10
I walked from the terminal to find Edward waiting on the curb. He opened the car door but pulled me into his arms before I could climb in. I kissed him with joy, and felt something new in the way he responded. It wasn't desperate or aloof, but confident and secure.
"Welcome home," he whispered and I wanted to melt right on the spot. I stared out the window the entire way at the beautiful city passing by. I wondered how long it would take to feel truly at home here. It didn't really matter, I just wanted to be wherever Edward was.
When we pulled into the driveway I realized I had not spoken the entire way. I looked at Edward and his jaw was tight so I reached up and ran my fingers along the stubble on his chin. He gave me a hesitant glance and I smiled to make him relax.
"I hate being away from you," I confessed. "I feel so…loved, when I'm with you."
"I spoke to Jane last night and told her to prepare to move," he said softly.
"How did she take it?"
"Better than I expected. I have to run back to a meeting but we can talk to her together when I get home, okay?"
I nodded and he walked me into the house and sat my bag by the stairs. I was thrilled to see the house was spotless and hoped Jane would stay away from my wrath until Edward returned. I kissed him softly and whispered, "hurry," against his lips.
I took my bag to his room and changed into some comfortable sweats before heading to the music room to play around on the guitar. I was singing softly to myself and was startled to see Jane watching me from the doorway.
"Edward said you are a beautiful singer," she said, but I didn't respond.
"I want to apologize for how I treated you."
I continued to stare.
"I was jealous," she admitted.
Still nothing but silence from me.
"I want to ask if I can stay?"
Nope, not a peep.
"This was my home for several years, and Mr. Masen was so kind to me, he made me feel so loved," she said in tears.
I felt a shock run through me and wondered if Jane was being prepped for abuse without realizing it.
"Is your father alive?" I asked her.
"I don't have a father, I mean, I do, but my mother never told me who he is," she said to my addle brain. I stared at her and began to see bits of Edward in the line of her jaw, the length of her fingers, and the familiar temper.
"Your mother was the cook for the Masens?" I pushed.
"Yeah, and sometimes she had to work nights, so we moved in here. Edward was my only friend when he was home from school," she said sadly.
She walked further into the room and sat at the piano. "Do you play?" I asked her.
"Yes, Edward and I had the same piano teacher, but he was much better than me."
I watched her long fingers play softly on the keys and knew Edward would freak out if he knew his father moved a mistress and his own child into their home. Jane didn't deserve to always wonder who her father was. She deserved the truth, but it shouldn't come from her half brother's fiancé.'
"Is your mother alive?" I asked.
"Yeah," her brow furrowed just like Edward's and my heart broke for them both. "She has been really depressed for the past few years, though."
"Jane, I would really like to meet your mother, may I visit her?"
Jane's eyes lit up and she smiled widely. "Sure, let's go."
We climbed in the yellow Porsche and I was glad Edward gave it to her. It was bought by her father so many years ago, and it should belong to her. We headed to the south side of the city to a row of brownstones. The house was tall and very narrow.
Jane led me to the living room where her mother sat staring out the window. She looked up when we entered the room and I was stunned to see how much she looked like Jane. I could see how nobody questioned her parentage. You would automatically see her mother in her face.
"Jane, do you have any pictures I can look at with you and Edward as kids?" I asked to get her to leave the room. She quickly ran up the stairs.
"Mrs. Volturi, did Mr. Masen leave you any money for his daughter?"
I watched as her eyes widened and her mouth fell open wide. "I know Jane is his biological child and she deserves to have what belongs to her. May I talk to Edward about it?"
"He was good to her," she said and I nodded in understanding. "He would take her to the zoo and to the park. But after Elizabeth died, he just gave up on life. He tried to work things out with Junior, but they could never come to an understanding."
"I hope Edward and Jane can bridge the gap with each other. I want her to be a part of his life."
Jane came into the room and I had to look at the pictures as I pretended they were all new to me. When it was time to go, I shook her mother's hand and asked, "Is there anything you need, anything I can do for you?"
"Take care of my baby," she smiled and I leaned over to hug her.
When Edward got home he was shocked to see me and Jane fixing dinner together. He stared back and forth and finally said, "You've joined forces to poison me, haven't you?"
"We came to an understanding, I get you in the bed, she can have you for movies," I laughed.
"Bella met my mom," Jane announced and made my mouth go dry. I looked at Edward for any sign he was aware of the relationship between Jane's mother and his father. He looked at me with an unreadable expression.
"Go change, so we can eat," I smiled at him and he raised his eyebrows with a sexy smirk.
He headed up the stairs and I followed to watch him change from his suit. I hung it from the wooden valet stand and watched him dress in jeans and a simple t-shirt. We walked down the stairs together and I had a hard time containing the joy I was feeling. It was caused by the simple act of walking down the stairs with the man I love to eat.
We sat together as an unknowing family and shared a meal. Jane helped clean up and then left for the gym. Edward and I looked at each other and smiled.
"Do you need to go take off anything?" Edward asked.
"No," I sneered at him.
"Do you feel healthy?" he smiled.
"Tip top shape," I said staring into his face.
"So, if I threw you over my shoulder and take you to my bed, you would be good with it?"
"You would have to catch me first," I said and took off running.
Edward was right on my heels the entire way, but let me make it to the bed before tackling me onto the mattress. I was laughing hysterically as he tickled my sides, until I begged him to stop. He rolled over to pull me on top of him.
"I'm so glad you're here," he said as he peppered me with kisses.
"We're doing this, Edward. I never believed the smart ass boy with the attitude would be my soul mate," I sighed.
"I didn't have half the attitude you had," he said adamantly.
"You used the word 'pass' first," I pointed out.
"I was shy," he lied.
"You are so full of shit; you were throwing off some major, James Dean Rebel without a Cause, crap."
"I was just playing off your, Pat Benatar Hit Me with your Best Shot, hate."
"I thought you were so cute," I admitted.
"I noticed your great breasts that first day," he confessed.
I laughed and buried my head in his neck as he rubbed my back gently. I listened to the silence of the room and the breathing of Edward as he closed his eyes. "Do you still hear it?" I asked him softly.
"It is getting fainter," he said sadly.
I pushed up onto my hands and looked into his face. I wished I had the words to take away his pain and make life so much easier for him. I wanted to tell him I was his forever and I would be whatever he needed. I finally smiled and said something so spontaneous it shocked me.
"I'll get the tattoo."
"What tattoo?" he asked.
"Your name on my hip."
His eyes grew wide and he laughed in a funny way. "You're too tiny for Edward Anthony Masen on your hip."
"I planned on getting a J and an R. I'm not brave enough for that whole mouth full of a name."
"What if I get, Isabella Marie Swan Masen, on my hip?"
"On your ass," I demanded.
He laughed and said, "That is so Emmett."
I watched his smile fade into a serious expression and he whispered, "How about on my heart?"
