Esme. I just wanted to sleep and couldn't focus on the chaos going on around me.
I remembered someone using a pen light to look into my eyes and a small prick in my arm to take blood, but the hours passed by without comprehending much. I heard Edward singing softly in my ear and I smiled.
"Can you hear me, love?"
"Mmm," I moaned.
"Bella, we need some information. Can you answer some questions?"
I nodded slightly and I felt him pull away from me. I wanted to protest but I was so tired. I heard a commotion of people coming into the room and voices I didn't recognize. People began checking my vitals and I tried to call out for Edward.
"I'm here," he answered from too far away.
"Bella, I'm Doctor Young, can you tell me what chemicals you have been using."
"Cleaner," I mumbled.
"Any pesticides?"
"No."
"Were you by any fields where crop dusters passed?"
I shook my head and wanted him to stop talking so I could rest. I called out for Edward again and he finally came up to the bed. "Bella, were you outside when the lawn service was working?"
"No, what's wrong with me?" I asked with my eyes closed.
"We're not sure, love." I could hear the tension in his voice and I became terrified he was going to have a meltdown. "We need to move you to the hospital; Charlie and Renee are on their way."
"Don't be mad," I slurred.
He leaned into my ear and whispered, "Fight for me, I can't lose you."
I knew at that moment something was terribly wrong, and I would fight, because Edward was worth fighting for. I began to focus on my breathing and concentrating on my body. I began at my toes and made sure every muscle was working.
I was put in an ambulance and taken back to the hospital. I was given another transfusion and felt strong enough to at least keep my eyes open. An infectious disease specialist came in and asked me a bunch of questions, but nobody seemed to know what was happening.
My poor parents looked totally distraught when they arrived. Edward stayed sheepishly back but Charlie was having none of that. "You better start talking son, and quick."
"Bella came to help me with some problems, she just got ill all the sudden," he said with a shaky voice. I knew he wasn't afraid of my father, he was afraid I wouldn't get well.
"Dad, Edward didn't do anything. I think I have some weird virus or something. I feel much better," I said to ease his mind.
"You don't need blood transfusions to feel better, it is not normal, Bella."
A doctor came in and informed me my liver counts were off and they needed to keep me for a few days. I immediately looked at Edward and I could see the blood drain from his face. I held out my hand and he took it. I could feel him shaking.
"Edward, I'll be fine," I said to ease his mind, but he gave me such a painful stare I worried for him.
"We are taking you home," my mother insisted. "You can rest and get back on your feet, with constant care."
"I can care for her," Edward said forcefully.
"She's coming home," Charlie said as he glared at Edward.
I squeezed his hand and smiled at him. "Get a secretary and take care of your obligations and then come to Seattle."
He walked over and sat in a chair telling my parents he was not going anywhere while I was in that hospital. They talked with my doctor at length and got the name of a doctor in Seattle. I called Edward to my bed when they left, and moved enough for him to lay with me.
"I honestly feel so much better, I think with some bed rest and less stress I will be fine."
"I cause you stress?" he asked with a sad voice.
I laughed loudly, "You are aging me quickly, Edward, I had to pay your prostitute," I reminded him.
"I don't mean to," he said softly.
"I have to go home to get better, and I need you to stay here and get better, then come for me," I whispered.
He didn't respond and I continued on, "Edward, what comes from the East?"
"The waves," he whispered.
"From the Island?"
"Yeah, the noise would never stop, I hated them."
"How did your father die?" I asked once again hoping he would now know what happened.
"Of a broken heart," he sighed.
I didn't respond, knowing he couldn't have truly died of a broken heart, but it was enough to know Edward thought he did.
"Can we fix us?"
"I don't know?" he answered honestly.
That seemed like a lifetime ago. I came home with my parents, worried the entire way that the waves would haunt Edward until he couldn't take it anymore. My mother stayed with me for three weeks as I made the rounds through specialist of every kind. I felt wonderful and all my labs came back fine.
I had shown up at work to get my stuff and was actually offered a job as a producer. I took it just for the experience and planned to quit the moment my condo sold. I talked with Edward often and he seemed distant, until one particular day.
I got back to my office and had several calls from Edward; I called him back in a panic only to hear him chattering excitedly about something wonderful that happened. He stopped by a legal clinic and offered his services. He met with a young couple that very day, struggling with getting their credit restored after having their identity stolen. He felt needed and exhilarated.
I was listening to him gush with pride when a woman's voice could be heard in the background. "Who is with you?" I asked him.
"My personal secretary," he said like I had gone brain dead.
"You hired one?"
"I told you," he said, but I quickly interrupted him.
"No, I told you to get one; you never told me you did. Who is she?" I was feeling a bit jealous.
"Jane," he said without laughing.
"Not, funny," I said harshly.
"Not Jane the…you know."
"Your hooker?"
"The hooker, not my hooker," he said irritated.
"Okay, Jane, the hooker you paid a hundred bucks to?" I added making a point.
"Jane the hooker YOU paid a hundred bucks to," he corrected.
"It was your money," I pointed out.
"You still paid her."
"Forget it, so what Jane?" I asked.
"I asked you if you remembered the little girl, our cook's daughter," he said, not seeing anything wrong with his assumption.
"She's what," I counted in my head, "Nineteen?"
"I guess, I don't know."
"I want your testicles in a jar," I said in anger.
"Why?"
"God, you are so clueless, who finds a hooker at a cemetery, and who hires a nineteen year old harboring a lifelong crush?" I yelled loudly.
"Is that a rhetorical question?" he asked, totally oblivious.
"I don't even want to talk to you right now," I huffed.
"Fine, I'll talk to Jane."
"Fine, good thing I taught you how to color coordinate your dick to your eyes, Jackass."
"Maybe you should have focused on color coordinating my dick to lipstick," he yelled so loudly I wondered if any of my coworkers heard him over my phone.
"No need, everything goes with bubble gum chapstick," I said with a lowered voice.
He took a breath to retaliate but broke into laughter instead, "Do you have any idea how much I want you?"
"Get your ass to Seattle," I laughed, "This angry foreplay is becoming a habit."
"Um…yeah, I have a meeting on the eleventh I can't miss and then…."
I could hear him rusting some papers and I was so torn. I was thrilled he was filling his days with things other than brooding, but come on, brood a little.
"How about Halloween weekend, I can come for about four days," he offered.
"That far away? I'll come see you on the sixth," I said decisively.
"Are you feeling up to it?" he asked, trying to be sweet, but it felt like he was putting me off.
My door opened and Jessica stuck her head inside to make sure I was alone before walking in, most likely needing an even number of people in the room.
"I'll call you with details later, I have to run." I put my hand over the phone and mouthed, "Edward."
Jessica rolled her eyes and sat in a chair.
"Don't forget to pack the chapstick," he laughed and I could feel my face blush, "Goodbye." The line went dead and I stared at the phone for a second. He usually had to force himself to hang up and would say such heartfelt romantic things to me. He didn't even say he loved me.
"Earth to Bella," Jessica said snidely.
"Oh, yeah, what's up?"
"I met a guy," she gushed.
"Really, tell me all about him!"
