It's You, It'll Always Be You

Chapter 5

[Flashback]

For the first few days after their kiss, Arizona was freaking out and blaming herself for rushing things and moving too fast with Callie. She stood at Callie's door several times thinking about knocking and apologizing profusely for being so forward, but she didn't have the nerve to face her. After the fifth day of not seeing nor hearing from Callie, Arizona got angry. She understood that Callie needed some space to process and think about things if she was shocked, but avoiding her for five days was just immature. If the kiss bothered her so much, the least she could do was be an adult about it and talk to her so they could both move on with their lives.

Arizona decided to deal with her anger the best way she knew how; she was going to go to the gym to work off her aggression, then go buy a dozen doughnuts to make herself feel better. Two and half hours later, Arizona left the gym feeling a bit more relieved as she stretched out her aching muscles. There were very few things that felt better than that post-work out ache. She was on her way to the store to grab her doughnuts when a familiar voice called out to her, "Arizona! Wait up!"

Arizona froze upon hearing her voice, but didn't dare turn around. Her anger nearly disappeared at the sound of Callie's sweet, almost melodic voice and she was scared that if she turned around, all her resolve would crumble completely. So she stayed facing away from Callie because she needed to let Callie know that she wouldn't be forgiven so easily. "Arizona, please…"

"What do you want, Callie?"

Her nickname sounded so foreign coming from Arizona's lips that she was taken aback for a moment. "I-I wanted to talk."

"What is there to talk about, Callie? You are obviously freaked out from that kiss and don't want to be with me. But it's not just that that I am upset about. You couldn't at least tell me that it freaked you out and wasn't what you wanted. No! You went and avoided me. Do you know how that makes me feel? Do you even know what's been running through my mind these past couple of days? I've been blaming myself. I've been cursing myself for taking things too fast and for not being able to control myself around you. I felt like a whore, a dirty slut throwing myself onto you like that. I was so disgusted with myself. But whatever, it's already happened. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable in any way. See you around or something, Callie." Arizona's fists were clenched so tightly that her nails were digging into her palms and tears were streaming down her face, so she kept herself facing away from Callie and forcing her voice to stay as strong as possible. She'd be damned if she allowed Callie to see her cry.

Callie knew that Arizona was crying even though she couldn't see her face and she hated that Arizona was crying. What she hated even more was that she was the cause of those tears. But she didn't know what to say, where to even start. She knew a simple sorry wouldn't be enough; Arizona would probably slap her across the face for that and she wouldn't blame her. What do you say to though to the girl whose heart you just broke? "Arizona… Please look at me."

"I don't want to look at you right now, Callie."

"Can you please stop calling me that?"

"Why? It's your name, isn't it?"

"Arizona, please don't be like that. You're the only one I let call me Calliope, so don't Callie me. And come on, turn around so we can talk." When Arizona still refused to turn around, Callie tentatively walked closer to her. "Please…" Callie whispered into Arizona's ear.

Although Callie wasn't touching her, Arizona could feel her body tingling from Callie's scent and warmth radiating off of her. A spark spread throughout her entire body when she felt Callie's breath tickle her ear and she knew that if she leaned back just a few more inches, then she could press her body up against Callie's and have her wrap her arms around her like she's wanted for the past few days. But she couldn't give in this easily; she couldn't let Callie know how much power she held over her. So she braced herself. She took a deep breath and steadied herself before turning around to face Callie.

She wasn't prepared for what she saw when she turned around though. She wasn't prepared to see the pain and anguish on Callie's face. She wasn't prepared to see the eye bags and red eyes. She wasn't ready to see Callie's tear stained cheeks or tussled hair. She wasn't ready to see Callie so desperate or defeated. And she definitely wasn't ready for, after seeing all of this, Callie still making her weak in the knees. Sensing Arizona's moment of vulnerability, Callie slowly reached up to touch her. Arizona leaned into Callie's hand, savoring the feel of her touch. Trying to seize the opportunity, Callie leaned in, but Arizona stopped her right before their lips met. "Stop, Calliope," she shuddered. She reached up and took Callie's hand down from her face, but didn't step away. Instead, she held Callie's hand in her own and pressed their foreheads together. "I-I can't, Calliope. I can't play these games with you. I'm not a toy and I really don't want to be hurt again. So please, just do us both a favor and stay away from me for a while, okay? Maybe we can be friends again later or something once I stop having all these feelings for you. So just..stay away, please?" And with that, Arizona turned around and left, leaving a speechless Callie in her wake.