"I don't need it, I feel it in your touch, I see it in your smile, and I hear it from your lips."
He kissed me in the way only Edward can, like a starving man feasting on my mouth. I was so certain of our love that I knew we would be together forever. I pulled his shirt over his head and ran my fingers over the planes of his chest. He unhooked the button on his jeans and I climbed off the bed to pull his jeans off from his feet.
I laughed at the sight of his black dress socks and tugged them off by pulling on the toe. He pulled his leg back to help me, but when the sock finally broke free, I fell back onto my butt with a thud. He jumped up to kneel on the edge of the bed and laughed heartily.
"You better not ever repeat this to anyone," I threatened.
"You have to choose between this, and the girdle."
"You have to choose between what I did for you that night, and me never doing it again," I said angrily.
He smiled his sexy crooked smile and said, "This and the girdle go with me to the grave."
I climbed off the floor and dropped my sweats where I stood. Edward scooted back into the bed and I climbed up with my hands up to let him pull of my shirt. He unhooked my bra and sighed loudly, "Perfection," he said, looking at my breasts.
I gave a mental fist pump into the air to every silicone loving professional athlete.
I woke up to a totally dark room and realized I had been sleeping so hard I never heard Jane return home. Edward was lying on his back snoring softly, so I climbed over him as gently as possible and tiptoed to the bathroom.
I left the light off and froze when I heard the bedroom door open. I watched as a shadowy figure made its way to the bed and wondered if Jane needed Edward for some reason. She raised her hand high in the air and I saw something catch the small amount of light filtering through the window.
I hit the light switch, flooding the room with brightness. She startled, but her arm continued its downward swing.
I shouted, "Jane, no," and ran towards her, as I watched the sight of the knife making contact with Edward's chest and blood shoot into the air.
I screamed and fell onto my knees with my hand out toward Edward. I couldn't catch my breath and I had to gasp for air. I stared at the large knife sticking out of his chest as Edward's body twitched and writhed on the bed.
Jane turned to run from the room just as another scream could be heard down the hallway. I looked towards the door to see some man pulling Jane, Edward's Jane, in her pajamas, by the hair. I ran to the hallway, tying to decide who to help, Edward or his sister.
I looked back to see Edward yell out in pain as he pulled the knife from his chest. I was going to run back to help him when my attention was brought back to the hallway.
"Bella, help me," Jane screamed, and I saw the other Jane, hooker Jane, making her way down the stairway keeping her back to the wall. She stared at me as she went from step to step, I could tell she was afraid and wasn't expecting me to be at the house.
I was filled with rage that she would hurt Edward, he never did anything to her, but she just possibly killed him. My eyes were focused on that Jane, wanting her dead, until Edward's sister cried out again, "Please don't hurt me."
The man was huge with the skin of a drug addict and his eyes were darting all over the place. He appeared to be high and my fear for Jane increased. I ran forward and the man stopped at the top of the stairway, placing Jane in front of him as a warning for me to stop.
"Leave her alone," I yelled as my hands flexed from wanting to reach out for the petrified girl he was holding.
He twisted her head to the side before yelling for me to stay back. I was terrified he would snap her neck; she looked so tiny in his big hands. He smiled at my face and let his tongue move along Jane's jaw as she cried in fear.
"Please let her go, take me instead," I begged him.
His eyes widened and then narrowed as he tried to think things through. He looked me up and down for a moment, trying to decide if I was worth the trade. He glanced behind him to see Jane, his Jane, was nowhere to be seen.
"You're Masen's girlfriend, the cops will never stop looking for you," he said angrily.
"No, you're wrong," I said trying to remain calm. "Take me."
He stared at Edward's door for a moment and then tightening his hold on Jane harshly, making her scream.
"Are you a virgin?" he asked her. Something snapped inside of me and I felt a new sense of courage. I was not allowing this to happen to Edward's sister. I knew how long it took to recover from some sick man's abuse. I wouldn't allow it to happen to her.
I wanted to tell for her not to answer and quickly yelled, "She's a minor," hoping my lie would win her freedom.
"All the better," he smiled, and my mind went straight to Phil again. This man was just another sick bastard in a world full of them, but I was stronger now, and I would fight for Jane.
My anger grew at the thought of this sleaze, thinking she was a child, and still willing to hurt her. I felt the rage I had buried so deeply bubble toward the surface. When I spoke again my voice was deep and threatening.
"You touch her, and I will kill you."
"You're dead either way, Bitch," he said and stepped down one step. He was trying to stay in control by threatening me, but I could tell I had rattled him. He was expecting me to cry and beg, just as I had with Phil, but I was smarter than that.
"The silent alarm has been set off; the police are on their way. Let. Her. Go," I said forcefully.
He chuckled and shook his head, "We do our homework; the place doesn't have an alarm."
"Are you willing to rely on a prostitute telling you the truth? I bet she told you only two people would be in the house, didn't she?"
I saw hooker Jane look around the corner to see what was keeping him. He began to pull my Jane down the staircase just as I managed to get closer to him.
"Help me," she was crying to me. I had to refuse to look at her face, so I could remain strong. I stared right at the man, watching the movement of his eyes, looking for any opening to grab her.
He backed his way into the kitchen and stopped when he saw the other entrance to the hallway, afraid someone would come up behind him. His Jane stood nervously at the door for a moment and then quickly ran off.
"I will walk out of here with you, just let her go, you don't want to hurt a child. She doesn't want you coming in her room, she wants to be safe, and she deserves to sleep in her house without worrying about you sneaking into her room."
I knew I was rambling, and I knew I was speaking to Phil through this creep, but I had to make him trade me for Jane. She was too young and innocent to be ruined by this pimp.
"They won't look for her," he said forcefully. Trying to convince me Edward would willingly give up Jane, but not me.
"Yes they will, she is Edward's sister, she is Edward Masen Senior's child. They will never stop looking for her; she is the heir to Edward's fortune if he is dead."
"You're lying," the man said looking toward the other doorway again.
"Look at her fingers and her jaw, she's a Masen," I said adamantly.
Jane's face was horrorstricken. She knew I was telling the truth and it was almost more than she could take at the moment. It was a horrible thing to find out this way, but if it would save her, I had to try.
"I'm nobody; I don't even live in this state. Take me, please," I tried to say calmly.
He hesitated and I stepped closer, holding my hand out for him to grab, "Just let her go, and I will walk out with you."
I could tell he was considering the proposition. It would be so much easier to walk out with me than with a screaming child he would have to drag.
He slowly let Jane go, and just as he was about to grab my arm, Edward flew through the darken hallway in a rage so intense, he was animalistic. The force of his forward movement crushed the man against the counter with a sickening thud.
I didn't wait to see the outcome. Edward was giving me the chance to run and to save Jane. I grabbed her and pulled her with me, as I ran at full speed up the staircase. I stopped by Edward's room to seize my phone and I tried to ignore the blood on the sheets. I pushed Jane up the staircase into the attic. I couldn't find a lock, so I pulled her behind the shelves of boxes, tumbling them onto us to hide under.
