Warning: Yaoi/boy-on-boy
Pairings: ZevranXmale!Grey Warden, AndersXm!Hawke
Story: The time for fighting and explaining and peace is long past. Now if the time for running and praying they will not find you and take from you all that you hold dear. And if you happen to find a light along that way, it makes the running all the better.
Disclaimer: Characters (c) Bioware
Adrian, Nathaniel (c) Me
They had been running… for who knows how long… they couldn't stop, they knew that and yet the temptation was still there. To just lie down and wait for capture or, more likely, death. But he couldn't allow that, not when he had watched his family crumble to pieces all around him. He couldn't let the most important part of his life just… give up, as he had been speaking of doing.
"Anders, I won't let them take you," he had hissed one night, gripping the blonde's arms tight enough to leave bruises. "I don't care what mistakes either of us made, all I care about is you. Right here and right now, we are both alive and I am going to do my damn best to keep it that way."
But this… they hadn't expected this. Nathaniel had never expected to watch Anders eyes light up with innocence and recognition and such loyalty it almost put their own love to shame. And all because of a grinning Dalish elf with two swords attached to his back that had stood, seeming to be waiting for them, at a bend in the road. His hands had been in deep pockets, armor absent, and cloak billowing in the wind. A fairly large pack had sat beside him, probably filled to the brim with the armor he didn't wear. The elf had a knowing smile on his way as he watched the two scramble out of the woods.
"Commander!" Anders had cried, rushing forward to pull the elf against him, arms tight around the Commander of the Grey. "Dear Maker, I thought I'd never see you again!"
And the elf had laughed, winding his arms around the blond mage and resting his head against the man's robed chest. "It is good to see you as well, Anders." They had stood there for a moment, at least long enough for Nathaniel to tentatively step forward to stand beside Anders when they did separate. "It is good I found you, old friend. Zevran sent me a letter about what had happened in Kirkwall, and I rushed over here immediately."
Anders looked confused for a moment before understanding dawned across his features. "King Alistair told you about me, I assume?"
"Heh, I am not best friends with the king for nothing, little mage," the elf had laughed. "He told me all about you and the Champion of Kirkwall, the one worthy of legend. Leliana also wrote me about the state of affairs there, she seemed to be begging me to come and find some way to calm everyone down."
"And you didn't, why?" Nathaniel asked, finally stepping forward. He felt a calm hand on his arm and looked over to see Anders smiling at him slightly. It was the first smile the blond had given him in weeks… and it was as beautiful as ever. He stepped back, letting his threatening stance diminish.
"Well, aren't you a hot-headed one?" the elf giggled. "I am the Hero of Ferelden, not the Free Marches. I had no say over what goes on there. More than likely they would riot at a foreigner trying to solve their problems. It would not help if I had gone."
"Nathaniel, this is my Commander… and friend, Adrian," Anders murmured, eyes telling the mage to calm down a bit. "He… was the one who gave me Sir Pounce-a-Lot."
"Oh, and when I heard about those idiots making you get rid of him… ugh! If the cat is a gift from the Commander, they should not question it! Makes me glad I finally just left…" Adrian muttered, puffing a strand of brown hair from his face. "I never was the leader type… and I really need to find Zevran."
"Wait…" Nathaniel muttered, thinking back to not a few months ago. "Antivan elf, running from the Crows?"
"I take it you ran into him?" Adrian's knowing smile appeared once more. It was as if the rogue knew everything about the past, present, and future. And being a Grey Warden, Nathaniel almost wasn't surprised.
"Nathaniel saved his life," Anders explained. "The Crows tracking him did mention a Warden… but I didn't know it was you, Commander! Was… well, you know… the letter…" Anders blushed slightly, and Nathaniel watched as the two turned red together, Adrian biting his bottom lip as he smiled.
The elf nodded, if only slightly. "Yeah, that's my Zev. He wrote me that he was going back to Antiva; he plans to wage a mini-war over there. Then again if it involves the Crows, I am doubtful it will be small. I decided… to go with him. I have no seen him in years, and I get so few letters from him. I just… I don't know, needed to make sure he's still here. Make sure he's still my Zevran."