"No, it will jinx it," she said with a frown.
"Jinx it, we're not twelve, you better strip him down and love him up, if you want to keep him," I laughed.
"His name is Paul and he is the gym teacher at my school," she smiled widely.
"I have an idea, Edward is coming in town for Halloween, I'll throw a party and you can bring him."
"Sounds great, except for the 'Edward will be there,' part."
"He's changing Jess," I looked at my phone, "He's changing a lot." I couldn't help but wonder if Jane, the non hooker, had anything to do with it.
I had no experience throwing parties and wasn't sure who all to invite. I wanted to keep it small, since my condo wasn't that large, but I wanted it to be lively and fun. There was only one person who could pull off the best party in town, Alice.
I called and left a message for her, saying I needed help planning something big. I knew it would get her attention and my phone rang only ten minutes later.
"Are you getting married?" she said before greeting me.
"No, quit asking me that, I want you to help me throw a Halloween party."
She squealed loudly and began jumping up and down. "Can I pick your costume?"
"No, I'm not coming as Stripper Barbie, I'll pick my own," I said forcefully.
"Well, do it right, don't come as something lame like a newscaster or a troubled youth."
"I planned on coming as Million Dollar Baby, and beat the shit out of you," I said making her laugh. "And you can't come as Wynonna Ryder."
"I love her," she said with a sigh.
"Yeah, you two would make great shopping buddies. Jess is coming and bringing a guy, so we have to make sure an even number of people come."
"Do you ever wonder what she would do if she had triplets, I mean would she like, give one away?"
"You are so evil," I laughed and then began truly wondering.
"What are you having Edward wear?" she asked.
"It has to be something with a tux; he is so hot in a tux."
"I guess they don't make asshole costumes," she mused.
"Sure they do, Jasper wears one all the time," I said in retaliation.
"Give me a budget," she said ignoring my comment.
"Make it fun, but not over the top. Go light on the liquor, heavy on the food," I suggested.
"Sophisticated or gory?"
"Alice," I said with little patience, "Just take care of it, okay?"
"Any kids coming?" she asked and it sent me back to disturbing thoughts of Jane.
"Maybe Lilly," I said and pretended I had to go. I sat and stared at the phone, wondering if I should have a little talk with baby Jane. I picked up the receiver and dialed Edward's home number.
"Edward Masen's home," a young voice answered.
"Hi, Jane, this is Bella," I said as pleasantly as possible. There was an awkward silence as if she was waiting for me to offer more. She finally spoke.
"Bella…who?
I chuckled angrily, "Edward's …" I didn't know what I was, girlfriend sounded too high school, fiancé wasn't correct, but not even two months ago he called me his wife.
"Are you selling something?" she asked me.
"No, Edward told me all about you, when you were a child. I'm coming for a visit and thought I would introduce myself. You were the cook's daughter, right?"
"I don't know who you are and I'm not sure I should be giving out personal information," she said angrily.
"Let me talk to Edward," I said, giving up on pleasantries.
"He's busy, leave a number and I will have him call you."
"Honey, put him on the phone right this moment," I demanded.
"I'm done with you," she said with her high voice and the line went dead.
I was sitting on the airplane stewing in anger over my encounter with Jane. Edward and I were playing phone tag, so I finally sent him an email giving him my flight information. I had a whole speech prepared for when I arrived and hoped he wouldn't put me on the first flight back home. It basically boiled down to the fact Jane needed to go, or at the very least be given a serious attitude adjustment.
I looked around the waiting area and there was no sign of Edward. I walked to the pick-up area and still nothing. I tried calling his cell, but it went to voicemail. I called his home and Jane said he was at work. I finally rented a car and headed to his house.
I was stunned to see the yellow Porsche in the driveway, in badly need of a wash. I didn't bother ringing the bell and headed to the back door and let myself in. The house was a bit messy, but not dirty like the last time I was here. The trash was overflowing with fast food bags and pop bottles were scattered around the counter.
I walked through the house to the office and could hear loud techno music. The smell of fingernail polish was overwhelming and I looked in the room to see a young lady with her feet on the desk, polishing her toes.
She jumped when she saw me and then quickly began trying to fix the mess on her toes cause by being startled. "He's not home yet," she said flatly.
"You can leave for the day," I said, wanting her out of the house for the tantrum I was going to throw when I saw Edward.
She laughed and rolled her eyes, "You're not my boss, and plus, I live here.
I stared in stunned silence as she continued to paint her toes and ignore me. I finally left and took my bag to Edward's room. His bed was littered with DVD cases and his television was still up. Two sets of pillows were against the back of the headboard and I felt my heart fall into my feet.
I changed into something more casual and looked in his mom's room, making sure it was still free from the Edward shrine. I gasped when I saw clothing all over the floor and the covers in a mess. Jane was obviously living in Elizabeth's room.
I didn't know what was going on with Edward; he seemed to be somebody totally different from the man I left a few short weeks ago.
I headed to the attic and found it exactly the same. I ran my fingers over the boxes marked 'Junior' and headed back downstairs. I heard the back door open so I ran down the stairs, hearing Edward calling out from the kitchen.
"Jane, I'm home, did you pick a movie?"
I came around the corner to see him flipping through some mail. He glanced up at me and did a double take. "Bella, oh my God, what are you doing here?" he said with a huge smile and came towards me with his arms extended.
"I thought we made plans for this weekend, am I wrong?" I asked hugging him lightly.
"I didn't know if we firmed it up," he said to my clenched jaw.
"We need to talk, Edward," I said trying to remain calm.
"Hey, E.J. you're home early. I picked a black and white, you'll be proud," Jane giggled and jumped onto the counter staring at Edward like he hung the moon.
"Edward can't play with you tonight Jane, he's going to be a grown up," I said way beyond angry.
"He didn't invite you here," she threw at me and I realized she was right. I turned to look at his stressed face.
"Would you like me to leave?"
"No," he said firmly. "Jane, we can watch a movie another night."
"She can watch with us," Jane relented and I chuckled at her audacity.
Edward looked at me as if I would agree, but quickly cleared his throat and said, "I want to spend time with Bella, alone."
She slid down from the counter and stuck her hand in her front pants pocket, pulling out something and tossing it to me, "You might need this," she said hatefully as I stared at the bubblegum chapstick in my hand.
Without looking up from my hand I mumbled, "Edward you have exactly three seconds to…"
"She heard me scream on the phone and asked me about it, that's all," he promised.
I let the small container fall to the ground and turned to face Edward. "Are you still coming for Halloween?" I asked him.
"Yeah, I think I can still manage the four days," he said, but I didn't believe him. I could tell by the way his eyes darted around and Jane remained quiet. I felt the burn of tears forming in my eyes and turned to walk away.
I was relieved the hear Edward follow me up the stairs and into his room. I threw the DVD cases onto the floor in one sweep of my hand. He walked to his large closet and began changing his clothes as I watched in pain.
When he finally looked up to see me crying his eyes widened in shock. "Bella, are you sad?"
"I've lost you, in a way I never thought possible, but I lost you all the same."
"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm glad you're here," he emphasized.
