Ghost in the Night
A Hey Arnold FanFic
Disclaimer: I do not own Hey Arnold and make no attempt to profit from it. All characters belong to Craig Bartlett, who is a genius!
Special thanks to MidniteRaine, Anonymous Latina and Sandra Pullman-Pataki for reviewing. As for the Lila comment Sandra; yeah I wonder if he knew that; she is just too perfect as a character to really work. But anyway, enjoy!
Chapter Eight: Moving into the Past
Helga paused and caught the cold breath in her lungs; opposite to her sat Lila, someone she knew to have had a crush on her ex-boyfriend at some point in her life. Her beady eyes watched her earnestly and neatly platted hair dangled behind her, giving Helga the impression of a lion awaiting its prey. She tried to remain calm, but against every fibre of her sane being she wanted to punch this girl out for being here of all places when she wanted to confess and tell Arnold of her feelings for him. No one could begrudge her revenge against this girl; sure she had stolen the kiss from her in primary, but now she sat here smiling and being too pleasant for her own good. No one could be that happy all the time.
Feigning a smile for the sake of appearance, Helga's breathing eased as Gerald left to grab a drink. She wanted to say something to relieve the tension building up inside her, but felt it best to ignore the glare Arnold gave her as she accepted a drink from Gerald; for the first time in her life, she wished Phoebe could read her mind and run in here and back her up…for whatever she may do to the girl before her.
"I'm so glad to see you here Helga; I was just saying to Arnold how wonderful it would be to have a catch up with the class at some point," Lila smiled brightly, lighting the room for everyone but not Helga.
"Yeah sure whatever you say Lila; I'm sure we would have all caught up sometime anyway," Helga mumbled, waving her hand dismissively.
Gerald smirked as Lila kept her smile lingering, despite showing signs of annoyance at Helga's dismissal of her suggestion. "Anyway, why are you here?" Lila asked politely, the welcome in her voice rapidly vanishing away.
"Personal reasons; mainly visits to old friends. But the real question is why you are here of all places at this time of the day?"
Lila seemed to pause for a moment and eye her carefully. "Personal reasons; we were just discussing it when you walked in."
"Not about me was it?" Helga smirked, but her smile fell as the trio looked away bashfully.
Arnold though was the first to regain his senses. "What did you want to talk about Helga?"
Helga felt her face redden, but pushed on. "I'd prefer to talk with you in private Arnold; but I am curious. What were you talking about me for?"
Helga never dreamt that the temperature in the room could be plummeting faster than it did right now; feeling like mountains of ice surround her, Helga held herself as Arnold's demeanour changed dramatically. Any warmth he may have had had vanished, worrying even Lila's normally easy going personality.
"The fact that you cheated on me with Brainy; how it had escaped your mentioning I will never know, but you should have told you liked him better than me," Arnold shot at her coldly.
Helga felt her fists tighten; blood starting to boil, all she wanted to do was reach across and plant her fist firmly into his arrogant face; how dare he say she cheated on him and with Brainy of all people?
"Of course you would be perfect football head; everything you say and do is just ever so perfect. Mind you, where did you hear this garbage from anyway? I have half a mind to find this idiot and show them what happens when you spread lies about people."
Expecting Arnold to tell her straight away, she readied herself to leave and track down the person who had told him this. But what he did next surprised her even more; without a word he moved in front of Lila and spread his arms out wide, shielding her from any potential blows as Arnold stared into Helga's eyes, his face grim and eyes full of determination.
"You can't touch her."
Helga felt her body go numb; she had been here all along. "It was Lila; but why? What did I ever do to you?"
"It was nothing you ever did to me Helga; I only heard it from my reliable source and I did not want Arnold to get hurt anymore by your mistakes."
Lord it had been years; but Helga swore to God that if this twerp opened her mouth one more time, not only would Old Betsy be brought out of retirement, she would be crowned world champion after all the pain she was going to put this girl through. She didn't hate her; she was nice enough. But here was an example of niceness going too far.
"My mistakes? I would never cheat on Arnold; you don't understand how long it took for me to get him," she mumbled, trying to keep her anger in check. She was nearly as bad as her father was.
"And I believe you," said Phoebe as she walked in, much to the astonishment and shock of the rest of the group. If Helga could move without killing someone, she would have given Phoebe a bone crushing hug.
Taking her place in the centre of them all, Phoebe settled Helga down and sat her down. Now all in a circle with Phoebe as the head, she sat down and looked at them all carefully, smiling as her eyes came to rest on Gerald.
"They have been fighting it out again?" she asked calmly as though no one else was in the room but her boyfriend.
"Of course; I never expected it to be any other way really. But I must say you could have come here a bit earlier."