"Well, if your Zevran flirts with anything that moves and has a thing for bondage, then yes, he's still your Zevran."
Anders sighed, rubbing his forehead. "Do you always have to be so blunt, love?" he muttered, looking over to his grinning lover. "No, don't answer that. I really don't want to know."
"Hm… it's good to see you found someone, Anders. After that incident with Brenan back in the Keep I was worried," Adrian murmured, looking between the two with a gaze akin to that of a hawk's. "The idiot was never right, I'll tell you that. It made me glad to send him down to fix Lothering up, after your break-up."
Nathaniel tilted his head to look at Anders, tilting a brow up as the blond stuttered, trying to find the words to explain. He didn't get a chance to, as Nathaniel turned back to Adrian with a grateful smile. "How is Lothering doing, if I might ask? It was my home for many… many years."
"Well…" Adrian looked thoughtful for a moment, as if thinking back to the last time he was there. "By now it should be almost completely rebuilt. With all the Wardens I've sent down there to try and clean things up, it's perfectly safe. The only part I would worry about is the land. The darkspawn seemed to have poisoned it completely, almost to the point of no return. Maybe in a decade or two it will be back to the trading and farming town it once was… but for now, Lothering is still struggling."
"And on a completely different note, Commander, how do you even know Zevran will be traveling along this road?" Anders asked his innocent smile back in place. Nathaniel couldn't help but wonder if that was the smile he had always worn before this whole mess with the Circle, Justice, and the Chantry.
"Well… I don't really. Just a feeling. And I've learned to trust my feelings when it comes to Zevvy," Adrian said with a slight tilt of his head and a smile. "But now it's approaching dark. Shall we set up camp for the night? I would like to hear how you and Justice are doing Anders; I've missed both of you since you ran from the Wardens. And I heard you met Nathaniel down in the deep roads, I want to hear how he's doing!"
Nathaniel Hawke walked slightly behind the two Grey Warden's as they chatted of things long past, gossiped about people he had never heard of. He didn't know if he should truly trust Adrian, but he did know that he trusted Anders judgment… Scratch that, he didn't think Anders had the sanity to call judgment at this point. They really had to figure this whole Justice thing out.
"Nathaniel?" Anders surprised near-whisper came about only because Nathaniel had caught him by the waist and planted a kiss on his cheek. "What's wrong?"
"I am going to keep watch for Zevran while you two catch up. Hopefully he'll come along before we have to keep moving in the morning," Nathaniel's voice was husky, bordering on seductive, but then again, hadn't his voice always sounded that way to Anders? "You catch up with your Commander. I'll make sure the assassin doesn't miss his lover because Adrian didn't have the sense to tell him he'd be coming to find him."
Anders nodded and found he missed the warmth of Nathaniel's arms as they dropped from around him. He turned his head back to see the brunette walking back from where they had just come, back to the open road.
"He seems to love you very much." Anders jolted at the sound, turning to see Adrian smiling like an old grandmother might at the sight of grandchildren. The elf was setting up a tent that he had amazingly taken from his still-stuffed bag, along with some dried meat.
Anders nodded, moving to make a small campfire so that they could at least warm themselves. "He still hasn't forgiven me for what I did in Kirkwall. I doubt he ever will, in all honesty. I don't deserve to be forgiven. Maker… I've made so many mistakes, Adrian… I thought I was helping Justice and in the end I corrupted him into a spirit of Vengeance. And then with the mages, I honestly think I just made it worse! And Hawke doesn't trust me now… I love him, so much; I can't lose him to my stupidity. I just can't."
Adrian smiled remained all through the speech, coming to sit next to Anders by the tiny fire he had managed to create. "You won't. Alistair told me about you two, the way you look at each other. He said… he said it reminded him of the way his aunt and uncle look at each other. They love each other so much they defied a king to be together, defeated a demon to save their son. I see it now… I know you two will be able to last through anything. You've lasted thus-far."
Anders bumped shoulders with the older elf, smiling warmly at him. "You should have met everyone… Sebastian… ah, it's my fault he gone to bring an army from Starkhaven to Kirkwall. He's a priest, or at least trying to be. He's also very funny, in all honesty. And Varric, oh he's so different from Oghren! He loves to tell stories, he even vowed to tell Hawke's story until the day he died. With a bit of embellishment, of course. And Isabela… it broke Hawke when she left up after only three years. I think she brought a bit more of home to Kirkwall, and it made him feel almost welcome. And Aveline, she is the most amazing woman I have ever met! She became guard-captain."