I called 911 and had to yell at Jane to get the official address. She was going into shock and was so afraid I was damaging her further.
The dispatcher asked me to stay on the line and I begged them to hurry and save Edward. I had little hope he could fight off the man with a knife wound in his chest, but Edward had two things on his side, his rage, and his strength.
I heard a noise and pulled more of the contents of boxes over us and placed my hand over Jane's mouth. We lay there silently, listening for any sound of a fight or help coming, breathing heavily among the baby items.
I said a silent prayer, and thought of Angela, when I heard sirens headed our way. I had to believe Edward was okay. I couldn't possibly go on without him.
The sound grew louder and louder and red strobe lights began to pulsate in the room through the small octagon window. The woman on the phone told us to stay put until the police could secure the house. It was over half an hour before the door opened and someone yelled, "Chicago police, do you need assistance?"
"Yes," I called out. "She's in shock, I need help."
I began to toss the debris off of us and a paramedic came in to check on Jane. "Is Edward okay?" I asked.
"Sorry, I don't know who Edward is," he said sadly.
I looked at the officer and asked, "The men fighting…who…I mean did…is anyone dead?"
"Come with me," he said and I began to cry. I was terrified he would make me identify Edward's body.
He escorted me downstairs and I came into the kitchen to see everything in disarray, chairs were broken and glass was everywhere. I could see blood splatter and the officer asked me to watch where I walked. I followed him out of the house and to a waiting ambulance.
"Is this Edward?" he asked as I saw his pale white face lying lifeless on a gurney. I grabbed my chest and cried out causing Edward to open his eyes and look around for me. I jumped into the ambulance and was quickly pushed back out by a medic.
"You can't come in here, we need to get his bleeding under control," the young man said.
"Is he okay?" I asked.
"We're taking him to Northwestern, meet us there," the paramedic instructed me.
"Sorry Miss, but we need to ask you some questions first," the officer said to me. "You're the only witness we have access to right now."
I nodded and stepped back so the ambulance door could close. "Bella," Edward called out in a soft voice, so I stuck my hand out to hold the door.
"I'm here, Edward."
"No man ever touches you," he said in the calm voice he uses that scares me so much.
"I love you, with all that I am," I cried out to him and the door closed. I hoped he heard me and I also hoped it was not the last time I got the chance to tell him that.
I turned to look at the officer and asked, "Did you find Jane? She was with the man Edward fought."
He gave me a funny glance and looked up at the attic window. I followed his gaze and quickly added, "Not that Jane, the woman who stabbed Edward is named Jane, too."
The officer walked me to his car and sat me in the front seat as he spoke on his radio. I gave him a description of what Jane looked like and what she was wearing. He pulled out a small notebook and began asking me questions.
"So, you knew these people?"
"I knew Jane, um, not really knew her, but I had seen her before." I suddenly realized the story was going to make Edward look awful, and I hoped it didn't end up in the papers.
"Where did you see her?"
"Edward got drunk one night and went to his mother's grave. He returned with Jane and let her sleep here." I hoped it made him sound generous, not lecherous.
"Did he pay her for sex?"
"They didn't have sex, but I paid her, so she would leave," I let my head fall in shame. "The guy said they knew the house didn't have an alarm, do you think they were stalking Edward? Hey, wait, I saw her at a benefit with some doctor. I bet the other guy was in the house, knowing we wouldn't be here and Jane could watch us at the party."
The officer chuckled at my deductions, but continued to write without making any comment.
I was growing weary of his constant questions, which seemed to just be the same ones asked differently, over, and over again. I felt the familiar weakening of my body, so I slid lower in the seat and let my head fall back.
The officer looked at me and finally put his notebook away. "You look pretty pale, are you okay?" he asked me.
"I get really sick when I'm stressed. I feel really weak right now," I explained.
"Do you need medical assistance?"
I closed my eyes and nodded, feeling my body going numb.
11
This time my illness was more than I could fight. I was aware of things around my body, but it seemed so distant and I had to really concentrate to hear voices. Some I recognized, others were just foreign tones meaning nothing to me.
I was locked in some weird recess in my mind. I wandered with the swirls of color and the disjointed tunes of songs. I saw Phil and he looked tortured and sad. He tried to explain, but I refused to hear him and slid away with a rising melody.
Edward's mother appeared, dressed in yellow, and told me the sad news that I would never have a child to wear Edward's tiny clothing. She tried to be distressed but a faint smile was upon her lips. Someone called to her from far away and I could see Mr. Masen in the distance, but she wouldn't acknowledge him.
I yelled to him, telling him Edward and I would take care of Jane, but he only called back for Elizabeth. My head became full of students needing help, and understanding, and most of all, needing fixed. I covered my ears and screamed for Esme and Carlisle. I wasn't strong enough for this. I couldn't help the pleading voices full of so much pain.
The chanting faded and something I recognized began to filter through my body. It was so soft that I had to strain to hear it. It was singing, it was something that resonated through me. I smiled at the familiar words of Edward's Song.
Those tiny little spaces, Lingering, untouched by all the other hands. Filling with emotion, Sometimes, so hard for me to understand. You moved and I came undone, Changing, from the mirrors reflection inside. You see me, when I'm still, My heart is terrified and unable to hide.
"Bella," he whispered, and I had to force my eyes to open. I saw Edward sitting in a wheelchair with his forehead lying on my bed. I reached over to touch his hair and his head shot up. He smiled and grabbed my hand, kissing it over and over again.
"Are you okay?" I asked with a thick, gravelly voice.
He couldn't answer and continued to hold my hand to his mouth. I saw the bulge of bandages along his chest and used my hand he was kissing to lift his head.
"Are you okay?" I asked again.
"Yes, love, I'm fine, and you will be, in time."
"What's wrong with me?" I asked hoping beyond hope he had an answer.
He shook his head and I wanted to scream from frustration. "How's Jane?"
"She's okay, she is pretty messed up, but she will adjust. You were amazing, Bella."
I felt the tears stream down the side of my face. "I couldn't let that man…well, you know," I said softly.
He smiled at me and nodded, "Yea, and I couldn't let him…you know, either."
"I thought you were dead," I cried and he scooted closer to my head to kiss me.
The door opened and a nurse came in and was stunned to see me looking back at her. "Well, look who finally woke up," she laughed and came over to check my IV.
"Can I go home?" I asked her.
"No, dear, the doctor will make his rounds later today."
"I'm two floors down," Edward informed me.
"You have to stay?" I asked.
"I have a fever; they just need to make sure infection doesn't spread. I feel fine," he assured me.
I noticed his one hand was all bandaged and I ran my fingers over the gauze. "Your poor hands," I mumbled.
"These are scars I'll wear proudly," he said softly.
