"Trade Mistakes"

Hey friends! I've been super busy lately because the school year is almost up, which means finals and AP tests. x.x As a matter of fact, I have an AP European History final on Friday, but I really wanted to write this story. Actually it's a songfic (my first one!) It's based off of the song called 'Trade Mistakes' by Panic! at the Disco (from their new album 'Vices & Virtues', which came out not too long ago) I suggest listening to that song while you read this story. The italicized phrases are the lyrics (obviously). Enjoy!

It is winter, and you are long gone. It has been five years to the day, and all of Oz is in celebration. It is a holiday of some-sorts, though not necesarily official. Classes are still in session and those employed still work. However, it is the night to party. But the celebrations aren't so much about you anymore. Your memory is tangible, yet strangely faded to those who did not know you. You are but a fable now; a children's bedtime story, meant to scare the reckless into submission. You are a thing of the past; a burnt ember. Through the drudgery of everyday life in Oz, you have been forgotten, and now you are just a piece of our magical history.

But I have not forgotten, and you are far from a fable to me. I am not the girl I used to be. No, I have grown up, and I wish you could see me now. I am "Glinda the Good", ruler of Oz, beloved by the people. Okay, maybe I'm still a tad dramatic. My hair is still blonde as ever and my eyes are still blue. Maybe I don't appear any different, but on the inside you have changed me.

I wonder what you would look like now. Would your green skin still be as soft and as flawless as it was? Yes, I can imagine so. Would your eyes still be fiery and powerful? Would your speech still be quick and poignant? Would your raven hair still be lustrous? Would your mind still be calculating and decisive? I can't picture you as anything else. Because if those things weren't what they were then you wouldn't be Elphaba. You wouldn't be the girl who stood up to the Wizard, or Morrible, or to the treatment of the Animals. You wouldn't be the girl I so fiercely loathed when I met you and was forced to room with you, and you wouldn't be the girl I came to love. You wouldn't be the green-skinned girl who was ostracized by her peers and her family. You wouldn't be you. You wouldn't be the person I couldn't save.

Even after five years, I only recently came to terms with the fact you were dead. 'How could you be?', I would ask myself. It was difficult to imagine that the most powerful person I had ever known could be felled with a bucket of water, and I was always plagued with the fairy-tale image that maybe, just maybe, you managed to escape and you were living underground somewhere where no one would find you. But I was living in denial. I knew this when I saw them bring your possessions to the Emerald City. The pointy black hat that I had given you was among them. You loved that hat, and I couldn't imagine you going anywhere without it, especially with an almost clear-cut certainty that you would never get it back. You loved that hat and you had loved me. But I had thrown that away when I refused to give you your sister's shoes. What a stupid mistake I had made. For that I had lost you, my best friend and the only person I have ever loved.

And oh, how I loved you. Originally, I had hated you. But I always thought you were intriguing. Then we became friends, and I met a person who saw me for who I was and I was allowed to see the true Elphaba Thropp, as no one had seen before. One night when we were sitting in my bed together you kissed me, and I kissed you back. I had never felt that electric spark before, not even with Fiyero, who, before then, I thought was my soul mate. You told me you fancied me, which was something new and unfamiliar to you. The way you were looking at me as we sat on my bed telling me this, with a look of complete vulnerability in your eyes, ignited something in me that I had been trying to douse for a long time. After that night, we decided to act upon our feelings, and we dated up until you left me after we saw the Wizard. We made love for the first time right after arriving in the Emerald City, and at that moment I felt whole.

Then you left me, and I had never felt so alone. Until now, of course. Being a head of government does entitle me to many social occasions and courtiers, but they are only vying for my money, or my power, or my female parts. I can't remember the last time I had a meaningful conversation with someone (disregarding executive affairs, of course). It's maddening.

I am at my vanity, finishing combing through my hair. There is a masquerade ball tonight, and I have been cordially invited. (As the ruler of Oz, it is only natural that I attend social gatherings, of course.) My dress is light blue at the center, then in fades out into a darker hue, then finally black at the ruffles. I am wearing a thin matching mask the covers the area around my eyes and nose, and on the top left side of it there is a small black flower. The dress fits perfectly, though my identity isn't really inconspicuous or hard to see, contradicting what the whole point of the mask is for, but I think that I look amazing, so I don't dwell too much on it.

I stand up and do one more inspection. Satisfied, I walk over to my bedside table and pour myself a small glass of vodka. Two gulps later, my eyes are watering and my throat is burning. I involuntary grumble an "Ahh" to try to alleviate the sensation from the alcohol. I'm not getting drunk, per se, but the slight buzz helps me lighten up. Especially when I have to go to a party. I brush my teeth to try to cover up the smell of the vodka on my breath.

Finally, after I am completely ready, alcohol and all, I exit my room and walk down the hallway towards the Grand Staircase. There is a thick cloud of smoke hovering over the entrance. The lights of the huge ballroom have been blackened, but there is light coming from disco-like ball overhead and various streams of light coming from it. The light travels to the far edges of the room where it bounces off mirrors, then changes colors, and then it continues to bounce around the room. Loud, fast-paced music is playing, but I can hear a faint violin, for some reason. The room smells of sex and wine and grapes.

