Author's note: This was a very tricky chapter featuring singing, texting, phone calls, chatting, and drama! Let me know what you think! I don't usually do drama so it was both fun and hard to write.
"So you want to go see a movie tonight?" Blaine asked. He was watching Kurt's long, delicate fingers as they stirred the coffee, his mind on all the other things those fingers could do.
"Mm, not tonight," Kurt said, distracted. "I have a lot of homework. But can we still do lunch tomorrow afternoon?"
"Sure, no problem." Blaine had already known, of course, that Kurt wouldn't be doing homework that night. Unless he was writing a report on how to make GuyWithGuitar fall in love with him.
"I'm going to the gym anyways," Blaine continued, stretching his arms above his head.
At that, Kurt focused on him. "Wait, you work out?"
"Oh yeah," Blaine said with a grin. It was a sort of truth. He had started doing crunches in his room every night. Just in case.
At 9:00 pm sharp, Blaine cracked all his knuckles dramatically and logged on to the website. It had only been a couple weeks, but this had become a nightly routine. Blaine's phone time with Kurt had been slowly waning, and he had been more than understanding. Because unbeknownst to Kurt, he wasn't replacing Blaine at all.
LovelessInLima: There you are! I was starting to get nervous :)
GuyWithGuitar: of course i am here. you are my favorite part of the day
LovelessInLima: :*
He was just so cute! Blaine bit his knuckles to keep from squealing.
GuyWithGuitar: :* you more!
LovelessInLima: I really liiiiike you :3
GuyWithGuitar: i know. do you want to fool around? B)
LovelessInLima: Yes, but I want to ask a bad question first.
LovelessInLima: How do you feel about swapping photos?
Aw, crap.
GuyWithGuitar: terrified
LovelessInLima: Why?
He lied. What else could he do?
GuyWithGuitar: i'm afraid you won't like what you see
Hmm. Maybe it wasn't a lie, actually.
LovelessInLima: I'm not shallow, I promise! Okay, I admit a fondness for tall dumb jocks, but I am not going to turn down someone as compatible with me as you are.
Blaine pinched his stomach and winced. He laid down and did ten quick crunches before returning to the keyboard.
GuyWithGuitar: just a little bit longer plz?
LovelessInLima: Okay... but I'm sort of afraid that you aren't for real. And I am starting to fall for you.
LovelessInLima: You know, I have a lot of bad luck in love. A lot of unrequited crushes...
Blaine stopped tapping his fingers aimlessly on the desk. That's right, Kurt had been in love with his step-brother and been turned down. He felt guilty for forgetting. But who else had he liked? Was it too much to hope?
LovelessInLima: It just sucks, you know? To like someone who seems to enjoy your company and trusts you and holds your hand or your gaze for a little too long
LovelessInLima: and he's even gay, but completely not interested in me. No one ever is.
Oh, Kurt. Blaine felt a sharp pain in his chest. He had been so stupid. He was still stupid, clearly, because this beautiful boy, who was his daytime companion and his nighttime obsession, didn't have any idea that he was worthwhile.
Blaine felt a tear spill from his eye. Sniffing, he typed back.
GuyWithGuitar: i bet that guy does like you hes just too stupid to show how he feels
GuyWithGuitar: and i like you too
GuyWithGuitar: i bet you are handsome and sweet and caring
GuyWithGuitar: i would be honored to be in love with you
"I am in love with you," Blaine said out loud. He wasn't too proud to say it hiding behind a pseudonym and a computer screen, but it was a step in the right direction.
LovelessInLima: Please don't play with my feelings.
LovelessInLima: I know the internet is just for fun, but this is real to me.
LovelessInLima: Your words give me hope
LovelessInLima: Sheer, blind hope
GuyWithGuitar: i am real i promise
His chest aching, Blaine searched his room, desperate for an epiphany. He had to do something that would make Kurt feel better without blowing his cover. There's no way he could just leave him over there, hurting like this.
Hey, there was an idea. In fact, it was the idea that had started this whole mess.
