Ghost in the Night

A Hey Arnold FanFic

Disclaimer: I do not own Hey Arnold and make no attempt to profit from it. All characters belong to Craig Bartlett, who is a genius!

Special thanks to MidniteRaine, loonytunecrazy, Jilly and Anonymous Latina for reviewing; you keep me going for this story and I thank you all so very much. And to MidniteRaine; thanks for your feedback, I hope this keeps meeting and surpassing the standard I've tried to set for this story and yours too.

Chapter Four: Memories in the Rain, Part 1

Sitting with my head bowed, I knew there was nothing else to be said after what I had done; she would never forgive me and I deserved to be yelled at and taunted for having a crush on my best friend.

"Helga?" I asked her timidly, the fear in my chest growing as I tried to keep myself from crying. I should never have told her my feelings; now she would never be able to look at me the same ever again.

Looking up, I wasn't ready for what came next as in one fluid motion Helga had me on my back and was kissing me so tenderly that I couldn't believe at all what was going on. Lost in my own world and feeling her lips against mine, I could only hear the mumbled yet amused confession of the blonde haired angel from on top of me. "Silly boy; I suppose I wasn't obvious enough. I love you Arnold," she purred into my ear as I savoured her lips on mine once more…

Placing the book down, Arnold took a long sip from his drink and shivered; it was early on the Sunday morning, but he knew he would need some more rest. That book had done something to him, convinced him or tricked him into revealing something that only he knew or understood personally. He was a teenager then, but time had kept the memory perfectly preserved in his mind. The last of the glasses contents vanished from view as he drank the rest, holding his breath as he closed his eyes.

He knew what would happen too tomorrow; he would walk down the street and see her, tell her that he had to go and vanish from her life forever. He could leave and start fresh and forget about her and her wonderful lips. Shuddering at the thought of Gerald catching him in his jocks again, Arnold placed the book on his side table and carefully placed the glass on top, retreating under the blanket as his eyes closed themselves at sudden readiness.

D & F

Time seemed to pass way too slowly for Arnold's liking the next morning; his slumber had meandered onto close to midday, but even then he had enjoyed the relaxation and peace that had come from his late night confession. Upon seeing the book neatly tucked underneath the glass, he had begun to think it was all a dream. The tiredness had seemingly eased off him today, something he had not noticed in a long time. With more energy than normal he had made breakfast for himself and Gerald, his long time friend still tired but holding up his usual cheerful mood.

As he cooked once more, Arnold wondered whether it was staged or planned for once they had finished eating and cleaned up, the two girls had arrived at the apartment door. It was Arnold who would slip away to his room as Gerald welcomed them in, preferring not to see or hear Helga.

For a while he remained still, only the thumping of his heart the only source of sound in his room. His head tucked in his arms, Arnold heard a gentle and soft knock at his door; he knew Gerald would come in regardless of what he may have said to try and make him leave, but he appreciated his concern as he closed the door behind him and walked over to the bed where Arnold sat huddled in a ball, his eyes fixed on the wall opposite him. Silence wasn't his enemy here; he knew Gerald was only waiting for him to speak and explain what he was going to do about Helga.

"No one is going to make you come out today Arnold; except for maybe Phoebe," he grinned as Arnold tried to hide his smile. "I think you should get out there and confront her about this now; but it really is up to you buddy; I can only help you so far my man."

Gerald could hear the two girls talking softly out in the living room, their discussion no doubt focussed on the place they would go to for lunch. He could hear Arnold's breathing but he still wasn't convinced that his friend was entirely here; taking a quick glance at him his eyes appeared hazy and unaware of anything else in the room. What was going on with him?

"What is your verdict?" Gerald eventually asked him, seeing his friends eyes slowly make their way towards him.

"Not today Gerald; I can't," Arnold mumbled. Gerald sighed deeply but knew he wasn't in any position to make Arnold go. He could spend all day trying to convince him, but nothing would change the fear he had to seeing her. Resigning himself to defeat, Gerald made his way to the door, leaving his huddled friend exactly where he had seen him before.

As he did, Arnold saw something flicker across his eye sight, an image that felt like a ghost in his memory, something that shouldn't have been there but it was. He hadn't seen it before and it frightened him deeply. Standing atop a chair, Arnold had caught a glimpse of himself, his eyes fearful and smile sad and lonely. No longer waiting for a friend, he had kicked the chair away.

