It's You, It'll Always Be You

Chapter 10

[Flashback]

Callie sat there, slumped against the door of her bedroom that she'd been kicked out of mere minutes ago, and just stayed still. She had expected Arizona to yell at her and she expected her to be furious, but she also expected them to talk things through and sort some stuff out. She never expected Arizona to kick her out of her own room. Arizona's parents heard her outburst at Callie from where they were in the living room. Not really knowing what to do, yet not wanting another moment of the eerie quiet of the apartment filled with only the tale tell sniffles of brokenhearted tears, Daniel Robbins got up off the couch and made his way over to Callie. He reached his hand out to her which Callie tentatively grabbed and pulled herself up. "She really loves you, you know. She wouldn't be this upset and broken down about it if she didn't. Just give her some time to cool down and have some space to think. It'll do the both of you some good."

"But I can't leave. I need to talk to her and explain. I need to tell her that I love her and only her. I need her to listen to me and understand that this whole situation is just out of my hands."

"And you can do all of that in a couple of days. Arizona is a really passionate person, but that also makes her pretty stubborn and irrational when she gets really emotional. Trust me, if you try talking to her, it'll just go in one ear and right out the other and nothing will get solved. I know that you love her, Callie. I can see the way you two look at each other and I know that this is something serious for the both of you and that it isn't just a college fling. But you crowding her will only make things worse, you understand?"

Callie let out a pained sigh, hiccupping as a sign of all her crying. "Yeah, I understand. I'll give her a couple days to cool off. Thank you for calling me and I'm so sorry for causing all this mess. I really didn't mean to hurt your daughter and I hate myself for it. I love her more than anything else in the world."

"I know, Callie. I hope you can work it out with Arizona."

"Me too, Colonel Robbins. Me too."

Callie did as she promised and gave Arizona a few days to blow off steam. When Callie finally built up the nerve to go back to their apartment, she found herself at a loss; does she knock or does she use her key to go in? She and Arizona hadn't spoken in days since Callie was thrown out of her bedroom and she feared the blonde's reaction to seeing her again. Would she still be mad? Would she yell at her again? Kick her out again? Were the few days apart enough time for Arizona? She didn't want to further upset her if Arizona wasn't ready to talk yet, but the fact of the matter was, Callie missed her. She missed her and she wanted to get things sorted out as soon as possible so that they could figure out where to go from there. She decided to play it safe and knocked on the door. She stood there straining to hear a response; Arizona's voice or the sound of feet scuffling across the floor, anything. Instead, there was silence. "Arizona?" Callie called out, knocking again. "Look, I know that you're probably still mad at me, and you have every right to be, but I just want to talk. Can we do that please? Can we talk?" She knocked again. "Hello? Arizona?" Knocks again. "Arizona…please?" Callie pleaded. After some more unanswered knocks, Callie decided to pull out her keys and open the door herself. Maybe she's out right now or something, she thought.

She looks around the apartment and sees that everything looks pretty much the same. "Arizona?" she calls out again. She continues to slowly make her way through the apartment, checking all the rooms for any sign of the blonde. Finally she is standing before the door of their room. She is once again stuck on what to do, but decides to go on since she was already that far. Their room, like the rest of the apartment, seemed to be completely intact as well, but Callie took in some differences. She sees that one of her pillows is missing on the bed as well as some stuff on the dresser she and Arizona shared. She didn't piece together what was going on until she glanced over at the closet that had been left open. No no no! raced through Callie's mind. She ran over to the dresser and frantically started pulling out Arizona's drawers. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. A sharp pain shot to Callie's heart as she realized what happened. All of her belongings, other than a pillow, throw blanket, and her favorite hoodie sweater she liked wearing on days in, were all where they left while seemingly all of Arizona's things were packed up and cleared out.

Arizona sat on a couch facing out toward the window taking in her new surroundings. The sun wasn't as bright as it is in Los Angeles, but the trees were so green and the crisp, fresh air felt rejuvenating to both her skin and lungs. It was a change of pace, a change in scenery that she so desperately wanted after everything fell apart and her life was a disaster in LA. She picked up and left on a whim; she gathered all her clothes and belongings, packed everything into a few suitcases, and left, making sure to never look back, knowing she'd run back and change her mind if she did.