GuyWithGuitar: how about i play a song for you. i won't sing but ill play the guitar
LovelessInLima: I would like that :)
Blaine began sifting through his desk drawer. There was something in particular that he needed... ah ha! He pulled a piece of duct tape off the roll and slapped it over his mouth. Knowing his own dumb mouth, this was the only sure-fire measure to prevent accidental blabbing.
Then he turned on the microphone, his pulse pounding in his ears.
"Hello?" Kurt's voice came small and muted from the speakers.
Blaine played a couple of chords in response.
A giggle. "Well, this is going to be interesting at the very least. What are you going to play for me?"
He played a few more notes, thinking on it, then typed at his computer.
GuyWithGuitar: mute this vid and sing the lyrics to me http:/www .youtube .com /watch?v=cKpAtxN0Sxo
And then he began to play.
At first Kurt only listened. "You have got to be kidding me. Taylor Swift, seriously?"
But Blaine persevered, executing the chords perfectly.
"This is so cheesy. Why do I have to be Juliet?" His voice betrayed him however, humor in his tone.
And Blaine kept on playing until Kurt's voice joined him, high and faint. Blaine closed his eyes, letting his fingers take over naturally, the beautiful melody from Kurt's singing washing over him.
His voice was high, but he hit every note. As they played together Kurt gained confidence, singing louder and Blaine was almost filled with pride. It was like musically holding hands, his fingers guiding Kurt along. And since he wasn't singing he was free to listen. To appreciate Kurt really getting emotional, even if it was a silly country pop song.
On the last line, Blaine stopped and played the melody instead of the background. And in the silence afterward, he leaned against the neck of his guitar and breathed deeply. A warm affection clouded his mind and he really, really wished he could kiss Kurt right then.
"That should have been a deal breaker, but instead I find myself completely charmed." Kurt's voice was gentle. Blaine couldn't help but wonder if that was what love sounded like.
GuyWithGuitar: feel better juliet?
"I like you," Kurt said. "You're probably an old man or twelve-year-old girl, but I like you and yes, I feel better. Thank you for tonight."
GuyWithGuitar: thank you for your beautiful singing
"I'm going to go to bed now. I don't think I can handle any more feelings tonight, mysterious Romeo."
GuyWithGuitar: goodnight fair maiden :*
"Mwah," Kurt said, and thankfully ended the called before he could hear Blaine's needy whine in response. He reached out and ran his hand down the monitor. It was stupid, but it gave him some comfort.
Blaine wasn't sure if he'd ever wanted anything as badly as he wanted Kurt. He couldn't believe he had been so dense to think of Kurt only as a friend. Sure, he was an amazing friend, but he was also this sexy, shy, pretty thing that was fast taking over Blaine's entire train of thought.
It wasn't until he went to take a sip of water that he realized he still had a piece of duct tape on his face. Without thinking, he yanked it off. And then he screamed. Loud.
And that's why Blaine had a raw rectangle shaped wound around his mouth for the next 24 hours.
Kurt did a double take when he saw Blaine's face during lunch the next day. "What on earth happened?" he gasped, eyes transfixed on the pink, ripped skin.
"Nothing much. Hit myself with a free weight." After calculating the risk of acting out of character, Blaine pounced on Kurt, hugging him tightly. " I missed you. How did your homework go last night?"
"Oh, really?" Kurt looked off to the side. "It went okay." His shoulders slumped. "Actually, I didn't do any homework."
Blaine pretended to be surprised, and he was a little bit. He didn't think Kurt would have come clean so early. "You didn't?"
"I need to tell you something," Kurt said. He bit his lip, which meant he felt guilty.
"Sure, anything." Blaine scooted away, giving him some physical space.
"Well, I sort of... met a guy..."
"Really? Why don't you tell me about him?" Blaine made his eyes wide but not concerned. He had practiced this moment in the mirror every morning. Just in case. There was no way he was going to act weird or jealous, especially when he knew there was nothing to be worried about.
Kurt's face scrunched up. That meant he was feeling shy. "I met him online, which you probably think is ridiculous. But I don't know, we just really clicked. He's romantic."
"Sounds like quite a catch," Blaine said, nodding seriously.