The nurse gave us both a courteous smile and I knew I had a very difficult conversation ahead of me. I wanted her to remain in the room incase Edward tried to destroy something, but I needed privacy to tell him what I had to say.
"Do you remember Jane's mother very well?"
"Sure."
"Was she friends with your mother and father?" I pressed on with a fast beating heart.
"I guess, my mother didn't eat big meals, so it was usually my father and Jane eating."
"So… they hired a cook for your father only?"
He seemed to be getting irritated and sat back in his wheelchair. "I don't know, I was at school, and they entertained a lot."
I nodded and decided to drop it, "Edward, you look tired, please go get some rest," I said.
"You don't want me here?" he asked sadly.
"Can you climb onto my bed?" I asked and began to scoot over.
"I have to lie on the other side," he pointed out and I looked at my IV blocking his path.
"Can you push this to the other side of the bed, and I'll lay on my side?"
"Forget it, I'll just stay in my chair," he said with a disappointed face.
"Get up here," I said forcefully and his mouth formed a smile. We spent ten minutes figuring out the logistics, but he eventually was lying behind me, unable to put his arm around me, but he kept kissing my head lovingly.
"Thank you, for saving me," I said after one of his kisses.
"I was only returning the favor; you saved me first, long ago."
"You've been on the website again," I laughed and heard him chuckle.
I heard him begin to breathe deeply and knew he was asleep. I loved the sound of his breathing and it soothed me. I didn't want to think about the moments I didn't know if he was dead or alive, so I immersed myself in the amazing sound of each breath.
My door opened an hour later and a doctor walked in. He was startled to see two people in the bed and I only smiled at him. He pulled Edward's wheelchair into the hallway and came back to sit by my bed.
"You obviously don't have good news for me," I said in fear.
"We think you are being poisoned in some way, but we can't put our finger on what it is. You aren't using pesticides or anything?" he asked yet again.
"No, and I eat what other people eat. It only happens here, I never have a problem in Seattle, could it be a plant of some sort?" I asked trying desperately to find any reasonable cause.
"It is something you are being repeatedly exposed to, each time you have another exposure it worsens the reaction. Your liver can't process the poison, and your ovaries have ceased working."
"I can't have children?" I asked as tears filled my eyes.
"We can try some stimulating drugs, but at this point the poison is most likely in your uterus and I'm not sure it could sustain a healthy pregnancy."
I could tell Edward was listening by the way his body remained rigid and fixed. I was glad I couldn't see his face. If he was smiling, it would have killed me. "When can I go home?" I asked him.
"Well, at this point I would ask you to go back to Seattle and not risk more exposure," he suggested and I nodded. I wasn't sure I could go back to Edward's house anyway. The bloody sheets were waiting and I couldn't handle that.
"Could it be me?" Edward asked and the doctor looked at him so he continued. "Could it be something I am causing, like stress?"
"No, this is a real toxin. She is being poisoned," he explained and I felt fear run through me. Surely Edward wouldn't poison me to keep me with him always. I could hear Jake's words in my mind and I felt afraid of Edward for a moment.
After the doctor left I said to Edward, "I'm too afraid to go back to your house. If you have to stay I'll get a hotel close by."
"I promised Charlie I would send you home," he said softly.
I wanted to argue but I also wanted my own bed, with my own amenities, but more importantly I wanted far from the memories of what happened. I was tired of being sick and if staying out of Chicago would keep me well, I would find a way to do it.
"Will you come to Seattle as soon as you can?" I asked.
"Yeah, I have some things to finish first." He chuckled lightly and said, "I'm sure Jane will not want to live with us now."
Since he seemed to have trouble moving I decided to push the Jane issue again. "Edward, what is you first memory of Jane?"
"Bella," he said angrily, "She was a little girl."
"I know, I'm not insinuating anything. I just want to know how you guys interacted, was she like a little sister or a friend or what?"
"She was a buffer," he said after some thought. "I interacted with my father through Jane."
"Was he a father figure for her?" I wished I could see his face to know if he was beginning to put things together, his answers gave nothing away.
"I guess, he took her places her mother couldn't afford to take her. I think he felt like he needed to have some sort of positive impact on her life."
"Why would he feel that way?" I asked,
Edward was quiet for a few moments and finally asked, "Is there something specific you are asking?"
"Did you hear what I was saying to the man who had her?" I asked.
"You were trying to convince him to take you instead," he said forcefully, like he was trying to will it to be so.
I closed my eyes before saying, "I was trying to save your sister."
He didn't move, he didn't speak, and I couldn't hear his breathing pick up to signify his rage was building. It was as if he completely ignored what I said. I wasn't sure if I should repeat myself or ask if he needed clarification. I was debating in my mind what to do when he finally sat up and said, "I'm going to let you get some rest before you leave. I'm in room three-sixty-four."
"Is there anything you need me to pick up for you, or bring?" I asked him.
"No, I'll be leaving soon, too."
"Edward," I asked as he reached for the door, "Are you upset?"
He rolled his eyes and said, "I've been stabbed by my hooker, my fiancé is being poisoned, and my kitchen needs remodeled, what would I have to be upset about?"
"I love you, if that helps," I smiled.
"It makes my world turn, love," he said sadly and left the room.
I signed the discharge papers when they were ready and agreed, again, to see a doctor at home. I took a cab to his house to get his car and clean clothes, but became too terrified to actually go inside. I grabbed his keys off the hook by the back door and left as fast as I could.
I headed to Jane's mother's house and found her there. She was lying in bed, feeling emotionally worn out. Her mother told me she stayed in her room most of the time. She looked so fragile under the heavy covers and I wanted to pull her into my arms.
I sat on the edge of the mattress and smiled at her. "Mom, can you give me some time alone with Bella," she asked.
Her mother left to make some tea and Jane looked at me with tears. "Thank you…I…"
"Jane, don't. I've been a victim of a sick perpetrator when I was younger; I would stop that from happening to anyone."
"Did you lie to him?" she asked forthright. I knew exactly what she meant. She was trying to work it out in her mind, the fact she could be Edward's sister.
I picked up her small hand and took a deep breath before shaking my head back and forth a few times. I traced her long fingers with mine and tried to smile. "I can't be sure, but I suspect it's true."
"Does Edward know?" she asked with a slight sigh.
"Yes, he doesn't want to admit it right now, but his heart knows."
"Does he hate me?" she cried.
"He hates his father, not you."
"But his father isn't here to hate, and I am," she pointed out. "I used to wish for it. I used to blow out my birthday candles and wish he could be my dad. I felt sorry for how lonely he was. Edward and his mother were always together and laughing, and he was always alone and so sad."
"You brought him joy, Jane. I'm sure of it," I said to relieve her breaking heart.
"He moved us into his home," she whispered incredulously.
"You need to talk to your mother about that, she has the answers you need, not me."
She nodded and glanced at the door, "I'll ask her later, I am so tired right now."
"You get some rest, it has been a real emotional shock for you. I'm going back to Seattle and I don't know when I'll be back," I informed her.
