The Future of Haruhi Suzumiya

Chapter 2

Mondays… Monday means school. Monday means that I have another entire week until I can have time off of school. Monday means…

"Kyon!" a voice rang out as I entered my classroom.

It means I have to hear Haruhi's voice. I don't hate Haruhi, but I wouldn't say I love her. She's my friend, but even the best of friends need breaks from the other. Seeing Haruhi Suzumiya every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday means I never have time away from her. You can bet that I get annoyed.

"What do you want? How are you so energetic this early in the morning?" I asked to her as I sat down in my seat.

Oh, by the way: a new school year means new classrooms, which means new seating arrangements. Can you guess where I got seated? As the year before, I magically ended up sitting in front of Haruhi. Curse her "magic powers" or whatever force she uses to alter reality.

"Don't be so negative, you idiot!" she demanded.

"Calling me an idiot isn't going to make me any more positive," I replied.

"Whatever, I don't care about that. But, what I was going to say is: I GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU AFTER SCHOOL! Meet me at the headquarters as usual! Since I wasted your Sunday… No, I don't want to tell you yet. BUT YOU BETTER NOT BE LATE!"

"Headquarters," she calls it. What she's referring to is the SOS Brigade clubroom, which is really the Literature Club's room until Haruhi claimed it her own. And what's she talking about being late? I'm usually one of the first ones to the clubroom. Whatever, I guess. Haruhi will be Haruhi.

Class started right after our "conversation." The lessons that day weren't anything special, so the day seemed to go by slow. Suffering through the bore made Asahina's tea seem all that much better… and the fact I get to see her in her maid-costume makes it all the more better! Thinking of these things made me long for the day to be over.

After an eternity of sitting through class, school finally ended, and I found myself walking towards the brigade room. I approached the door and knocked as usual, because you never know when Haruhi will be in there stripping down Asahina.

"Come in!" I heard a voice call from in the room.

I walked in to find Asahina preparing tea. She looked adorable as usual as she wore her maid-costume. For some reason, she looked extra adorable today. I couldn't tell why; she just did. Perhaps it was because Haruhi had been getting on my nerves so much lately, that seeing a girl other than her made them look more adorable.

"Kyon-kun, here's your tea…" she said with my cup in her hands.

She began towards me, but suddenly tripped. My cup had fallen to the ground, spilling tea everywhere, but I was able to catch Asahina in my arms. It was like a dream. In fact, it seemed just like the dream I had about her last night, except for the fact she… well… never mind my dream.

I caught her in my arms, but unfortunately my lack of athletic skills caused me to trip over my back-peddling feet. Of course, this caused me to fall on the ground and Asahina to fall right on top of me. That was pretty predictable, no?

Well, nonetheless, it happened, and my chest and face became hot, causing me to turn red (since I couldn't see what I looked like, I'm just guessing I was red). Asahina blushed, too, which was so, so cute!

"S-sorry!" she cried.

"It's fine, accidents happen," I said, trying to sound charming as I hid the pain I felt in my tailbone.

"K-Kyon… You're always there for me… Thanks…" Her face became a darker red, as mine did too.

Even though this situation wasn't the right time to say this, I thought at the time it might have been. "Asahina," I began. "Koizumi told me the craziest thing…"

"What?" she asked.

"He told me you were trying to ruin my relationship with Haruhi, heheh…" I let out a nervous laugh, realizing it really wasn't the appropriate time to say that, as she was still lying on top of me.

Asahina was silent.

"W-…well, let me help you clean up this mess, before Haruhi walks in and sees us like this…"

I began to push myself from under her.

"Don't trust him…" she said in a stern voice.

"Wha-…" I was cut off before I could ask her what she meant… She had kissed me. No, it was more than "just a kiss." She was kissing me on the lips. I bet you didn't see this coming (I'm saying that sarcastically, mind you).

Now, I bet you can't guess who walks in right now.

Enter: Haruhi Suzumiya. Well, she didn't so much as enter, but rather preformed a move you'd see in a police-action movie, or something. She kicked the door open, shouting, "Kyon, look what I got for this weeke-…" She didn't finish, because she was staring at me: the boy who was on the ground under Mikuru Asahina, whom I was still locking lips with.