"Named after the Orlesian legend, I take it," Adrian added with a laugh.
"Fenris, he had a little crush on Hawke, if you ask me. Never liked me, and it wasn't just because Hawke chose me over him, it was because I am a mage. Though I can't exactly blame him… he was a Tevinter slave. And Merrill… She was from your clan, Commander."
Just hearing the name brought tears to Adrian's eyes, the thought of his clan having left his mind for some time. "She… you met Merrill? My little Merrill?" He was nearly crying now, imagining all the things that had happened since he had been forced to leave behind to become a Warden. "And the Keeper? And Master Ilen? You met them all, right? Merrill would never leave the clan without needing to, I know it!"
"She wanted to fix a mirror of some sort… she was meddling with demons," Anders looked away with disgust.
"Of course, innocent little Merrill."
"Your Keeper… she died protecting Merrill from the demon…" Anders murmured, looking at his friend for a sign of whether it was alright to say this or not. Adrian shook his head slightly, smiling as the tears finally came. "And Merrill spoke of you fondly; she said she wished she could see you again. They were stationed at Sundermount, before Hawke and I left, I'm sure they would still be there!"
"No…" Adrian murmured quietly, looking up into the flames. "They are long gone. And I have made peace with the fact that I will never see any of them again, no matter how much it pains me. My place is with Zevran, as it has always been."
"I am glad you realize that," the soft voice came from just behind them, followed by much snickering when the two jumped. Both spun around to see a blond, tanned elf standing in front of Nathaniel, who leaned against a tree with a brow raised.
"Zevran!" Adrian cried, attempting to scramble to his feet and fling himself at his lover all that the same time. The only thing it truly accomplished was sending the two to the ground in a jumbled heap of feverish kissing. "I've… Creators, I've missed you…" Adrian managed to get out before his lips were smothered by another kiss.
Nathaniel chuckled as he stepped around the mass of love to walk with Anders to the other side of the campsite. He noticed their tent had yet to be set up, but that could wait a little while longer. Now he needed to talk to Anders.
"Nathaniel…" Anders started, reaching out to hold the other mage's hand.
"I love you."
Anders didn't know how to respond, only dumbly following Nathaniel when the brunette took his hand and lead him into the forest. He didn't question when Nathaniel refused to look at him as they walked further and further away from the campsite, until Nathaniel was sure Adrian and Zevran would not hear them. He let his hand fall from Anders. This argument had been brewing since before Nathaniel had been forced to watch the Chantry be scattered across the city.
"I understand why you did it, Anders," Nathaniel murmured quietly, still facing the forest instead of the apostate he had once proudly called his lover. "I understand why you feel justified… But… Anders, you killed innocents!" Anders was forced to watch as his lover spun on his heel to face him, eyes ablaze.
"They were not innocents, Hawke, they refused to take sides!" Anders attempted to plead, to calm his lover, to calm himself before anything happened. "They were only making the fighting worse, I had to do something!"
"That doesn't mean you kill them, Anders!" Nathaniel took a few steps forward, looking as if he wanted to reach out. He seemed to think better of it at the moment, though. "When I met you six years ago, all I wanted to do was hold you and kiss you and tell you everything was going to be alright. When we met you were this amazing mage filled with hope for the world. You wanted to make it a better place. Now… now I don't know you."
"Nathaniel, please, I'm still the same person! I swear to you, I am!" Anders was near tears, taking the initiative and linking his hands with Hawke's, bringing the brunette's hand to his lips. "I wanted you to be safe… I could stand it if they had taken you away me… But when you didn't kill me… I fully expected you to kill me. Yours is the only I would die by, my love."
Nathaniel didn't know when, but at some point his arms had found around Anders, pulling the mage close to him. "I love you Anders, so much. But… I don't know the difference between you and Justice anymore. When I first talked to him, he was so different from you, he was so… everything not you. I just… I don't know if I can do this anymore."