"You need someone to make you the center of their life. I couldn't do it, but Jane has. You will never leave here now," I said as I began to sob loudly.
He came to my side and took my hand in his, kissing my palm over and over, but never trying to refute what I said. I moved closer and pulled him to me. I held him, trying to memorize the feel of his body against mine, the smell of his skin, and the warmth of his hands.
"Bella, I thought I was making progress," he said, trying to convince himself.
"If I asked you to fire her, would you?
"Why, she's doing a great job?" he said in disbelief.
I pulled from his arms and climbed onto his bed before answering. "Do you even realize when I say fire her, I mean for her to move out of here, too?"
"She lived here for most of her childhood, it's her home, too," he tried to explain.
"Edward, she is no longer a child, she wants you. Can you imagine if the tables were turned and you came to my home to find a young man in love with me, living with me?"
"Bella," he said with a smirk, "I view her as a child.
"But she doesn't view you that way, and she is not a child, in case you haven't noticed."
"Edward," Jane screamed loudly for him downstairs. I followed him to the top of the stairs to see Jane jumping up and down at the bottom. "I won the tickets."
His face lit up and he laughed loudly, "I told you to stay with it, see, I was right."
"You have to come with me," she said, completely ignoring me standing right next to him.
He turned to look at me and asked, "When do you leave?"
"In an hour," I said as I walked away.
He was stumped and didn't quite know what to do. Jane was waiting for his response and a possible celebratory evening. I was angry and demanding he meet my needs or I was leaving. He looked back and forth between his door and Jane's face.
"Help me print the tickets and explain what I need to do, come on," she said holding her hand out for him.
He hesitated and finally headed down the stairs. I leaned against the wall behind his door and felt my hope drain from my body.
I packed my outfit I wore on the plane into the small bag and saw the picture I had from his mother's box. I went into the attic and found the correct box after going through many of them. I found his christening gown and cried knowing our baby would never wear it. I put the photo away and headed downstairs to say goodbye.
I listened to them speaking inside the office. She talked like an eight year old, and he treated her like a playmate. There was nothing suggestive about their interactions, but it was intimate on a level I never experienced with him. They finished each other's sentences and laughed often.
I got my bag and tiptoed out of the house. When I passed the Porsche, I noticed a gym bag with the name Jane Volturi. He had given her the car, she was completely his.
I was waiting to board the airplane when Edward called. "Hi," I said softly.
"What the hell, you just leave without saying anything," he yelled.
"I said plenty, it just didn't matter."
"What does that mean?"
"I'm ready to board; you just notice I was gone, what does that say?"
"It says you left without telling me."
I took a deep breath and glanced around at the other passengers, hoping nobody was listening to my conversation. I was tired and emotionally upset. I knew it wouldn't take much to push me into a fight.
"I know Jane can be a bit demanding, that's just the way she is," he tried to explain again.
"I don't want to do this," I begged him.
"Do what, talk to me?"
"No, I don't want to get into a pissing contest with you. I don't want you baiting me."
He was silent for a moment and I could tell he was trying to contain his own anger. His knuckles popped into my mind and I pushed the vision away.
"I don't have a clue what you want from me, first I'm too clingy and then I am too dismissive, I just can't seem to please you," he said in anger.
"You are a child Edward; you want attention and believe it is love."
"And is that so wrong? I don't see anything unhealthy about wanting someone to be there for you, to physically be there, all the time. Maybe you are just too damaged from Phil to recognize a healthy relationship."
Bullseye, he found his mark and hit it dead center. I couldn't keep doing this; I couldn't try to make him see his problems, when he was so quick to replace me with someone willing to let him be the center of the universe.
"Get help, grow up, stop being such a pussy all the time, and then call me," I said way too loudly for an airport waiting area. I hung up and turned my phone off.
As the flight wore on, I became weaker, and weaker. I could barely walk when I got to Seattle and there was no way I could drive home. I took a cab and collapsed in bed right when I got home. My phone rang several times, but I couldn't find the strength to answer it. I let it ring in the far away recesses of my mind.
I had to crawl on my hands and knees to make it to the bathroom. The bowl quickly filled with blood and I knew I needed help. I crawled back to my phone and right as I touched it, a loud ring startled me. I answered as I placed my face onto the cold kitchen tiles.
"Help," I whispered.
"Bella, it's Jake."
"Jake, I need help, call an ambulance."
"Hang on, Leah talk to her, keep her talking."
I heard Leah, sounding hesitant as she tried to talk to me with Jake making a call in the background. "Are you hurt?" she asked me.
"No, I'm sick, call my folks," I begged.
"Sure, what's wrong with you?"
I could feel the room begin to spin and I tried to breathe deeply, but it only made my stomach empty onto the kitchen floor. I lay in my own vomit waiting for an ambulance. I was done; I lost Edward and had nothing left to fight for. I gave in, and let the darkness pull me under.
8
I was getting so frustrated with my illness. I felt on the verge of death and after IV fluids and blood transfusions I felt like my old self again. Nobody had any answers. I couldn't think of anything I had done, or ate, or drank, that others didn't do, too.
Edward called the hospital and spoke with my mother. She assured him I was fine and would be going home soon. He asked to speak with me, but she told him I was asleep. I needed to begin the painful process of separating myself from him.
I groaned when Jake and Leah walked into my room. I hated the fact they were my savior. I glanced at Jake and looked away.
"Bella, we wanted you to be the first to know we're getting married," Leah informed me.
"You make a perfect couple," I added snidely.
"Bella, we were never going to work…" Jake began as if I was going to be devastated by the news he was taken.
"I wish you would have thought that as you hid the letters from Edward, or deleted the emails, or even when you took messages off my machine."
"I know you can't understand, but I was Edward's friend. I heard the stuff he was saying, and it wasn't…normal," he said with sad eyes.
"That was not your call to make," I said hatefully.
"No, it wasn't, but I was proud of you Bella. You were making tremendous strides in your life and he wanted to box you up as if you were a party gift. I couldn't watch him do that to you."
"You could have talked to me about it," I pointed out.
"Look at you;" he said sadly, "This would have happened years ago if I would have let it. He has sucked the life out of you and it is making you physically ill."
I turned my head and whispered, "Just go."
They left my room and I began to wonder if my illness was psychosomatic, caused by my issues with Edward. I had been fine until I went to see him again. I didn't have long to think since Esme and Lilly walked in.
"Aunt Bella, I hope you get better," Lilly said, looking so much like Angela it made my heart ache for her.
"I feel much better," I assured her and glanced at Esme.
"Lilly get some change from my purse and go to the machine down the hall and get Bella a Sprite," Esme said.
"Just tell me to leave, don't make up errands," Lilly complained as she left the room.
Esme took my hand and I began to cry. "I lost him, to a childhood friend."
"Jane?" she asked and I nodded.
"It is not sexual, is it?" she asked.
"Not yet."
"He called about a therapist yesterday. Carlisle gave him a couple of names," she said to give me hope, but it wasn't enough.
"I almost gave up everything for him; I can't let that happen again."
I could hear Emmett's loud voice coming down the hall and we both laughed. The door swung open and Lilly led Emmett, Jasper, Rose and Alice, into my room.
