As soon as school let out, I immediately ran to my car to drive home before Iggy. I had a feeling that only I was supposed to see the CD.
When I got to the apartment building, I jumped up the stairs, skipping a couple steps, trying to get up faster. I got to my floor and went to open the door but someone calling my name stopped me. I suppressed a groan and turned around.
It was Gazzy and Angel's mother, Jeanne. "Max, I just wanted to say thanks for taking the kids out a while ago. I was so busy, I forgot to thank you."
"It was no problem. I had fun with those two." I smiled at her politely.
She shuffled her feet. "Listen, they look up to you, despite the fact that they're both teens." She smiled, trying to look persuasive. I instantly prepared myself- I knew something bad was going to happen. "Ryan and I… are going through a rough patch and- well, I don't want Angel and Gazzy to deal with us fighting all the time. Do you think they could live with you and Iggy for a while?"
My heart seized. I knew what she meant: her and her husband, Ryan, were getting a divorce. And they didn't want to deal with their children being around. So, they were going to dump them on me.
"Jeanne," I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. "Listen, I don't-"
"Just think about it. I'll give you two days." She up and ran down the stairs, away from me. I couldn't believe it: Jeanne wanted to abandon her children.
Well, Angel and Gazzy always said that their mother never cared- I just didn't think it was true.
I turned and opened the apartment door, closing it behind me once I stepped in. I tossed my bag on the floor after taking the CD case out.
I shuffled my feet and slowly made my way to the entertainment system. I put the CD in and pressed play, sitting in my black leather recliner. I leaned back and stared at the CD case, the back, to see a song list.
Song 1: You and I
My eyebrows furrowed. I didn't recognize that title… And there was no band name under it. As the song came on and I heard the singer's voice, I gasped. It was Fang. It was his song. This was his CD, his songs.
Without you, there's no reason for my story
And when I'm with you I can always act the same
Forever, yeah if we're together
We can make it better
You and I
We never get to sleep we're up all day
We're overworked and under paid
You and I
We're always stuck in repeat day by day
Watching time drift away as we burn away
Without you, there's no reason for my story
And when I'm with you I can always act the same
Forever, yeah if we're together
We can make it better
You and I
We've never felt so right
That just might be just what I need (to get me through the night)
You and I
We're the perfect fit you've got me hooked
So then I could never never quit, I just burn away
Without you, there's no reason for my story
And when I'm with you I can always act the same
Forever, yeah if we're together
We can make it better
Oh oh oh-oh oh oh-oh [x2]
Without you, there's no reason for my story
And when I'm with you I can always act the same
Forever, yeah if we're together
We can make it... We can make it...
[x2]
Without you, there's no reason for my story
And when I'm with you I can always act the same
Forever, yeah if we're together
We can make it better
Oh oh oh-oh oh oh-oh [x2] I sniffled and opened the CD case, noticing a piece of paper behind the CD holder on the left part.
Song 1: You And I= Because it's true, Max. Ask anyone, they'll say I'm empty but when I'm with you, I can be myself.
I took a deep breath as I read the next part.
Song 2: I'll Follow You Into The Dark= If you were ever gone, I would follow after you, even if I had no idea where you went. When you're out of this world, I will be too. And I'll do exactly that: Follow You Into The Dark.
Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark
No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about Cause we'll hold each other soon
The blackest of rooms
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark
I kept taking deep breaths, unable to believe that Fang made this for me. And these were all his songs! His songs always came from the heart.
I looked at the case again.
Song 3: I Will Possess Your Heart= Hopefully this will be true, soon. I would like to be the only one to hold your heart and I hope you will allow me to willingly. Let me reach your heart Max…
Most of the song was just instrumental and I felt like it went on forever. It sounded a little indie- ish. But, a little more than half way through, lyrics came in.
How I wish you could see the potential,
the potential of you and me.
It's like a book elegantly bound but,
in a language that you can't read.
Just yet.
You gotta spend some time, Love.
You gotta spend some time with me.
And I know that you'll find, love
I will possess your heart.
You gotta spend some time, Love.
You gotta spend some time with me.
And I know that you'll find, love
I will possess your heart.
There are days when outside your window
I see my reflection as I slowly pass,
and I long for this mirrored perspective
when we'll be lovers, lovers at last.
You gotta spend some time, Love.
You gotta spend some time with me.
And I know that you'll find, love
I will possess your heart.
You gotta spend some time, Love.
You gotta spend some time with me.
And I know that you'll find, love
I will possess your heart.
I will possess your heart.
I will possess your heart.
You reject my... advances... and desperate pleas...
I won't let you... let me down... so easily.
So easily.
You gotta spend some time, Love.
You gotta spend some time with me.
