Denise woke up one morning feeling wonderful. A few days after her scare she'd begun having morning sickness in earnest, so it was a treat to be in her 14th week and be around that bend. She reached out for Frank as Reveille played to find his space cold and empty.
She opened her eyes and noticed the empty space beside her; she pulled on a robe and went in search of her husband.
The bathroom was empty so she tried the kitchen where she found Frank on their computer with their bank information, credit card bills, and all sorts of others financial information including his will laid out on the counter. She could tell he'd been up for hours.
She walked up behind him palcing her arms around his neck laying her head on his shoulder "Hey handsome. What are you doing?" she asked placing a soft kiss on his check.
"Trying to figure this stuff out," Frank replied. "What are you doing out of bed? It's 0610."
She smiled sleepily at him. "I woke up in that big bed all alone, it was lonely without my pillow there with me."
"I'm sorry, Baby," Frank said turning to kiss her. "I couldn't sleep. We have a lot to do."
"I know, here let me help, that way we can get it done quickly and get a few more hours of sleep. Do you have to do anything today besides this?" She asked pulling a barstool up beside him and sitting down.
"Welcome meeting for new recruits I was just assigned, meetings all day, 5 mile run and three jumps off the tower," Frank sighed. "Now you get back in bed."
"No, I'm okay, I'm up already. I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep, might as well be productive," she told him looking at the credit card bills, and then she picked up his Will and began flipping through it.
"Denise, just leave all that stuff, please!" Frank said taking the document from her hands. "Just stop."
She looked at him sadly "Frank, what's wrong? Did I do something wrong?" she asked him, she hadn't seen him act like this in a while and she didn't like it, it hurt, and with the combination of his harsh attitude and her hormones, she was on the verge of tears.
"Denise, this stuff has to get done, and I know the way I like things. I didn't ask you to come out here," Frank said as he reorganized the papers Denise had touched.
"Okay, fine, I guess I will leave you to it then," she said getting up to leave the room, but before she did Frank heard her sniffle and knew she was crying, he had upset her.
Frank sighed and slipped off the stool. He had to talk to her before she got herself so worked up she made herself sick. Why couldn't she understand? They had to prepare for a baby, another person they had to provide for and nurture and protect. He didn't want to fail again.
Denise had gone back to bed and was lying with her face buried in Frank's pillow. She'd pulled one of his shirts over it; she was always comforted by his scent. He sat down and touched her shoulder, "Dee, honey, I'm sorry."
She shrugged him off, "Just go back to what you were doing Frank, since you obviously don't want my help or want me around so just go," she told him still clinging to the pillow and crying.
"Baby, that's not true," Frank soothed refusing to leave her to be upset by herself. "Those are things I need to be worrying about, you have enough to do all ready. It's my job to provide, to make sure things are ready for when he or she is born."
"Yes it is, but when I was looking at your will, you grabbed it like it was some sort of secret Army file or something," she said lifting her head and facing him with tears still steadily streaming down her face. "And by the way, it is both our jobs to make sure things are ready for when the baby is born, not just yours."
"I wanted to tell you what I was doing to the will before you saw it," Frank sighed. "I'm putting Jeremy in charge of my estate when I'm gone, instead of you."
"What? Why? Frank, don't you…" He cut her off before she could go farther.
"He's a man now, and I want him to know if something happens to me he is responsible for caring for you and his new brother or sister," he explained. "Especially if something happens before the baby comes," Frank added quietly.
"What do you mean before the baby comes?" she asked him a new batch of tears streaming down her face. "Frank, are you okay? Please I need to know you are okay. I can't raise this baby without you, I can't live without you," she said breaking into a sobbing heap and sliding to the floor with her head in her hands.
Frank moved towards her and knelt in front of her. "Dee, anyone of us could die on any given day. I'm jumping off a tower today; I could, in theory get hurt, that's what I mean. I'm not sick baby."
"What if you get hurt today? What am I going to do? I don't want you to get hurt. I don't want to lose you," she said still upset she was sobbing and her breathing was labored and shallow, she was on the verge of a panic attack.
"Dee, Baby?" Frank tried to reach her with words.