Anders clung tightly to Hawke, wanting to keep the mage close to him and show him everything that was right about the two staying together. "Please, please, Hawke, I can't live without you. I can't run without you! Please!" Anders was sure he was crying now… there was no way he wasn't.
He couldn't stand this, watching Anders crumble around him, the strong, funny mage he had once been sure he knew fall into a mess of sobbing and pleading. "I love you, Anders. I love you."
"Just… don't leave me," Anders sobbed into Nathaniel's armor, burying his face in the dark cloth and metal.
"I won't. I promise."
They stood there for who knows how long, just holding to each other like a lifeline and desperately trying to reassure themselves that they were not crumbling to dust. Finally, finally, they stood apart, though their hands remained clasped as they began their walk back to the campsite. Nathaniel knew they needed to set up their tent, but right now all he wanted to do was walk hand-in-hand with his lover.
"And so they finally return!" The two mages looked up to see Adrian sitting by the fire, hair a mess and shirt missing. "I had to tell Zevran no to a second round because I was worried about you two."
"Were we gone that long?" Anders asked quietly, letting his hand fall from Nathaniel's to come sit by Adrian at the fireside. The tanned elf smiled warmly at the two as he watched Nathaniel sit close beside his friend.
"My lover was once a whore, he can create the ultimate pleasure in a very short amount of time," Adrian chuckled, reaching down to fiddle with his swords. "When I heard about you blowing up the Chantry, Anders, I knew you two had an argument in store. I'm glad you forgave him, Hawke. Anders had a truly kind heart, no matter how much he screwed up with Justice. I would like to speak to him at some point, by the way Anders."
The look the elf gave his once-soldier was knowing and caring and smoldering all at once. "I... don't know if that would be such a good idea, Commander. Maybe in the Fade… But outside it, Justice is Vengeance. He's not the most pleasant to be around."
"Slightly strange in the Fade as well, if I might say," Nathaniel said with a smile, only chuckling when Anders elbowed him. "Well, when you're lucid, everything in the Fade is strange!"
"I'm going to have to agree with the Champion on that one, Hawke," Adrian murmured, watching the two as he let a chuckle escape. "The Fade is truly a strange place when you are lucid, and even when you are not."
"That doesn't mean Justice is strange…" Anders muttered, though he did reluctantly lean against Hawke in some form of forgiveness. "Hawke, could you set up the tent?" The blond looked to the brunette with pleading eyes, and the man dared not disobey. Anders let Hawke stand and walk off to the opposite side of camp from where Adrian had set up his own tent.
"So… I heard you met Nathaniel down in the Deep Roads. How is he?" Adrian asked quietly, casting his eyes to the flames as if the question might burn him more than the searing heat emanating from the campfire.
"Same old Nathaniel, honestly. He was surprised to see me there, probably because of my whole leaving thing… We talked when we were returning to the surface… He spoke about you a lot, though he said he hadn't seen you since that night," Anders turned to see a pained look plastered across his Commander's face, the elf seeming to be running through memory upon memory and trying to find some excuse or reason for what had happened.
"I told him I loved Zevran, no one else… You know he said he'd wait, don't you? He promised to be there when my lover broke my heart. I'm glad Zevran came through in the end," the brunette elf turned to shoot a fond smile towards his tent, where he knew an impatient Antivan awaited his return. "Nathaniel was so sweet. I honestly… well, I almost couldn't say no to him. But my heart belongs to Zevran… and I am lead to believe his belongs to me, even if he has yet to admit it."
Anders chuckled quietly, watching emotions float across Adrian's face like clouds over the sun, only hiding the light for a mere moment. "I think Nathaniel understood. Though the damned Howe wouldn't stop whining about it for weeks on end," he smiled at his Commander, his friend, as they spoke of those they would likely never see again.
"Enough of this!" Adrian said suddenly, stretching his lithe arms above his head. It seemed no matter how hard or long the Warden worked out, he failed to gain significant muscle mass. It was impressive, really. "Tell me about your companions. And Zevran, this is going to take some time, so you might as well come and sit with me."
The Antivan poked his head out of the tent flap, glaring slightly, before reluctantly leaving the tent. He had at least donned a pair of pants, Anders noted, as the elf sat beside Adrian.
