A/N: Okay here it is, Chapter 5. It takes place in the 6th season episode "Hook Line and Sinner". You don't really need to have seen the ep to understand the chapter but it might make it more fun. As a refresher: That's the ep where Meredith discovers that April has a thing for Derek and after spending the day in varying states of annoyed and worried she eventually seduces Derek in the conference room. I feel like maybe there was more to the episode than that but really who cares right? That was the MerDer part. This whole chapter is all from Meredith's perspective but I tried not to repeat too much of what actually happened in the episode. This sort of takes place behind the ep I guess. I don't know. It doesn't really matter. I don't think you guys should really have any trouble getting it. Anyway, I hope you like it. I think this was my favorite chapter to write so far.
Chapter 5
Her scrub pants didn't fit. She didn't freaking believe it. She'd been the same size since like 9th grade and today, all of the sudden, she couldn't get her ass into her scrub pants? How did things like this even happen? Her entire life she'd always been borderline too skinny. She'd actually been teased about it as a child. So she really didn't mind the added weight as such (if indeed that was what was happening). What bugged her was what the weight represented. She was getting old. That had to be it. She was getting old and her metabolism was going the way of the dinosaurs. She cringed inwardly, thinking that dinosaur references were just about the last thing she needed at that moment. She couldn't freaking believe it. She'd heard women say that they'd just woken up one day and couldn't eat french fries or pizza anymore but she never thought it would happen to her. And she was barely into her 30s too. She was going to have to start eating like Derek. That food would kill her faster than any cold pizza ever would and she was much too young to die.
She was, however, faced with a much more immediate problem than her imminent mortality. She had no pants to wear to work. She might have been able to stuff herself into her regular pants but what if, god forbid, she split the ass out of them? In public? No, definitely a bad idea. That would be all she needed. She just had no experience with this problem. She didn't know what she was going to do. And then suddenly, she knew the answer.
She found Lexie charting at the nurses' station, "Hey Lexie, I need your help." She said with barely more than a whisper.
"What's up?" Lexie's face showed concern and eagerness in equal parts. It was still sort of a novelty for Meredith to come to her for any reason, let alone for an actual problem.
"Do you still have those scrub pants with the elastic waist?" Meredith asked, and when Lexie just looked confused she added, "The ones you wore while Derek and Mark were fighting and you were eating your pain?"
"Oh yeah! They're in my locker. Why?" Lexie still seemed confused but at least she was following the conversation now.
"I need to borrow them." Meredith said while not meeting her sister's eyes.
"Why?" Lexie asked innocently.
"Will you just come get them for me?" Meredith snapped. She knew she was being a little harsh with Lexie but she had a right. Her ass was like growing by the minute or something.
"Yeah okay. Let's go," and the two of them made their way back to the residents' locker room.
They walked to Lexie's locker where the scrub pants were neatly folded and sitting in the bottom of her cubby. Meredith immediately dropped her pants and nervously pulled on Lexie's larger scrubs. When they pulled up without any trouble she breathed a sigh of relief. "Thanks Lexie, you're a good friend," then her gaze softened. "A good sister," she added, smiling slightly.
A big smile broke out on Lexie's face and Meredith was pretty sure Lexie was holding herself back from hugging her. Then she was confused again and hesitantly asked, "Your pants don't fit?"
"No," Meredith sighed and threw herself onto the bench holding her head in her hands. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm getting old I guess. Now it's my metabolism, next it will probably be my sex drive and then I'll start getting wrinkles and suddenly Derek will realize that he's married to some wrinkly, dried up, fat old lady and he's going to decide to make a break for it while he still can." Meredith was mortified to realize that she was starting to cry. What the hell was wrong with her?
"Oh! Oh no," and now on top of everything, she was scaring the crap out of Lexie who, Meredith was sure, had never actually seen her cry before. "Oh. It's okay. Meredith really, A) that's so no what is going to happen and B) even if you were all of those things Derek would still love you and still want to be with you. You guys belong together." Meredith was so completely humiliated. At least it was just Lexie in here with her. Why the hell was she crying over this? It was ridiculous but, just, why didn't her damn pants fit? And she started crying all over again.
Just then Alex walked into the locker room and upon taking in the scene in front of him turned on Lexie. "Dude, what the hell did you do to her?" He accused.
Lexie held up her hands and backed away from Meredith. "I swear to god I didn't do anything. One minute she was fine and then the next minute she was crying!" Lexie's eyes were very wide.
"No way. Meredith doesn't cry. Like ever," he turned his attention to Meredith who was doing everything in her power to pull herself back together. "Mere? Mere, are you okay? Did Shepherd do something? Do you want me to kick his ass?" he snapped his fingers in front of her face.
