Sorry about the silly things between paragraphs folks, it's the only way I can get fanfic to recognise double spacing between paragraphs.
-o-o-
The afternoon had been a frantic roil of activity since Hawke left the prince's office. He'd briefly returned to take his leave from Lady Harriman and move what little gear he had to the Guard Captain's quarters- she'd had it retrieved from the tavern the same night she'd decided to retrieve him. It was followed by a visit to supplies and accounting; then a return to the palace to swear his services to the Prince of Starkhaven; and finally a trip to the barracks proper to meet his new command. It was well after midnight before Hawke was able to return to his new living quarters. Separate from the palace and the main guard house/communal barracks they were close enough to both for the occupant to be reachable at any and all hours. Well, he'd suspected the next couple of weeks wouldn't involve a lot of sleep. Come to think of it the desk in Aveline's office had been just about large enough to fit a bedroll under…Happily it had turned out that in exchange for living lean for a few months the advance on a Captain's pay was enough to own some decent gear, if not what he was used to. Hawke thought briefly with regret of the equipment hastily sold, most of the coin had gone to the others, likely they wouldn't be in a position to be getting any more any time soon. Still, barracks food kept you alive, even if it gave new meaning to the phrase 'united in adversity'.
-o-o-
The meetings at both buildings had gifted him with a terrifying amount of paperwork. Orders, briefings, personal lists, reports, patrol routes. Some of it he'd left at the barracks office, putting off the inevitable. Lists of names, the latest batch of reports along with a map of Starkhaven and surroundings marked with patrol routes he'd reluctantly dragged back with him to make some start on putting the pieces together. Something about an old dog and new tricks? Hawke shook his head, amused, remembering the "Captain Dog-Lord" comment muttered just quietly enough to be deniable. Was that really as creative a title as they could come up with? He'd have to work on that; honestly he was convinced the rest of Thedas was more obsessed about Fereldans and their dogs than Fereldans themselves sometimes. He did miss Elka's comforting presence but mabari weren't exactly inconspicuous, she'd be better off with Aveline…
"We have to go, now, get out of the city before anyone has a chance to make sense of anything." Hawke's throat and eyes were gritty with fatigue as they made their way wearily towards the barge that had brought them to the Gallows, now their escape route. Aveline nodded tiredly, her eyes glancing behind them and back to his as the two of them covered the group's retreat.
"I know. I can't go with you Hawke; I swore an oath to protect the people in this city and I won't abandon them; not now."
He'd known this was coming; knew what it must have cost her to put her loyalty to him above her commitment to the law over the last few hours- it felt like days.
"I understand. We won't be able to go back, can you make sure Orana and the others get away from the estate safely before anyone comes looking?" she nodded "Also, I want you to keep Elka here. She's too visible for where we're going; wherever that is." Aveline managed half a smile that didn't quite meet her eyes.
"You're giving me my best guardswoman full-time? Looks like you won't be leaving us short-handed after all."
"Take care of the place for me; I know I've wished that large parts of it would fall into the sea sometimes but Makers Eye, not like this."
"I will; it's what I do" her smile faded "Hawke- are you sure about this? About him?" No need to ask who she meant.
-o-o-
The reality of his new situation hit Hawke like a bolt from Bianca at point blank range. He wasn't sure, hadn't been sure since that column of fire had torn apart the Chantry and maybe the world. No-one that night had known for certain what their actions would bring to the future, so they'd all focused on the immediate problem in front of them, on something they had any hope of influencing. He'd wanted his friends alive at the end of it all, and he hadn't been willing to let the entire Circle pay for one man's actions. And that one man? It should have been certain; how many times had they made the decision to deal out death outside the law. Yet he couldn't; didn't know if it had been out of love or hate or guilt. And afterwards he hadn't wanted the responsibility of those decisions over anyone but himself. He could understand why Fenris had chosen to leave with Isabela on the Bladedancer; the offer of a place to call your own that came with you when you ran was a powerful one.
/And yet the first opportunity down the road and you're protecting total strangers; and now here you are. Seems like you can't walk away even when you want to./ Strangely enough they might actually need him here, and there was a certain attraction to keeping someone else's law without feeling like you were making it up as you went along every day. Aveline would have laughed; penance for your sins Hawke. For how long; well until this game of hide-and-seek with your enemy runs out of time. Not forever, just a resting place; for a little while. And the mage rebellion? Was no longer his cause, perhaps he'd be able to help a few but he had risked and given all he was going to for that cause; and it wasn't the hardest part of his past he'd walked away from.
Meanwhile that pile of paperwork seemed to be growing larger the longer he ignored it.