"I was enjoying lunch and then work called to check on me…but anyway, I'll explain later tonight; besides I was sure you could handle the children as they fought," she smiled as Arnold, Helga and Lila wore the same looks of shock and embarrassment.
"Now, can someone please fill me in calmly and in an adult manner, without bias?"
Sighing, Gerald explained the situation to Phoebe, covering all the details that had been exchanged this morning, from Arnold's dream to the recent outburst. "I see; Lila, who was your source?"
Lila looked awkwardly at the four of them and sighed. "Rhonda."
Arnold felt his confidence fall; Helga felt the anger in her body drain away while Phoebe watched her carefully. Gerald on the other hand focussed himself on the bird outside the window.
"What proof did she give you? Please think about this carefully Lila; Arnold is basing his thoughts and actions currently on your assumptions and conclusions."
Lila felt herself pale under Phoebe's scrutinising gaze. "She told me she had heard that at some point a close friend of hers had heard about Brainy mentioning something along the lines of being with Helga and wishing to be with her forever. She also told me that Brainy had then been seen with a blonde haired girl later that night so I naturally assumed it had been Helga."
Phoebe nodded. "Naturally that would be a safe assumption to make, except for the fact that I happen to know the blonde girl in question for we work together; she has been seeing Brainy for a while now and besides this, Brainy and Helga haven't met up since high school ended."
Helga looked at her awkwardly. "How do you know-"
"A girl's phone Helga tells more than anyone would care to mention," she winked, causing Helga to blush.
Arnold though felt his head spin; if what Lila had said was wrong, and if what Helga had said was right, then everything was wrong. There had never been another guy in her life; he had believed Lila without checking up on it. And he had been ready to fight Helga to the death on this too; he had been a fool. Helga had been telling him the truth and he didn't listen to her; it was his entire fault. Everything raced through his mind all at once as the room began spinning dangerously fast…
"Phoebe, I need to go," Arnold quickly said before dashing to his bathroom.
Helga paused as she listened to the hurling; Gerald sighed and made his way to the bathroom, leaving the three girls alone. No one said much for a while, the throwing up from Arnold the only real sound much to the disgust of the trio.
"Well, I guess this is solved; but I do have last one question. Why did you tell him about this Lila?" Phoebe asked.
"I thought I was doing the right thing; and I kind of…" she trailed off, unable to be heard by Phoebe or Helga.
"You kind of what?" Helga asked.
"…liked him?"
Helga felt her fists clench and begin to draw blood; cold fury her system as her eyes locked onto Lila's face with pin point accuracy, blood covering her eye sight; this girl was dead. Phoebe saw the rage and homicidal anger fill Helga and knew it was time for her to go. "Lila it is probably best that you be on your way; we'll let Arnold know you said goodbye."
Lila quickly nodded and followed Phoebe down the hall, glad to be away from Helga's growing anger; closing the door carefully behind her, Phoebe ran back to Helga and cupped her face into her hands; looking her carefully in the eyes as she smiled gently. "Helga please relax for me; Lila is gone and will not hurt you anymore."
Slowly the fire burning in Helga's eyes subsided only to be replaced with tears. She had finally become a monster, just like her father was to her mother. She couldn't stand to look at Phoebe or anyone else anymore, not when she was capable of drawing blood from her own hands.
"It's over Phoebe; Arnold could never care for me again. I've hurt him so much; how could he ever love a monster like me?" she sobbed.
"Helga please listen to me; give him time. You two need to sit down and talk about this."
Holding her for a while, Helga and Phoebe broke apart when the sound of Gerald coughing lightly awoke them to the world around them; holding Arnold, he helped his friend over to the couch and sat him down, resting him gently against it. Helga looked to Phoebe who nodded; gracefully and carefully she moved to where Arnold was and took the cloth from Gerald who nodded. She began to dab him carefully across his forehead as he slowly regained himself.
Although Phoebe wanted to stay and see what happened, Gerald took her hand and smiled, leading her towards Arnold's bedroom and closing the door, smirking at Helga's worried face as he did so. Silently cursing him, Helga continued to try and bring Arnold around to his senses; something Arnold was slowly regaining.
"I guess I never told you how gentle you could be when you chose to be," Arnold smiled weakly, barely registering the smile on Helga's lips.
Helga chuckled softly as she continued to wipe his forehead. "And I guess I never told you how much of a sickening romantic charmer you were when you were sick."
Arnold continued to smile, despite the dread building in his heart. Even though he enjoyed the feeling her fingers had on his head, he couldn't stand to be with her right now, not after the things he had said and done. For the first time he finally felt what she must have felt for so long; he felt so bad, lower than anything else he had ever felt. How she had stood this pain for so long was beyond him; she could never forgive him for what he had done. It was never really her fault or his; they had both hurt one another, only he had let it fester, grow and consume him.