Meredith just sniffled, wiped her nose on her sleeve and looked up at Alex, "I'm okay," she said with a hiccup. "I'll be okay," she amended, "Lexie's helping." She attempted a brave smile. She really didn't want to tell him about the elastic pants or her big fat ass.
"Okay well, I brought you this Mocha Latte," he set the coffee cup on the bench next to her, "So I'm just going to go and, you know, let you guys have your privacy, but I'll be around if you need anything," he backed slowly out of the room. He really was a good man, even if he could be a bit rough around the edges. She smiled very slightly.
Then Lexie brought her back to reality, "Not that I'm complaining, but why is it that my boyfriend went and got you coffee when he barely manages to be civil to me half the time?" Lexie flopped down on the bench next to her sister.
"Oh Lexie, I'm sorry. He's a wonderful guy when he wants to be," she paused before adding, "He can also be a major jerk if he wants to be." Then she sighed before saying, "Tell me something that's happening that has nothing to do with your jerky boyfriend or my fat ass."
Lexie paused for a moment. "Hmm, well, did you hear that Little Sloan had the baby?" She asked
Oh, that was news. "No, I didn't know that. When did she have it?" Meredith really was grateful for the topic change.
Lexie got situated to tell the story, "Well I don't really know too much about it. I just heard Cristina and Callie talking about it when they came in. I guess she gave birth on Mark's kitchen floor."
"Wow, really? I didn't think she was even staying there." Meredith interjected.
Lexie continued, "I really have no idea. I don't really talk to Mark much these days you know. But apparently he came over to their apartment screaming like a crazy person and calling for Arizona but they were all so confused that by the time they got back over to Mark's place Sloan had already given birth."
"Wow that's crazy. Thanks Lexie," she stood up and grabbed her coffee off the bench, "I have to go to rounds but maybe I'll see you later for lunch or something." She walked to the door and just before walking out turned and said, "Really, thanks so much Lexie. I don't know what I'd do without you."
The morning went by pretty smoothly. Alex wasn't the last one to bring her a coffee though. Next it was Derek, which she didn't think was all that unusual. But when Mark brought her a cappuccino she started to get suspicious. Why were all of the guys in her life acting crazy?
It was a few hours before she caught up to Cristina who was standing on the catwalk. Meredith was excited to get the details about little Sloan's baby, but Cristina was completely wrapped up in spying on Tom Evens, a famous surgeon who was meeting with Derek in his office.
The two men came out and joined them on the catwalk and while Cristina drooled all over Tom Evens Meredith found herself distracted by Derek. He was looking at her rather intently. Could he tell she was wearing elastic pants? Who was she kidding? He saw her naked more often than she even saw herself naked. If she was getting fat he would know. But still, everyone was acting very weird; even Cristina to an extent. Meredith decided to ask Derek what was going on the next time they were alone.
She meant to ask him, but almost as soon as Cristina and Evens were gone Derek was paged. And somehow before she knew what was happening, she was standing with Jackson and April while April gushed over Derek in a way that was almost amusingly reminiscent of the way Cristina had gushed over Evens. Or it would have been amusing if she hadn't been talking about Derek. As it was Meredith found herself bouncing between wanting to kick her stupid ass and wondering if April Kepner ever had to wear elastic pants.
After she got away from April and Jackson she was walking down the hall when she spotted Mark in a small room by the nursery. He was smiling and holding a baby and she went in for a closer look. He heard her approaching and looked up and smiled at her. "Hey, Big Grey! This is my grandson." Mark pointed the baby towards her so she could get a better look. He really was very cute.
Normally she wasn't a huge fan of babies but as she was looking at the little baby in Marks arms she melted. The Sloans were an attractive people. She'd give them that at least. "Does he have a name yet?" she asked as her hand reached out to touch his little cheek, almost without her realizing it.
"Nope, no name yet." Then he stood up and started handing her the baby, "Here, you should hold him. He's really pretty great. And it will be good practice."
Whoa, he was handing here the baby. Who did he think she was? Some kind of baby holding person who holds babies? She didn't even know where to begin but before she could protest the baby was in her arms. He was more solid than she would have expected. He felt strong and not breakable and the way he looked at her, like he trusted her completely, didn't scare her at all. Maybe this wasn't something to be afraid of.
Once she had him she didn't really know what to do, but he didn't seem to mind. She reached out with her free hand and touched his little stomach. She couldn't help the small bewildered smile that flitted across her face as he reached out and grabbed one of her fingers. Who knew that babies actually did that in real life? She was a bit embarrassed to admit it (even if it was just to herself) but the whole thing was kind of amazing.
