Chapter 10

I wake up, and I'm in the hospital, under a bright, florescent light.

"Ow," I complain, and close my eyes again.

Like a flash of lightening, Elliot is by my bedside, grabbing my hand. He brushes some hair out of my face, and I look up at him.

"Olivia," he breathes, "you're awake!"

"Yeah, I guess so," I rasp. "El, my throat is dry. Can I have-?"

He is already putting a glass of water into my hand. I drink it tentatively, and in the meantime get a glance at my wrist. It is wrapped up in bandages, and bloodstained.

"Elliot," I whisper. "Wh-what happened to me?"

"You don't remember?" he asked.

I think on it for a second, and then nod.

"I remember," I state. "It just… seems so strange; so hazy. Like it was all a dream."

He nods, and looks at me.

"Olivia," he says softly, "I had to tell the doctors , about… about you're cutting."

I wave it off.

"They were gonna find out anyway," I sigh. "So what did they give me?"

"Anti-depressants," he answers, happy about my calmed reaction, "and weekly therapy sessions."

"Not too bad," I muse. "A lot less than I thought it would be." I look at Elliot. "How'd Captain and IAB take it?"

"IAB's gonna do monthly check-ups," he replies, looking at me gravely, "but they're up a wall about it. They want to know what a suicidal detective was doing at a standoff with a pedophile."

"Eh, they can go shove it," I reply. He laughs, and I smile. His laugh is comforting, and adds a lighter feeling to the drab room. "And Captain?" I ask. "How about him?"

Elliot hesitates before answering, and I can tell something is up.

"What's wrong?" I ask. "Did they take it well?"

"Well, Liv, they feel really guilty," he replies honestly. "They think that they should have noticed before… they think that if they had noticed, this never would have happened. And Casey is absolutely livid about how she should have done something the first time she saw the blood on your wrist."

I nod, but I know there is something he isn't telling me.

"And how do you feel?" I ask.

He hesitates before answering.

"I feel scared," Elliot finally replies softly. "And guilty. Scared, because I came so close to losing you. You died, Olivia. Maybe just for a little bit, but you died. I lost you, but then you came back. You scared me, because I thought that I'd never be able to hear you laugh or hear you speak or see you smile again."

"And why do you feel guilty?" I ask.

"Because," he answers, "I should have gotten you help sooner. If I had gotten you help sooner than I did, they would have taken you off the case, but you would have been safe!"

"Elliot, don't beat yourself up," I order firmly. "What's done is done. I survived, even if only just barely. I survived, and that's all that matters. I'm here, now, talking to you. Hearing your voice. Watching you smile. Reading your expressions. That's all I ever asked for, Elliot. I just can't believe it took me dying and coming back to see it."

Elliot grips my hand and holds it close to him.

"I love you, Olivia Benson," he says softly. "And I never want you to leave me again."

"I love you too, Elliot," I find myself replying. "I meant it when I said it to you before I died. I love you. Not just as a partner or as a best friend."

"I want you to be more than my partner and best friend," he tells me, his voice brimming with hope.

"I do too," I smile, and he kisses my cheek. "But let's take things slow. I don't want to take it too fast too far too soon."

"We'll go as slow as you want to, Olivia," Elliot smiles. "I don't want to lose you again, though."

"Don't worry," I smile, "I'm not planning on going anywhere, anytime soon."

"At least, not without me, you're not," Elliot laughs.

"No," I laugh along with him. "Not without you."

A nurse comes in suddenly, and makes me jump. Elliot puts an assuring hand on my shoulder, and I smile with relief.

"Hi there, Miss Benson," the nurse smiles, "my name is Cara. I'm just going to check on things for you and make sure everything is intact."

"Okay, thank you," I smile at the blonde nurse.

Elliot smiles and me, and rubs my hand with his thumb.

"I love you," he whispers. "More than anything in the world."

"I love you too," I whisper back. "More than anything in the universe."

"Are you trying to outdo me, Benson?" he laughs, knitting his eyebrows together.

"Maaaaybe," I laugh mockingly. "Watcha gonna do about it, Stabler? Can't beat the crap outta me, can ya?"

Instead of answering, he presses his lips onto mine in a demanding kiss. We move in synch, as though we fit perfectly with each other. Twelve years of sexual tension are unleashed in that one kiss we share, and all seems to fit together perfectly. He pulls away after a while breathing hard.

"Wow," he smiles.

"That's all you can say?" I mock.

"How about 'oh my God, wow'?" he laughs.

"Hmmm…" I smile, "I guess I can take that."

"Good," Elliot smiles. "Hey, ya know, the doc says you're gonna be out of here soon."

"Good," I laugh. "You know how much I hate hospitals."

"Yes, that I do," he replies with a grin. "They just want to keep you for a little while longer for examination."

"Oh joy," I scoff.

"Hey," he laughs, "relax." He begins to rub my hand again. "It's just for a couple of days. Then, when you're out, you can come crash at my new place."

"Does that mean…?" I begin.

"Yep," Elliot smiles. "The divorce papers went through last week. I am now officially a bachelor."

"Well, not for long, anyway," I smirk. "Consider yourself un-bachelored."

"Oh darn," he scoffs, snapping his fingers and making a face.

I laugh, and he smiles.

"The others want to see you," he tells me. "They want to know how you're doing."

"Oh, let 'em in!" I laugh, sitting up in my bed. I open my arms wide. "Bring on the family!"

Notes: Sorry about the confusion last chapter... I still have a few chapters left. XD My bad. I still have maybe one more chapter left, and then I'll be doing a postscript. :) Thanks so much for your great reviews, you guys. Keep 'em coming! ;)