-o-o-o-o-o-
-o-o-
Over the next few weeks Hawke became increasingly glad that he'd used those one and a half days of relative freedom on arriving in Starkhaven to track down half a year's supply of that dye of Merrill's before he gained any kind of profile in the city. Some earnest story about how it was for his wife and he was sure she'd be pleased, and he was just some idiot due to get slapped for suggesting to his better half that the years weren't treating her kindly. Since then he couldn't remember the last time he'd left the barracks compound for non-work related reasons. Any of his time not involving patrols or meetings seemed to get swallowed by paperwork or roaming the city to learn all its 'unofficial' pieces. Patrols were no use if you didn't have an idea of how things and people could slip through the cracks. Unlike Kirkwall before Aveline's arrival the standard of training here was actually decent at least, and thanks to the sudden changeover of people at the top of the power structure the corruption scene was temporarily about as coordinated as a lightening struck giant spider.
-o-o-
Apart from an increased emphasis on ranged weapons most of Hawke's efforts (and a certain amount of glee) had been in setting up training drills designed to give some idea of what it could be like going up against mages. Not using actual mages, but years of hanging out with Isabela and Varric had introduced him to a myriad of traps and items that could produce large amounts of light, sound, terrible smells and colour. All fun to use against your fellow guards if you were a 'mage', until you were on the receiving end; payback was a bitch. They'd help with everyone's general observation skills as well, and Hawke noted with satisfaction that the mutterings did indeed get more creative than 'Dog Lord' after the first week. They could hate the drills all they wanted as long as they learned from them.
-o-o-
He'd managed, barely, to convince Vael not to bring the city under martial law. It would mean more work for them keeping the peace well enough to ensure that didn't change, but those kinds of restrictions brought their own trouble with them. And the mage threat had come with another two-edged sword- closer co-operation with the templars. For a given value of co-operation. Word came down from on high to both groups that there would be 'substantial overlap' in patrol routes, and periodic joint forays to clear the better known bolt holes and movement routes surrounding Starkhaven and along the river. While there were benefits to having some extra magic defense nearby the templars were also almost entirely disinterested in anything not related to the mage threat. And their habit of making random sweeps and arrests created resentment that tended to be taken out on the guard. People seemed fairly uncaring about exactly which uniform authority had been wearing when it had kicked open your door at dawn. The templars might be on a mission from the Maker but the guard had to at least make a show of asking a few questions before breaking heads. Hawke had had to admit defeat on that issue, Knight Commander Braegan wasn't Meredith but the recent near total loss of the Starkhaven Circle and the current crisis had hardened his stance. Hawke had resorted to shifting squads on and off the fullnight watch- who took the brunt of the trouble- more often, to avoid having a mutiny on his hands. Like Kirkwall, after dark large sections of Starkhaven did not play well with anyone.
-o-o-
Peace held in Starkhaven; uneasily. It seemed like the templars were bringing mages in every other day from some area of the state yet the ranks of the Circle rarely increased. Nearly all of those brought back were ringleader to be made examples of, by execution or the Rite of Tranquility. Every day Hawke dreaded hearing Anders' or Merrill's name on someone's lips or on a list of dead. He worried too for the others; Kirkwall's leadership was in shambles, struggling to bring their lands under control as Starkhaven fought within hers. And every day that Anders and a certain (former) Champion remained uncaptured by Kirkwall fed the prince's conviction that the city should be brought under Starkhaven's control.
-o-o-o-o-o-
-o-o-
Despite his efforts to keep a low profile Sebastian seemed interested in his opinions on matters beyond the weekly reports; tactics, combat experience. Hawke realised that for all the prince's outward confidence he probably hadn't had to direct a sustained military campaign; even re-taking Starkhaven had been at least half politicking. Of course Hawke wasn't exactly an expert either but it didn't seem like a good time to mention that. He was also keenly aware that any advice given might somehow be responsible, however indirectly for the death of friends.
"Perhaps I made a mistake in not asking for your service in military matters" Sebastian commented one evening.
"I doubt I'll give you anything your generals who actually do this for a living won't; although the council might not complain if you found a reason to get me out of the city for a few months." Or permanently. Aveline had once said that a Guard Captain wasn't doing their job properly if the nobles weren't regularly complaining to those in charge about the guards' interference in their right to do whatever they wanted. She was right; sometimes it was all about the small (well alright petty) joys.
"Likely they wouldn't, although in fairness I've received almost as many complaints from them concerning the Order's activities as well. However I have faith that in my absence all the voices of authority will be able to work together for the good of Starkhaven" the slight sarcasm in the prince's words softened the tiredness underneath "Fortunately we still have some time before that bridge will be crossed."
"You have no more leads then, on the ringleaders?" Hawke wasn't sure what he'd do if the answer became yes, in one case because he knew it wouldn't be true and in the other because he feared it might be.
Sebastian frowned "Nothing definite; and Kirkwall has not been forthcoming regarding their other companions and what they may know. We may have already delayed too long on that front, however I do not intend for this campaign to be drawn out any longer than necessary by moving over hastily."
"Your Grace…even Anders' death will not crush this rebellion. This goes beyond one man now."
"You think this military action unwise then?" There was an edge in the prince's tone that warned Hawke to choose his next words carefully.