"Gerald it happened," he whispered hoarsely, pausing Gerald at the door handle.

"What happened; what are you talking about Arnold?" Gerald asked, turning around to see Arnold's pale face.

"I tried to do it didn't I?" he asked, his voice like a child caught in the wrong.

Something didn't make sense here for Gerald; he had seen his best friend lose it sometimes and even go close to insanity, but there was something about his that worried him, if not frightened him as Arnold held out his wrists for Gerald to see. A couple of scars matched themselves perfectly on both wrists, their faint traces testament to the rope that had bound them.

Taking his place by his friend's side, Gerald waited for him to speak. "Why didn't you tell me Gerald?" Arnold asked his pleading cutting Gerald to the core.

"It wasn't something to be brought up; besides, I thought you knew," Gerald said, avoiding his friend's eyes.

"But you were my best friend; you told me everything just as I told you everything."

Gerald turned to look at him, his ability to hold in his own tears becoming increasingly harder. "Arnold, I thought you knew so we never talked about it; I thought you wanted to forget and not mention it so I didn't."

"But what happened to me?" he asked, his focus only on the next few words that would change all that he had known.

"Arnold I'm not sure how I am meant to tell you…it was just after Helga had broken up with you but…I can't tell you man. It hard to know you're still here sometimes," Gerald said, wiping his face with his sleeve.

"Gerald I must know."

The room fell into a cold chill, the wind dying as everything froze into one moment in time; Gerald had thought that this time would never come and even as it did today, his fear and anxiety was threatening to overtake him. He knew better than anyone what the pain and horror would do to Arnold at the realisation of what had truly happened. But it wasn't making it easier to tell him just what exactly had happened; a sad look crossed his face as he faced Arnold, his tears starting to fall down his cheeks. Finally Gerald muttered the words he had hoped never to ever say, the words stabbing themselves into the numbness that became Arnold's heart once more.

"Arnold…you tried to kill yourself."

D & F

Arnold sat down on the couch, a warm cup of coffee being handed to him by his long time friend as he wrapped the blanket around himself more tightly. The afternoon chill had well and truly set in as his fingers responded to the warmth the mug gave off; no one but Gerald sat with him, his eyes half closed but focussed on him intently. He hated the attention; he wanted nothing more than to be stuck in the darkness and be left alone. But he had to know.

"When did I try to…you know," he stuttered, unable to even convince himself that Gerald had said those words.

"The doctor did say your memory might be a little fuzzy and jaded after it; I guess you deserve to know now," Gerald muttered, trying to focus the event to his mind.

"You know how you were after your break up with Helga," he said, seeing the look of pain of Arnold's face and deciding to continue, "Well, it happened that fateful night three and a half years ago…"

I walked by the restaurant and smiled; I had seen her dressed up so many times before, but something about seeing my wonderful girl in blue made me shiver and smile proudly as she snuggled in closer to me, her alluring scent drifting tantalisingly close to my range of smell. Phoebe let out a giggle as I snuggled closer to her, her hand wrapped around mine tightly. It had become a wonderful night for the two of us; our fifth anniversary as a couple had become all the more wonderful as this was the first one for the two of us outside of school.

I held her tightly as we started our way home, the meal and star lit sky above us a perfect beginning for what we had in store for the remainder of the night. I did feel bad for my man though; sighing I tried to hide it from Phoebe. Bless the girl though for she knew me too well and picked up on it without thinking about it.

"You feel bad for him don't you?" she asked gently, her soothing voice acting like a drug in my mind as I smiled sadly.

"Would it be wrong if I didn't? He's my best friend, but after what happened today it just doesn't seem right anymore," I said, hoping I could keep myself together for her sake and the public's.

"I would think less of you if you didn't care for your best friend Gerald; but he did say for you to enjoy yourself and have a good time," she smiled softly, trying to help me forget the pain I felt for him.

"I know but it's just odd you know," I replied, stopping at her favourite ice-cream store for some late night desert.

Asking for the usual and paying the man, we both continued our way home. "What is odd Gerald?" Phoebe asked, savouring the sweetness from her ice-cream. She had developed a love for chocolate fudge lately and I wasn't about to stop her from continuing to enjoy that outlet she had from her studies.

"It's just something I've noticed about Arnold lately; probably just in my mind," I said dismissively as I continued to enjoy my ice-cream.