"I'll miss you," she said truthfully.
"Naw, you're done with me, anyway," I teased.
I picked up Edward's favorite bagel from a deli by the hospital. I walked into his room to find the lights out and his arm draped over his face. I made enough noise that even if he was asleep, it would have woken him up. I finally reached out and touched his arm lightly.
"Edward, please look at me," I said softly.
"Shhhh," he insisted. "It's trying to find me. It comes from the East."
My heart sank and I began to cry. I leaned over him and kissed his exposed lips, "Let me make them stop, let me stop the waves, forever."
He moved his arm to expose his red, puffy eyes, "How?" he asked with hope.
"You need help, Edward. You must let me get you the help you need," I begged him.
"It's like an approaching tidal wave, Bella, it is coming for me and there is nothing I can do."
I held his sad face in my hands and tried to make him believe what I was saying. I had to get through to him that the only way he could ever be okay, would be to let the wave crash over him. He had to be pulled under, so he could be pulled out of the water forever.
"Edward stop fighting it, you are such a strong man and you saved me, but let go now. Step back and let Junior get the help he needs. I will never leave you, but not because you are my life, but because I want you to be in my life. I choose you, Edward."
"It pulls everything away from me," he cried as he looked into my eyes with such a terrified expression.
"No, baby, it wants you to come with it. Let it pull you away too, so you will never be alone again."
His face became so childlike that I saw Elizabeth's son. The boy she adored to the point of ruining him, and the son Edward Sr. never got to love. I was holding his face in my hands and I wanted nothing more than for him to get well.
"I get so angry," he whispered.
"It's not anger, Edward, it's pain. You hurt so much and I want it to stop, okay? Can I get you the help you need, so I can love you forever?"
He never lost eye contact with me and he nodded quickly, as if it terrified him to move at all. I kissed him several times, trying to pour my strength into him.
I called Carlisle and updated him on the events that thrust us into crisis mode. He was my rock and kept me calm through the entire explanation. I told him I needed to put Edward in a facility to address his fears and his anger and he sighed loudly.
"Thank you," he offered, "I have been begging Edward to talk to you about this. He refused to allow me out of the patient privilege to bring it up."
"He didn't talk to me, he had a breakdown and I brought it up to him."
"Let me make all the arrangements, I can draw up orders to have him committed. The facility is in Santa Fe, New Mexico. You will have to escort him there, will that be a problem?"
I tried not to think about taking Edward to be locked up and having to say goodbye. I wanted to believe he would go willingly and be hopeful about when I could come get him. But I knew Edward too well, he would be angry and scared, and try to blame me for wanting him out of my life. I didn't know if I was healthy enough physically to deal with it.
"I may need, Emmett," I said as a joke, but Carlisle saw it as a solution.
"Bring Edward here, and we will all try to talk him into going with me or Emmett."
"Carlisle, I don't have the words to express how much we all love you and depend on you. If there are angels on earth, you are most certainly one."
"Bella, you have all made my life so much better by letting me into yours, I should be thanking you," he said humbly.
I knew he was wrong, aside from Angela making their greatest wish come true, we were a burden he willingly carried. So many adults had failed us in our lives and he restored our faith. I cannot imagine trying to navigate through the ups and downs of our broken souls without Carlisle and Esme.
I returned to Edward's room and told him I would stay until he was released, so I could help him pack. I was going to sleep at a hotel, still too terrified to go back to his house, and promised not to leave until he was asleep.
I sang to him softly, just as he did for me earlier. When a nurse came in to check his vitals she assured me his fever was slowly going downward. I felt my heart soar at just the simplest of good news.
I checked into a hotel and went shopping for some fresh clothes. I was paying for a pretty large purchase when I saw someone pass the window that looked like Jane, the prostitute. I ran from the counter and onto the sidewalk to chase down the blonde girl.
I grabbed her arm, ready to punch her right in the face if needs be. The woman gasped and cowered from me. I tried to apologize profusely for the mistaken identity and hurried back to the store. I felt like panic was raising in me, and I hurried back to the hotel. I was so ready to be out of this city forever.
The following morning I returned to the hospital and was told Edward could come home. He seemed so depressed and I worried about getting him to Washington safely. I drove to his house to pack his things and felt my own knees shaking. He walked into the kitchen ahead of me and I watched his fist tighten at the sight of the blood and mess.
"Edward, go play something for me on the piano, while I make lunch," I said to take his mind of the carnage that had taken place. I felt awful for being such a coward that I expected him to clean up his own blood.
I pulled everything off his bed as he played fast melodies on the piano. I threw the sheets away and scrubbed the blood off the carpet the best I could. I would arrange for someone to come clean the carpets after we left.
I put the kitchen back together and tossed out the two broken chairs and the wine glasses that shattered in their holder over the island. I wiped everything down with Clorox and then called a cab before I went to get Edward. I watched him from the doorway as he played the piano with his bandaged hands and chest. He winced a few times, but he was enjoying the music too much to stop.
I walked over to the piano and called his name softly. He opened his eyes and tried to smile, but like my own face, it was too sad to make the effort.
"Let's pack and get out of here," I said.
He stood and followed me to his room. His eyes darted to the bed and he seemed relieved to see clean sheets. I pulled his largest suitcase out and packed up most of his casual clothing. He went into the bathroom and packed up is shaving kit. I remembered the mess in the attic and decided it could wait.
"Did you make some food?" he asked.
I shook my head and promised to get him something at the airport. I was relieved when the cab pulled up but wouldn't feel totally safe until we landed in Washington. Edward was quiet the whole way and it worried me. At least when he was angry I knew what he was thinking.
We had only been home an hour when Carlisle, Esme and Lilly showed up. Edward was watching a game and picking on some pizza. Lilly ran right to his side and handed him a baggie, "I made you cookies," she said with a smile.
He stared at the bag and looked into her eyes; "You made those for me?" he said softly and looked like he was going to cry.
She threw her arms around him and said, "Don't cry, Edward. I love you."
It was the sweetest thing I had ever seen and I could only imagine how great it made Edward feel. "Edward, why don't you come to the bedroom and share some cookies with me," Carlisle said and led him away.
I let out a long breath and Esme patted my arm. "Is he still planning on going into treatment?" she asked.
"I haven't asked him. I'm going to insist he go, but he seems so resigned that I hope he is planning on it."
Carlisle came back with Edward, and I was surprised they finished so quickly. We all chatted for a moment and they left promising to come for Thanksgiving dinner. I didn't ask Edward what Carlisle said, I just wanted to get in bed and hold him all night.
We both clung to each other without wanting sex. I had a nightmare that night. I was hiding in the hamper as Phil came closer and closer. I woke up in a sweat and tried to keep my breathing even so I wouldn't wake up Edward.
At breakfast he finally broke his silence. "I'm going to Santa Fe right after Thanksgiving," he said watching me for a reaction.
