Chapter 1 Changes
BPOV
I wish everything would just go away. I would love to just stay here in bed rather then go to the hell hole, or as others know high school. My life was once perfect, I had everything a girl could want including the sluttiest clothes and makeup you could want. That is how my mother, Renee, wanted me to be because I was a cheerleader. But the truth is the only reason I am captain of the cheerleading squad is because my mom begged the coach to put me on the squad.
Now my mom is not considered my mother anymore. When I was fourteen I was raped. From that moment I have not spoken a word and I am a cutter, or an emo. Lets just say Renee, wasn't to happy about it. That is an under statement of the century, she was furious. She was engaged to Phil Dywer when I was raped. Unlike Renee who hated me Phil still tried to be a father to me while Renee wouldn't be a mother to me. My life from that moment has never been the same.
I have to admit, even though Renee wanted me to be popular, I loved my old life. A life were I had friends and was more than just a nobody in school. I knew that Renee would be coming up any minute to yell at me to get my fat, lazy ass up. So, I just decided to get up early so I wouldn't have to listen to Renee yelling at me. As soon as I got to my closet to get some clothes for after my shower I heard Renee stomp up the stairs to the attic to get me up. And yes I live in the attic.
"Isabella, get your fat, lazy, ass out of that bed or I am going to punish you like I did last night!" Renee said from the other side of the door.
Oh, I forgot about last night. Renee had gone out to party with her friends and to probably see if she could get a playtoy. I don't know why Phil ever married her. Even after she cheated on him he still loved her and forgave her. He actually thought she was sorry for it, but as you can tell she wasn't. He cooked me a nice dinner which consisted of a 1/4 pound steak, mashed potatoes with gravy, and a side salad. This was one of the biggest meals I had had in a while.
When Renee got home last night she beat me repeatedly until I was unconsious. I remember hearing Phil telling her to stop abusing me an then a loud slap and yelling. I looked at myself in the little mirror that Renee had put in the attic a long time ago. My bottom lip was cut deep and had dried blood on it. My face was covered with black, blue, and purple bruises and one long scratch from my left temple to my pulse point on my neck. The rest of my body was covered in bruises and cuts as well.
After the inspection of myself, I got into the shower using my favorite strawberry shampoo and conditioner that Phil gave me when Renee was out one night with her friends. Once I was done with my shower I got dressed in a pair of black skinny jeans, a My Chemical Romance tee, and my pair of red converse. Phil came in a minute latera threw me a case a makeup to cover up the bruises that people would notice. After, I made sure I got the makeup everywhere it needed to be, I brushed my teeth and brushed my hair out.
Renee had already left for work, so Phil gave me a packed lunch and a to-go bowl off honey-nut cheerois to eat for breakfest. That was the good thing about Renee leaving for work I always got a breakfestand lunch from Phil. I thanked Phil with a smile sense he was the reason that I hadn't starved yet. I had to walk two miles to school and as always Phil offered to drive me but I politely refused, it you could call a small smile and a shake of the head a polite refuse.
Once I gotto school, I had the urge to run home where Phil, my loving step father, would be. And unlike Renee he would understand and care for me like a parent should. I heard my past friends and classmates whispering , , and I just continued walking to my first period ignoring the stares and whispers. As I walked into my first period English I pasted my old boyfriend and friend Alex Masen. Alex didn't say what I thought he would say I. Instead he said the exact opposite.
"I miss you Bells". What? I must have been imagining that. No one has told me that in four years.
I turned my head slowly to look at Alex. He smiled softly at me and gave me a small wave. I stared at him another moment and then walked to my seat in the back of the class. Alex stared at me the rest of the class. When the bell rang I went to go to my next class when Alex stopped me and pulled me into the corner. He looked at me for a moment and then handed me a small piece of paper. He started to walk away but then he turned to look at me and whispered in a broken voice, a sentence that made my heart break.
"Bye Bells. I'll never forget you." He then slowly walked away from me. I open the letter slowly, afraid to read what he had wrote.
