Frank wrapped the blanket he kept in the truck for emergencies around Denise and carried her into the hospital, reminiscent of her previous late night trip to the ER. She was crying and clinging to him as if holding him would keep the worst from happening. The minute Frank got her inside and walked directly to the triage nurse. "I need help right now, she's pregnant and bleeding," he told the older woman behind the desk. Instantly she assigned a room to Denise and paged the OB specialist to come a look at her. While they waited Denise held onto Frank's hand, "Can you call Claudia Joy?" she asked wanting the comfort of another woman.
"Sure, Sweetheart," he said getting his cell out and dialing the Holden's. After three rings Claudia Joy picked up, "Hi, Frank," she said recognizing the number immediately.
His voice was stressed, Claudia Joy heard it the minute he said her name. There was fear and a sense of loss in the soldier's usually steady tone. "Claudia Joy, I...Den...Can you come down to Mercer? Denise needs you."
Claudia Joy became worried and immediately began pulling on her jacket and looking for her keys. "I'm on my way, tell her I will be right there," she told him. "Okay," he said hanging up and focusing on his wife.
"Mrs. Sherwood," the doctor said announcing his arrival. "It says here you are 11 weeks pregnant with spotting and abdominal pain. Let's take a look and see what's going on. Colonel, would you move to the other side of your wife's bed?"
Frank did as the doctor asked but never let go of his wife's hand. The doctor checked her to see if she was miscarrying. He finished up and looked at the couple "Well good news is she doesn't appear to be miscarrying, the bleeding is stopping and slowing, but I'd like to run some blood tests and get an ultrasound to be sure, especially if there is a history of miscarriage. Is there any history?" the doctor asked writing the prescription.
"No," Frank said at the same moment that Denise quietly said, "Yes."
Frank looked at her wide eyed. "What? When?" he asked her already getting angry.
Denise immediately started sobbing, "Denise, stay calm," the doctor ordered. "The nurse is going to draw some blood and we'll get a sonogram. Colonel, please try to help her relax." The doctor ordered before leaving the couple alone to talk.
Denise looked at Frank and waited for him to do something or say something, anything.
"Denise, tell me what that was about. When did you miscarry and why didn't you tell me?" he asked her again.
She swallowed and took a deep breath. "It was when Jeremy was four. You'd come home on leave. I didn't find out until you were already gone again. I didn't want you to worry and get hurt because of me; I would tell you when you finished your tour. But right before you got back, I picked Jeremy up after he fell and got hurt and the next morning I woke up in pain with blood running down my legs. The baby was gone by the time I even realized it."
He looked at how upset she was and all the anger melted away and he pulled her into his arms, "Aww, Dee you should have told me honey. I would have been fine, even more, I would have been here with you to help you through it," he said rubbing her hair to calm her down. "I'm so sorry you went through that alone," he said kissing her head.
"All I thought was what dad used to say, a soldier in the field that is distracted could get killed. Our baby had died and we had a little son that needed us, I was too scared to tell you and lose you too," Denise confessed clinging to Frank's neck. This is what Claudia Joy saw when she arrived in the ER cubicle.
She rushed in and went to Denise's side. "Denise, what happened?"
Denise was sobbing again and clinging to Frank for dear life.
"Denise may be losing the baby," Frank told her still trying to comfort Denise.
Claudia Joy didn't say anything she just wrapped her arms around both of them and held on tight. "We don't know until we know," she reminded them. "Frank, Michael is in the waiting room if you want to talk to him."
"Okay. Dee, are you going to be okay? Do you want me to stay with you?" he asked his wife.
"Go talk to Michael," Denise told him. Frank needed that as much as she needed him, perhaps more. It was hard for him not to be able to do something. Frank was a doer; waiting was not his style or his strength.
"Okay, I will be in the waiting room if you need me. All you have to do is get Claudia Joy to come get me," he told her kissing her head. "I love you, I will be back in a little bit to check on you," he walked out the door to go find Michael and let the ladies talk.
Frank found Michael and went to talk to him. Michael got up and hugged Frank, "Hey how is Denise holding up?" he asked.
"She is scared," Frank replied trying to stay strong.
How are you holding up?" Michael asked him
"Squared away," Frank replied biting the inside of his cheek to keep from choking on the lie.
Michael knew he was lying. "Frank you don't have to put on this act with me. We are friends and that is your wife and unborn child in there, it is okay to be scared. Hell I'm scared and she isn't even my wife," Michael said trying to get Frank to be honest.
"I'm terrified," Frank managed to confess. "She...she just told me she lost another baby when I was deployed, Kosovo I think. Never said that before, kept it to her all this time. I'd have kept her safer if I'd known. I'd kept her at home, she got so tired, I should have kept her at home with me..."