Being there a bit earlier than scheduled for her internship, Arizona didn't exactly have a place to stay. So here she was, sitting in a lonely hotel room, wondering how everything seemed to flip on its side right before her. If only I stuck to my plan, Arizona thought. If only I kept up my no-strings attached/no relationships rule and didn't get involved with anyone and just stuck to the emotionless, random hookups… NO! she scolded at herself. She hated feeling this pain, she hated being so alone and broken. But she could never wish not taking a chance with Callie and continuing the way she had been. She could never take back the love that they shared and the amazing feelings that Callie made her feel. Even if it left her in pieces right now, meeting and falling in love with Calliope Torres was the best thing that ever happened to her. Because of her, Arizona had finally known what it truly meant to love someone with everything she had and be happy. She looked at a photograph of her and Callie where she was nuzzled into Callie's side. No, she thought, I will never regret her.

She got up and made her way over to her computer to start searching for a decent apartment. This was a new city with new people, a new job, new house, and new beginning. A new life.

"I really screwed up big this time, Aria." Callie cried into the phone with her sister. " I mean, I know that she was obviously really hurt by all of this and I didn't expect forgiveness or anything, but for her to just pack up all her stuff and leave? She must seriously hate me to leave without a trace like that."

"Have you tried calling her?"

"Of course I have. Like a million times! But she still isn't picking up or returning any phone calls. I even tried calling her parents but they won't say a word. They won't tell me if she went home with them or if she went away on vacation or anything. Arizona, the woman I am so in love with, is somewhere in a lot of pain and filled with anger towards me and I can't do anything about it because I don't know if we're still in the same town, state, hell, even country for that matter. I just miss her, Aria. I miss her and I love her so much and I hate that she left on such horrible terms."

"This is what happens when you hide the truth, Callie. I know that you had good intentions and never wanted to hurt Arizona, but you did by lying to her for all this time. I'm not going to pull out the 'I told you so' card because you don't deserve that. I know that you're hurting and I know that you're sorry. But me knowing that doesn't mean anything. You need to fight, Cal. You need to find her and make her listen to you. You can't let her push you away again and run. You can't let her get away because I can see how in love with her you are and that kind of love the two of you share is rare and most people would be lucky to even have a taste of it. So now you have to think. I mean, do you at least know where she might be headed?"

Callie sat there and contemplated for a moment, which proved to be quite difficult when trying to hold back tears and concentrate at the same time, before it hit her. "You know what, Aria? I think I may have an idea…"

Time had become a blur to Arizona. The weeks leading up to the start of her internship had been slow, filled with lonely nights and struggles to push away painful memories, but once she got to work, the days just seemed to pass by. Often times she'd throw herself into work and push herself to keep going into a state of utter exhaustion before finally stopping to collapse and sleep before getting up to do it all over again. She worked herself to death because it helped her deal. When she was working, she had to focus and didn't have time to dwell over the past and a lost love. There were a couple nights where she was forced to go home after exceeding her allowed hours at the hospital and it gave her time to think. But she hated to think. She would stare at her phone screen at Callie's number, thinking about calling her, so many times, but no matter what, she wouldn't let herself do it. She had to move on. Callie was in LA and she was up here in Seattle and that was that. Some of the other interns had invited her out a couple times, but she politely declined, not wanting to go crazy and indulge in her pain then later doing something stupid that she'd regret the next morning.

A couple months in and Arizona was the intern to watch. She was quick on her feet, had good instincts, knew the answers to every question thrown her way, logged in hundreds of hours in the research library and skills lab, and proved to be able to hold her own in an OR. Residents and Attendings alike were all impressed at this promising young star on the rise and loved her as a person as well as a doctor. She wasn't treated as a lowly intern like most experienced, but was respected by all.

Today, Arizona was especially excited because it was the day of the annual visit by the medical school students. Even though she knew that she wouldn't personally be having a med school student shadow her, she was still excited to hopefully inspire these University of Washington kids to keep working hard and push through the rough patches she remembered herself having from med school. "Good morning!" She cheerfully exclaimed to her Attending for that day, Derek Shepherd, as she met up with him at the nurse's station.