Dear Bella,
I know that I've have been a jerk for the last four years. Am I am truly sorry for that. After you stopped talking to us, I tried to talk to you but the football team said that if I talked to you then they would kick me off the team. I know now that it was selfish of me to think of myself before you. All you ever needed in the last four years was your best friend and I wasn't there for you. I just wish we could go back to old times were I would come over and we would just joke around and be who we were. When I was with you I wasn't the star of the football team, I was just a guy having fun. I know you probably won't forgive me easily, but I don't care about the football team anymore, or being popular. I just want my best friend back. Come talk to me when your ready. I miss you.
Yours forever,
Alex
I couldn't believe what I was reading. Alex would rather be with me than being star of the football team or popular. I knew there was a reason I got up this morning. For the first time in almost four years I avtually smiled a real smile, not one of the fake ones I usually have to do. I was already late for my second period by twenty minutes so I just skipped the rest of my class. The rest of the morning pasted by to quickly for my liking and before I knew it, it was lunch.
As I walked into the cafeteria, people stared like they usual did. I walked to the empty table in the corner of the cafeteria and sat down in my usual seat. I glanced up at the table were I used to sit and was shocked to see Alex staring at me. His eyes glimmered with sadness and hope. Was he hoping that I would forgive him and be his friend again? I would talk to him at the end of the day and tell him my decision.
The rest of the lunch period, Alex stared at me. The bell rang signaling the end of lunch. I got up to go to my next class which was Calculas. Just I headed out of the cafeteria, one of my old friends, Amber, stopped me. She just glared at me then she decided ot talk.
"Look Swan, just because Alex is talking to you doesn't mean he wants to be your friend. He actually told us that he just wanted to mess around with you, to make you finally leave. He may seem nice, but he is just messing with you, so don't bother talking to him today after school." she said. I couldn't believe Alex would do that to me. How could I have been so stupid to actually think he wanted to be my friend?
I decided just to skip the rest of the day, and wait for Alex so I could hear the truth. The rest of the afternoon I layed out in the sun and just thought of the reason Alex would want to be my friend. When the final bell rang I gathered my things and walked over to Alex and his group of were talking quietly about something and I walked forward a little a more just to hear what they were talking about.
"I can't believe she actually thought I wanted to be her friend. All she is a freak. You should have seen her face when she thought I wanted to be with her instead of you guys. It was priceless." Alex said. That was it. It was all a joke. In almost four years I thought I was finally wanted again. Even though I tried to be strong, I felt tears prickle in my eyes.
Hey guys look at this, the emo freak heard what we were talking about. Ah, is the emo gonna cry. Why don't you go run home to cut yourself. one of the guys said. I looked over at Alex, and he looked ashamed of himself. I don't know why. I started to walk away with them laughing behind me. I just started walking faster to get home. I heard footsteps behind me heard someone calling my name over and over again.
"Bella, Bella, will you please wait. I can explain!" Alex actually had the nerve to follow me home after he said those things that were just lies. For some reason, I stopped and turned around to face him. He looked at me for a couple minutes, as if to see if I would run away from him. When he finally came to the conclusion that I was not going to run he walked towards me slowly and began talking.
"Bella, I'm so sorry. I had to make up those lies to them. If I would have known you were there I wouldn't have said anything. I want to be friends with you again so much. I miss you, and you were always like a sister to me. When you stopped talking to me I felt dead. You had always been there for me, and in your time of need I wasn't there for you. The day you changed I felt empty. In you I always had a sister, and my best friend. I can't live without you anymore. I need my best friend back."
Alex's speech made me feel bad for not believe him. He was right, we had always been like siblings. That was why I had felt so awful about pretending he didn't exsist. I slowly waled towards him and did something that surprised not just Alex, but me as well. I flung my arms around his waist and buried my face in his chest. Alex put his arms around me and layed his head on top of mine. I had missed him so much these past four years.
We stayed like that for several minutes, until I pulled away and nodded my head towards the house to ask silently if he wanted to come in. He nodded his head slightly at my request. We both turned towards the house and walked up the steps slowly. Alex kept his arm around my shoulders as we walked into the house. Phil was in the living room watching a football game. When he saw us he smiled brightly at me. And for once in almost four years, I smiled a real smile back at him.
Alex and I walked up to my room to hang out for a while. When he saw I didn't go in to my old room, he asked why I didn't go in. Even though I am mute I still have to talk to people some way. So, I pulled out my little notebook and pen from my backpack. I wrote in my chicken scratch print, I have a different room now. We continued the walk to my room in silence. When we gotthere Alex looked surprised to see the attic but didn't question it. The rest of the afternoon we talked about what we had missed in each others lives the past four years.