"You will do anything for attention," Rose said.
"Where's Houston?" I asked wishing I could hold him.
"I'm not infecting him with your STD's," she said rolling her eyes.
"I didn't want to sleep with him, I wanted to hold him, bitch."
"We were out partying and decided to stop by" Jasper announced.
"To rub it in?" I asked.
"No, to let you celebrate with us," he said calmly.
I noticed how Alice kept her head down and refused to look at me.
"Oh my God, you're pregnant," I screamed and she began jumping up and down screaming with me.
"You finally let Emmet knock her up?" I teased Jasper.
"Yeah, I caught a glimpse of his dick and I'm the bigger man," Jasper laughed and Emmett looked at us in confusion.
"As if," Emmett muttered.
"I'm really happy for you both," I said to Jasper and Alice.
"I have Halloween plans to share with you, are you still planning the party?" She asked as she looked at the IV in my arm.
"Absolutely, and Rose, I'm going to need a date," I said as my mouth went dry.
I was released with more confusions and more tests to schedule and went right back to living my life. Rose worked fast. I had three dates in one week. The first one took me to a fancy restaurant and talked about himself the entire time. I became so irritated I started making up things to see if he heard anything I said.
"Yeah, I'm just got divorced and I have three kids, only two with my wife and one with a girl I met on the road," he was saying at nauseam.
"I have two kids, one I gave to a whore and one I gave to a teenager to raise," I giggled at my own reference to Jake and Edward.
"I don't mind living in a different state, the kids are all girls," he said as if they wouldn't need a father due to their gender.
"I'm sure they will have great stepfathers who will sneak into their rooms naked at night," I said in disgust, and still no reaction from the oaf.
"Because of my size I can drink a lot of alcohol, so I am really fun to party with," he continued to work his assumed charm.
"I usually shoot heroin and because of my size it only takes a little, so I pass out early," I said as he looked around the room to see if he was recognized. I was going to murder Rosalie.
The next date showed up with so many gold chains around his neck he looked like a seventies sugar daddy. I didn't know how he stood upright due to the weight of the chains.
"You like gold?" I asked during dinner at an all-you-can-eat buffet.
"I sell chains on Television, I'm sure you've seen me," he said as if I was completely clueless.
"Sorry, I don't watch much Television," I admitted.
"You should wear sixteen inch length with your height and frame. I would go for a chain on the thin side so it doesn't overpower your smaller breasts," he said with food in his mouth and pointed at my chest with a fork.
I slowly looked down at my chest, which Edward had called perfect, and looked back up at the rude man across from me. "I guess you're not used to real breasts," I said right to his face.
"You should consider going bigger, and maybe wear a lower cut blouse, you know, show a guy a peak at what's to come," he said with a wink.
"Excuse me," I said and walked out of the all-you-can-eat buffet and hailed a cab.
The final date showed up half an hour late and when I opened the door he said, "Sorry Sweetheart, but I only go out with girls who wear dresses and stilettos, can you change?"
"No hablo Ingles," I said and slammed the door in his face.
I drove to Esme's house that night and when Lilly answered the door I announced, "You are my date for the Halloween party."
She grabbed my hand and pulled me into the house. "I was going as Little Bo Peep, but I can change," she offered.
"No, that would be perfect. I'll go as another Nursery Rhyme person," I said and instantly began thinking of one.
"Mother Goose," Lilly said with excitement.
"I was thinking of 'Mary had a little lamb,' but go ahead and kick me while I'm down," I laughed.
"At least I didn't say, 'There was an old woman who lived in a shoe,'" she offered as a peace offering.
I glared at her with narrowed eyes and said in jest, "Do you have three sixes on your scalp?"
"What's that?" she asked.
"Nothing," Carlisle answered and glared at me with narrowed eyes.
"Saved by your daddy," I laughed and swatted her behind. "Is Esme around?"
"You look good, Bella. Esme's down the hall."
I walked into her office to find her knitting and began to laugh, "You have a PhD and knit? You're setting the women's movement back centuries."
"This is harder than grad school," she said in frustration.
I sat across from her and announced, "Evidently I have small breasts and need to consider getting them enlarged."
She looked up with just her eyes and smiled, "I would kill for your breasts."
"Ah, that is why you had to go for the intellectual type; no football player in his right mind would want you."
"Thank God for small miracles," she laughed.
"How Freudian of you," I smiled and we sat quietly for a moment. That damn Esme, and her ability to make me spill my guts. "Have you heard from Edward? I finally asked.
"He called Carlisle to check on how you are feeling," she admitted.
I raised my finger, telling her to hold on and looked across the hallway to see Carlisle's door shut. I knew with certainty he was talking to Edward and telling him I looked healthy. I sat back down and let my head fall to my knees with my arms draping to the ground.
"Did you really have hope of liking anyone Rosalie would set you up with?" She asked.
"No. Yes. Do you have a magic pill to erase Edward from my mind," I begged.
"Why would you want that?" she asked, digging deeper into my psyche when I just wanted her to comfort me.
"Because it hurts so much," I answered honestly.
"What is your heart telling you?" she pressed.
"Not to listen to my head," I sighed. "Esme, am I just jealous he found someone else to fill his life with?"
"I'm sure on some level you are, but Bella, Jane is so young. He will either ruin her or drive her away."
"He's not strong enough to make it through either," I told her honestly. "He is so fragile; the sound of the waves from the island haunts him. He also thinks his father died of a broken heart."
"His father had a heart attack, after having a huge fight with Edward in his office," she told me and my mouth fell open. "Carlisle looked into it," she admitted.
I felt the tears slide down my cheeks and said, "He doesn't deserve this, his mother did this to him and he doesn't deserve it."
"Can you love him broken?" she asked me.
I nodded my head up and down, since the word yes refused to come out of my mouth.
She set her knitting down and looked at me. "Give it until Christmas, and see if he actually goes to counseling and makes an effort to change."
"What if he loves Jane by then?" I could hear the shaking in my own voice.
"Edward loves so completely I doubt he will ever love Jane. You occupy his heart and there isn't room for anyone else," she said to comfort me.
"I married Jake, when Edward occupied my heart," I pointed out.
"And look how well that turned out," she laughed.
I took a deep breath and smiled at her. "Thanks, oh yeah, Lilly is my date for the Halloween party."
"Have you seen the outfits for her age, they are salacious. I had to talk her into Little Bo Peep just so she didn't go trick-or-treating practically naked."
"Yeah, I would wear them, if I had bigger breasts," I laughed.
I stood and came around her desk to hug her tightly. "I'll see you at the party Saturday."
Alice was a genius when it came to party planning. My condo looked like the lair from Phantom of the Opera and I was terrified to get the bill. I was dressed in my Mary costume when she showed up and threw an absolute fit.
"You are not wearing that, have your little girl complex on your own time. I went to too much trouble to have the hostess ruin it by looking like half-pint from Little House on the Prairie."
"I don't have another costume," I informed her.
"I've got your costume, you have to be Christine to match the theme," she insisted.
I shook my head at her and sighed, "And when were you going to tell me? I don't have a date to be the Phantom, Lilly is my date."