Taking a deep breath, he tried to compose himself before speaking. "Helga, I need to apologise."
Taken aback, Helga paused in her dabbing of his forehead. "I know we haven't exactly been friends since we broke up and I'm sorry for that; it is only now that I realise how much of an idiotic fool I have been. I always thought I was the one who had suffered the most from this; but I was completely wrong. I never understood what you must have felt until now; and now…I'm sorry I did this to you. I know you may never, but could you please forgive me Helga for all the pain and hurt I have put you through?"
The air came to stand still in the room, neither of them saying a word as the world fell into complete silence. Helga couldn't believe her ears; had he just apologised? She didn't dare to believe what she had just heard; what if this was all a trick, a trap to lure her into a false sense of security before attacking her again? But this was Arnold she was talking about; her Arnold. A sweeping feeling filled her stomach, taking away her breath; how she had never noticed his smell until now puzzled her. Had she been blocking him out completely?
Arnold looked at her, trying to figure her mind out; it was proving to be harder than he thought. She wasn't angry, she wasn't happy but she was lost in thought. He wanted to say anything to break it, but he didn't know what to say; he had spilled out some of his regret to her and she was saying nothing. Taking a deep breath, he was about to say something when he saw a small gentle smile spread itself across her face.
He tensed as he watched her slowly lean closer to his cheek, her breath warm on his face as she planted a small kiss on it, before pulling her head away from his. "Arnold, I forgive you."
Arnold felt his world explode; a wave of relief washed over him as he tried to steady his breathing. He could feel himself wanting to throw up again; the dizziness was starting to take over again. "Helga I know we need to talk, but now isn't the best time. I need to rest, but I will gladly talk with you tonight if you like?"
Helga still dumbfounded by her own actions, nodded and watched him slowly leave. Instinct took over as her hand shot out for his and grabbed a hold of it. "I don't want to leave you," she mumbled softly, catching them both by surprise; smiling gently, Arnold sat back down and leant against the couch, resting himself comfortably against the cushions. Helga sat down next to him and lay down, resting her head on his lap as he placed a cushion beneath her head.
"Ever the gentlemen aren't you?" she teased as he just kept smiling. Playing with her hair, Helga felt her eyes grow heavy and close, Arnolds not far behind as they both slowly fell asleep.
A creak at the door revealed two smiling faces belonging to Phoebe and Gerald; seeing the two sleeping forms resting peacefully, Gerald pulled Phoebe back into the room, a soft click the last noise the two sleeping forms would have heard as the afternoon drifted away to the sound of untold truths and whispering thoughts of their dreams.
D & F
"And that was the last time I saw Eugene," Arnold smiled, Helga's laughter echoing throughout the apartment.
Night time had descended upon the two of them, their laughter now echoing happily throughout the room as Arnold and Helga finished off their meal. It was the first time they had been alone together and found it not to be awkward or tense; on the contrary it felt like the days of old had returned to them. And it was something Helga was thanking the stars for while Arnold silently prayed it would never end. Watching her answer her phone, Arnold felt his heart begin to increase its pace and his eyes scour every inch of her majestically carved face; he had always known she was beautiful and had told her many times, but seeing her after so long…Maybe absence does make the heart grow fonder, he smiled as she continued to chat away to her publisher.
Given the time of night and the chance that he was still eating up his sick leave, Arnold felt like going into work tomorrow just to get used to the scene again. But Helga had mentioned taking another day off before returning home, and after the way she had cooed him into agreeing, he was deciding against going in and instead talking some personal time off; he was the co-boss anyway.
Oblivious to Arnold's love struck smile, Helga took another sip of her wine, allowing Arnold the chance to compose himself. He hadn't felt this excited in a long time. But he knew where this was going to go before he could even open his mouth; indeed, it seemed as though Helga could read his mind and spoke before he could.
"So, Arnold…you mentioned talking earlier," she smirked, catching Arnold in mid blush.
"Yeah, I did; guess now wouldn't be the best time to say I forgot?" he half laughed.
Helga smiled, but waited for him to speak; it had been so long since she had seen him up close in person and felt his touch. "Where should we start? As you are the lady, I think you have the right to chose," Arnold said smoothly, causing Helga's legs to turn to jelly.
Years of facing strangers had taught her to conceal the emotion in her face, but it was proving to be harder than normal. "Well, perhaps we should start from where it all began for the two of us; that deadly rooftop."
Arnold sighed; he knew it had to come first. "Well, I guess I know now why. But it still hurt Helga; why didn't you tell me you weren't ready for it instead of leaving me to hang there?"
Expecting the sting, Helga never felt it from Arnold; there was no anger or resentment in his voice, only hurt. "Well, I…it's difficult to explain."