"If you're thinking I won't want to know then you are wrong Gerald; what do you think is up with Arnold?" she pouted.

Now I don't know about you, but whenever a girl pouts it normally means that their desire to know what you're thinking is going to never end until you tell them. I can remember trying to hold out for a week against my wonderful ladies charms when I was in year nine; I had told her I had picked out a special gift for her for our first year anniversary. And for the remainder of that week she would pout, flirt and basically stalk me until I told her what it was. I know now it would be wiser never to mention it, but at the time I felt like I would die if I didn't at least mention it to her.

Luckily for me Arnold had the gift and held onto it, because one night she broke into my bedroom and I caught her before she could open my closet. So I had to tell her because she broke down before me and told me how much she didn't deserve me. Funnily it was only later I found out that she had planned for that moment the entire time anyway. I sighed and paused for a moment, trying to catch my thoughts.

"I can't put my finger on it, but doesn't it feel like Arnold has been…you know less like the normal Arnold we've known and loved?"

Phoebe continued to walk beside me as I spoke, her face remaining clear and unworried at my suggestion. "You might not be too far wrong there Gerald; Arnold's actions lately seem to have become irrational, unpredictable and unsure. His whole presence has changed dramatically," she spoke softly.

I nodded. "I guess so; but I can't help but worry for my man; I haven't seen him this low since early junior high."

I knew she would say the next thing without hesitation, and for once I wish I had never heard her say it. "I know; tell you what, I'll go see him myself and see if I can cheer him up while you go get some rest when we get home? You're exhausted; no argument Gerald," she glared at me sternly as I opened my mouth to disagree with her, but I gave in.

It was just after midnight as we made our way happily up to the apartment, my little kiss with her outside Arnold's door being followed by a quick wink before she took the spare key and opened the door to his apartment. I had opened our door and made my way to the kitchen; my tie was off before I had opened the fridge door and began to drink the remainder of the soft drink from last night.

As I settled onto the sofa though, I heard a sound that made my whole body shiver in fear, my mind race and heart accelerate to a level I had never known possible. I knew that kind of sound; I had heard it happen so many times before and knew when you heard the heart break it often brought with it so much pain; it was the loss of someone dear. But what scared me more was who it belonged to; Phoebe.

"Gerald!" I heard her call and before the last of the word had left her mouth, I was rushing to Arnold's apartment, my sole focus on protecting Phoebe.

It was dimly lit as I burst through the open door way and looked around; no one was out in the kitchen and living room. Sobbing though caught my attention as I darted for the bedroom, the door only opened by an inch, but the light flooded the room brightly. For some reason I felt like the world around me slow down; it's hard to explain unless you've been there yourself. I peered into the room and what I saw still haunts me to this day. Lying on the door unconscious and bound with rope was Arnold, his face still and body frozen in place on the bedroom floor.

Phoebe looked at me as she seemed to come to her senses; her phone was already out as I rushed to my buddies side and tried to remove the ropes that held his hands together; a chair kicked to the side sent more fear through me as I saw the bottle of alcohol beside his bed. My hands checked his wrists for a pulse, my own heart thumping in my head as I heard Phoebe hang up and begin to sob. My fingers darted around and around; I couldn't keep still as I tried to hold myself together…he couldn't have, he couldn't be.

For a frozen minute of time I held my breath as I looked out over my close friend; although he appeared peaceful, I could see the hurt and pain in his face. Pulling him up close to me, I held him tightly as the tears slowly fell down my face; I never knew, I never thought he would go so far. Why hadn't I seen it? I could feel a small hand on my shoulder try and comfort me but I took no notice. One of my best friends, one I called my brother was in my arms; Arnold, I'm so sorry. I should never have left you alone.

New faces moved in around me, their hands searching my friend over closely; I wanted to punch them, I wanted to scream and tell them to leave him alone, but a small hand entwined itself in mine as I turned to look for the source. Phoebe was already in tears, her dress now starting to soak with the tears that cascaded down her cheeks. As I watched his body being moved away, I moved as one with her, following him closely out of the apartment.

Arnold, my dear friend and brother had tried to kill himself. His body was still and pulse gone; and there was nothing I could do to save him…

Gerald sighed and stood up, taking his glass with him as he headed to the counter and made another drink. His eyes unmoved from the spot where Gerald had been sitting, Arnold's mind was in over drive, while his heart felt an odd numbness set in. Somewhere in the darkness of his own mind he felt a string become apparent to him, like a thread he had lost long ago. As he tried to grab a hold of it, he felt it come back to him; the drinking, the idea and the execution. It had all seemed so perfect; a fitting way to what had become his life. But why had he done it?