And I know that you'll find, love
I will possess your heart.
You gotta spend some time, Love.
You gotta spend some time with me.
And I know that you'll find, love
I will possess your heart.
You gotta spend some time, Love.
You gotta spend some time with me.
And I know that you'll find, love
I will possess your heart.
I will possess your heart.
I will possess your heart.
I decided to give up on breathing and thinking and let the tears fall down my face. I read the next description through blurry eyes.
Song 4: You and Me= There is no Me by myself. Only you near me makes me, me. There are a lot of girls out there but there's only one for me.
What day is it? And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time
'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
One of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words
You've got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here
'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
There's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right
'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
and me and all other people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
What day is it?
And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
Every minute in our old relationship had weight. We just hadn't known. I felt so stupid for letting him go. And… And, I think he felt stupid for leaving me…
Song 5: Hanging By A Moment= Every moment I spent with you was amazing, I knew that then and I know that now. There's no one else in this world I would want to spend my life with.
Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me now...
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
There's nothing else to lose
There's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world
That can change my mind
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you....
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
Just hanging by a moment (here with you)
Hanging by a moment (here with you)
Hanging by a moment here with you
I sighed and looked at the CD case once I wiped all the tears away from my eyes. I let a loud laugh out of my mouth as I read the description, remembering it.
Song 6: Cross My Heart= Well, you should know this one. We wrote it together, remember? And thanks for playing the guitar in the recording. ;)
So here's another day
I'll spend away from you
Another night I'm on
Another broken avenue
The bag is ripped and worn
Then again now so am I
Take what you wanna take
What you wanna take
What you...
I miss the stupid things
We'd go to sleep at night
You'd wake me up and kick me out of bed at 3 am
I laughed at that one. I sort of had to so no one knew what we had been doing. Mom and Dad would have killed him and Iggy would have killed me for sleeping with his best friend.
Pick up the phone
I hear you saying dirty things to me
Oh, so totally complete bullshit. We'd call each other all the time but it wouldn't be anything dirty!! Stupid ass…
Do what you wanna do
What you wanna do
What you...
Take me with you
I start to miss you
Take me home
Don't wanna be alone tonight
And I do want to show you, I
Will run to you, to you till I
Can't stand on my own anymore, I
Cross my heart and hope to die
He'd never say I Promise. Always cross my heart…
Cross my heart and hope to die
Cross my heart and hope to...
The tales are all the same
You're still away from me
Another day, another dollar that I'll never see
Gonna get a piece
The pieces
The piece of something good
Lie just a little lie
Just a little lie
Just a...
(So wrong)
I wonder what your doing
I wonder if you got it
I wonder how we used to ever go so long without it
No matter where I go
I'm coming back to you
Be where we ought to be
Where we ought to be
Where we...
Oh my god… I closed my eyes and sighed. I had thought that he would never come back to me but he did. His promise was right there but I never saw it… I'm such a fool…
Take me with you
I start to miss you
Take me home
Don't wanna be alone tonight
And I do want to show you, I
Will run to you, to you till I
Can't stand on my own anymore, I
Cross my heart and hope to die
Take me with you
I start to miss you
Take me with you
I start to miss you
Take me with you
I start to miss you
Take me with you
I start to miss you
Take me with you
I start to miss you
Take me with you
I start to miss you
Take me with you
I start to miss you
Take me with you
I start to miss you
Take me with you
I start to miss you
Take me home
Don't wanna be alone tonight
And I do want to show you, I
Will run to you, to you till I
Can't stand on my own anymore, I
Cross my heart and hope to die
And I do want to show you, I
Will run to you, to you till I
Can't stand on my own anymore, I
Cross my heart and hope to die
And I do want to show you, I
Will run to you, to you till I
Can't stand on my own anymore, I
Cross my heart and hope to die
And I do want to show you, I
Will run to you, to you till I
Can't stand on my own anymore, I
Cross my heart and hope to die
I put my recliner back so I was lying down. I couldn't believe it- I was such an idiot!! He promised me he would come back but I didn't believe him but… he did. He did and I'm guessing he had a reason…
Song 7: Beside You= Even if I'm never literally beside you, my heart will be. I hope you took good care of it when I was in New York…
When your tears are spent on your last pretense
And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense
When it's in your spine like you've walked for miles
And the only thing you want is just to be still for a while
If your heart wears thin
I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I'll be right beside you
I'll be right beside you
When you're overwhelmed and you've lost your breath
When the space between the things you know is blurry nonetheless
When you try to speak but you make no sound
And the words you want are out of reach but they've never been so loud
If your heart wears thin
I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I'll be right beside you
I'll be right beside you
I will stay
Nobody will break you
Trust in me, trust in me
Don't pull away
Trust in me, trust in me
I'm just trying to keep this together
Cause I could do worse and you could do better
Tears are spent on your last pretense
And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense
If your heart wears thin
I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I'll be right beside you
Nobody will break you
If your heart wears thin
I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I'll be right beside you
Nobody will break you
I ran my fingers through my hair. He needs to stop. I couldn't take it. I felt so freaking guilty for giving up on him, for not trusting him. I should have kept that trust.