Kurt's eyes slid back to Blaine's face, squinting slightly. That meant that he was suspicious. "You're being awfully supportive."
Blaine feigned shock at Kurt's sarcasm. "Why wouldn't I be? Hey, it may have been misguided, but you were there for me when I tried to woo Jeremiah. Of course I'm happy for you if you found someone."
Then Blaine reached across the table and placed his hand over Kurt's. He watched the way Kurt's mouth fell open slightly at their touch and waited until Kurt looked back into his eyes.
"Besides," he continued, "he must be an awesome guy if you like him. I bet he has no idea how lucky he is."
"Blaine?" Kurt said, somewhat bewildered.
"What? You'd be an awesome boyfriend. Anyone would be lucky to have someone as cute, caring and funny as you." He flicked his gaze down Kurt's body, then up again to deliver his final blow. "And I've seen your cheering videos. You've got a great body on top of everything else."
Kurt's face went completely blank. This was the moment! Blaine waited for the melt, the blush, the voice he had heard the night before.
But instead, Kurt smiled coolly, slipping his hand out from under Blaine's.
Oh no. GuyWithGuitar had been too convincing, and now he couldn't combat himself!
"You know what? He really is an awesome guy," Kurt said dreamily. "He is like no other man I have ever conversed with before. Really, he's better with words and romantic gestures than anyone I can think of in real life."
"Oh, oh yeah?" Blaine shifted in his chair. "Well that's going pretty far, isn't it? He doesn't remind you of anyone you know?"
Kurt raised an eyebrow. "Why would he?"
"Um." This was not going the way he intended. It was supposed to be Kurt's face turning pink, not his. "I mean, you must know other cool guys. In real life."
Kurt laughed. "Don't worry, Blaine. You'll find someone too. Maybe you should be a little more careful with those weights though."
Blaine covered his face in his hands. He had found someone. He just didn't know how to tell Kurt that it was him.
"Say maybe you should try online dating too. It's done wonders for my self-esteem."
It wasn't doing much for Blaine's.
Blaine and Kurt didn't see much of each other for the next few days, but they kept up a healthy sexting and roleplay routine online. At least until roughly a week later, however, when there was a message waiting for Blaine.
From: LovelessInLima
To: GuyWithGuitar
Subject: I want to go further.
Body: I want to know what you look like. I have to. Because I am going crazy here, wanting you and I need to get my feelings straight with someone else. So please, please video chat with me or talk to me or something. I can't continue this fantasy forever if it will never be real.
Well, shit. SHIT! Blaine pulled at his hair, brain racing to think of something, anything to fix this horrible situation. If he didn't confess, that would be the end of the internet love. But if he did confess, that could be the end of everything. What if Kurt preferred his online lover to Blaine? I mean, hadn't that been essentially what was happening? He thought of the way Kurt had pulled his hand away from Blaine's at lunch.
Good god, how badly had he fucked up here?
LovelessInLima: I can see you're online, you know.
Dammit, Kurt! He was terrible at estimating how long it took a guy to freak out!
GuyWithGuitar: im thinking
LovelessInLima: What could possibly be so bad? You can't be hideous. I don't even care if you are.
LovelessInLima: I will still like you.
LovelessInLima: C'mon, stop being a wuss! Just open the video chat!
A wuss! Blaine could feel a scowl cross his face. His fingers danced across the keys.
GuyWithGuitar: i need to go and think about this im sorry. bbl
And then he was logged off and pacing his room again. This was confusing. More than that! This was totally backwards and he didn't know what he was going to do to get himself out of the situation. He just wasn't smart enough.
Wait. He knew someone smart. Blaine pulled his phone out of his school bag, tapping through his address book.
"Hey, Wes?"
"Blaine? Why are you calling me so late at night?"
Thank god. "Okay, so hypothetically if a guy likes another guy, but that guy is his best friend, but he's also pretending to be another guy on the internet, should he pursue the guy he likes in real life and just pretend the online thing never happened or should he reveal himself via webcam or- Wes? Wes, are you there?"
Blaine looked at the disconnected phone in dismay. Okay, next smartest person: David.
"'Sup Blaine. How you doing?"
