A/N: Okay here is my next chapter. This chapter fits in kind of weird with the chapter 9 because in the chapter 9 Derek was having trouble tracking Meredith down all day on Tuesday and then ended Tuesday night with him planning to talk to her the next day but this chapter is from Mer's perspective starting Tuesday morning and moving on from there. I don't think It's probably that hard to follow I just didn't want anyone to be confused.

Baby Daddy- Chapter 10

Meredith couldn't believe she was freaking puking again. What the hell was wrong with her? She was just glad that Derek had gone to work early so he didn't see her doing it. She knew he would be concerned that she was throwing up again. Really, she was surprised that he hadn't mentioned it already. But she didn't feel all that sick other than throwing up all the time.

Truth be told, that wasn't the only reason she was glad that Derek was already at work. He had been acting crazy for the past couple of days. Well, he'd been acting crazy for a while, but especially crazy for the past couple of days. It almost reminded her of when he was trying to ask her to marry him but could figure out how.

She smiled at the memory. When she'd finally confronted him in the hospital lobby. She thought he was freaking out about babies, but he'd just kissed her and told her that he wanted her crappy babies. Then, as quickly as her smile had come it disappeared because at the exact moment that she thought of babies her eyes caught the unopened box of tampons sitting on the bathroom shelf. It was like she had been hit by a truck, and it was suddenly very important that she remember when she bought those tampons. When did she buy them? She searched her brain and the only answer that she could come up with was that it had been winter. She remembered the cold Seattle sleet and her winter coat. That was not good since it was now May and she'd never used them. God, she'd never used them. She promptly puked one more time and then lay down on the bathroom floor facing the ceiling.

Pregnant. God, she could barely bring herself to even think the word. But the more she thought about it the more sense it made. She could definitely be pregnant, and not just a little bit pregnant, but like really really pregnant. Like, make one of those shows on TLC about her, pregnant. She was practically one of those women who end up giving birth while their driving because they didn't even realize they were pregnant. Then she realized that she was going to have to give birth. How was she ever going to handle that? She'd seen it, and frankly, it was pretty gross. And painful. And nothing down there would ever be the same. Not to mention what was going to happen after the thing came out. She was not cut out to be a mother. She would probably be one of those parents who forget their kid in a supermarket or something.

A while later she was still just laying there thinking of all of the reasons why she would be a horrible mother when she heard her alarm go off. The puking had woken her up early but now it was time to get ready to go to work. She lay there for a couple minutes listening to the alarm going off before she finally got herself off the floor and went to turn it off. She briefly thought about calling in sick to work but quickly decided that that wouldn't be a good idea. Work was a good distraction. She needed to work.

She got into the shower and after about 45 minutes in there she felt almost human again. She had to rush through the rest of her morning routine which was especially hard because she did it all in a daze while her brain was a million miles away. She actually had two different shoes on for a minute but luckily noticed before walking out of the house. She was almost out of the door when a pang of worry hit her. She should eat something. For the baby. She was feeling much better now so she wandered back into the kitchen and stared at the food there. She thought that it should probably be something healthy and so, for one crazy second, she contemplated eating some of Derek's muesli before she just shuddered and moved on. She looked in the fridge and the second she opened the door she could smell the cold pizza and knew she had to have it. She laughed for the first time that morning. This poor baby is never going to stand a chance. She felt a little bit bad so she grabbed an apple along with her two slices of yesterday's pizza.

She was driving to work with her breakfast sitting on the dashboard when a drug store caught her eye. She was already going to be late so decided what the hell and pulled into the parking lot. She was walking through the isles looking for the pregnancy tests when something else caught her eye. Pre-natal vitamins. Why hadn't she been taking those? She knew they were recommended for all woman of child bearing age and yet she just never thought it would be her. She looked at the bottle on the shelf and decided that she should obviously be taking them either way, given the situation she now found herself in, so she grabbed a bottle and moved on. She got her pregnancy test and then went to check out. As she set her stuff on the counter and the clerk rang them up she could swear she felt the clerk staring at her the whole time. Pregnant. Pregnant. Pregnant. It was like the word itself was actually floating in the air around her. Once she had paid she grabbed her stuff and got the hell out of there.

As expected, she was late for work and rounds had already started by the time she got there. She slid into place beside Cristina and just hoped not to get yelled at. "Hey look who decided to show up." Cristina said with a smirk.

"Would you just Shh," Meredith whispered and they rounded a corner.

"Oh relax, it's not like this bone head they got us for a chief resident would ever even notice," Cristina said entirely too loudly for Meredith's liking.