"Good morning to you too, Doctor Robbins. What's got you so excited today?"

"The med school kids are coming in today!"

"It's not as great as you're making it seem to be, you know."

"How could you say that, Dr. Shepherd? I think it's amazing that this hospital lets these kids come in here and shadow an actual doctor for a day so that they can get a taste of what they're getting into."

"I love your attitude, Dr. Robbins. How about you tag along with me today so that my lucky med student gets the benefit of having two great doctors to shadow today?"

Arizona beamed, "That would be awesome! Thank you so much!"

"Ha, don't thank me yet. Just wait until they get here… Which would be right now. Hey Chief."

"Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Robbins. I already assigned the other students to the other residents and attendings and they already took their students and took off, but I'd like you to meet yours. She's a transfer and so she's not actually a first year like the others so maybe you can show her some pretty cool neuro stuff in the OR today. I think she can handle it. Anyways, Derek, Arizona, I'd like you to meet Callie Torres."

[Present Time]

Arizona had wondered for years what it would be like to feel Callie's lips melded with hers once again. But not under these circumstances. She felt herself involuntarily pull away from Callie before she could respond back to her kiss and looked up to see a sea of emotions in Callie's deep brown eyes, the most prevalent being confusion and hurt. She reached up to place a hand against Callie's face, brushing her thumb along Callie's cheek, and watched the brunette's face visibly relax and lean into her touch, closing her eyes to savor the intimate moment. "Calliope…I can't…" Arizona barely got out, her voice filled with pain.

"I know…"

"But I can't stop."

"Me neither."

A comfortable silence settled over the two as they tried to sort out everything that was racing through their minds. "So what happens now? Where do we go from here?"

"You're still with Caitlin…"

"And you're still with George." Arizona was struggling to fight back the tears that were forming in her eyes. She averted her eyes to find the courage to continue on. "Why is something that is supposed to feel wrong, feel so right?"

Callie smiled softly and reached over to take Arizona's right hand with her left, leading it over to and placing it on her heart. "Because this," she paused, allowing Arizona to feel her thundering heart, "can never be wrong. Loving someone this much and feeling all these incredible things in the span of a few weeks in comparison to feeling nothing with someone else in two and a half years, could never be wrong. You and me? Arizona, we will never be wrong."

Feeling Callie's heart beat against her hand and hearing her words made Arizona finally lose her strength in fighting Callie. "I'm so tired of fighting against my feelings for you."

"Then don't…" Callie leaned in close again for another kiss.

It took every bit of Arizona's strength to pull away and resist her overwhelming temptations. "Calliope, you have to stop. You know that I'm not that girl and you would never be able to forgive yourself for making me that girl either. I don't cheat and I'm not a cheater. So please, you have to stop because if you don't, and soon, I will become that girl I hate and I will make you the girl that everyone else hates. So please…"

Callie couldn't stand hearing the pain and anguish in Arizona's voice. It almost scared her to look up into her eyes for fear of what would reside in Arizona's deep blue eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You're right, you're absolutely right about everything. This is not who we are. But I don't know what to do anymore. Ever since your graduation day I've been living a lie. I've been trying to convince myself that I could be happy with George and would eventually get over you. I have been trying to convince myself that what I was doing was for the best and that I needed to abide by my family and honor my promise, my commitment. But I can't just settle for that anymore. My dad developing this cancer and having to come back here to Seattle and be faced with seeing you again has opened my eyes. I've been miserable for years now and I haven't been truly happy in so long. I have felt so much more alive these past few weeks with you than I have in as long as I can remember. And all the happy memories I had before these past few weeks were from times I spent with you before the wedding and before being whisked away to San Francisco. Having my dad almost die on me made me realize that life is too short to settle with settling. I don't want to live a life of mediocrity. I want to fall asleep at night having the person who is on my mind and in my heart be the person lying down right beside me, wrapped up in my arms. I don't want to look at him and keep wishing that the next time I blink and open my eyes, it'll be you that I'm looking at. Do you see what I'm trying to say here?"