"Lilly is not your date, she is a guest. And you can be Christine alone, since the Phantom came in her sleep."
I actually felt it was a good fit, since I spent every sleeping moment dreaming of Edward.
I took the costume bag from her hands and was then informed she was fixing my hair, too. I didn't understand where all her energy came from. She was too tiny to be so big. Her exuberance was all consuming.
"What's your costume?" I asked and she shook her head. "You'll see when the party starts."
I knew it would be something big. Alice would never stand for not having the most innovative costume in the room. I got dressed and let her work her magic on my hair and makeup. I walked to the full length mirror she placed in the lair and gasped at the sight. I was truly transformed into Christine.
"You are a freaking genius," I said and watched her gush with pride. There was a knock on the door and I answered to find Jasper standing in a white lab coat and carrying a turkey baster. "Are you a chef? I asked.
"Nope, I can't say until Allie gives me the green light."
I turned to find her locked in my room getting dressed.
Jasper set up a bar along my counter and poured me a drink for my nerves. Soon the wait staff began arriving and I really worried about the cost. Jasper assured me they were students who came very cheap. Each was dressed in period clothing of the mid nineteenth century to blend with the Phantom theme, I somehow doubted cheap was the word I would be thinking when I saw the price.
I tried to relax but when the bell rang again I felt my heart beating fast. I was relieved to see Rose and Emmett. He was dressed in his team uniform, and Rose was dressed as a cheerleader, well a seductive cheerleader. Something told me they wore this clothing often.
"You look hot," Emmett said to me, making me blush, and secretly offer my devotion to Alice. Before I could close the door my parents arrived. I laughed at my father's Wyatt Earp costume and my mother's saloon girl can-can dress.
"I'm here to keep the peace," my dad said to make me laugh and to show what a dork he was.
People from work began to filter in and Alice finally came from the bedroom. She had long black hair and fake thick lips. She was holding four baby dolls in her hands and had four more pinned to her outfit. Jasper stood next to her, holding up the turkey baster.
"Octomom," Rosalie yelled.
I actually fell into a chair from laughter. I couldn't contain myself when Jasper actually filled the baster with seltzer water and squirted it into her mouth. The party began to really start hopping and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves.
Carlisle and Esme showed up after taking Lilly door to door. She had a huge sack of candy and Esme kept asking her to share with the other guest to lighten the load a bit. Carlisle was dressed as a Priest and Esme a nun. I was able to look past the costumes as they danced to a slow song, and rocked in each other's arms.
I was smiling softly when I heard Jake's voice. I turned in shock to see him enter with Leah. I glared at Alice and she shrugged in confusion telling me she did not invite them. Jake was dressed in full Indian dress and Leah was dressed to match. I walked up to him and said rudely, "Not very original."
"I'm not going to fight with you," Jake said.
"I didn't invite you," I said as I crossed my arms, making my less than impressive breasts strain against my low cut bodice. I quickly uncrossed my arms.
"Bella, I invited them," my father said.
"This is my home, dad."
"We've known Jake since birth and this nonsense needs to end. Be happy for him, Bella," he said like a father.
I walked away but didn't refuse to let him stay; I figured it was all I was capable of at this time. I looked around the crowd for Seth and asked him to please keep his sister in line.
"So which guy did you like?" Rosalie asked me.
"You are so lucky I don't slit your throat," I said in anger. "All three were nightmares. You got the only good football player so either give him up, or stop sending players to me."
"You didn't click with any of them?" she asked in shock.
"The first one is apparently deaf, the second one tried to sell me a gold chain after insulting my boobs and the third was so offensive I slammed the door in his face," I said in anger.
"Wow," she said softly. "I had no idea."
Lilly came running up asking about Houston, so I began making my rounds through the guests to see if they were having a good time. The party was going great until Alice called for everyone's attention. I looked over to see her holding my guitar.
"It is time for Christine to share a song, Bella," she called out, holding up the guitar.
I groaned as everyone began to clap in encouragement. I took the guitar and at on a tall bar stool playing various chords to warm up. I finally closed my eyes and began singing, Fragile, of course so much slower than the original song is played.
I kept my eyes closed and I was singing about Edward. I pictured him alone on the island, wanting the waves to stop crashing. My voice rose like the waves and then crashed silently into the strumming of the guitar.
When I finally opened my eyes everyone was staring at me. My mother wiped the tears from her face as my father pulled her to his chest.
"I thought you were having a party not a therapy session," Jessica said, standing with her new guy in the doorway.
"I was confessing to my Priest," I laughed and pointed to Carlisle. "You must be Paul."
I walked over to shake his hand and Jess made official introductions. "You are very talented," he said with a smile.
"Thanks, it was a set up," I laughed, "I don't usually perform at my own parties."
I was trying to shake the awful depression filling me from the song, so I stepped onto the terrace to get some fresh air. The door was open to cool down the heat of so many people in one space. I held onto the railing with one hand and stared at the beautiful city lights.
I placed my other hand over my breaking heart and closed my eyes. I could imagine Edward's fingers running softly down my arm and the image changed to his hands on Jane. I felt the tears fall freely and gloved hands reached out to steady me.
"I'm just a little melancholy," I said to stop whoever was comforting me from worrying. I had no intentions of jumping from the balcony.
I was stunned when the arms of the stranger tightened around me and someone spoke into my ear, "No crying, I won't allow it."
I felt my knees go weak and sobs broke from my chest as Edward held me tightly in his arms. I refused to open my eyes. I wanted this dream to last forever. He kissed my neck and I let my head fall to the side granting him further access.
"So beautiful," he murmured against my skin.
"I love you," I breathed to my phantom lover.
"You are mine," he whispered.
"Aunt Bella," Lilly called out, breaking my spell. I looked down at her gloved hand on my arm and burst into tears.
Lilly's eyes widened and she looked terrified before running off to find one of her parents. Carlisle came onto the balcony to find me gasping for air. He pulled me over to a chair and knelt in front of me. "Bella, look at me, you're having a panic attack, breath slowly." He began breathing with me to set the pace and I followed along with him.
The numbness running through me began to subside and I tried to pull it together. Carlisle finally stood and sat in the chair next to me.
"This whole thing is so stupid, playing Christine like Edward would show up and be my phantom," I said angrily.
"Honey, it will get better," he assured me. I looked into his eyes and asked something I was dying to know at that moment.
"Do you still want your father's approval?"
His eyes flickered for just a split second. It was brief, but I saw it. There was still the boy inside of him longing for his father, even after all the schooling he had and all the kids he helped, it was still there.
"The goal is not to get rid of the feelings, but learn to deal with them," he said sadly.
"So Edward and I will never be well, we'll just learn to deal with it?"
"Being well Is relative, I think functioning would be a better term," he said.
I stared into the expanse of the city below and decided it was too hard to live without Edward. I needed him, just the way he was if it was all he could give me. If I needed to give up everything in my life for him, I would.
"I fought Phil for so many years to keep him away from me, now I have to fight to keep Edward with me. I know you don't think I should give in, but I don't want to live this way, it hurts too much," I said adamantly.
"What about your health?" Carlisle asked.