I walk down the steps slowly, as to announce my presence, but no one looks up at me as I accustomed to. Maybe the inconspicuous thing worked after all. Making my way through the smoke, I weave my way around the couples dancing and grinding, trying to find someone I know. To no avail, I recognize no one in my general vicinity. I stand there awkwardly, unsure of what to do.

Placing a smile at the perfect event.

But then, I feel someone close to me, their breath is hot in my ears. I can feel their lips curl into a smile on my neck, in an almost-kiss. I am surprised.

Gracing your skin with the side of my hand.

I feel a soft hand gently rub up against mine, it is warm, and reminds me of Elphie's. I say nothing.

"If I ever leave, I could learn to miss you, with sentimental girl as my nom-de-plume," someone whispers into my ear. The voice sounds exactly like Elphaba's.

I turn. But no one is there.

But as I turn, I feel the person's presence on my other ear.

"Let me save you of this wrong," the person says into my ear.

Then, facing forward, I see who the whisper belongs to. It is Elphaba, I am sure of it. Could it really be? "Elphie?" I say, breathlessly. "Is it you?" Her black hair is pinned up in a loose bun with a couple strands falling over her face. Her brown eyes gleam out from the slits in her masks at me. Her green skin looks just as I remembered it, perfect, and it is accentuated with a skin tight green dress with black trim. She is frighteningly beautiful. But how could she be alive...I was sure that she had died by Dorothy's hand. And how could she be so careless as to appear in the public, then?

"Elphie?" I ask again, motioning towards her. I can't breathe.

But she's backing up into the crowd, and they all fall around her. Then suddenly, the lights erupt around her, and the people are dancing even faster. She is at the front of the room, calling towards me.

"I may never sleep tonight, as long as you're still burning bright," she sings, entincingly, glaringly, and malignantly. People are echoing her, repeating her words as whispers. I am at a loss. She is no less bounding towards me to the music and her dress is flowing behind her, as the party-goers dance over it. She is upon me, in front of me, and I am motionless. Elphaba towers over me. I am a miniscule being. "If I could trade mistakes for sheep, count me away before you sleep. I'll still wait 'till I trade my mistakes so they fade away." She looks disgusted by me.

Then the people desert her and the light is upon her only. I reach for her, but my arm never seems long enough and my feet never carry me toward her. "I feel marooned in this body," she whispers towards me, with a sad look in her eye. I call for her, but my voice is suddenly inaudible. She curls up on the floor and hugs her knees. "Deserted, my organs can go on without me."

Then she is defying gravity above the smoke and the crowd. "You can't fly with these wings," she sings from above me.

"Elphie!" I call, my voice suddenly working. I can't comprehend what's happening around me.

Almost instantaenously, she is back on the ground, and I can feel her behind me. Her body is warm, it almost eminates heat like the sun. I have a hard time looking at her. "You can't sleep in this box with me," she says to me.

Walking closer to me, Elphaba says, "Don't let me trade you of this wrong." I have collapsed to floor, unable to stand any longer. I cannot breathe or think. I probe my mind to fingure out what is going on, but I cannot come up with any answers. Nor can I figure out if Elphaba is real or not.

Then Elphaba has grabbed my hand and intertwined her fingers with mine. Her hands are soft and her fingers are long. She feels real and alive. "Then I'll pull you in."

And she does. She has wrapped her arms around me in an embrace. It feels amazing.

"'Cause I am an anchor, save her oar." She kisses my forehead. My skin erupts with sparks where she kissed me. I let the sensation travel through me.

And then we are back in the Emerald City, in the hotel room, on our bed. She is making love to me. "Feel it sinking in," I hear her say. She brings me over the edge. I fall into her.

Then I am back in the carriage where we parted ways. She kisses me on the lips. "I am an anchor, sinking on," she says, instead of saying what I remember her telling me before she left. The carriage starts moving, despite my protests. I call out her name and reach for her, but she merely smiles at me. I choke on my tears.

We are back in the Great Hall, with hundreds of people around us. They have cleared a small circle around where we're standing. Then light shines down from the ceiling, but I can't look up because it is suddenly blinding. I can see the dust in the air. "I may never sleep tonight, as long as you're still burning bright." The people surrounding stop inward and force us closer. "If I could trade mistakes for sheep, count me away before you sleep," she motions for me to come closer. She is has that vulnerable look on her face like the one she had when she told me how she felt. She is crying, and it leaves red burn marks down her cheeks.

I reach her, after what seems like an eternity, and I wrap my arms around her. Her legs give way, and she falls into me. I look down at her, and take off her mask, feeling her face lightly as I do so. She does the same to me. I am entraced by her eyes. They are swirling orbs of golden brown, they hold memories and feelings and offer me a window into her mind. "I'll still wait 'till I trade my mistakes so they fade away," she whispers to me.

And then, all at once, she is gone, her body has faded out of my reach. The party-goers are gone. I curl up on the floor, crying.

I am alone.

Did you like it? I really love that song so I hope you listened to it. Reviews are greatly appreciated.