The closer they got to the Salvage yard the more Dean seemed to shrink into himself. Sam tried to draw him into conversation a couple of times, even tried to get him to make fun of Sam's taste in music. He threatened to put the Ipod back into his baby, you know, further the douching process, and Dean didn't even blink, didn't even look as if the threat registered. Sam clutched the wheel tighter, and the murderous thoughts returned. He wondered if his special demon powers would work on angels, wondered if he could take one of them out, because right now, he would like to pull Castiel out of his host and do some very unkind things to him. He would like to repay the favor that he had bestowed upon Dean.

"Dean, we're almost to Bobby's." He said as he turned off the highway. Dean turned to him, and for the first time showed an ounce of recognition, and with that recognition came fear.

"I don't want to go." Sam was taken aback by the childish note in his brother's voice. Dean was always strong, commanding, unwavering, and the demons took that from him. He was weak, child like, and scared. The murderous thoughts ramped up, and he forced himself to appear calm for Dean's sake.

"Bobby will help us figure it all out."

"No. I don't want to go."

"Dean, he'll be able to figure this out, he'll help."

"No helping. He'll never speak to me again. I'll never be able to go to his house again." Tears started afresh and his voice hitched. "He'll ditch me."

"No, he won't Dean."

"For something like this, yeah, he will."

"Dean, he won't do that to you. He's like a dad."

"Why wouldn't a fake dad ditch me over this? Dad ditched me for less."

"Dean…"

"I just don't want to hear him say that I screwed up. I know I did. I'm such a disappointment. I'm just not the man anyone hoped I would be."

"Dean.." Now Sam's voice hitched. He swallowed thickly. Dean was always exactly what a man should be, honorable, loyal, dedicated, and truly genuine. Despite the lying he did to survive, Dean was honest, helped others, truly wanted nothing more than their gratitude. Dean was the kind of man that Sam always wanted to be.

Dean looked up at Sam, and Sam caught a glimpse of his brother's hurt eyes and he swallowed the platitudes and the comfort. Dean wouldn't be comforted by any of it. Sam gripped the steering wheel tighter and vowed that he would kill any angel that came across his path.

Sam pulled into the drive of Singer Salvage and Dean starred straight ahead, the only indication that he was scared was the blood trickling down his chin. Dean was biting his lip so hard that he had broken skin at some point. Sam put the car into park and looked to Dean. He pulled out the bandanna that he kept in his pocket for the times when they were hunting and one of them started bleeding. He grabbed Dean's face and Dean allowed him, that was the first thing that unsettled Sam's stomach. The second was when he had to say, "Dean, quit biting down. I need to stop the bleeding." And like a child, Dean obeyed and tears trickled down his face and wet Sam's hand as he cleaned his brother's mouth.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered. "I didn't know. I just wanted the pain to stop. I'm sorry."

Sam bit his own lip and wrapped his arms around Dean. "I know you didn't know Dean. I know." He said unsure of what else to do. This was foreign territory, Sam was uncomfortable, Dean had never just cried like this, never just allowed ANYONE to hug him and touch him, and he most certainly never showed this much weakness in front of him before. It unsettled Sam to his core, and made him want to bolt. He wasn't prepared for this, this wasn't how he pictured Dean coming back to him. He pictured a fully functional, no problems, just happy to be back among the living Dean, not broken, scared, hurt, and sad. He was out of his depth.

Sam heard Bobby's screen door slam and he looked up, Dean pulled away quickly and resumed his starring out of the windshield. Sam got out of the car, sighed, slammed the door, and went towards Bobby, Bobby closing the gap as he walked towards Sam.

"Sam."

"Bobby."

"What's going on?" he asked indicating Dean.

Sam shrugged. "Alistair, the grand torturer himself, the one who…" Sam swallowed hard, licked his lips, scuffed the ground with his boot, "the one who tortured Dean, Uh, he, he got out and Castiel made him go and face Alistair."