"Do you think it is psychosomatic?" I asked hoping he would be honest.
He laughed and reached out for my hand. "Psychosomatic illnesses don't make you have tremendous blood loss."
"Well, nothing medical science can figure out does, for me at least. Maybe it is Edward's mother trying to drive me away," I laughed.
He held out his hand, "Let's join the party."
I returned to the room and found Alice juggling three babies in the air as everyone cheered her on. It was funny and very disturbing at the same time.
I snuck off into my bedroom and locked the door. I dialed Edward's number and heard loud noise coming from his end of the phone. "Sounds like a party," I said softly.
"What?" he yelled and I could hear the noise fade as if he was walking away.
"I don't mean to interrupt," I said louder.
"I welcome the interruption," he said with frustration. "It's like a frat house here."
"It's your home, kick them out," I said angrily.
"I'm supposed to be social, therapist's orders."
"What's your costume, a toga?" I teased.
"No, worse, the Phantom."
I closed my eyes in pain. "Who's Christine?"
"She's with Raoul," he whispered.
"No, she's waiting for you to come lure her away, she's waiting as her heart is breaking," I said in tears.
I heard a soft knock on my door and I sighed angrily. "Can you hold on a second?"
"Sure," he said with a soft breath.
I walked to the door and opened it as I wiped away my tears. I gasped at the site of a phantom standing in front of me.
"I need my Christine," Edward said to my stunned face.
"Are you real?" I asked in barely a whisper, unable to believe he was truly standing there.
I watched as his own tears began to fall and he bit his lip before nodding profusely, unable to speak.
9
I lunged into Edward's arms making absolutely sure he was real. He backed me into the room and put his hand into my hair, to pull me back for a kiss that brought me alive. I held onto his face, feeling his warm skin on one side and the plastic mask on the other.
His hand ran down my back, pressing into the thick gown to feel every curve of my body. I began to laugh and couldn't stop. I was giddy with happiness. He came, he actually came.
He pulled back and looked at me disapprovingly. "That wasn't the reaction I was going for," he admitted.
"I'm so happy, I can't help it," I laughed.
His face pulled into a smile and he laughed with me. "Alice and Rose are responsible for this," he said to rat them out.
"Are you kidding me," I yelled in anger. "They are dead."
"You didn't want me to come?" he pretended to be sad.
I pulled him closer and smiled, "You brought my every wish, and in a tux no less."
"I promised Lilly I would come right back, your call surprised me."
My hands we numb when something dawned on me. I suddenly remembered Jake was at the party, surely Edward hadn't seen him. I was trying to think of what to do when Edward noticed my nerves. "What's wrong?"
"How long have you been here?" I asked.
"I walked in just as you headed down your hallway, why?"
"So Lilly is the only one you've spoken with?"
He nodded and looked concerned. I took his hands in mine and held them tightly. "Um…Jake's here," I said softly.
I watched Edward's face change as his jaw set in anger. "Edward, please, remain calm," I begged. He pulled easily from my hands and stormed from the room. I ran after him, pulling frantically on his arm.
"Edward, don't, I'm begging you." The room grew quiet when they heard my yelling and saw Edward's face.
Emmett and my dad stepped up to face Edward as he screamed Jake's name.
"I'm not letting this happen," my dad said calmly.
Jake pushed Leah back as she tried to block him from moving forward. "You have something to say to me, Masen?"
The crowd naturally parted, leaving the center of the room empty between the two angry men.
"I'm going to rip your fucking head off," Edward yelled as Emmett held him back. "You touched her, she was mine and you touched her."
"She wasn't yours," Jake screamed, "She isn't a pet you get to own." Charlie was using all of his weight to move Jacob back. "If you wanted her you should have shown up, instead of running off to hide like a coward."
"You blocked every attempt from me, you lied to her and tricked her; you're the coward. She never loved you, she never wanted you," Edward said with rage and I noticed how much effort it took for huge Emmett to hold him back.
Jake softened and I watched as his body gave in and stopped fighting. "You're right about that, she never loved me and she never wanted me. I tried to save her from you, but she didn't want to save herself. You're killing her, slowly, and there is nothing I can do about it."
"I would never hurt her," Edward said through clenched teeth.
Jake laughed and shook his head, "You hurt her with every word, every action, hurting her is the only thing that brings you joy."
He reached out for Leah's hand and they walked out the door. Edward turned to look at me as Emmett backed away. I put my arms around his waist and hid my face in his chest. I could hear Lilly softly crying and felt awful for putting a child through the whole episode.
"Go comfort Lilly," I whispered to him and he looked around the room in remorse.
Alice ran up to me, "I didn't know Jake would be here when I arranged for Edward to come."
"I know," I told her.
Rose came over to me and hugged me, talking into my ear, "I picked the three worse guys I could."
"You bitch," I whispered back and she chuckled lightly.
"I'm sorry to ruin your party, Alice," I said sadly.
"Hey, it's your party, not mine," she laughed.
"We're going to head out, Bella," my dad said holding my mom's hand.
I hugged them both and walked them to the door. Everyone began slowly filtering out of the room leaving only Alice and Jasper, Rose and Emmett, Carlisle and Esme, and little Lilly. We all sat around the room feeling like time had stood still and we were students at the school, wanting our counselors to fix us.
"Nobody clears a room like Edward," Alice teased.
He shook his head in shame and Lilly handed him a candy bar from her bag to comfort him.
"Thanks, Lilly, you're my favorite girl," he smiled, but rubbed my back letting me know I was really his favorite girl.
"I hate to do this to you at a party, but can you help me and Edward work through something?" I asked Carlisle.
"Certainly," he said, leaning forward on the couch.
I turned to look at Edward as I sat on his lap and asked, "Where's Jane?"
He gave me a really odd look at said, "At home."
"At whose home?" I pressed.
He went to open his mouth and quickly stopped, realizing it was a trick question. He looked at Carlisle and asked, "Is it wrong to let her live with me?"
"You have a woman living with you?" Carlisle asked.
"No, Jane, she's a child."
I spoke up quickly, "She's nineteen and she is infatuated with Edward."
"I'm nine years older than she is," he said as if that mattered.
Carlisle chuckled and rubbed his face with his hands.
"I'd cut your dick off," Rose said to Edward as she shook her head.
"If you recall, I was innocent in the whole Tanya fiasco," Edward threw at her.
Rosalie's eyes showed her absolute rage at Edward for bringing up the subject. "Look around you asshole, maybe you should have slept with her, we still have our guys."
"This doesn't help," Carlisle said quickly. "Edward, I think you view Jane as a little sister, but if she sees more, you need to move her out as soon as possible."
"I don't think she sees us as anything more," he said to defend her.
I shook my head and said, "She blocks my every attempt to interact with you."
"Hum, that sounds familiar," Alice giggled, "I remember hearing that somewhere tonight?"
"You can't compare Jane to Jake," Edward said angrily.
"Edward," Esme said as she ran her fingers through Lilly's hair, as she lay on her mother's lap. "You need to listen to what Bella is saying. Jane makes her feel cut off, how can you change that?"
"Can I tell you later?" he asked and looked very uncomfortable.