"Not good, man. I need romantic advice."
"Ha, I bet you do." David's good natured chuckling set Blaine a little more at ease.
"So David, I may have, um, fallen in love with a guy who I'm supposed to be just friends with. And then maybe I might have started an online relationship with him under a false name, and now he wants to meet the internet me and I'm not sure what I should- are you laughing?"
"Laughing," David wheezed, "or dying! Man, you are the least smooth motherfucker on this planet."
Blaine threw himself into his bed, sulking. "So help me!"
"Drop the internet relationship and never tell him about it."
"But what if he likes the fake me better?"
"I'm not going to listen to your 'but what ifs', Blaine. That's my advice, take it or leave it."
Blaine lay in silence staring at his ceiling. Was it really that easy? Would Kurt like Blaine without the abs and the football and the being eighteen?
His phone rang.
"Thad?" he answered.
"I can't believe you would call Wes and David for advice and not me!" Thad sniffed. "I'm on the council too, Blaine."
"Uh, sorry. I didn't think you would-" be of help, he thought, but said, "be interested."
"Of course I'm interested! Matters of the soloist's heart are also the heart of the Warbler's concern." Thad was silent. "Um, it's not me you're in love with is it? Because maybe that's why you didn't call. And if it is me, then, well... I mean is it?"
"Er, no," Blaine answered sheepishly. "Sorry."
"Oh. It's okay." Thad sounded oddly defeated. "Well I think you should be honest with whoever the lucky guy is. Tell him everything. Tell him how much you love him."
"Really? What if he says no?"
"No man would say no to a Blaine in love." There was another awkward silence. "Okay, well, that guy was a retail worker. They don't count."
Blaine sighed heavily. He wasn't sure if this conversation was helping.
"Just be yourself Blaine. Show him your feelings like a good old-fashioned lover boy, Warbler style. We'll be with you no matter what." Thad coughed. "Especially me."
Just be himself. That was good advice, actually. "Thanks, Thad. You know, we should be better friends. You're a great guy."
"I know. I'll see you at practice."
Blaine dragged himself to the computer and logged back in.
GuyWithGuitar: hey are you there?
He felt knots of anxiety in his stomach as the seconds passed. Why wasn't he answering immediately? Oh god, was he really pissed?
GuyWithGuitar: hey im sorry. you're right. we definitely should meet in person
LovelessInLima: Let me just ask you something straight out.
LovelessInLima: What do you have to hide?
Blaine typed several responses but none of them seemed to answer the question.
LovelessInLima: I figure, you're either in the closet still or you're someone I know.
He figured it out. Panicked, Blaine paused and just stared at the words. Wait, no. He should have courage and follow Thad's advice. Or should he follow David's? David got more action then Thad. What if he fucked it up though? Was it too late to come clean?
LovelessInLima: Come on, fess up. Which is it?
GuyWithGuitar: Which makes you less mad?
LovelessInLima: Both, if that's your answer!
GuyWithGuitar: okay, okay, not everyone knows I'm gay yet
GuyWithGuitar: thats all, i told a couple of white lies and i really like you and dont want to screw this up
LovelessInLima: Is that all?
GuyWithGuitar: yes yes promise
LovelessInLima: You know what, I think I need my own log off period to think. I'll talk to you later.
And he was gone. Blaine was literally sweating. There was no way that was the right choice. He dug himself deeper than ever.
Had definitely dug himself deeper, because now his phone was buzzing.
Kurt: Can you meet me for coffee tomorrow? 11 am?
Blaine just stared at it in horror. He had no way of knowing how much Kurt knew. But he wouldn't say no to him. If his stupidity had damned him, at least Kurt was still willing to talk to him. Maybe Blaine could confess and get it all out of the way. Right?
Blaine: Sure. See you there
He didn't sleep too well that night.
Kurt was already there when he entered the coffee shop. Blaine's first thought was one of panic. Courage, he though. Courage. Courage. Courage!
"Hey, are you alright?" Blaine asked. He held his breath in terror until he saw the relief on Kurt's face. So his secret was still safe..