"Very much so," Arizona whispered back, fighting back tears. "I've spent every moment since I met George trying to hate you with every fiber of my being and erase you from my life." Callie cringed at what Arizona was saying, but didn't interrupt her, allowing Arizona to continue. "I hated that I hurt so much. I hated that I felt like my world was falling apart. I hated that I couldn't just get over it. I hated that despite everything, I couldn't forget you. I hate that I've been trying so hard to build myself back together and get out there and find someone who can make me feel even half as alive as you did. So yes, I have an idea what you're trying to say here."

"So let's just make it easier for the both of us. Let's-"

"Please don't finish that sentence."

"I'm sorry."

"And quit saying you're sorry."

"I'm- So what do you want me to say?"

"Nothing. I don't want you say anything. I just… I just need some time to think, alright? I need to be away from you for a little so I can finally have a chance to process stuff. You're like a magnet, and I'm a hopeless piece of metal trying to fight the pull you have over me. I need to be alone with my thoughts I guess. I can't just break it off with Caitlin and I would never ask you to leave your husband for me. So there are just so many things swimming through my head right now and I need to sort it out."

Callie slightly shook her head, a hint of a smile ghosting upon her lips. "I'm glad one of us can be the rational one here. I know you said to stop, but I'm really sorry for putting you in this situation. I would never want to put you in a spot where you would become someone you aren't because I know that amongst everything else you were taught, you are an honorable woman and I could never dream of taking that away from you. Take all the time that you need. You know where to find me." She stood up, placed a light kiss on Arizona's forehead and made her way back to the hospital.

"Hey, I was hoping you'd call," Caitlin answered in a sweet tone after a couple rings.

"Hi babe, what are you up to?"

"Just settling in for the evening. I had a pretty tiring day and felt like staying in tonight. I cooked up some dinner if you wanted to come over."

Arizona couldn't help but smile at how endearing Caitlin was, which didn't help matters at all. "That sounds awesome. I'll be right over."

"See you soon!"

Arizona arrived at Caitlin's apartment to a candlelit dinner with soft classical music playing in the background. "Caitlin," Arizona said in almost a half-gasp. "What is all of this?"

"You looked really run down earlier and I just thought you could use a relaxing dinner in. Or at least I was hoping for it."

"Aww, Caitlin… You shouldn't have."

"Maybe, but I wanted to. I wanted to do something sweet and romantic for you in hopes of brightening your mood and making your day better."

"Well you definitely did," Arizona replied, falling into Caitlin's arms, resting her head on Caitlin's shoulder, and burying her face in the crook of her neck. "You're awesome, you know that?"

Caitlin smiled as she held Arizona close and kissed her temple. "You're pretty awesome yourself, baby." They stood there in silence, occasionally slightly swaying to the music and enjoying the feeling of being in each other's arms. "Hey, are you okay?" Caitlin asked a few minutes later, breaking their comfortable silence.

Arizona lifted her head from Caitlin's shoulder to look into Caitlin's eyes. Mistake. There was nothing but love and adoration in those emerald eyes and it made Arizona feel even more torn. "Yeah. Do I not seem okay?"

"I don't know. You just seem really distracted and a little worn down."

"Oh. I'm sorry. I guess I've just got a lot on my mind."

"Like Callie?"

Arizona froze. "Why do you think this is about Callie?"

"Well her dad is still in that coma and I bet it must be stressful to worry about that all the time. Then pile it on top of trying to be a good friend and supporting her through this and your already hectic work schedule; it's a lot to deal with."

"Oh yeah…" Add to that having to fight against and hide my feelings for Calliope… "I've had a lot on my plate lately, but I'm managing.

At that moment, a grumble rumbled through her stomach. "Right…" Caitlin chuckled. "Managing to take care of everyone but yourself. When was the last time you ate?" Arizona looked away bashfully. Caitlin took her hand and led her to the table, pulling out her chair. "Let me take care of you tonight, baby."