"I'll support you any way I can. I will be waiting for you, no matter how long it takes."
"I want to tell you something," he said with wet eyes and swallowed deeply.
I waited for him to speak as my heart beat quickened. He was looking over my head and his leg was bouncing with nerves. He finally took a deep breath and said, "I don't remember fighting with my father, I don't remember even seeing him before his death."
"I'm sure the shock of hearing he died blocked it from your mind," I said and put my hand on top of his.
"What if I…did something to him?" he whispered.
"Edward," I said forcefully, "you did not kill your father."
He placed his hand over his mouth and looked away. I hoped he could find some peace soon. "Do you mind if I ask the McCarty's and Whitlock's along with my parents for Thanksgiving, too?" I asked him.
"Are you cooking?" he asked.
"Why, you don't think I can cook?"
"No, I mean it is a lot of people," he said tying to dig his way out of the hole he was in.
"You plan on hunting the turkey, right?" I said to tease him, but he didn't find it funny.
"Your husband taught me to fish, not hunt."
My smile quickly fell and I stared at him in total disbelief. He looked back at me without any remorse or attempt to apologize. I finally said, "Are you done?"
"I haven't even begun," he said hatefully.
"Don't do this," I begged quietly. "Please don't hurt me."
He threw his glass against the wall and yelled, "I told you I would never hurt you. Why can't you believe me?"
"I didn't mean it like that, I meant, please don't break my heart."
"Classic," he chuckled, "You ripped mine to pieces and you have the nerve to ask me not to break yours."
"You can blame me if you want. You can call me names and push me away, but I will still love you and I will still wait for you."
He laughed loudly and threw his hands into the air. "That is hilarious, you waiting for me, when have you ever waited for me?"
"Edward, you are scared and you feel backed into a corner. I'm going to leave for a bit and let you calm down."
He jumped up from his chair and kicked it to the ground. "Fuck you, Bella, you can't even wait for me to fly out before leaving me. I knew you wanted to move on, but I didn't know you wouldn't be able to wait for me to leave."
"You are not going to bait me," I said calmly and stared directly into his eyes so he could see my determination.
He grabbed his head and winced at the constant noise only he could hear; he stumbled to the couch and moaned loudly as he fell onto it. "It won't stop," he cried out.
I grabbed my guitar and sat across from him as I played the music he wrote. I played loudly until he finally began to calm down and I let the music soften to cry for him. He listened and finally calmed enough to hold his hand out for me.
I kneeled in front of him on the floor and lay my head in his lap. "I need help," he whispered.
"We're getting you help. I love you so much," I assured him.
I had finally seen a full crisis episode with Edward from start to finish. His rage was limited, thankfully, but I knew he could not go on the way he was. The biggest realization to me was the fact Edward could not be a father if he continued to live this way.
12
I invited Jessica and Paul to Thanksgiving and I think she agreed just so there would be an even number of couples. We divided up the dishes between everyone and I wasn't too stressed over hosting the event.
Lilly was excited to be in charge of playing with four month old Houston. My mom and dad came early to help set up seating arrangements. They could see the tension going on between me and Edward, but they didn't ask me about it.
I relaxed a bit when everyone arrived and began counting the minutes until Edward would be leaving for New Mexico. I didn't want him to be gone, but I was ready for him to get rid of his demons.
Alice kept trying to show everyone her baby bump, we assured her we could see it, but Emmett summed it up best when he asked, "Are you sure you don't just need to take a shit?"
"If she does, you can bet it belongs to someone else," Jessica said angrily, still holding a grudge from school.
Alice lifted both hands to flip her off, being kind by making it an even number of fingers. Paul seemed baffled by our off colored teasing and I am sure he was not aware of our past histories.
"Edward, don't you think Houston is adorable?" Lilly asked him, proving she was indeed adorable.
"He's a mac truck," Edward laughed and Lilly looked confused. "Hey Rose, are you feeding this kid your food?"
"I dare you to hold him," she challenged him. Edward glanced at me painfully and turned back to Lilly.
"Are you guys going to have kids?" Rose asked me.
I leaned closer so my mom wouldn't hear. "There's a big possibility I can't have babies."
"Why?" Rose asked in shock.
"They still can't find out what is wrong with me, my ovaries are not functioning."
"Could you, like, die?" Alice asked.
I glanced over to see Edward watching me. I looked away and tried not to ruin the day by crying. Esme called everyone to the table and Lilly insisted on eating by Houston's playpen, causing Jessica to relax over the uneven number of people around the table.
Carlisle looked around and said, "So, any issues we need to go over first?"
We all laughed uncomfortably and he wiggled his fingers telling us to bring it on.
"I weigh the same as I used to, but my clothes don't fit the same," Rose complained.
"Honey, your body changes after giving birth, if you weigh the same you are actually thinner," Esme said causing Rosalie to smile.
"If somebody left something at my house and I don't return it, is it stealing?" Alice asked.
"What did they leave?" Carlisle inquired.
She pulled her hair back and said, "These pearl earrings."
"Return them," Esme said with authority and Alice pouted.
"I make deals with my students, but I don't consider it a con, I think it is just motivation," Jasper said with a shrug.
Emmett threw his arms in the air announcing he won again. "Edward and Bella are still totally nuts, so I win."
"I'm not nuts, Bella is," Edward said with a straight face.
"You're so nuts you should be an athletic supporter," I said back to him.
"Last night you said you loved my nuts."
My eyes shot open and I made a weird coughing sound as I glanced at my parents. "You are such a liar," I accused him.
"Bella, your exact words were…"
"Edward," I yelled, "My father has a gun."
Charlie glared at Edward and held out his finger pretending to shoot a pistol at him.
"Okay, let me work my magic so we can eat," Carlisle insisted. "Rose, buy bigger clothes, you look like a rail. Alice, give back the earrings and make Jasper buy you some for Christmas. Jasper, keep your students appraised of what you expect and it won't be a con. Edward, you're doing your part tomorrow. Bella, leave Edward's nuts alone. Emmett, you win. Now, let's eat."
"Daddy, what should I do?" Lilly asked not wanting to be left out.
"Stop growing and promise your daddy he will always be the only man in your life."
"I promise," she called out, making us all laugh.
"I think we're scaring Paul," I laughed and began passing the bowls of food.
The entire day was just perfect and exactly what Edward needed. He was surrounded by people who loved him, or in my parent's case, tolerated him. He was relaxed and laughed often. Lilly talked him into holding Houston, it was more like passing him to Rose slowly, but I counted it.
When everyone got ready to leave Emmett hugged Edward and said, "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Thank you, Emmett. You are truly a friend," Edward said back to him.
Alice made me promise to call and spend a spa day with her. She said I looked dull and I didn't tell her I felt dull, my light was leaving and this was my last hope he could be fixed.
When the house cleared of all the guests I looked at Edward nervously. He jerked his head toward the hallway. "What?" I asked with a smile.