"Yeah, I'm a little down. I don't know if I'm cut out for all this online drama and I needed someone to vent to."
"What online drama? I thought things were going fine with you and your mystery man."
Kurt took a deep sip of his coffee and uttered one word. It scared Blaine to the core of his being. "Men."
The room around Blaine became ice cold. "What?" he said in small voice.
"I started talking to two guys online, and now I don't know what I'm doing." Kurt smiled, a little shyly. "I don't know, it seemed harmless, but it's already gotten confusing."
"What do you mean, two guys?" A few patrons stopped to watch him. "You're okay stringing along two people at the same time? What the hell?"
Now Kurt was staring at him intently. "Blaine, you're doing that anguished face thing, and you better have a damn good reason because- well, we need to talk about your attitude lately."
"My attitude?" Blaine heard his voice crack a little. "You're the one with the twisted priorities. I mean, you're not going to date both of them. What about the feelings of the guy you ditch?" What if it was Blaine who got ditched? Who was this other guy?
Kurt's eyes were hard. "I'm just going to say this. You're jealous, aren't you?"
Blaine's mouth opened to protest, but he shut it again without making a sound.
"Exactly. And I hope you realize, Blaine, that you don't have a right to be jealous," Kurt snapped. "Because we are just friends, remember? And you didn't want to make a pass at Christmas, and you didn't want to make a pass at Valentine's Day, and now I finally have a meager love life with people that maybe I've never met, but they sure want a whole lot more from me than you do. You don't get to suddenly discover me just because I might not be waiting for you anymore."
"You don't even know who they are!" Blaine was aware he was shouting, standing, making a scene. And he didn't care. All he really cared about losing Kurt without even having him. "You're flirting with strangers. They could be bored 50-year-old women for all you know! They could be pedophiles!"
Kurt stood, glared him down. "Thanks for implying that no normal gay man would find me appealing, Blaine, because that's great for my confidence. I'm not the one who's too cowardly to say what he's thinking here."
Blaine gritted his teeth. "I am not a coward. You don't know anything about how I feel in this situation."
"You're right!" Kurt threw his hands in the air. "Because you won't tell me! So do so, give me a reason not to just march to my computer and ask my internet boyfriend to meet me for a quickie at the Comfort Inn down the street. Because I will, Blaine Anderson, and you can't stop me."
He could see the tears glittering in Kurt's eyes, the way the corner of Kurt's mouth was trembling, but Blaine couldn't speak. He couldn't think of the right thing to say. How could he tell Kurt that he had been lying to him? That he was living a double life and the guy Kurt had fallen for was just stupid, ordinary, cowardly Blaine?
Unless of course, Kurt had fallen for this OTHER guy.
"Which one are you going to ask first?" Blaine finally said.
Kurt made a sound between disgust and despair. He grabbed his things and left the coffee shop as swiftly as he could.
And Blaine sat there, arms crossed defensively, and stared into his empty chair.
Much later, he was mostly the same but staring at his computer screen instead. And clicking the refresh button. Again. And again.
But there were no new messages. Not to his phone, or his email. And not for GuyWithGuitar either. As the minutes turned into hours and there was still no contact from Kurt, Blaine's mind turned to the worst. He had screwed up not once, but twice. Even though he had tried his hardest to woo Kurt virtually, he had been too scared to make it real and Kurt had backed off.
And where it was real, where Blaine and Kurt really shared coffees and jokes and memories, he had let that slip away so much that Kurt didn't know how he really felt.
Somewhere, Kurt was talking to someone else all night. Blaine was sure of it. There was another guy in town that hadn't fucked this all up, and Kurt had chosen him over Blaine, real life and virtual life. And maybe they weren't even just talking. Maybe Kurt really had invited that other man out somewhere and he was the one touching Kurt's body. Listening to Kurt sing and tasting his skin.
While the coward who really loved him was alone, staring at a monitor with a heart full of regret. But even when his tears began splashing his hands and keyboard, Blaine didn't stop clicking refresh. Just in case.
Next: Confessions and reveals as both boys come clean. Leave me reviews and messages if you want, or friend me on tumblr: ridgelessridgeback. tumblr. com