Song 8: Celebrity Status= I was so stupid, Max. New York was a bust. I was blinded by money and possible fame and I wasn't able to see anything in front of me, the best thing that ever happened to me ever: you. I wanted to bring you with but you would just be the topic of gossip and rude things would have been said about you. I didn't want you to be miserable in New York while I was living my dream. I wanted you to be happy. But I don't think I made the right choice… I'm sorry, Max, and I hope you can forgive me…
That message alone made more tears trickle from my eyes.
I look around, round, look around and look it over,
I take it up- up, take it out and, take you nowhere,
Trading in who I've been for shiny celebrity skin
I like to push it and, push it until my luck is over.
It never stop stops, never stops, well you better,
Think it over prima Donna you don't want to sever,
All the works to impress, charming girls out of their dresses,
And smiling pretty, well pretty will swallow you forever
Step one, step two, step three repeat
And I pray at the church, of asses in the seats,
And disappear behind the beat, yeah
When the mirrors and the lights
And the smoke clear I'd never guess
How we ever could have got here.
You can say what you say
When the lights go down
So shake, shake, shake,
And shut your mouth
I wonder why, why, I wonder why, why I ought to,
Let you wreck, resurrect whatever you want to.
I can't depend, in the end you know
I thought you were my friend.
Just stop, just stop, just stop I think I got it.
Sorry you, sorry me, sorry every in between,
Sorry everybody he will never be somebody clean.
There's a piece of me they're throwing back at us,
And they will buy you and sell you for celebrity status
Step one, step two, step three repeat
And I pray at the church of asses in the seats
I disappear behind beat, yeahhhh
When the mirrors and the lights
And the smoke clear, I'd never guess
How we ever coulda got here.
You can say what you say
When the lights go down
So shake, shake, shake,
And shut your mouth
When the mirrors and the lights
And the smoke clear, I'd never guess
How we ever coulda got here.
You can say what you say
When the lights go down
So shake, shake, shake
And shut your mouth
(Look around round, look around round, look around)x5
I'm tryin' I'm tryin' I'm tryin' (Look around round, look around round, look around)
I'm tryin' I'm tryin' I'm tryin' (Look around round, look around round, look around)
I'm tryin' I'm tryin' I'm tryin' (Look around round, look around round, look around)
I'm tryin' I'm tryin' I'm tryin' (Look around round, look around round, look around)
When the mirrors and the lights
And the smoke clear I'd never guess
How we ever coulda got here.
You can say what you say
When the lights go down
So shake, shake, shake,
And shut your mouth
When the mirrors and the lights
And the smoke clear I'd never guess
How we ever coulda got here.
You can say what you say
When the lights go down
So shake, shake, shake,
And shut your mouth
I'm tryin' I'm tryin' I'm tryin'
I sighed, my whole body shaking with held back sobs. I had no idea…
"Max, I'm sorry. I truly am." Fang voice came off the CD and I stilled. He sighed. "Look, I know I was an ass and a total and complete idiot. And if this CD do anything and you still hate, I understand. And if this didn't do anything at all then the DVD will make you kill me." He chuckled nervously. "Remember how Marian was obsessed with videotaping us and taking pictures of us? Well, I went to my mom and dad and got her old footage and… well, you can look for yourself but I don't- I don't think you'd like it." I laughed silently, staring at the CD player. He always babbled when he was nervous or uncomfortable. "But anyway, this is the last thing I want to say to you before I end this CD," There was a small pause. And then, "Je vous aime, je toujours ai et je toujours ferai." I put a hand to my mouth and silenced my ragged breathing. "I just thought you should know…"
I stayed on the recliner, just crying my eyes out, so not myself. And what, you may ask, did he say to me?
I love you, I always have and always will.
I know it may have sucked and there would have been more but my parents keep grilling me about the Winter Olympics so they're making me sign off the computer. This whole chapter was twenty pages. Yepp, you read right, the big 2-0. Anyway, it was only so big because of the songs. And here's the disclaimer for the songs:
#1: by Anarbor
#2 and 3: by Death Cab For Cutie
#4 and 5: by Lifehouse
#6, 7, and 8: by Marianas Trench
So there you have it. I know this chapter probably sucked but it was the best I could do today and I wanted to get it out sooner but I was busy.