He gave a little yawn and her heart just melted. She hadn't really ever been around a baby in a non-clinical way before. It really was kind of nice. She ran her fingers over his wispy baby hair and couldn't help but imagine a little baby with Derek's dark hair and blue eyes. It seemed to awake a kind of longing in her that she hadn't really known before. She wanted one. They were still terrifying and completely life changing but maybe she could handle it? Being with Derek had slowly changed her plans from "No kids ever" to "Maybe someday" and now she felt herself falling over the ledge into "Babies soonish". Not right away but when she looked at Little Sloan's baby she got a definite sense of "I want one" that she had never actually felt before.
Mark was telling her some of the medical facts about the baby, all unremarkable, when he dosed off in her arms. His little eyes just drifted shut and he was out. Just as she thought she could stay like that all day her pager went off. She cringed but the baby didn't wake up. A sound sleeper, she liked that in a man. She smiled slightly to herself when she thought of Derek and the ear plugs that he'd had to wear when they were first dating.
She carefully handed the baby back to Mark before checking her pager. "Oh! Trauma choppers. Yes!" She cheered quietly as she headed out the door. "Thanks Mark. He's great! He looks just like you!" She added as an afterthought as she headed out the door.
She was still on a cutesy baby high when she got into the elevator with Derek, April and Jackson but her mood quickly went south after she watched April fawning all over Derek again. Meredith couldn't believe it. This stupid little intern thought she was going to come in here and hit on her McDreamy. This little girl had nothing on her and Derek. They were Meredith and Derek, they'd gone through hell together and now this twelve year old thought she was going to come in and ruin their happily ever after? No. Freaking. Way.
Logically Meredith knew she had nothing to worry about. She knew that her marriage to Derek was nothing like his marriage to Addison. They would never cheat on each other. They would never degrade into the hateful married couple that had given Meredith a front row seat to the end of their marriage. He was Derek. He was her soulmate dammit. But when she watched April Kepner follow him around like a stupid love-struck intern she couldn't help all of the insecurities that popped up. It was like she could feel every wrinkle on her face. Of course Derek would never even think about cheating on her, but what if she was still somehow sowing the seeds of Derek's discontent? What if he saw this young cheerful little girl following him around like he walked on water and then looked at Meredith and saw her elastic pants and generally gloomy disposition and just wanted someone a little nicer?
Aside from a few eye rolls aimed at Jackson, Meredith managed to keep herself in check for most of the day. At lunch, however, she mentioned it to her friends who didn't really do anything to make her feel better. Alex had given her the only piece of advice that she could actually use. "Powerful guys like adorning girls." That's what he told her, and it made sense. She just had to step up her game.
It was with that in mind that she was standing very unglamorously in the locker room with no pants on and one foot in the sink shaving her legs. Lexie walked in and laughed a little at the sight. Then she sat down on the counter next to the sink and sighed. "I think maybe I just broke up with Alex," she said without preamble.
"What happened?" Meredith asked kindly, even though she wasn't really sure she felt sorry for Lexie anyway. She'd told her not to date Alex in the first place.
Lexie just looked down at her hands while she talked. "Well he's been treating me like crap all day and then I had a really cool diagnosis for our patient but he wouldn't listen so I had to go tell Dr. Altman and make him look like an idiot in front of everyone. You should have seen the look he gave me. I'm pretty sure that's it for us."
"Well Lexie, not that I'm not like one hundred percent against the whole you and Alex thing but I can give you some advice if you want. But it's not free. I need help too." Meredith told her sister as she dried off her first leg and lowered it to the ground before picking up her other leg and putting it into the sink.
"Yeah, okay. What do you think I should do about Alex?" Lexie asked somewhat eagerly.
Meredith looked her Lexie in the eye before she began, "You need to man up Lexie. Alex is a good guy when he wants to be but with you for some reason he is being a complete ass. You can't wait around for him to decide to respect you. You have to demand it. You are a nice person Lexie, and you're nice to him. He's had a hard life and a lot of crappy things have happened to him but you can't just let him walk all over you. That's all really. Just be assertive. Oh and be honest, Alex appreciates honesty."
"Okay so, be assertive and honest and demand respect. I can do that." Lexie held her hands in front of her like she was trying to pump herself up for a fight or something. "So what do you need from me?" She asked, remembering the other half of their deal.
"I need you to help me figure out what the heck is going on with everyone around here. Everyone keeps smiling and being courteous and the guys keep lifting things for me. And the coffee. They all keep bringing me coffee and I have no idea what the malfunction is but you seem to be the only one who is acting normal. So I need you to help me figure it out. Because it's like attack of the body snatchers out there or something." Meredith looked at Lexie with wide eyes.
"Oh I have noticed that they all seem to be acting a little crazy around you. You don't have any idea why?" Lexie seemed as perplexed as her sister.