I've pissed Haruhi off pretty badly in the past year, but I've never seen her make the face she was making. Well, it was more of a straight face, which was weird for Haruhi, since she was usually frowning, scowling or smiling. However, she didn't frown or scowl, and God knows she would never smile in a situation such as this. Her face was just… straight.

She didn't say anything, but just left the room, letting the two pieces of paper she was holding flutter to the ground, now behind her. I shoved Asahina off of me and studied the two pieces of paper that were now lying on the ground. What were they, exactly? They were her way of saying "sorry for wasting your weekend." They were movie passes, which were redeemable anytime before the end of the month (she probably scammed the tickets off another student from school).

Rather than making up for ruining the entire club's weekend, she was just making up for mine. Was it supposed to be… a date? It's usually the guy who's supposed to ask, but that didn't matter now. I needed to stop Haruhi before she decided to destroy the world or something drastic like that. I ran out of the club room and after Haruhi, who was only walking down the stairs at this point.

"Haruhi!" I yelled out.

She ignored me.

"It…" I was going to try to defend myself, but her habit of butting in overtook her.

"'It isn't what it looks like,' right? Well, it looked like to me you were kissing Mikuru…" she said in an emotionless voice as she continued down the stairs.

"Haruhi, just hear me out!" I demanded.

She stopped and looked up at me, still with a straight face.

"I promise… She tripped and fell over me."

"And her lips just so happened to connect with yours. I understand."

I sighed. "I didn't kiss her, she kissed me! Besides…" I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life, "It's not like you're the only girl in my life. It's not like we're 'dating' or something. So what if Asahina kissed me!"

I immediately regretted saying that. Haruhi stormed back up the stairs, walked up to me, and using her super-human strength (or so it seemed), slammed me up against the wall, gripping my coat-collar. I could tell she was trying to find words to come back at me with, but she couldn't find any. She let go and simply said, or rather, she simply yelled at the top of her lungs, "I WISH YOU WOULD JUST DIE, KYON!"

Her straight face turned into a look of death. She threw me to the ground, which made me look like a complete wimp to the other students who rushed out of their clubs to see what the commotion was about. Haruhi then ran down the stairs and was gone.

I stood up, embarrassed by the looks the other students gave me. It's not like I tried raping her or something, but that's what their looks accused me of doing. I managed a fake-smile and said aloud, "Oh, that Haruhi… What a card, huh?" The students ignored me and hid back into their clubrooms.

I dragged my feet behind me as I went back to the clubroom. I was greeted by a smiling Asahina…

"I poured you some more tea," she said, holding out a cup of tea.

I felt a vein explode somewhere on my forehead. A sudden rage overcame me and I swatted the cup Asahina held out at me to the ground. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT, ASAHINA! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME!"

I breathed heavily after I finished yelling at Asahina. I realized I had pushed her into the corner of the clubroom from my yelling. She looked scared. I simply shook my head and sat at the table in the clubroom. "What the hell was that, Asahina…?"

"I'm sorry, Kyon," is all she said. She moved from the corner and just left. No explanation or anything; she just left. "Koizumi was right… I'm such an idiot…" I said aloud to myself.

I picked up my school bag and left, ignoring Koizumi, who stood at the entrance to the club. I could feel his stabbing glance, because he obviously knew what had happened. As I walked down the hill towards my house, Haruhi's words kept echoing in my head. Did she really wish I would die? Did I really upset her that much?

I was walking across an intersection when I came to a conclusion: I was now nothing to Haruhi. How did I come to this conclusion? Well, I found myself staring into the headlights of a car, which was speeding right towards me. She wished me to be dead, and her divine powers were about to cause that to come true.

It was the end for me. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't even find the power in me to move, as if Haruhi's wish strapped my feet in place. What a lame way to go; getting hit by a car, that is. I always thought I'd go down in a blaze of glory, like in a fighter-jet incident, or taming wild lions. But, nope, I was going to be hit by a car… How creative, Haruhi.

I used the last three seconds of my life to think of an awesome final sentence to yell. Hell, if I was going to die, I was going to die in style. Being the moron that I am, I couldn't think of anything witty.

The car couldn't have been but feet away from me. I clenched my fists and yelled, "DON'T FORGET TO TIP YOUR WAITRESSES, AND REMEMBER THE ALAMO!"