Meredith could help but laugh though, "Yeah he's definitely no Dr. Bailey." They finished rounds without incident and Meredith was very happy to have ended up on a general surgery case. She wanted to be as far away from neuro as she could possibly get. Maybe she should have gone with plastics but really then she'd have to worry about Derek stopping in to visit with her and Mark and she needed to figure out where her head was before she even thought about discussing anything with Derek. No way would Derek try and visit her while she was on Dr. Bailey's service. Chief or not there's no way she would let him get away with that.

So her morning passed mostly without incident. She didn't really know why she was avoiding Derek but she was. She thought that maybe if she was standing on more solid ground it would be okay. If only she knew where she stood. So she decided to take the test and then tell him but she also knew that he would see right through her if she talked to him. He had this annoying way of knowing exactly what she was thinking even when she didn't really want him to. So when lunch time rolled around she decided that was it. She would take the test. She had to. She couldn't just ignore this and hope it went away.

She went and got the test which she had safely deposited in her locker that morning and walked to the nearest bathroom. The problem was she couldn't go in. She was freaking out. She was just standing there staring at the door and she couldn't make her feet work. How was she just supposed to go in there and have her whole world change in 3 minutes? There was no way. She'd been wrong before. She needed Derek. With that thought she rushed off down the hall to find him.

She spent another couple minutes pacing in front of Derek's office before she finally got up the guts to go in. She found Patricia eating her lunch at her desk in the outer office. "Hey Patricia, is he free?" She asked as she motioned toward Derek's office door.

"Sorry Dr. Grey he's actually stuck in a board meeting that's running long. Would you like me to page him?" Patricia responded apologetically.

"No," Meredith started, "No, that's okay. I'll just catch up with him later." She just shook her head and backed out of the office.

She was trying to decide whether to just get it over with and take the test herself or wait for Derek when fate decided for her and her pager went off. 911 to Bailey's patient. She didn't have time to stop at her locker and she didn't want to leave the test in her pocket so it was with an unexpected stinging in her eyes that she threw the still unopened test in the trash and ran off to answer her page.

As she rushed to get to her patient's room a new wave of doubt and self-recrimination washed over her. How was she ever going to find time to be a mother if she didn't even have time to take a stupid pregnancy test? And Derek. She loved him more than anything but it felt like ever since he became chief they barely saw each other. She knew she was being unreasonable. That this was just one day. That they would make time. Or she could hear Derek's voice in her head telling her that at least.

But there was another voice rolling around in her brain. Her mother. She remembered a long time ago when she was a child and her mother never had time for her. She remembered grabbing her mother and screaming for attention only to be pushed aside for surgery. Would she ever leave her child with that kind of desperation? She remembered her mother telling her she wasn't good enough. That she was ordinary. It had been a long time since she'd really let her mother get to her like this but once she started it was hard to stop.

They managed to stabilize the patient but after a couple hours of close monitoring it became clear that they would have to go back to the OR. They had to do an exploratory laparotomy and just repair any damage they found along the way. It was a long surgery and by the time she was out Meredith knew that Derek had long since gone home. She decided that maybe it was for the best. She really needed to figure her head out before she talked to him.

She could have gone home at that point. She probably should have gone home; but she didn't. It was Tuesday and she'd already told Derek that every Tuesday night she was going to be staying at the hospital and trolling for cases. She knew it was a lame excuse but she held onto it with both hands, even while a voice inside her head kept screaming coward.

With a heavy heart she went to the cafeteria and ate dinner by herself. She checked the OR board but there wasn't anything interesting yet and she was starting to feel the exhaustion of the day catching up to her so she just paid off a nurse to page her if any interesting cases came up and went to an on call room to take a nap.

The problem was she couldn't sleep. She just lay there staring at the bunk bed above her. Using her eyes to trace the patterns on the bottom of the mattress. It's amazing how your inner demons can just swirl around you when you're alone in the dark. She thought of all the reasons why this was a bad idea, why she would be the worst mother in the world. She didn't even really like kids all that much. She'd never even held a baby outside of work.

Actually, she corrected herself, she had held a baby once. That day a few weeks ago when Mark had let her hold Little Sloan's baby. Well, 'let' might be the wrong word. He'd practically tossed the thing at her. But still that baby was pretty cute; so perfect and new. He had looked at her with so much innocence, so much trust. No one had neglected him or damaged him yet and really, maybe no one ever had to.

The other part of that memory was Mark. Sweet Mark who was both the biggest jerk and the nicest guy she knew. To her baby he would be Uncle Mark, always ready to have a good time. And of course there was Cristina who you could tell anything and she would never judge. She was a great shoulder to cry on and in the end was always there to help you laugh at your problems. They would be her baby's Godparents.