Michael cut him off "Frank there was nothing you could have done" Frank looked up at him "I don't know Michael. I just wish there was something I could do to help ease her fears" he said
"We both missed a lot of our children's lives, but your career kept you away even more than mine. All you can do, all any of us can do is let them know we're there. Make sure she doesn't have to ask herself will Frank be there for me and you're doing your job," Michael assured him as Claudia Joy poked her head into the room. "They're ready to do the sonogram if you want to see. Michael, Denise wants you to come too if you'd like."
Michael smiled and followed Claudia Joy and Frank back into Denise's cubical. The technician had already exposed her abdomen and was ready to start the test. Frank went to Denise's side and took her hand. Claudia Joy went to her other side and did the same while Michael chose to stand behind Frank to support his friend if this didn't turn out as they hoped it would.
The technician started the machine and manipulated the sensor until a semi clear picture of a tiny being appeared on the screen. "That's your baby," she told Denise and Frank pointed to the small form in the center. She reached down and flipped a switch on the bottom of the machine filling the room with the swooshing sound that represented a fetal heart rate. "And that," the technician said looking at Frank, "Is your baby's heartbeat."
Everyone let out a sigh of relief. Denise looked at the screen with tears in her eyes "Frank, that's our baby! It's okay, we aren't losing her," she said happily.
"No, you're not," the doctor announced entering the room. "Yet. But you are going to need to take it easy the next few days, you have a very low HCG level which is what caused you spotting, but if it continued to drop we could be looking at a different story."
Frank looked at the doctor "will she need to stay here overnight, or can I take her home," he asked him.
"You can take her home but she needs to rest for a few days, and I mean rest, Mrs. Sherwood. Do not go to work, do not clean the house, you rest, you bathe, you eat, you use the bathroom, begin again until I see you back in three days for a retest," the doctor said in no uncertain terms. He looked at Frank, "Is that clear?"
She looked at Frank then back at the doctor "Yes, whatever it takes to make sure I don't lose my baby," she told him.
"Okay well I will go get your discharge papers so you can go home," the doctor said exiting the room
Claudia Joy and Michael embraced each other their friends before Frank left with Michael to get their vehicles. Denise looked at Claudia Joy, "He's going to go overboard on this, you know."
Claudia Joy smiled "No, he isn't Denise. You are doing too much, you need to rest. Let Frank pick up the slack, he doesn't mind," she told her friend
"But he will," Denise sighed. "Frank is, you know how he is. He's going to do this for awhile, but it'll challenge who he is and he'll get uncomfortable with it. You'll see. He never saw pregnancy as a couple thing."
"But Denise, he loves you and he is thrilled about this baby and there is no doubt in my mind that he will do whatever it takes to make sure you are both safe and healthy," Claudia Joy told Denise while helping her get her things ready for when Frank got back to take her home.
"We'll see," Denise sighed and slid out of bed to put on the hospital issue scrub pants the nurse had brought for her.
Minutes later Frank walked back in "Ready to go home, Sweetheart?" he asked his wife. "Yeah, let's go," she replied walking toward the exit of the hospital.
Denise was quiet the whole drive home and didn't dare look in Frank's direction until they pulled into the driveway. Even then, she got out of the car herself and hurried inside.
Frank walked inside "Dee, hold on a minute. We need to talk. I'm worried about you," he said trying to grab her hand but she pulled away and hurried upstairs.
Denise was in bed by the time Frank caught up with. She put her back to the door and closed her eyes.
Frank came in and sat behind his wife and put his hand on her shoulder, she shrugged him off and continued to be silent.
"I'm tired, Frank," she said but her body language told him a whole different story. She might be tired but she was far from ready to sleep.
Frank let out a sigh, "Denise we need to talk about this, it isn't healthy to keep this all inside, please honey just talk to me," he begged her.
Denise rolled over to face him. "It isn't healthy to keep this bottle up? That's all you ever do is keep things bottled up."
Her words cut like a knife "Denise, this is different this has to do with us almost losing our child!" he snapped his voice rising.
"The baby is fine," Denise assured him.
"Yes, I know it is this time! But what about last time? Why didn't you tell me Denise? I can't believe you would keep something like that from me!" Frank ran his fingers through his short hair, trying not to blow up at her but it was getting more and more difficult.
"I didn't want to tell you while you were away fighting," Denise replied. "There are lots of things I didn't tell you over the years, Frank."
This statement pushed Frank over the edge. "Like what?" he asked her anger dripping from his every word.
"Couple of fights Jeremy got into at school, a couple bad report cards, a car accident off post near Camp Shelby, the time my parent's home got broken into and I was there alone with Jeremy, the miscarriage, the various times Jeremy hit me, then of course there was West Point and the drug thing," Denise said listing off plenty of problems and issued other married couple might have shared that many Army couples did not.
"Car accident! Break in! Denise, I can't believe you kept sp much from me. I thought we were supposed to tell each other everything!" He got up then and left the room leaving Denise alone.