It was also at this point that Nathaniel finally finished setting up the tent, as he had come to sit beside Anders once again. Wrapping an arm around the blonde's waist, Nathaniel leaned his head against Anders shoulder, sighing out as he closed his eyes.
"You two make a handsome couple," Adrian murmured as he glanced between the two mages. "If only Zevran would be that open about our relationship." The brunette smiled widely when he was gently hit on the shoulder by an annoyed lover.
"We have not seen each other in six years, amor. I am now more than ready to announce to all of Thedas that I love you," Zevran whispered loudly, making sure their companions could hear.
"Hm and you finally came to admit it… when?" Adrian laughed, turning his head back slightly to plant as kiss on Zevran's nose. "Between all the flirting I would have thought it would be impossible."
"I may flirt, but that does not mean I would ever betray you, amor. You mean too much to me to lose because of a fling that I know would not last. And I know you would never forgive me were I to sleep with another," Zevran seemed almost… honest. Anders was surprised at Zevran's declaration; everything he had heard about the elf suggested he was nothing but a playboy.
"I still don't forgive you for flirting with Hawke," Anders muttered, glaring at the blond elf with a ferocity that the elf questioned whether it was Anders or Justice that was glaring at him.
"You don't get to say that, Anders, you broke up with me way before then," Hawke chuckled, giving Anders waist a good squeeze to make sure the mage knew he was joking. "I was fair game at the time."
"And Fenris took full advantage of that," Anders was pouting at this point, only glancing back at Hawke to see the man had opened his eyes. "And you didn't notice his flirting once."
"My eyes are only for you."
"Shut up, Hawke," Anders muttered. He couldn't help the smile that blessed his lips and the blush that cursed his cheeks. "You are… too much for me."
"I know. I do try, love."
It was at about this point that they realized they were not alone and looked up to see Adrian almost cooing at the sweetness of it and Zevran glaring, the elf knowing he would be expected to be as sweet as Hawke was now. Anders chuckled slightly, trying to relieve some of his embarrassment while Hawke just smiled contently and closed his eyes as he leaned his head against Anders shoulder once again.
"You two are going to be the death at me," Zevran muttered unhappily. "And now that we're done catching up, I would like to take my lover to bed for a well-deserved night of making love. I have deprived for six years and I am not letting him out of bed for some time."
"We'll have lunch ready," Hawke answered with a smirk, opening his eyes only slightly to watch Zevran drag a brightly blushing Adrian into the tent which was quickly occupied by the sounds of heavy breathing and moans.
"Time to sleep?" Anders asked quietly, standing and taking Nathaniel's hand. His lover smiled, standing, and letting himself be lead to the tent he had sent up just for them. They fell into a pile of exhausted limbs entangled with each other's on the meager bedding they had managed to grab from Anders clinic as they escaped. Sitting up, Anders began peeling away the layers of Nathaniel's robes and armor, being careful not to damage anything or hurt himself. He knew those shining eyes were on him, and he truly did his best to ignore it and instead strip his lover of the things keeping them from sleep.
Eventually the torment was ended and Hawke was laid bare before Anders, the blond taking time to remove his own clothing before lying across Hawke's chest. The two sighed in unison, almost unused to the comfort of the other man's body they had been apart so long. Nathaniel had once thought it was hopeless to keep pursuing Anders, as the mage seemed adamant about keeping him at arm's length. He was so very glad this was no longer the case. Even if the reason was that Anders had destroyed Kirkwall's Chantry and doomed the world to a war between mages and everyone else. Nathaniel did not know who to root for at this point in the story that had turned out to be his life. But right now he was content to run his fingers through Anders soft hair, drifting off into a peaceful sleep he had been denied for far too long.
All too soon it was morning and Anders was forced to leave the heater named Nathaniel Hawke in search of a place to relieve his morning wood. He knew Hawke would be more than happy to take care of it; in fact he would probably tackle him and hold him down if he saw Anders going to take care of it himself… But for some reason it just didn't seem right at the time, like he wasn't supposed to let his lover touch him. At least for a time.