"I want to show you something in the shower," he smiled back.
"What's so interesting in the shower?" I teased.
"It's more like what I'm going to do in the shower."
"You want to show me what you can do in the shower?"
"You'll be shocked and amazed," he said with a sexy grin.
"That is a pretty big promise; sure you don't want to settle for mildly amused and a little bewildered."
"I'm very confident," he said as he began removing his clothes.
"I have a confession," I admitted.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, I love your nuts," I laughed.
"I have a confession, too."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, that's what I was going to show you," he said as he dropped his pants.
I looked at his body and made my way slowly back to his eyes. "I'm shocked and amazed," I said seriously.
"You haven't seen anything yet," he said holding out his hand for me.
I took it, and he led me down the hallway. We were afraid of being apart, and afraid of what the future held for us, but there was no fear in our lovemaking. We gave ourselves completely and drew strength from each other. During our passion all of our issues disappeared and we felt whole.
I woke up dreading having to tell Edward goodbye. I reached out for him but the bed was empty. I got up and walked through my condo looking for him, but he was gone. I saw a note attached to the front door and reached for it with a shaky hand.
Bella,
I can't say goodbye to you. I would never be able to walk out the door if you shed just one tear. So I left without waking you. I will call when I arrive so you can give me shit one last time. I'm going to fix it this time, Bella; I'll be the man you deserve. Always know, you are my only need.
All my love,
Edward.
I refused to feel depressed. I tried to send happy, successful thoughts to Edward; hoping karma was on our side. We were due some good luck. We had our fair share of bad luck already, plus an extra dose for good measure.
I called Jane to see how she was doing. She told me she was over her bout with the flu and feeling much better. I told her about Edward going into treatment and she seemed happy for him.
"Any news on the other Jane?" I asked her.
"No, I don't think they are looking too hard. They consider her a prostitute who was just following orders."
I thought about it for a moment and something began to click. "Jane can you do me a favor? Go by the office for Elizabeth's foundation and pick up the guest list from the benefit in August and fax it to me. I'll call and have it ready for you."
"Why?" she asked curiously.
"Jane was there with a doctor. Who takes a street hooker to a gala? And come to think of it, what hooker hangs out at a cemetery? I think Edward was targeted, and not from lowly thieves. This may be a lot bigger than that."
"Should I be afraid?" she asked.
"Nobody knows your true identity. I will just tell them you are Edward's personal secretary. If anybody asks, you have no idea what the list is for, you are just picking it up like you were told."
"Okay," she said softly.
"Jane, stay away from the house, okay?""
"Yeah, of course."
"Do you need anything, honey, like money?"
"Edward gave me a Visa, can I use it?"
"Certainly, we'll all sit down soon and work out your part of the inheritance. Just give him a chance to get in a better frame of mind. He's going to be thrilled to have you as a sister, I promise," I told her.
"Bella, I think of you as a sister, I've never had one."
I struggled to keep my emotions in check and said, "I've never had one either, and I am going to love being your sister."
"Can I borrow your clothes?" she teased.
"Stop copying me or I'll tell mom," I teased back.
Her voice got very serious and she said softly, "When I was here with Edward, he would talk crazy sometimes, like he didn't know what he was saying."
"I know, honey, he talks about the waves from the island. The sound haunts him."
"Will it ever stop?"
"I'm going to do everything I can to make sure it does. I'll talk to you soon, bye."
Later that afternoon Edward called to tell me it was the last chance he would get to use a phone for several weeks. I tried to remain calm and upbeat, but I could hear my voice shaking.
"I think I can take Emmett, if you want me to come home," he tried to joke.
"Keep your ass there, and don't fall for some heroin addict or a woman with multiple personalities."
"There's a brunette with attitude here, you know I can resist those."
"She only wants your cigarettes, don't fall for it," I laughed.
"I knew I should still smoke, damn."
"Hey."
"Yes, love."
"I love you with all that I am."
"Tattoo it on your hip, and I'll believe it."
I smiled and listened to his emotions build. He sniffed several times and finally whispered. "I'm so scared."
"Just know it will be the last time you will ever have to be afraid again. Get better Edward, and come home to shock and amaze me."
He laughed and took a deep breath. "I love you," he sighed.
"I love you, too."
The phone went dead.
How do you fill your days with meaning when your entire reason for breathing is gone? The days felt like years and I called Carlisle constantly trying to find any morsel of information. He would give me general answers and tell me to be patient, and I would cuss him and then beg for forgiveness.
I worked twelve hour days and spent nights on the internet looking into Dr. Aro's past. I was trying to find anything that would tie him to Jane through Edward. He was a member of the Foundation board but didn't serve in any leadership capacity.
I got a call right before Christmas from Angela asking me to come for a visit. It would be a short weekend trip, but I was so excited. Esme sent a recent picture of Lilly, in case Angela wanted to see her. It was just what I needed.
We sat up late into the night talking about our lives. Angela had a wonderful husband, who obviously adored her, and three gorgeous kids.
"I think you did the right thing and found someone outside of the school," I admitted. "It is so hard for two crazy people to make it work."
"You were never crazy, Bella," she said in her kind voice that felt like salve on my aching heart. "You were the only one to look beyond yourself and help others. That is a rare quality for a teenager."
"I wish you knew the side of Edward I know. He is funny, and loving, and so giving," I let my head drop and Angela picked up my hand to hold.
"We all have a dark side, he'll learn to control his, I have faith in him," she smiled and I believed her.
"I want to do something …big….something that shows him I will love him forever. I just don't know what to do. I considered a tattoo," I admitted and Angela glanced around the room to see if anyone was listening. She pulled her shirt collar lower to reveal a heart with her husbands name tattooed on her breast.
I screamed with laughter. She was last person on the face of the earth I expected to have a tattoo. "Did it hurt?" I asked as I scrunched up my nose.
"Bella," she said in exasperation while rolling her eyes. "I was a cutter, remember."
"You have to take me to get one. I want it on my hip and I want it to say, 'I will never leave you, Edward Masen, and I will love you with all that I am.'"
Her eyes grew wide so I clarified. "Okay, maybe just, 'Edward, I will love you with all that I am.' Wait, maybe just 'All That I Am.'"
"Stop talking or it will end up just being an 'I'," she laughed at me.
"I'm afraid of the needles," I admitted.
"You baby," she teased. "I will take you to lunch and we will have a couple of glasses of wine, then I'll take you for the tattoo."
"It will have to be a lot more than a couple of glasses, maybe a couple of bottles."
"Be brave," she said patting my knee, "Edward is having to face his fears without wine."
"I never noticed what a bitch you are," I teased back.
She hugged me tightly and I relaxed against her. She smelled like a mom and I loved her so much. I finally brought up the subject of Lilly.
"Ang, I just want you to know how wonderful Lilly is. She is loved so completely and she has your compassionate nature. She stole Edward's heart right from the moment he met her."