She knew she needed to calm down, but she couldn't, she couldn't breathe, she felt like she was smothering. "Frank I can't breathe," she said looking at him with terror in her eyes.
"It's okay, Denise," Frank said firmly holding her at arm's length. "You're okay. Look at my eyes, look at my eyes and try to breathe with me, in then out, then in again, and out." He coached her over and over again never raising his voice, never getting angry, never breaking his focus from this task at hand, but that was what it was, a task, like so many other things in his life, caring for his wife in the midst of hormonal firestorms was just another task.
Her breathing finally began to even out and she looked at Frank, she let out one last breath and she was okay now. "Thanks honey, I'm sorry I'm such a mess, I hate this part of being pregnant, and I'm sorry for getting upset with you earlier, I just want to help, I don't want you doing this all on your own," she told him leaning up and giving him one of those little kisses that melted his heart.
"I'm sorry I excluded you," Frank replied. "You are doing so much, your body is being invaded, you feel sick and tired, I can't help that, but I can worry about things like college funds and wills and life insurance, that's all I can do to help you, Denise. We are having a baby, for the first time in 20 years, and it feels like the first time ever for me."
"It's okay Frank I know you are trying to help and I love you for it, and as for me being sick and tired, i don't mind it, it's only temporary, don't worry Frank, you are a great father to Jeremy, this baby will adore you," she told him trying to ease his worry.
"Great father? I raised a son that hit his mother because of how much he hated his father, that's really a recipe for success, Dee," Frank said ruefully. "Sometimes I think we're insane to be doing this at this stage in our lives."
She put a hand on his shoulder. "Frank, you are an amazing father. What Jeremy did was not your fault, and I've forgiven him for it. Frank we are not insane, we can do this, we have to," she said.
Frank sat next to Denise and pressed her head onto his shoulder, "I know but it was hard with Jeremy and we were 20 years younger, then we knew we'd be around for the next forty or fifty years, at least you knew that but now, we'll be in our sixties when the baby graduates college. That's just not natural, I'm thinking this is a mistake, we shouldn't be doing this."
Denise looked at him wide eyed. "Frank this was not mistake, and don't tell me you are thinking about us giving this baby up, because I won't do it," she told him standing an looking him straight in the eye.
"Not giving it up, no," Frank sighed. "When I thought we might lose it, I was terrified, I was devastated, but now…I don't know how to talk to you about this, Denise."
"Frank i know you are scared, I'm scared too, but you can talk to me about anything, remember? Just tell me what's on your mind," she told him trying to get him to let all of the worry out so they could deal with it.
"When my father died it destroyed my mother, you know that and I was left trying to deal with all of that only to have her die too, all before we even had Jeremy. As hard as you tried you had no idea how much that hurt," Frank confessed. "I don't want to have either of our kids feel like that ever, and it's more likely with this one."
"Frank, I have no idea how hard that was for you, but we have to live life to its fullest and not think about the what if's until they're here. I know anything could happen at any time, but nothing is happening right now, so let's just take it one day at a time," she said softly rubbing his shoulder.
"I can't do that, I lived my whole adult like planning for contingencies, I don't know how to stop doing that," Frank sighed. "I just don't know if I can do this. I don't know."
"You can, and I'll be right there with you. Neither of us are will be doing this parenting thing alone this time around, we're in it together, thick and thin, just like everything else that we do, we'll do it together." As she said that she laid her head on his shoulder and placed a tiny kiss on the underside of his chin.
"I'm going to need you on this, Dee," Frank admitted. "This is probably going to be the hardest thing we've ever done. I love you."
She smiled at him "I love you to Frank, more than anything, and I will always be here for you, just like you have been for me," she said reaching up and kissing him on the lips.
For the first time that morning, Frank smiled. "How about some breakfast for your soldier, Mrs. Sherwood?" Frank asked rising from the floor and helping Denise to do the same. "I have to shower and get ready for the day."
"Coming right up. What are you in the mood for?"she asked wagging her eyebrows a bit and laughing.
"Whatever won't revisit you later today," Frank laughed before heading into the shower wearing a smile.