The next morning, Arizona woke up to the sound of something sizzling and the smell of coffee and pancakes. She got up, threw on one of Caitlin's long overnight t-shirts, and made her way out into the kitchen, the aroma of bacon hitting her as soon as she opened the bedroom door. "Mmm…. That smells delicious, Caitlin."

"Ahh, there you are sleepy head. Good morning!" Caitlin smiled, leaning back to accept Arizona's quick kiss. "Did you sleep well? Do you have time to have some breakfast before your shift?"

The truth was Arizona had to be at the hospital in thirty minutes, but she couldn't turn her down after the amazing night last night and taking the time to make her breakfast the next morning and just being the perfect girlfriend. "I slept great, thanks. And of course I have some time. Even if I didn't, I'll make time anyways. Thank you so much, for everything." Arizona grinned, taking a seat at the table and grabbing a piece of bacon.

Caitlin brought over a mug of coffee for Arizona and sat across from her. "You don't have to thank me for anything, Arizona. I was glad you let me take care of you last night. I hope that you're feeling a little more at ease today."

"Most definitely. All thanks to you, of course." They shared a quick breakfast together because Arizona really had to go rush off to the hospital since she was already running late.

Arizona spent her lunch hour up on the roof again, looking out over Downtown Seattle. She didn't know anyone was up there with her until she felt someone snake their arms around her waist and rest their chin on her shoulder. "I had a feeling I'd find you up here."

"Calliope…" Arizona breathed out, inhaling Callie's scent and absorbing her warmth through her loving embrace. "You really shouldn't be doing that right now."

Callie let out a whine, "Aww, why not?"

Arizona groaned, "You know why."

Callie shook her head against Arizona's shoulder. "Nah uh, I have no idea what you're talking about."

Arizona couldn't fight back a smile. "You're too cute when you do that. But honestly, I can't stay all honorable and whatnot with you holding me like this."

Callie slowly, and reluctantly, unwrapped herself from Arizona and took a seat next to her. "I know I said that I would give you some space to think, but I just couldn't stay away. It's torture knowing that we're in the same place and yet I can't see you. I'm sorry for just barging in on your lunch break. I can leave if you'd like. I mean, cause obviously you came up here to escape and think-" Callie was cut off by Arizona's giggling. Callie pouted, "What's so funny?"

"You're rambling, Calliope. And I'm fine, you don't have to leave. It's just peaceful up here and it helps me relax; allows me make sense of my thoughts."

"Well I'm sure that having me here isn't helping you at all. I just needed to see you, but I can just go back to my dad's room and-"

"Calliope Iphigenia Torres, will you stop being so stubborn!" Arizona chuckled inwardly at Callie flinching upon hearing her full name. "You're not bothering me one bit. I like having you around and just being next to you. I feel peaceful and relaxed with just that. Well, at least when you aren't constantly rambling and not listening to me."

Callie just nodded and looked to change the subject. "So… Penny for your thoughts?"

"I don't want to talk about it right now, is that okay? I'd rather just spend my break here with you and not worry about what else is going on. I don't want to deal with the crazy and hectic drama right now. I just… I want to be happy. I want to smile and laugh and joke around."

"We can do that." Callie smiled as the two spent the rest of Arizona's lunch enjoying each other's company.

I know, I know… I know what you're all thinking, "GOSH DARNIT IT, ROX! WHY DOES IT TAKES YOU A ZILLION YEARS TO UPDATE?" I sincerely apologize though for taking so long! I honestly don't mean to do so though. It's like… I'll be thinking about the story and will get an idea in my head, but school has been killing me and I don't have the time to write. =[

BUT! I did manage to steal a few hours and give you guys something, so that's some redemption, right? =D

I don't know about you guys, but I am so stoked for the musical episode! The storyline makes me a little nervous, but I'm going crazy with having to wait to hear the songs and Sara's angelic voice to fill the room. If you've never heard her sing before, you should go do it now! As by request from me.

You know what else is a request from me? Reviewing this chapter and letting me know if these long waits I put you all through is worth it! I got a lot of feedback from you guys on the last chapter and it made me sooooooooooo happy. Another thank you to all of you who took the time to do that. You know I love you!

~Rox