"I want to talk about this with them here," I pressed.
He tensed and tried to say something but just stuttered and then said, "Bella, I need to talk to you alone first."
"Are you ending it with me?" I asked in a whisper.
"No, but ….I'm begging you, later, okay?"
I looked at Esme with a stunned expression and she looked at Carlisle. "Well, Edward deserves his privacy. It's late; let's plan on meeting tomorrow night."
"I want to watch," Alice whined.
"We are not your entertainment," Edward said hatefully.
"You kind of are," Jasper laughed.
"We have to relieve a sitter," Emmett said pulling Rose to stand. He shook Edward's hand and Rose added, "Come see our baby, and you better bring a gift."
Lilly yawned and then hugged Edward, "I'm so glad you're home," she said.
"Thank you Lilly, you seem to be the only one," he laughed.
Everyone left and I pulled Edward to me, "I am very glad you are here, I missed you terribly."
He kissed me gently a couple of times and then said, "Bella, do you know how much I love you?"
"I think so, if it is anything like I love you, it is so much it hurts."
"Say it the way you did before," he pleaded.
"I love you with all that I am."
He kissed me deeply this time, making my knees weak and unstoppable moans escape from my mouth. He moved me against a wall so he could keep me contained as his hands began to wander. I was being consumed by him, melting into his being, fusing my soul with his, never to be separated again. It would kill me to lose him.
He finally put his hands against the wall to push back and try to calm his breathing. He chuckled and shut his eyes tightly before opening them to look at me.
"Is something wrong?" I asked feeling cold shoot through me.
He walked a couple of steps from me and looked back, "Bella, this may be all I ever become, this right here, a character playing a part. I'm not the sophisticated man who can promise you happiness. I am so messed up and so terrified. I drink too much, I feel worthless most of the time, and I have no idea how to make myself worthy of your love. But I would rather be dead then exist without you. I need you more than I can ever express."
He knelt on one knee and my heart almost exploded in my chest. "Will you marry me?" he asked holding out a ring.
I had to lean into the wall to remain standing. My mind became overrun by all the reasons I shouldn't marry him, but I would rather be dead then exist without him, too. I looked at his beautiful face, dressed in a tux, asking me, broken, tainted, divorced Bella, to be his.
I nodded and cried, "Yes."
He let his head drop in relief and blew out the air he was holding, before standing and pulling me into his arms. I understood why he didn't want to answer Esme's question, he wanted me to be surprised and I loved him even more for it.
I felt him pulling the ties on the back of my dress and I suddenly pulled back and away from him. I saw his face sadden and I held up my finger, "I have to remove something," I laughed.
"Are you menstruating?" he asked and I smiled and shook my head, and then it dawned on me I hadn't had a period since July. I knew I couldn't be pregnant, but it worried me about the possibility of pregnancy down the road.
"I have something on and I don' want you to see," I admitted.
"Well, now you have to let me see, the curiosity will kill me," he laughed.
"Believe me, it will take away all the appeal," I said backing down the hallway.
"Bella," he said sternly as he followed, "You have to show me."
"If you have any hope of seeing me naked you better stop right now," I threatened.
"I want to remove your dress," he said sadly.
"You can, I'll be right back."
"So, it is something under the dress," he said to himself.
I opened my bedroom door and he lunged at me, picking my up off the ground and tossing me onto the bed to lift my skirt over his head. I screamed and tried to push the fabric down to cover the spanks I was wearing.
"What's the big deal, you have on long underwear," he said as he pulled his head back to look at me.
"I'm not having sex with you now," I pouted and tried to pull away from him.
He quickly lay on top of me and smiled at the cleavage the bodice produced. "You have the best breasts in the world," he said and kissed my flesh.
"I love you, Edward Masen," I yelled to the ceiling, hoping every man who was less than impressed with my chest could somehow hear him.
"Can I undress you?" he asked with a smile.
"I have on a girdle," I finally admitted and felt my face redden.
"What's that?" he asked in confusion.
"It sucks in my thighs and tightens my ass."
"Really?" he smiled widely, "Turn over."
"Just unlace my dress before I decide not to marry you," I said in anger.
He shook his head back and forth as he continued to smile, "I want to see the girdle."
"No, it's humiliating."
"Is it like some space age vacuum thing?" he asked.
"You are such an idiot. It is the long underwear you saw."
He pulled onto his knees and tried to lift my dress again, but I held it firmly down. "Why would that be humiliating?" he asked.
"It ruins the illusion that I have a good body," I said looking away from him.
"Bella, you have a perfect body, I've told you that many times. If you are wearing a girdle it is a girl thing, because no man in his right mind thinks you need it."
I rolled my eyes at him, "Like you're in your right mind."
He laughed loudly and said, "Sit up, I'll unlace your dress and let you take off the girdle alone."
"You are the best man in the world," I said, speaking right from the heart.
He began kissing my back as the dress began to fall from my body. I quickly pulled the fabric up and tugged the spanks from my legs, tossing them against the wall, and then lying back into Edward's arms.
He reached into his pants pocket and brought out the ring to place on my finger. I had not even realized we had missed that part. I tried to see how it looked but my tears kept it blurred from my view.
"I love you," I said and began removing his tux. "With all that I am."
For every man who thinks getting engaged will change sex for the worse, I want to tell them it is the biggest of all lies. Edward was laying spread eagle with his head hanging off the side of the bed, as I huddled in a ball between his legs trying to catch my breath. My legs were like jelly and my hair was stuck to my sweaty face.
"What in the hell was that?" Edward laughed.
"I think my body lived through one of your rage attacks," I said in breathy words.
"Not rage, it was….mind blowing sex."
"I wish I had a candy bar to give you," I laughed.
"I couldn't move to even take it," he said lifting his hand and then letting it drop.
"Where are my sheets?" I asked lifting my head.
"I think they're under the bed," he laughed.
"Feel like a shower?" I asked.
"I can't stand, make it a bath."
I pulled myself from the mattress and headed to the bathroom. "Bella," he called out, "Your ass is tight enough."
I turned to look at him and smiled, "See, that is why I agreed to marry you."
"Get your ass out of trouble dot com," he yelled as I walked away, making me laugh in remembrance.
I slept soundly in his arms, but when I woke up to an empty bed I worried the whole night was a dream. I pulled up my hand to see the beautiful diamond ring. I got out of bed and grabbed my robe. I walked into the front room to find Edward cleaning up.
"Hey, what are you doing?" I asked.
"You cleaned up my house, I'm returning the favor," he smiled and walked over to kiss me gently.
I was smiling like crazy and went into the clean kitchen to make him breakfast. "I can't believe you're here," I called over to him.
"Your place is really nice, are you sure you want to live in Chicago?"
"I go wherever you want me," I said as I broke the eggs.
He came over to the counter and had a look of consternation on his face. "You know, I think you should consider keeping this condo as a rental. It would give you more equity and something that is all yours."
I looked at him in shock and couldn't believe he would allow me to keep the condo without accusing me of planning to leave him. I decided to push my luck and see just how flexible he was willing to be. "What about going to work in Chicago, is that something I could consider?"
"Sure, Jane can handle stuff at home," he said with a laugh and I flipped him off.