I watched her eyes fill with tears and she smiled, "Thank you, I miss her but I don't worry about her."
"She looks so much like your Rachel," I told her and pulled out the picture Esme gave me.
Angela held it gently in her hands and said, "Someday we'll talk and I'll explain everything to her. I did the best thing for her, giving her to Carlisle and Esme."
"She'll understand, she is their world and that was a gift you gave to her," I said honestly. "Edward and I will most likely have to adopt, if he gets well enough to be a father."
"Don't lose hope, you have no idea what medical science can do in the future."
I laughed hard and said, "I'll end up with a daughter the size of Emmett."
"Maybe girls can play in the NFL by then," she laughed with me.
We got to bed late and Angela was up bright and early to get her kids fed and ready for the day. I forced myself to get up and groaned when I was met with a cheery hello. How did she find the energy to be so damn happy all the time, maybe I should consider cutting myself? I was certain I was too much of a chicken to even give it a try.
"Here, I want to show you something," she said with excitement.
"It better have testicules if you want me to be shocked and amazed," I said as I poured a cup of coffee.
She handed me a drawing that had Edward's name in script over the top of the words 'All That I Am.'
"This is beautiful, when did you do this?" I asked truly amazed, even with out the male body parts.
"I was just playing around with some ideas, trying to get the most punch with the least amount of pain," she laughed.
"You are a freaking genius, Angela, this is perfect. When can we go?"
"We can't drink this early, so it will have to be after lunch," she teased me.
I couldn't take my eyes off the rendering. Edward was going to love it and trying to contain my excitement was killing me. I wanted to call everyone I knew and tell them how much I loved Edward and what I was willing to do to show him.
Until I actually got the thing. It hurt. It hurt bad. No amount of liquor was going to dull that pain unless I was actually passed out drunk, but it would have sobered me up after the first puncture. Angela held my hand as I cried like a baby.
The poor artist had to keep telling me to hold still and I actually felt a bit sorry for Phil and the burns I caused him, just a bit, for maybe half a second.
When he finished I stood in front of the mirror looking at the red swollen flesh that ached and burned at the same time, and smiled. "It's perfect," I said, and then had to leave with my jeans undone.
I would always remember my visit to Angela's that year. I had a reminder to take with me for the rest of my life. When I got back to Seattle I tried to get my Christmas shopping done. I kept finding things I would love to give Edward, but I wasn't sure when he would be coming home.
My parents wanted me to come to Forks for Christmas, but Jake had been invited for dinner, so I lied and said I had to work. I dropped off gifts to everyone except the Cullens, I would take those over Christmas morning and eat breakfast with them.
I just got out of the shower to dress for the day when my phone rang. I grabbed it quickly, not wanting the machine to pick up and said a quick hello.
"Merry Christmas, love," I heard over the line.
"Edward," I screamed and then immediately fell into tears.
"Don't cry," he chuckled and it only made it worse. I longed to hear his voice and his laughter.
"Bella, come on, I'm not that big of a deal," he said trying to calm me down, but only made me miss him more.
"You're a huge deal," I was finally able to say.
"Shhh, my therapist is trying to convince me the world doesn't revolve around me. Don't ruin his hard work," he laughed. He sounded so….healthy, but I had to remind myself he could have plenty of work ahead of him and not get too excited.
"I miss you, Edward, and I think about you constantly," I admitted.
"That sounds obsessive, I think you need to come here for treatment," he teased.
"I can't, it would make the patient tally uneven, and Jessica would never allow it."
"Screw Jessica," he said with a laugh.
"So, how's it going, Edward?"
"Good, um, don't interrupt me," he warned and I made myself sit down to hear what he had to say. "I talked to Jane."
I bit my lip wanting desperately to scream at him for calling Jane and not me, but I didn't interrupt, there was plenty of time to rip him a new one later.
"We had Jane on speaker phone and walked through some suppressed memories. I think my mother knew who she was and most likely suggested they move in. It isolated my father further from me and her. Jane was the real victim in this instance."
He was silent for a moment and finally laughed, "Okay, you can talk now."
"You used to call your sister your girlfriend, that's really gross," I laughed.
"She was eight when I said it, that was really gross," he clarified.
"How's she doing?" I said, finally getting serious.
"She has some really great memories of my father. She's lucky," he said sadly.
"Have you torn up any rooms, punched any walls?"
"My knuckles are healing nicely," he said and I wasn't sure if it meant yes or no.
"So, when…."
"When do I get to shock and amaze you?" he laughed making me think of things I would regret later when I was all alone.
"Exactly."
"There's a visitation day coming up, do you think you could make it?" he asked nervously.
"Are you kidding me, come on, Edward. I'll get dressed right now and sit outside the clinic."
"You're not dressed right now?" he asked with a whisper.
"You caught me getting out of the shower," I laughed and could picture him sitting in a room full of other patients.
"Start from the top and give me a detailed description," he said with his hand cupped around the receiver so others wouldn't hear.
"Can I exaggerate?" I asked.
"Oh God, Please do," he moaned.
"My breasts have doubled in size," I started but he interrupted.
"They were already perfect."
"Well, my ass has tripled in size," I continued.
"It was already perfect," he said again.
"My arms are empty," I whispered.
"Not for long," he said to give me hope.
"Edward, do you still hear it?" I asked with my eyes closed.
"It sings to me now, I hear the patterns and the music, but yes, I still hear it."
"That is an improvement, right?"
"Bella, I've made a lot of improvements. I've done hypnotherapy and it has allowed me to look at the memories without having to relive them. How are you doing? Any recent bouts?"
"No, it has to be something specific to Chicago, but something nobody else is doing, or maybe it is something I have an allergy to, but nobody else does. It is so frustrating. I want to be able to visit Jane and go with you to your home."
"Don't worry, it won't kill me to live in Seattle," he said as if he was making a huge sacrifice.
I chuckled and growled a little if irritation.
"What?" he asked.
"What happened to, I go where you go, or, life is wonderful wherever we are together?"
"Bella, I can't make you my whole world, that isn't healthy for either one of us," he said trying to make me the clingy one.
"Just bite me," I said under my breath, but loud enough for him to hear.
"Don't talk dirty to me, I'm in therapy as it is," he laughed. "Do you have any idea how much I dream about your girdle?"
"I will leave you in the desert to die, Edward, don't push me when I am missing the guy I love so much."
"I'm jealous of him," he sighed.
"If I don't see him soon, I'm all yours."
"So you can be here on the third?" he said with an ache I could feel, too.
"I'm counting the seconds, thank you for the Christmas surprise, it made my day," I said before choking up.
"Say it," he asked quietly.
I thought of the tattoo and smiled, knowing he was going to love it, "I love you with all that I am."
"Thank you, it just made my day. I love you, Bella. Goodbye."
I couldn't force myself to say the word. I just hung up, knowing I would miss him more than I could express for the rest of the day.