"I cannot believe I am about to do this…" Anders muttered when he judged he was a safe distance from camp. He pulled down the trousers he had grabbed when he had gotten out of the tent and wrapped his hand around the stiff muscle. He bit down on his hand as he began to stroke, trying to imitate the way Hawke's mouth felt wrapped around it. His knees began to feel weak and he was forced to lean against one of the abundant trees to make sure he wouldn't collapse when he finally reached that beautiful peak of ecstasy and was forced to bite down even harder on his hand to keep from crying out. It had been far too long since his last release.
He was almost ashamed as he tugged his trousers back on and made his way back to camp after wiping the evidence of his mess on a few leaves. He was almost glad, now, that Nathaniel had forced Ignacio to stay with Carver, the mage insisting his templar brother would need the dog's protection if he wasn't there to help and keep him safe. Anders had to smile at the brunette's unexpected protective streak focused on his little brother.
With a sigh Anders lit the fire back up, pushing his hair out of his face. He thought about going to get the tie he always used, but going back in the tent meant he risked waking Hawke. He wanted to let the man sleep; Maker's knows he deserved it. "I will make breakfast…" Anders glanced at the sky. "Lunch and then wake them all up." And so he set about making a fire and rummaging in his pack and Hawke's to find something to suitable for a lunch. He had something against killing small animals for dinner, so he usually left that up to Adrian. Well… he had left that to him when they had traveled together. Were they traveling together now? He didn't honestly know. They hadn't exactly given Hawke and him a formal invitation…
Finally some dried meat and vegetables were pulled from Hawke's pack and Anders couldn't help but wonder if the mage knew what was going to happen since he seemed to have everything needed for two people on the run. But he shook his head and went back to work cooking the meal on a pot he had pulled from Adrian's pack over the fire he had created. Now was not a time for questions, now was a time for relaxing before they were on the run again.
"Hm… smells good." Anders glanced up to see Zevran emerging from the tent in front of him, stretching his tanned arms above his head and a lazy smirk crossing his lips. "Much better than Morrigan's or Alistair's cooking."
"You'd be amazed what you can pick up in the Circle," Anders pointed out with a grin. "And what you can learn after escaping multiple times."
"Ah yes, Adrian told me he recruited you when you were about to be taken back to the Circle," Zevran seemed to nod with an air of knowledge, something Anders was surprised to find in the man.
"When did he have time?" the mage chuckled.
"In his letters. He wrote them almost every day, if how many I got was any indication."
"I hope you can tell me more, Anders." Adrian was awake, flushed, and limping as he nearly crawled over to Zevran's side. And though the rogue looked absolutely worn he also looked undeniably pleased and sated. "You will be traveling with us, won't you? I mean, we're pretty much all fugitives at this point." The brunette was grinning from ear to ear, knowing full well he was exempt from that statement. He still have a position of power to return to in Ferelden should he so choose.
"I… will have to talk to Hawke about it. But I hope so," Anders mumbled, his voice seemingly light and indecisive all at once.
"Then go talk to him. I can handle lunch." Adrian was kind, almost too kind for a man who had to babysit an entire country filled to the brim with darkspawn and barely any Wardens. His eyes were now darker, his skin less shining, but he still retained that smile of innocence that seemed lost in so dark a time.
Anders stood from his seat, nodding slightly before retreating to his tent where he knew his lover must have been awake by then. Slipping inside, he was immediately pulled to a muscled chest that he instinctively buried his face in, breathing in the scent that radiated from Hawke. "I love you, Nathaniel."
"We can go with them if you want, love. I have not seen you smile like you do with the Warden in a very long time…" Nathaniel murmured. "And I do love that smile."
Placing a soft kiss on Nathaniel's lips, Anders smiled. "Thank you."
A/N: Omg! This is really really long... For me, at least. And I happen to like it, too! Some fapping, too! ...I've never written someone masturbating, so, uh, please don't yell at me if it's bad and stuffs... I'm more the emotional fuck with your mind kind of writer. But fluffy stuff works too!
And I just finished DA2 and I just couldn't be mean to Anders. Not even a little bit. And not just because I can kinda seem where he's coming from, cause I really didn't approve of his methods, but mostly because the sweet stuff you could say to him made me squeal like the idiot fangirl I am...
Well, that's all for now! 3