Once she thought she was out of Callie's sight, Arizona took off. She just started running as a fresh batch of tears burned their way down her face. Her lungs were aching and begging for oxygen but she pushed herself to keep moving forward, hoping to run away from her pain. She ended up in the park that she and Callie walked through the night of the kiss before Arizona finally collapsed and broke down, luckily in a relatively secluded area of the park. She cried out of frustration, pain, confusion, anger; a whole collection of emotions that only encouraged more tears because she couldn't pinpoint what she felt.

She just kept crying and crying to the point of near hysteria and quite frankly, that just added more to her anger. She was Arizona freaking Robbins and she was awesome. But right now she certainly didn't feel like it, sobbing in a park over some girl. Why am I sitting here crying over some girl? Arizona Robbins doesn't let girls get close enough to her to hurt her. What happened to that girl? I finally let my guard down for once and I end up getting burned for giving her a chance. Pull yourself together, Arizona. You're better than this. You. Are. Great.

"I seriously messed up this time, Addie. I finally came up to talk to her and I couldn't say anything. I walked right up to her and froze. I tried to apologize but the words wouldn't come out of my mouth. I stood there like an idiot and listened to her yell at me and tell me how much I hurt her and I did nothing. Nothing, Addison! I'm the biggest fool in the world. I didn't even get an 'I'm sorry' out. God, I'm so stupid!"

"Callie, would you slow down so I can actually understand what you're saying?"

"I-I blew it, Addison. I ruined us before we even had a chance to be something."

"I get that you feel bad for hurting her feelings and all, but you seem really hung up over this. I mean, I'm sure that Arizona is a great girl and all, but you shouldn't be this torn up over what happened. You two just didn't work out and in time you'll both move on and be happy with your lives."

"You don't get it, Addie."

"Then make me understand, Callie."

"She's not just some girl who didn't end up 'working out', alright? She's different."

"She's different?"

"She's different," Callie reiterated affirmatively. "When I'm with her, my world stops. She makes my heart race by just looking at me. She makes my knees weak when she smiles at me. I feel complete when she's holding my hand. And when I'm in her arms, kissing her, I've never felt anything that felt so right. Wherever she is, that's where I feel that I belong. I know this is crazy since I've known her for barely more than a week but I know that Arizona is special. I know that she makes me feel these things that I've never felt before for anyone else before in my life. And it scares me. It scares me that I feel so strongly for her already after such a short amount of time. It scares me that she's broken through all my barriers and I haven't made any attempts to stop her."

"You know, Cal, I shouldn't be the one who you're saying all of this to."

"I know…"

"You know what you have to do, right?"

"I have to win her back."

[Present Time]

"Someone get them out of here!" Derek ordered as soon as he got in Carlos's room.

"What?" Arizona questioned in surprise. "Come on, Derek. I can help too, I can-"

"Arizona, not this time, okay? Right now, you aren't a doctor here. Right now, you and Callie are his friends and family. Please don't argue with me and just take Callie outside to the waiting area."

"Save him, Derek. You need-you need to save him."

"I'll do my best, Arizona."

The problem turned out to be a burst aneurysm and they rushed Carlos up to surgery immediately. Derek and the surgical team encountered some complications that caused them to be unsure of his recovery. Callie was distraught. She stayed by her father's bedside, crying, as minutes turned into hours and hours turned into days and days turned into a week. Arizona felt useless not being able to do anything and just stand by watching Callie completely fall to pieces.

After a week of no change in Carlos' condition, enough was enough. She couldn't let Callie break because she had a promise to keep; she had to take care of Callie and make her happy. After her shift ended she stopped by to find Callie in the same position she's pretty much been stuck in all week. It broke Arizona's heart to see the normally strong, independent Callie leaning over her father's bedside constantly crying and looking all sorts of disarray. "Calliope, you should go get some real rest. You need to sleep in an actual bed, eat some decent food, get a change of clothes... You need to take care of yourself a little bit here too, you know."

"I can't leave him, Arizona. Besides, I don't have anywhere to go. We were only staying in a hotel when we got here and have checked out a while ago. I can't go to a hotel right now when my dad is lying here fighting for his life. I can't leave him alone here nor can I handle being alone either."

"Then come home with me," Arizona blurted out without thinking.

"What?"

Too late to back out now. "I said come back to my place. You wouldn't have to check into a hotel and I'd be there with you so you wouldn't be alone either. Come on, just say yes. I can't let you stay here another night like this. I can't let you continue to ruin yourself too."

"Okay." Callie managed meekly.

"Okay?" Callie nodded her answer for Arizona. "Let's get going then. You can borrow anything you need and we'll order a pizza for dinner. That sound good?" Callie merely nodded her answer again allowing Arizona to gather her up and lead her out the door.

"There are towels in the bathroom and I'll grab some pajamas for you to wear. I can also throw some of your clothes into the wash so you have something to wear tomorrow. The pizza should be here when you're done."