As Gerald sat down, his body weary and aching, he could see Arnold searching his eyes for any hint of the answer that seemed to elude him. He knew the answer; it was Helga. But only Arnold knew what had happened between the two of them; he had never mentioned it to Gerald, and he had known him for most of his life.

"Was there a reason I did this?" he asked fearfully, trying to avoid the answer he had locked away in his heart. Did he really want to know? He tried to think about it, but even the event had become hidden, covered by layers of darkness that would not let him peer into it and see what had caused him to go so far. Helga must have been the cause; the break up a reason. But what had caused this to all turn sour? Arnold thought.

"There was a theory the doctor gave us…"

Hours had passed, turning the late night into early morning when I saw the old man in the white coat leave the room and walk towards us. I could see a flicker of sadness on his face in his walk towards us; Phoebe's hand tightened around my own as I stood up for him. He was about an inch or so taller than me with wrinkles mainly around his eyes and throat; his dark grey hair was covered by a small beanie he wore atop his head, the grey moustache confirming he was indeed older than Phoebe and I combined. With an adjustment of his glasses he looked at me gravely; for some reason I didn't want to hear the words.

"I have some good news and some bad news," he said, the words sparking some form of life into me as I looked at him expectantly.

"The good news is that he is now in a stable, but serious condition; the wounds we found suggest a far more serious and dangerous threat however. The bad news is he may have received temporal memory loss; with the amount of alcohol he ingested, I would be surprised if he can remember any of his actions clearly ever again. If you would follow me," he said turning on his heel and walking towards the door that had become Arnold's.

Phoebe held my arm tightly as he walked in behind him; the blind had been drawn and the light was minimal but I could still make out the sleeping form of my friend. A tube was in his mouth, no doubt helping him breathe as we watched his chest move up and down gently but with great effort.

"I need to ask you two some questions though about his condition; the amount of alcohol and tying of his wrists has suggested something more disturbed; the bandages on his wrists should heal the wounds in time. But I would like to know if either of you two has noticed any irrational behaviour? Any acts that are out of character or have changed suddenly in the last few days or weeks?" he asked in a grave voice that made me think of an old retired army officer.

"Recently he has been acting differently," Phoebe whispered softly.

He nodded before continuing. "Has he experienced any recent trauma? Like an accident or maybe a divorce?"

We both shook our heads. "Nothing that we are aware of no; if there is something he hasn't told us about it," I answered. Phoebe fidgeted behind me, but I payed it no mind.

The old man took a chart and scribbled away quickly before looking at us once again. "I know you might not want to discuss it, but we suspect Arnold tried to take his life because of depression; anti-depressants were found in his system."

All the blood in face felt like it drained away as he said those words, the realisation of Arnold's actions hitting me harder than I thought was possible; Phoebe clutched me tightly, her head resting on my shoulder as she began to sob. "Why would he do that?" I asked the voice that came out no longer my own.

"Many reasons could attribute towards it, but I suspect above all that he was in grief or mourning for someone he loved. His stress levels were incredible when we first tested him and the change in behaviour may also prove it to be true."

"That is impossible; my man is the most positive person there is; he would never break no matter what…he just can't!" I yelled at the doctor. What did the old fool know anyway about my close friend? How could he pass judgement without even meeting him personally?

The old doctor sighed sadly. "When you have done this for as long as I have, you tend to notice the signs before needing to diagnose the problem. Everyone has a breaking point and I suspect that Arnold has found his."

Taking his leave, the doctor left us alone with Arnold for a while; I had never seen him so peaceful, yet troubled. Phoebe reached out for his hand and held it tightly, whispering for him to get better. I couldn't bear to watch him go again; slumping into the chair I did something I never thought I would do again in my life; for the first time in years I cried my heart out for Arnold.

A/N: This is the intension from the start; if it seems out of character for Arnold to do this, well this is the exploration of Arnold going down a dark path in life. I do urge anyone who feels that they may be suffering from depression and has not sought help to please seek help as soon as possible. It is a serious condition and is not something to be taken lightly. I thank you for reading; please R & R if you can. I really do appreciate it. Memories in the Rain, Part 2 shall be up in a week or less.