"So….a wedding…like….when?"
"Is today not doable?" he asked, pretending to be joking, but I knew him too well.
"I would love to get married at the Cullens, something small and intimate."
"I have my tux, sure today is off," he said raising his eyebrows.
"You have to go meet Houston, and buy a gift first, of course."
Edward's phone rang and he glanced at it before putting it back in his pocket. I watched as he got a guilty look on his face and knew immediately who it was. "You might want to give her a heads up to start packing."
He swallowed and nodded.
"Edward?"
"Yeah, I'll do it in person."
I began to start banging the bowls around in anger so Edward came over to take my hands into his. "Bella, we will talk to her together. I'm not trying to trick you."
I nodded and began to calm down. As we sat at the table eating I brought up the last big stumbling block. "Did you know Alice is pregnant?" I asked him.
"Really, I bet that baby never sleeps," he chuckled.
"When do you think we'll be ready for a baby?" I asked nervously without looking at him.
He was quiet and I finally raised my eyes. He was looking away but I could see how tightly his fist was holding onto his fork.
"You are so good with Lilly, I just don't understand why you don't want to be a father," I said sadly.
"I would think you would understand, some men aren't meant for fatherhood," he said with a tight jaw.
"Don't compare your father to Phil," I said angrily.
"I don't want to fight with you," he said, so I tried to eat in silence.
We dressed and headed to the mall to search for a proper gift for Houston. We entered a baby boutique and I gushed over every little thing as Edward acted like touching things would poison him. I looked at the tiny things and found the cutest outfit with a football on the front to go along with a tiny stuffed football.
"Do you like this?" I asked.
"I don't know," he said without looking at it.
"Tell you what; I'm going to Victoria's Secret. You pick a gift and I'll show you what I purchase later." I stormed off and didn't look behind me to see if Edward followed or not.
I took my time in the store and bought something special I knew Edward would love. I also found some perfume I loved and added that to the purchase. When I walked from the store Edward was waiting with a bag in his hand.
"What did you get?" I asked looking in the bag to see a wrapped gift.
"Let me look in your bag," he asked with a smile.
"No way, I'll show you later."
"Can I guess?" he asked.
"No, you have to wait."
We drove to Rose and Emmett's house and I could tell Edward was impressed. A housekeeper answered and showed us into the nursery. Rose looked up from the crib and Edward raised the bag. "I brought a gift."
Rose grabbed the bag and I moved to the crib to see Houston. "He is so cute," I said and looked at Edward.
"He must have his father's looks, because his mother still has hers," Edward laughed.
"Stop sucking up, I'm still mad at you," Rose said.
"What did I do?" he asked offended.
"You hurt Bella, and you made her sick."
"Hey," I interrupted, "He did not make me sick."
Edward looked at me for a moment and then whispered, "You're okay, aren't you?"
"Why, you want to take back your proposal?"
"What?" Rosalie screamed and grabbed my hand. "Oh Edward, you done good," she laughed and then hugged me tightly.
"Open the gift," I pushed dying to know what it was.
She pulled the wrapped package from the bag and ripped off the paper. She looked at something in a box and then looked at Edward. "It means more coming from you, thank you," she said and pulled him into her arms.
"Let me see," I finally yelled out.
She handed me a box with a silver frame engraved with 'Daddy, Mommy and Me, We're a family of three."
I looked at Edward feeling my heart beating wildly. "You made a much better choice," I said with wet eyes.
"Emmett will be a great dad," he said insinuating he wouldn't.
We went to the Cullens next and Lilly grabbed Edward's hand the moment we entered the house. We all chatted for a moment then Edward whispered to Lilly. She looked at my hand and smiled largely. "Ask her," he pushed.
"Can I be a bridesmaid?" Lilly asked causing Esme to gasp and look at my hand. I held up my ring for everyone to see.
"Of course you can, Lilly," I laughed.
I noticed how Carlisle and Esme looked at each other and I felt the need to defend Edward. "I'm keeping my condo, Edward's suggestion, and I'm getting a job in Chicago. We plan to sit down together to ask Jane to move. He bought a great gift for Houston. The only issue we disagree on is children."
"That is a pretty big issue," Carlisle pointed out.
"I'm not sure I can even have babies," I admitted. "I'm not menstruating anymore."
Edward looked stunned and his mouth fell open. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I only realized it, I've been sick so it may just be something that will work itself out," I shrugged.
"I think you should see a doctor," Edward said.
"I have seen doctors, I have seen tons of doctors, they don't know jack."
Edward's jaw tightened and I could tell he was upset. I didn't worry about getting sick again. The stress in our relationship was totally gone and I felt secure in his love. If my symptoms were psychosomatic they would surely end now.
We stopped by Alice and Jaz's house to let Edward congratulate them on the upcoming birth and tell them about our engagement. Alice made me promise to let her help me find a dress and I assured her I wouldn't make a choice without her.
We got home that evening and as soon I we walked in the door Edward said, "Okay, show me now."
"Show you what?"
He gave me a reproachful look and said, "The purchase."
"Oh yeah, do you want to see it in the bag or on me?" I asked to tease him.
"On you, of course," he said rolling his eyes.
I headed to the bedroom and asked him to wait until I called for him. He looked like a kid on Christmas and I had to hope he wouldn't be too disappointed. I pulled out the nightie which had the material cut away for the breast to be exposed. It was bright red with tiny panties and I wasn't sure I would be able to face him.
I dimmed the lights, since I didn't have the assistance of my spanks, and hoped he would still want to marry me. "Okay," I called out and stood nervously in the middle of the room.
He opened the door and looked at me in shock. "You don't like it?" I asked with tears threatening.
"Um…I don't know what to say…you just…I mean…I am so lucky to have you," he laughed and continued to stare at me.
"Come here," I whispered and he took a step as he began unbuttoning his shirt. "Stop," I yelled and he froze. "I didn't say you could unbutton your shirt."
He gave a funny chuckle and I raised an eyebrow causing him to drop his hands.
"Come here," I said again and he stepped towards me again. I reached out and grabbed his shirt, pulling harshly sending the buttons flying. I lowered the shirt trapping his arms to his side and rubbed up against him.
"Bella, I have to move my hands," he said as if he was in pain.
"You'll move them when I tell you," I whispered in his ear.
I walked behind him and brought my hands around him from the back and began undoing his pants. He tried to turn around but I wouldn't allow it. Once I had him stripped I pushed him towards the bed.
"Lie down," I said harshly.
"No," he responded.
"What?" I asked in surprise.
"I said no, you'll have to spank me," he said with a breathy voice.
I ran my hands down his back to his ass, and instead of hitting him, I leaned over and kissed him gently. It was a night to remember.
The next day we made a trip to Forks to tell my parents of our upcoming marriage. They seemed…resigned. I am sure they worried about having a twice divorced daughter. They had no idea how much I loved Edward.
Edward stayed for over two weeks before he had to return home. I was coming the following week for the Jane showdown and quite frankly I was looking forward to it. I would stay for Thanksgiving and make the final move after Christmas. We still didn't have a date for the wedding, but it would most likely be the following summer.