Author's Post Script for Disturbia-SilvrBlade's POV ;)
Hey, all. Just wanted to say a few words before I lay Disturbia to rest for good.
I was very happy with the response to this story, especially considering its dark nature, and quite graphic content. I bet a lot of you were thinking that the hardest part was getting into Olivia's head and portraying her thoughts for the world to see. But to tell the truth, that really wasn't hard. I think the concept of putting it into actual words was the hardest part; the pain is really just so hard to describe! There are no true words, and as Olivia said before, "You'll never know what it's like until you feel it yourself." The state of mind Olivia was in was a cruel and unforgiving one, and is not something I would wish upon anyone, not even my worst enemy.
The state of mind is also complex, as is the mind of the cutter. But I guess, in a sense, they are one and the same. I shall give you a peek, a small taste of what it is like… that is, if you dare.
The term "cutting" sends shivers up our spines, because saying it makes it so real to us. When we are under, nothing seems real, and everything seems hazy. We are dragged down by the emotional and mental pain we feel, and we don't know what to do or where it has come from. Some of us can muddle through, but others, like Olivia, well, we can't say for sure if we'll ever make it out alive. Some of us don't.
Sometimes we begin to blame ourselves. If we hadn't been so foolish, we might have seen it coming. Or, if we hadn't been so selfish, we wouldn't have had it inflicted upon us by God, or whoever we think it has come from. But these things only drag us down farther and farther, until we are so deep we can't get back up. We have lost sight of what once held us up, and we blame ourselves once again. We let this happen. We did nothing to fight. And that's where the cutting comes in.
Again, we don't like the term "cutting", but I can think of no other way of putting it. Anyway, it's the one way we feel empowered. Like it is the punishment we take, or even just the release of the pain. But then it comes back, and we have to cut again. And again. And again. We always see the marks and the scars, and we are ashamed. We don't want to, but we have to. It's how we keep ourselves in check, and how we manage to make sure we have not completely lost all feeling. It's also our way of calling out for help; our signal flare that we hope others will answer. But sometimes, people never do.
We live among you, every day though you never realize. We are the people you pass on the streets. We are the strangers who sell you coffee. We are the clerks in the store, helping you find your purchase. We are the joggers who pass you in the park. But do you notice our pain; our suffering? No. You don't. We hide it, because we feel we will be isolated and fear being called freaks. We always think to ourselves, maybe tomorrow someone will notice. Maybe tomorrow. Yes, definitely tomorrow. But more and more tomorrows pass by, and we live our lives in solitude. The noble silence of our fight, and we are the only ones who can tell the story. So ask us, one day. Our answer might surprise you.
But there is one thing I can promise that you will always hear:
"I never, ever thought it could ever happen to me."
Well, I guess that's my story then. I hope it wasn't just a good read, but perhaps it changed your thinking. Not for the worse, I hope, but changed nonetheless. Thanks so much for reading, you guys, and don't forget to review! I know there are more of you out there than the amazing people who hav already reviewed (11Alexandria7, lawandorderSVUismylife, PeaceMariiPeace, ashleysvureader, and brianna)! And if any of you have any questions regarding the story/plot/etc., I'd be happy to answer them! Just send me a PM! Thanks for reading, and please don't forget to review! ;D
And I don't want the world to see me, 'cause I don't think that they'd understand./ When everything's meant to be broken, I just want you to know who I am. Lyrics from Iris, by The Goo Goo Dolls.