Before I knew it was time for Renee to come home and I was nervous about that. When we smelled food we decided to go down and see what Phil had cooked us for our dinner, well not my dinner. He smiled at as when we came in. Phil had never met any of my friends before the accident, and of course none during the past four years. He turned towards Alex to say something.
"Hi, I'm Phil, Bella's step father. It is nice to see Bella has a least one friend in school." Phil said with a big smile on his tanned face. After Alex introduced himself we all sat down to eat dinner. Phil and I guessed that Renee wouldn't be home for dinner so I was able to eat something. Through out dinner Phil and Alex talked about sports and who knows what else. Halfway through dinner we heard a car pull up outside. Phil and I immediatly knew who it was. Before we had a chance to do anything, Renee was through the door and yelling at Phil.
"Phil were is that freak that lives with us. I think that bitch stole some jewelry from me and I want it back. Oh, there she is, and who is this. Is this another one of her playtoys. She always was a little slut." Renee had grabbed Alex by his shirt and pulled him towards her. Something in me just exploded and I ran at her to get Alex away from that evil monster. When she saw me coming she threw Alex to the ground and punched me in the face to make me fall over. She then repeatedly kicked me in the stomach, and on both of my legs. Though out the beating she was yelling at me.
"This is how you repay me, by stealing. And being the slut you are, you always have boys over here all night. I can't believe I ever thought of you as my daughter. You are just a little, ugly, freak. You are just like your stupid father. I should have just left you with him, instread of bringing you with me." Renee continued to scream at me while she beat me. She fianally kicked me twice in the chest and once in my face. She left without another word.
When we finally knew she wasn't going to come back downstairs, Alex and Phil rushed to my side. Alex held my face in his hands while Phil checked me out for any broken bones. I could feel the darkness coming up on me. I happily greeted this darkness, were there was no pain or hurt. Only numbness. Alex kept talking to me trying to keep me awake, but soon the darkness consumed me and all I saw was black. The last thing I remember seeing was Alex's face above me.
10 hours later
When I woke up, I was in some room that I had never seen before. I sat up quickly and moaned from the pain in my stomach. When I tried to get up an arm came around my waist and pulled me back to the bed. I was about to scream when a hand came over my mouth and someone whipered in my ear, "Shh, Bella go back to sleep, its just me." I looked behind me and there was Alex with his bright blue eyes open staring at me.
I looked at him questionably, in my head I was asking him why I was here. He must have known I was going to ask that so he said, "You were unconsious for awhile so Phil told me to bring you back to my house. Phil said you have three cracked ribs, and your ankle is sprained. My mom called the both of us off school for the rest of the week. Bella why didn't you tell anyone. Someone could have helped you. And I know what you are going to say I had no one there for me. But know, you've got me." Alex smiled a small smile at the end.
We both layed back down to get some more sleep. Alex was laying on his side facing me and his arm was still around my waist. I was laying on my back and I had my head tilted back so my neck was exposed. Alex surprised me by putting his head in the crook of my neck and placing a soft kiss on it. I leaned down and placed a soft kiss on his soft dark brown hair.
I looked at him questionly to ask why he was here. He looked like he understood and said, "You were uncousious for little while, so Phil told me to bring you to my house to take care of you. Bella why didn't you tell anyone. Someone could have helped you. I know that I am going to help you. My mom called the both of us off school for the rest of the week. Bella why didn't you tell anyone. I know what you are going to say, you didn't have any one. Well know you have me." He smiled softly at me at the end of his speech.
We both layed back down on the bed to get some more sleep. Alex was laying on his side facing me with his arm still around my waist. This was the first time I had ever had any physical contact with men sense the accident. And I knew I was safe with Alex. I was laying on my back with my head tilted back so my neck was exposed. Alex surprised me when he layed his head in the crook of my neck and kissed my neck softly. I leaned my head down and softly kissed Alex's soft, dark, brown hair.
Even though Renee was beating me I now had Alex. My life was coming back together finally and it felt great.
Please review. I'm new at this but I have always loved writing so I hope it is good. Bye everyone