SPLAT! I was dead. I felt the cold breath of Death himself as it ran down my neck. My life flashed before me, and as cliché as it is to say: it was very bleak. Hell, good riddance to that boy named Kyon. I opened my eyes, and I must have been in heaven. The reason being: the first thing I laid my eyes on was an angel. I could feel her warm body heating Death's chill as she hugged me.

But wait, it wasn't the chill of Death, but rather the chill of the sidewalk I was lying on, and it wasn't the warmth of an angelic being, but that of a red-haired beauty… That re-haired beauty also happened to have a star-shaped mole on her right breast… Not that I was looking at her breasts or anything…

"Those were the worst 'last-words' I have ever heard, Kyon…" said a smiling Asahina. "Long time no see, eh?"

"What the hell are you talking about? You just made Haruhi hate my guts no less than fifteen minutes ago," I replied. "Oh, and for a second, I thought you caused Haruhi to want me dead. I thought for sure Haruhi decided the end of my life was now for pissing her off like I did."

"Oh, you're not mistaken. You die five minutes down the road after I save you," she said with a smile.

"Um… huh?" I didn't know what the hell she was going on about.

"Also, the last time I saw you was over three years ago, when the world as we knew it changed because of Yuki" she said, blushing.

That's when it hit me: who stood before me was no other than Future Asahina-san! That's also when it hit me…

"I'M GOING TO DIE IN FIVE MINUTES!" I screamed, jumping to my feet.

"Kyon… look around you," Future Asahina said… and for now, let's just called her Asahina.

I obeyed and looked around.

"Wow, I feel so alive…" I sarcastically said, since I now knew death was imminent.

"That not what I mean, Silly!"

I took another look. What was so important I was to be looking at? Well, it wasn't really "something" I was to look at, but something I should acknowledge. That, I tell you, was the fact I was years into the future.

Asahina continued to smile at me. "According to me sensors….. Ah! Welcome to 2030!"

I smiled back… And it suddenly hit me. No, not the fact I was in 2030, but the sickness I felt from skipping 23* of my life. After puking my guts out on the side of the road and chewing down the piece of gum Asahina handed me, I finally asked, "It's all fine and dandy we're in 2030, but WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN I DIE IN FIVE MINUTES!"

Her smile faded. "Well, that car I just saved you from getting hit by was meant to kill you. If I was to bring you back right this instant, from what my superiors tell me, you get killed five minutes after you begin heading back home."

"Wait, what do I get killed by?" I asked.

"Classified information…" she explained with a smile.

I just sighed. "So, why did you bring me here, exactly?"

"Well, now I can officially tell you that I was sent to the past to ruin yours and Haruhi's relationship. The reason why is Classified Information, and the outcome in the time period I'm from was supposed to be something that would benefit the world."

"Wait, the world was supposed to benefit from my death…?"

"Yes."

"Um… why?"

"Classified Information. That's beside the point though, because now we have realized that what we strived for didn't happen and actually causes the future of this planet to go to hell."

"So… where does the part where you tell me the reason you bring me to 2030 come in?"
"Oh, well, it's not like I chose 2030. It was just a random date. For all we know, we could have travelled to 2090 accidently, and then have to travel back to an earlier time to accomplish our current mission."

"Why didn't you just travel back and stop your younger self from kissing me?" I asked, since that seemed a lot simpler.

"It's a complicated reason, but sending any of our agents to stop my mission would ultimately lead to a rip in the time-space continuum. Thus, everything as we know it would end, simply because we took a short-cut. NOW, this is our goal: We're going to prevent you from getting yourself killed back in 2011. And, to do that, we're going to hunt down Haruhi Suzumiya!" Asahina exclaimed excitedly.

With that said, I began another crazy adventure with the SOS Brigade… Or, at least, I began another crazy adventure with a girl who is responsible for my own death.

There you have it, chapter two. The moral of the story is this: Don't piss off somebody who carries your life and the fate of the future world in their hands, because you'll have to travel to the future with a super-sexy time-traveler…

Hm, I'm going to go piss that person off so I can meet said super-sexy time-traveler…

If you find any mistakes, note them to me! I don't like mistakes e_e I mean, of course, mistakes in the Haruhi Suzumiya time-line or with accuracy according to the anime. I haven't read the novels yet (I'm not a fan of reading, but I like writing... a lot), so if I make inconsistencies with those, tell me about it and I'll do what I can to fix it.

Anywho, the Mikka Tororo was delicious. Therefore, farewell, everyone.