"No and it's really starting to freak me out. " Meredith said as she finished shaving her second leg and went to pull her pants back up. Cringing as the elastic band reminded her of her other problems. "Do you maybe want to go out for a drink with me later? I have to go sexually embarrass myself in front of my husband but then he's got a few more hours of work to finish up before he'll be ready to go home and I could really use a friendly non-pod-person face."
"Yeah sure, you go be gross with Derek, and I can maybe just do some reconnaissance around here for your thing and then we can go to Joe's and you can help get me drunk enough to yell at Alex." Lexie smiled at Meredith.
"It really is nice to have you around Lexie. I like having a sister." Meredith didn't know where it was coming from but she just kept feeling a sentimental pull toward her sister. Well, kind of towards everyone but Lexie was the only one who wasn't acting crazy.
As she walked alone to the conference room that she knew Derek was holed up in she couldn't help the flitter of doubts that pushed through her. At lunch Alex's advice had seemed like water in the desert. Call him Chief Shepherd. Seemed simple enough. Even though the feminist in her found the whole idea abhorrent and laughable and vaguely grotesque; the neurotic wife in her just hoped to god he would like it. She'd shaved her legs for him and was now on her way to seduce him in the conference room. He better appreciate her efforts.
Turns out he really did appreciate it. The twinkle in his eyes when he was figuring out what she was up to was enough to give her the confidence she needed to keep going and they had ended up having a lot of fun. Of course that just meant his night was going to be even later. Completely worth it, he'd told her. And the smile and kiss he'd given her as she left him to finish his work had told her she really had made his day. She was glad to help make his lousy day a bit better, even if he was just a pod-person version of Derek.
She looked all over for Lexie but couldn't find her anywhere. Eventually she just went home and that's where she found Lexie and Alex sitting in the kitchen. "Hey Lexie, did you forget we were supposed to go to Joe's?" Meredith asked as she sat down and reached for one of the beers in the six-pack on the table.
Alex snatched the beers away before she could get one. "Uh, these are mine," he said with something less than total conviction. "I gotta go," he added as he hastily left the room with the beers, like he was afraid of what Meredith was going to do to him when she wrapped her brain around what had just happened.
"Seriously?" she yelled after him, "What the hell Alex?" then she turned to Lexie, "Do you see what I'm talking about? Everyone is acting completely crazy!" Then she flopped back in her chair and looked at her sister, "So what happened? We were supposed to go to Joe's remember?"
"Oh, um yeah, I forgot. But that's okay you don't need to be drinking anyway. Um. None of us do, I mean. We all drink too much." Lexie started to take a swig of her beer but then seemed to think better of it and got up and dumped it into the sink. "Let's just have some ice cream instead. I think there's some mint chip in there." She tried to smile but couldn't manage to look anything but kind of nervous.
Meredith's eyes narrowed, "Oh. My. God. They got to you too!" she waved her hands in Lexie's direction in a somewhat frantic manor. "You were my last hope, but now you're just pod-Lexie!" Meredith couldn't believe it. What was happening to everyone? What wasn't she getting? "What's going on? Because this is just getting ridiculous!"
"What? No. Everything's totally fine Mere I swear. You're just imagining things. Everyone's just being nice because they love you." She was trying to sound convincing and Meredith was so thrown by everything she started to wonder if she was just being crazy. Maybe she just needed to stop reading so much into everything. No one had done anything that was really that weird. Really.
Meredith was almost convinced. "Okay, well I actually think I'd just like to go lay down. It's been a long day and I'm pretty tired," She spoke slowly and cautiously and didn't take her eyes off Lexie while she said it. Then she got up and walked around her sister into the laundry room to get her and Derek's clean clothes out of the dryer.
"Hey, what are you doing there?" Lexie asked as Meredith started to make her way back through the kitchen with the heaping laundry basket. Then she said the worst possible thing she could have, "Here, why don't you let me carry that for you?" She reached out to take the basket from Meredith.
That was it. Meredith knew there was no way she was imagining that. "Okay, seriously? Why the hell would you carry my laundry for me Lexie?" she looked at her sister with a look that told Lexie to run away while she still could.
"Um, I just wanted to be nice. You know because," Lexie paused here for just a moment too long, "because I feel bad for blowing you off for drinks tonight, especially after you gave me such good advice about Alex." Lexie half cringed, half smiled as she looked her sister in the eyes.
Meredith didn't know what the hell was going on. She didn't know if she really was just being crazy or not. She just knew she was not going to deal with it at that moment. She was tired and in a weird mood and just wanted to go to sleep. She looked at Lexie through narrowed eyes before saying, "Whatever, I'm going to bed. See you tomorrow Lexie." She turned around still carrying her laundry basket and left to go upstairs. She meant to fold laundry and wait for Derek to get home before she went to sleep, but instead she fell asleep on the pile of clothes that she had just folded. She was very exhausted and just couldn't keep her eyes open for one more second.
TBC