Helga steadied her breathing. "You know how my family was and is; Bob and Miriam never got on well with one another once I was around; Bob always preferred my perfect sister to me. I was lucky to be called Olga; at least Big Bob would acknowledge I existed in the family. But it was his actions and the way he behaved towards Miriam that shook me; he was never nice to her. Their fights were the stuff of legend; one minute it would be something simple like opening a jar and the next…they never knew I was around."
Helga held her glass in her hands and swirled it around. "Can we move to the couch?"
Nodding, Arnold grabbed the wine bottle as Helga made her way to the couch and sat down comfortably, Arnold following in tow. "Well, before she died, Miriam pulled me aside; failing liver and kidneys," she stated at seeing Arnold's sadness. "I'm not really surprised; she drank herself stupid and in a way it was always going to happen; not that I don't miss her," she said sadly.
"Anyway, she told me something about Bob. She told me she regretted marrying this brute of a man to begin with; she was proud of Olga, but was more proud of how I had matured and become a fine woman, especially as she wasn't there to help me. And she told me how she never wanted me to marry unless the guy I was with was perfect for me and would treat me how a woman should be treated."
Arnold thought about it before answering. "Then why didn't you tell me to wait?"
"Because all I could see was Big Bob looking at me; I'm sorry, but all I could picture was this other man being married to me, beating me, hurting me, treating me badly, demanding everything of me…and treating my children badly…abusing them…blaming them for things they never did," Helga cried, tears spilling from her eyes madly as Arnold moved forward to catch her sobbing form.
"I'm so sorry Arnold; I never meant to do this to you," she cried out, trying not to choke on her tears.
Arnold just held her and stroked her hair, rubbing her back gently as Helga let it all out. He had suspected and knew firsthand the relationship she had with her father and it wasn't a good one; perhaps never really knowing who his father was made it easier for him to accept Grandpa as his unofficial father, but Helga had not been as lucky. Bob was mean and cruel; Arnold hoped though that deep down he cared for his daughter. He had to be a decent man without the workload, but maybe he was never going to know what Bob would have been like if he wasn't under so much pressure. Sadly, Helga might never know either.
For an hour or so, Helga cried like she had never wept before; all the years of pain, abuse and hurt were flooding out of her, shaking her body uncontrollably as she let it all hit her for the first time. She couldn't do this alone anymore; she was aching and tired of being strong, tired of trying to do everything on her own and tired of being alone. Feeling Arnold's hand stroke her hair made it easier to try and keep herself together; but every time she tried to stop it would increase, the pain crippling her every movement. After a while however, she could feel the tears stopping and the pain slowly easing itself away from her.
Helga felt her breathing begin to ease as Arnold still held her; the fact he hadn't run away comforted her greatly as she snuggled into his chest. She loved the feeling she got when her head rested against him, her nose sucking his aroma and her arms wrapped around his waist. For a while they just sat there and enjoyed one another's company, but there was something pressing on her mind; the bar and Lila could wait, but there was something more important she had to know from Arnold and she hoped he remembered it.
"Arnold?" she asked gently, rousing him from the mini slumber he had gone into. He was so cute when he looked like he had just woken up.
"Yes Helga?"
"Phoebe mentioned something to me about you not being well; what did she mean by that exactly?"
Arnold's face paled. "She mentioned that?"
Helga nodded as he tried to settle himself down. "Well…I don't know if you really want to know Helga; I'm kind of fuzzy on what happened exactly, but if you really want to know you might want to pour both of us another drink."
"Why? How bad was this fire?" she asked as she poured another drink for the both of them.
"Fire?" Arnold asked, confused as to what they were talking about.
"Yeah Phoebe said she found you in your apartment after a fire alarm went off; and she said you weren't in the right frame of mind so is the fire some kind of torment for you?"
"Helga there was never a fire here."
Helga looked at him confused. "Then what caused you to be mentally unwell if it wasn't something traumatic like a fire?"
Arnold sighed and took a prolonged drink of the wine. "There was never a fire; when Phoebe found me, I wasn't cowering from the fire. I was trying to die when she found me."
Helga's face turned to that of a ghost as she looked at him in horror. "You don't mean-"
Arnold's sad face though told her more than he would ever reveal. "I tried to commit suicide the night of Gerald and Phoebe's fifth anniversary."
A/N: Special thanks to U2 for keeping me going on this one; and also to the reviewers, whom I appreciate so much. Helga has finally admitted it to herself but now she has to face Arnold's past; and now that there is a bit more clarity, can Arnold remember it all? Will he want to remember it? As always please R & R, I really do appreciate it and it does help get the chapter out faster. Anyway, it should be up in the next week so until then.