"Control of both sides of the border will help to secure Starkhaven's safety and strike further at the rebellion, but this isn't a Blight led by an Archdemon; those targets will be less clear and harder to find than we hope. And I would not wish civil war or as near as makes no difference on anywhere in the Marches."
"Believe me Serah when I say I understand very well the consequences of one city-state acting against another. I do not choose this course lightly." The thread of anger in his words flared then ebbed in his eyes as Sebastian broke off to study him, silently debating whether what he clearly wanted to say would be to Hawke or not.
-o-o-
"I knew the Champion" he said at last, quietly "During my time in Kirkwall. We became, friends, he helped me discover the truth behind my family's murder. And…through him I met Anders" Hawke kept what he hoped was a carefully neutral expression for when your superior chooses to suddenly unburden to you.
"And even after I knew what he was, the danger of what he could become I trusted Hawke, his ability to keep the man free from the monster. We all did." He paused then went on "Before I dedicated myself to service in the Chantry few people in my life saw me as having any value; including myself. Grand Cleric Elthina was the exception. She saw it and she had the ability to help people see in themselves, of making you wish to be more, better than what you had been. She helped me become a man from the child I had been. Have you been lucky enough, to find that in someone Hale?"
"In my wife, yes your Grace I was."
"What was her name?"
"Talia." the lie of the non-existent woman burned bitter in his throat. /I thought I'd found it with someone anyway./
-o-o-
"When I left the Chantry Elthina was right, it was revenge I wanted for my family not justice. And after it was over my path was clouded, as if I would be giving up something more important if I returned to Starkhaven. And then-" grief and anger mingled in his words "I was there. The night the abomination destroyed the Chantry, murdered innocents, murdered her. And with death still echoing off the walls the Champion betrayed all of us, and spared his life. Perhaps he knew what the mage had planned, I do not know. And I allowed it. Every night it shames me that I did not have the courage to do what should have been done, that I left because I wanted vengeance on all of Kirkwall for the crimes of individuals." After a moment, he continued "I failed her; but I will not dishonour her memory by seeking more destruction. It is not war I wish but unity; Kirkwall has been poorly served by her recent leaders and we cannot fight this war on individual fronts. We must work together with one purpose to defeat the mage threat. Only then can we begin to rebuild; the Chantry and our faith. In that perhaps we will find the strength to grant Andraste's mercy to the mages who have remained faithful to the Circle. And in that I hope to remember her, to try and follow the Maker's path for me as she believed I could."
-o-o-
Hawke struggled to find the words to reply, even as he fought down a sudden wave of anger. /You have every right to your grief prince, but you have no fucking idea about betrayal from that night./
"You will have the strength of Starkhaven behind you your Grace; my word on that." Best to stick to generalities; pass over the fact that he still seemed to have a talent for compelling near strangers to pour out their hearts to him.
Sebastian nodded "Of that I have no doubt. And I'm afraid I've kept you overlong Captain; my apologies." His words were businesslike although Hawke could the weight behind his eyes lighten somewhat.
"No need your Grace. And your fugitives, will not be able to fun forever" The words seemed to be tempting fate even as he spoke.
"If the Maker wills it, no they won't." The resolve in the statement was quiet but steel clad.
-o-o-
Back in his quarters Hawke felt his anger still running hot. So Sebastian thought he might have been involved in the Chantry's destruction; /I guess neither of us knew each other as well as we thought until that night./ And it wasn't as if the questions hadn't been trying to haunt his sleep every night since then. What he'd missed, how he'd missed, what might have been changed. Every night he'd buried those thoughts in a deep unmarked grave; perhaps they couldn't be avoided forever but damn it he was going to try. Hawke wasn't sure if it was an improvement that while Sebastian no longer wanted to raze Kirkwall to the ground he'd also decided he had a divine calling to rule it. He regretted, again, not having any means of contacting Varric. Surprisingly enough, lines of information in Starkhaven hadn't been mentioned when the dwarf had told them all to send him word when they could (purely for research purposes of course); it hadn't been on anyone's list of places to go anywhere near for, well, possibly forever.
/And when war comes will you hold to your old loyalties or your new, did you mean those oaths you swore a few weeks ago? Would you support a war you might have helped to start while you were trying to prevent another?/ The idea of reaching Ferelden seemed far away now and fading, it had only really been a plan in the absence of anything else.
/Kirkwall, the later you run, if you run, the more you'll know, the better your chances of making the border in the confusion. Would they take you back, those you left; would you keep searching for yet another place to protect, defend, all that again?/
/You can't keep running forever Hawke; you have to make a stand somewhere. Soon, but not yet. But soon. Fate always trips you up when you're not ready./
Sooo, nothing in that last conversation Sebastian wouldn't have wanted to share with an enemy right? I'm looking forward to getting to bring snarky!Hawke back...
That review button, it calls to you, and makes puppy dog eyes to rival even Anders'...