"He did what?" Bobby asked dismayed.

"He made Dean face him."

"What in the hell for?" Bobby asked anger lacing every word.

"That's what Dean needs to tell you. But he's scared."

"Scared?" The information coming at Bobby was getting more and more worrisome. "Does he have the ghost sickness again?" he asked. The only way Dean Winchester had ever shown fear in all of the years that Bobby had known the Winchesters was when he was under the influence of the sickness, and Bobby couldn't imagine another time or place, well aside from Hell, where Dean would show his brother his fear. And he most certainly didn't understand how anything Dean could tell Bobby would be worth being afraid of him.

"No, he doesn't have the sickness again. He's afraid of you."

"Me?"

"Of what you will say."

"This should be good." Bobby said and marched straight to the car, opened the door and pulled Dean out by his shirt. "What in the hell do you mean boy, sitting in the car, acting all afraid of me. Come on kid."

Dean stood, but wouldn't look the older hunter in the eye. "I…" He started, and then licked his lips, the taste of blood echoing in his mouth, the sound of shrieks pounding in his ears, the feeling of the knife as it bore down on some poor soul's body…he tried to shake the memories out, tried to put up his wall, the wall that usually didn't let anything out or in, but the wall that had been so strong once upon a time was crumbling, and he wasn't strong enough to keep it up anymore. "I started everything." He finally said, waiting and scared for what Bobby would say.

"What do you mean boy?"

"I broke the first seal."

"What? How?"

"When a righteous man spills blood in hell, the first seal is broken. I broke it."

"What did you do?"

"I…I…I tortured people. I…I was given a choice, and I took the wrong one. To stop my torturing, I tortured someone else." Tears were coming fast and furious, his lips and cheeks were trembling with the effort not to cry. "I was weak. The angels wanted me to use my new skills on Alistair to get information out. All I managed to do was…." Dean completely turned from Bobby and began to sob. Bobby's heart hurt, one the one hand he couldn't believe what Dean had done, on the other hand he had no idea what kind of pain Dean had been in when he was in Hell, no idea what it was like down there. The one thing Bobby did know was that Dean was remorseful, so remorseful that it was likely to kill him, Dean's heart had always been too big, and in Hell they had found the perfect way to break him.

"Dean." Bobby said firmly trying not to let his tears break past his barrier. Dean didn't turn. Bobby put a hand on Dean's shoulder and tried to turn him to face him, but Dean stayed firmly rooted to his spot. "Dean. Look at me kid."

"I can't." Dean said finally allowing the sobs to come to the surface.

"Then you listen. You didn't mean to do it…"

"I did it. I did it. I was too weak to stand by who I am. I was too…"

"You were in Hell Dean." Bobby said cutting of Dean's tirade. "You do things you would never do in situations that are out of the ordinary. You think the boys coming home from Iraq have done things, things that are them? That they are proud of? That they ever thought they would do? Dean. War does things to a man, makes him do things he's not proud of…"

Dean turned to Bobby, and for a moment Bobby didn't recognize the man starring at him. "They never started the end of the world."

"Dean…"

Dean stood straight, straighter than he had in days and looked Bobby in the eye. "When are you just going to tell me to get the hell out?"

"What?"

"That's what you're going to say isn't it?"

"What are you talking about boy?"

Dean's postured laxed a little and he looked uncertain. "You are going to ditch me right? I did something unforgiveable."

"No, I'm not going to ditch you. Why would you assume that?"

"Everyone always ditches me when I do something wrong. Dad did. Sammy did. Mom did. Everyone always ditches me when I don't do right." Bobby's heart broke, and Sam shuffled his feet. Bobby put a hand on Dean's slumped shoulder.

"No. No son. I'm not going to ditch you. I told you once that family doesn't end with blood. And I'm family that won't leave." Dean nodded.

"Thank you. I'm so sorry. I didn't know," he said and started to cry again. Bobby looked at Sam, both confused, saddened and out of their depth.