And there was the difference. Even if she did end up exactly like her mother her kids would still have people around. Derek would never ever leave his children like Thatcher had left her. And there was Lexie who would be an amazing aunt. Between her and Derek the poor kid was bound to end up the most optimistic and chatty person on the planet. And strong loyal Alex who would be her baby's rock in a storm.

Then she thought about the uncharacteristically optimistic foundation waiting for them out in the woods. Someday it would be her and Derek's house. The place where their kids would grow up. It was almost ready for them. With a nursery that was rather thinly veiled as a guest room and a big room where the kids could play. They would have such a great life in that house.

She could see it all in front of her like it was a movie. She laughed even as tears fell from her eyes. She couldn't believe that as she lay alone in a dark on call room she was having a freaking revelation. Tentatively she let her hand creep down to her abdomen and was a little overwhelmed by the love she could already feel in that small act.

Really, she knew she was nothing like her mother. She smiled when she remembered Alex telling her that just a few weeks ago. All she had to do was look around her to know they were two very different people. Her life was so rich and full and crowded and messy; none of those were things she could associate with her mother. The fear that took her over sometimes, that was Ellis's. But the warmth and love and joy that was all her; her and Derek. Just like this baby would be her and Derek. She drifted off to sleep then with a small happy smile on her face. She would tell Derek in the morning and then things would really get started.

She woke up a couple hours later to the sound of her pager. It was Shadow Shepherd with a motorcycle accident victim. No helmet and lots of cool brain injuries. She briefly wondered if as an almost mother she ought to be more concerned about this kind of injury. After all her baby would one day be old enough to ride a motorcycle without a helmet. But in the end she just shrugged it off. Maybe those things come with time. She was mostly just excited to work with Dr. Nelson because he always let her do the coolest parts of the surgery.

A few hours later she was scrubbing out of surgery with a smile pretty much permanently attached to her face. She was high on surgery and she was high on life. And she really had to pee and decided that it was as good a time as any to take her pregnancy test. Not that she was worried about it. She was basically positive that she was pregnant. This was just confirmation.

So she snuck into the supply closet and stole a pregnancy test and then went over to the bathroom. She took the test and then put it back into its package and stuck it in her pocket. She thought it was a bit disgusting to put something in her pocket that she had just peed on but really she was sure there had been worse things in her pocket as a doctor. And also, if that was the grossest part of this whole parenthood adventure she would be getting off easy.

She walked to the residents' locker room as slowly and casually as she could manage but was very disappointed to find people in there when she arrived. They looked like they were about to leave so she just fussed around in her locker for a moment, rearranging some stuff, putting on some lotion. Finally the people cleared out and Meredith was able to pull the test out of her pocket. She paused for a moment before pulling it back out of the wrapper and looking at the result. Pregnant. One little word and her life was changed forever. She let out a small happy sigh and then hid the test in the back of the locker.

Once she was out of the locker room she was kind of at a loss for what to do next. It was still too early for Derek to get there but if she didn't tell him soon she was going to explode. But then, as if being her person had also equipped her with some kind of ESP, Cristina chose exactly that moment to page her down to the tunnels. Meredith tried to act natural as she rushed down to the basement to meet her best friend but as soon as she got there she realized she must have failed miserably.

Cristina surely had a reason to page Meredith at that moment but as soon as she saw Meredith her faced changed into a sort of amused curiosity. "Okay what's your problem?" She asked unceremoniously.

"Um, nothing," Was all Meredith could muster.

"Nothing?" Cristina asked with a scoff, "If it's nothing why do you look like…" She paused for a second as if searching for a simile, "I don't know. What's the opposite of someone kicking your puppy?"

Meredith decided not to beat around the bush. "I'm pregnant," She said, saying the words out loud for the first time since she'd realized they might be true almost 24 hours earlier.

"No way!" Cristina shouted in kind of a weird way.

"Yeah," Was all Meredith could think to respond.

"No freaking way," Cristina said again. It was still weird though. Meredith almost wondered if her best friend had already known somehow.

"Right?" Again Meredith was a little at a loss for words.

"Oh my god! Okay. Um… Were you trying to…?" Cristina trailed off at the end.

"No! Total accident! I used the thing!" Meredith said getting a little wrapped up in Cristina's amusingly loud reaction.

"Oh. So are we happy about this or are we exercising our legal right to choose?" Meredith was at a loss for words that would adequately explain how she was feeling to Cristina. She certainly couldn't talk about all the crying in the on call room. She struggled for a second to find something to say but Cristina saved her the trouble and just let out a big laugh and threw out her arms, "Okay!" She said in a way that made Meredith let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. Cristina was on board with this. She had her person. "Alright!" She added, "Congratulations! Let's hug it out!" Then Cristina hugged her and Meredith was embarrassed to find herself getting a little misty-eyed. She could always count on Cristina. This was gonna be good.

TBC