Callie was quiet for a moment waiting inside the bathroom for Arizona to bring her some clothes. Arizona handed her an old college shirt and sweatpants and before she turned to walk away, Callie grabbed her hand. "I just-thank you, Arizona. Thank you for being here for me and taking care of me. I certainly don't deserve it, but thank you so much. I honestly don't know what I would do without you."

"You're welcome, Calliope. Now hurry and get cleaned up so you can relax tonight." Arizona offered her a smile before leaving Callie in the bathroom. She paced the living room back and forth thinking about how wrong this situation was. She was torn between how to handle telling Caitlin about Callie staying over for the night; lie, possibly get caught, and get in huge trouble or just tell the truth and face a possible argument. She knew what she had to do.

"Hello?" Caitlin answered after the third ring.

"Hey, Caitlin. It's Arizona."

"What's up, baby? My work ran a little later than I thought, but I should be over soon. Did you want to go out for dinner or should I pick something up or-"

"About that… I was wondering if it would be okay if you didn't come over tonight. I have some company over."

"Oh, that's no problem. Who's your guest? Are they planning on staying over?"

"It's Callie. And yeah, she will be. Her dad isn't doing so great and I had to force her out of the hospital tonight just to get her to freshen up a little." Silence came on the other end of the line while Arizona awaited Caitlin's response. "Caitlin?..."

"Huh? Umm, sorry. No, yeah. That's fine. I'm glad that you're being such a great friend to Callie. I'm sure she could really use one right now. I'll call you tomorrow?"

"Thank you, sweetheart. I'll talk to you later."

"That the girlfriend?"

"Calliope!" Arizona gasped. "I, uhh, didn't hear you there."

"I'm sorry if I scared you."

"It's no problem. But yeah, that was Caitlin. I called to let her know that you were staying over tonight."

"What'd she say about that?"

"What is there to say? She was fine with it. Said she's glad that I can be here for you."

"She seems like a wonderful girl."

"Yeah, she really is…"

After dinner, the two settled on the couch to watch a little TV and share a little small talk before Callie let out a big yawn not realizing how tired she really was. "Wow, I never noticed how tired I actually was."

"Yeah, it's a wonder how exhausted someone gets after not sleeping or eating for a week."

"Oh shut up, Arizona. Don't be smart with me." Callie chuckled.

"I'll grab you a blanket so just sit tight and I'll be right back." Arizona padded to her bedroom to grab an extra blanket from the closet and a pillow off her bed before returning to Callie. "I hope the couch is fine. I'm sorry I don't have an extra room or bed for that matter to offer you, I-"

"Don't worry, Arizona. This is fine."

"Are you sure?" Callie could see the worry in Arizona's eyes and it made her smile at how cute the blonde looked at that moment. She just smiled at her and gave her a little nod to indicate that she was okay. "Well, I'll let you get some rest now. If you need me, I'll just be over in my room. Goodnight, Calliope."

"G'night, Arizona."

Some few hours later, Arizona heard her door crack open along with the sound of feet carefully walking across the floor before Callie was at her bedside. "Calliope?" Arizona sleepily whispered out.

"I'm so sorry to wake you, Arizona. I just-I don't want to be alone out there. I keep tossing and turning worrying about my dad in the hospital and I can't fall asleep if I'm alone with my thoughts out there. It's-"

"Of course, Calliope. Of course. Here, you can sleep with me tonight. I won't let you be alone," Arizona lifted up her blanket offering Callie to get in.

"Thank you so much. I'm sorry if I'm being a pain."

"You're not. You're never a pain," Arizona responded as she wrapped her arms around Callie, pulling her to her. "Now just try to go to sleep, alright?"

"Okay." Callie laid there in Arizona's arms feeling much more at ease than outside on the couch. She soon felt Arizona's breathing even, meaning she was asleep. She glanced up to look at the beautiful blonde before her and smiled at how enchanting she truly was. She dropped her head back down into the crook of Arizona's neck, finally closed her eyes, and whispered out, "I love you, Arizona."

Arizona smiled as she heard the words come from Callie's lips and settled herself down to fall asleep when one last thought crossed her mind. Caitlin… And with that thought, her eyes immediately popped open once again. Oh God, what am I doing?...

Thank you again for all the wonderful reviews. I swear, you guys are the sweetest people ever!

I'm sorry for having that mini break over the holiday, but I hope that you all enjoyed your holidays, wherever you may be and whatever you may have celebrated.

And I hope the wait wasn't too bad either and that this chapter was worth it. Let me know what you think? Por favor?

Proof again that I truly only know how to write at night. Well...morning. I think I deserve to go to sleep now, yes?