Denise sat there and watched him walk out the door, unable to say anything she just laid there and cried until finally her emotions and worn her out and she drifted off to an uneasy slumber. Not long after, Frank had calmed down enough to talk to his wife again. He felt bad for the way he treated her so he went to apologize. When he went to their bedroom, what he saw broke his heart. Denise was lying on her side sound asleep, her cheeks red from crying. Instead of getting into bed beside her he kissed her cheek softly and went to the living room closing the door softly behind him.
Denise rolled over and reached for Frank. She'd done this so many time through the years and all too often he was gone. Lately, she'd gotten spoiled by his consistent presence next to her so when he wasn't there and his side of the bed still cold, she got up and went to look for him. She found him sitting alone staring at the blank TV screen. She reached for his hand and silently requested that he come to bed with her. He agreed, turned off the television and walked her back to their room holding her hand the entire time.
Denise used the bathroom then went to join Frank in their bed. He was on his back when she returned from a bathroom trip, this was his usual sleeping position, but he was still wide awake. She sat next to on the bed, like she would if he'd been ill and she needed to tend to him, he was ill she realized, he was sick with the pain and grief of a child lost and fear for the children still at risk both the one Denise carried beneath her heart and the one fighting in Iraq.
"You are my life, Frank," Denise began trying to explain. "With the knowledge that you are here and will be here with me I can handle anything, just knowing you are out there somewhere loving me, there is nothing I can't do. That's why I didn't tell you all those things."
He looked at her. "I understand honey. I just wish I could have been here for you." He kissed her hand.
"Yeah I wish you could have been here too, but I didn't want to take a chance on losing you. I had already lost one person I loved I didn't want to lose another," she confessed.
Frank reached out and touched her cheek, "Dee, one thing I have to know now, and I do want to talk about all of this, but the one thing for now is, when the break in happened, did they hurt you?
She stayed quiet for a moment, "No, they tried to but I got away before they could...well you know."
Frank cringed at her response; he wanted to kill those men for what they did want to do to her.
"I thought so, you'd have told me if it was insignificant, but not if something big happened," Frank replied. "It hurts, Denise, knowing you kept these things from me. I'd have done all I could to get to you, you know that. And it's my fault, I was the one who told you not to be afraid, to be strong, all I should have said all those years was I love you."
"Frank, I love you too, and no it isn't your fault. It is mine. I was trying to protect you from getting killed over there, and I lied to you and I am so sorry Frank. I really am I wish I could take it back but I can't. I'm sorry," she said tearing up.
"Don't be upset, Dee. I won't leave you during this," Frank promised. "I will be there every step of the way."
Her tears continued to fall. "You have no idea how much it means to me that you are here. I can't imagine doing this without you. I love you," she said to him, trying to compose herself, her hormones were raging against her and she was an emotional mess.
Frank reached up and pulled Denise against him claiming her lip in a soft kiss. She responded to his seduction until one of his hands skimmed the side of her full breast. She gasped in pain and pulled away.
He looked at her with alarm. "Dee, are you okay? I'm sorry baby. I didn't mean to hurt you," he said looking at her trying to figure out what he'd done to cause her pain.
"They get bigger but they hurt," she explained. "You have to be gentle, very gentle." Denise took his hand and used it to caress her enhanced bosom keeping the pressure feather light. "That's good," she whispered and let Frank continue on his own.
The couple continued this until Frank suddenly stopped, afraid he would hurt her or the baby. "I don't want to hurt you," he told her gently.
"It'll only hurt if you stop," Denise assured him. "I promise it's safe and I want this with you so much right now."
Frank wanted to believe her; he wanted her too but the doctor's words kept running through his head.
"Dee, are you sure? I don't want to do something to jeopardize you or the baby. Maybe it would be a good idea to ask your doctor before we go this far," he told her trying not to upset her. He did want this but he wanted to protect her, protect them both.
"Frank, doctors say rest with low HCG to give you something to do, it has no significance whatsoever," Denise confessed. "If I'm going to lose her, I will and nothing we do or don't do will impact that."
"Her?" he asked. "Do you already know the sex," he asked trying to remember if they had been told.
"No, it's too soon to know on the sonogram," Denise assured him. "I just know like the way I knew Jeremy was a boy. A mother knows."
Frank smiled at her. "I hope it is a girl, she will be such a daddy's girl it won't be funny," he told her chuckling. He could just imagine some of the thing they would get into together.
"Do you want to make love to me Frank?" Denise asked.
He didn't have to think twice the tone of her voice sent chills through his body "yes Denise, as long as we don't harm the baby," he kissed her again
"We won't," she assured him. "Let's just hope I wake up tomorrow with morning sickness."
He smiled at her and continued to make love to her; they made love most of the night then fell into a peaceful sleep in each other's arms, where they belonged.