Dean was a ghost of himself, he walked to the car, but his eyes spilled over with constant tears, Sam steered him towards the passenger's side door and Dean looked at the car, stepped away from it and ran into Sam's chest.

"You have to get in." Sam said gently. He wanted to scream, but he knew his brother well enough to know that yelling wouldn't exactly get him anywhere.

"No. I don't want to." Sam closed his eyes and prayed for help, was pretty sure that God wasn't listening, because after all he was the boy infected with the demon blood, and why should God listen to him now? It wasn't like he listened when he asked that his brother not be sent to hell, or when he begged that Dean be relieved of the hell memories.

Sam was able to manhandle his brother into the car, it wasn't easy, or pleasant, but Dean was inside. Sam got in, looked over to check on his older brother, found him curled almost into a ball against the door, sighed, and started the car. Seeing Dean in such distress made tears sting the back of his eyes, and that hadn't happened since Ruby found him and made him what he was.

The car ride was silent, mostly. About every hundred miles Dean would turn to Sam, eyes red, swollen, and watery and say, "Pull over." And Sam would, Dean would get out, and he would retch on the side of the road, wipe his mouth, pant a moment, and then slowly pull himself back into the car, and the tears would start and he would ask, "Do we have to go to Bobby's?" Sam noted that every time he said it he said it as if he were afraid. Afraid of Bobby, afraid that Bobby was going to be anything but worried about him. Sam didn't understand. Sam didn't understand what Castiel had said to his brother, but whatever it had been it must have been soul breaking, and that worried Sam most of all.

They were less than one hundred miles away from the Salvage yard, from home, Dean turned his water logged green eyes towards his brother and said, "I did this." Sam turned.

"Did what?"

"This. This whole mess." Dean said in a somewhat stronger voice.

"The seals?"

"Yeah. I broke the first seal."

"No you didn't Dean."

"When I picked up Alistair's razor, when I started the torture, I was the one who started this. I was the one who broke the first seal."

"You don't know that Dean…"

"Yes. I. Do!" Eyes that had been dull moments before were sharp with anger, they glistened and shone like two emeralds, hot with conviction.

"How do you?"

"Alistair told me…"

"He's a demon, they lie."

Dean refrained from making the comment that Ruby was more than likely doing the same thing, and sighed and said softly, "Castiel confirmed it." He said gravely.

Sam licked his own lips and cursed God, heaven, angels, demons, and their life. Dean didn't need this added weight. Dean didn't deserve the guilt. He was a good man, did his best for everyone.

"You didn't mean…"

"I don't want platitudes Sam. I just wanted you to know why Bobby is going to kick me out. I have to tell him." He said firmly and then he looked down and said much softer. "He'll ditch me. Just like Dad." And Dean turned back to the window and continued to stare at the passing trees and scenery like nothing had been said. His emotions belied only by the tears streaming down his face. Sam bit his lip, wishing that he could fix this as easily as he had killed Alistair. Bobby would fix this. Yes. Bobby would take care of Dean.