It's You, It'll Always Be You
Chapter 13
[Flashback]
Callie made it a point to always be there for Arizona. The blonde never said anything, but she didn't protest Callie's constant presence either. They didn't talk; they didn't have to. Callie silently understood that her job was just to be there and comfort Arizona in any way she could.
It was as if Arizona was in a trance. She remained the consummate professional in the OR and with her patients and their families, but the moment she was away from all the prying eyes, she shut down. She didn't have a huge meltdown like Callie anticipated, but she was definitely no longer herself. She withdrew herself from her colleagues and wasn't her typical perky, social butterfly self.
The news of Timothy's death spread through Seattle Grace like a wildfire, staying true to its reputation. Everyone tried their best to console their favorite PEDs surgeon by offering words of encouragement, sending their condolences, and handing her an occasional gift here and there, but all Arizona did was weakly smile her thanks before assuring them that she was okay. The only person she didn't push away was, strangely enough, Callie. Even if she never said a word to the Latina, she took solace in knowing that there was someone familiar in a trying time like this. She didn't want to depend on her, but having Callie around made her feel safe and not alone. Her parents had insisted on flying out to her or having her come home to North Carolina, but Arizona put up the same front for her parents and told them it wasn't necessary; that she was fine.
Callie was the only one Arizona didn't bother to lie to. She wanted to push her away the day she found out about Timothy, but she couldn't find the strength in her to do so that day. Neither could she do it the next day nor the next day and soon days bled into weeks and weeks became months. Callie held Arizona in that stairwell the first day and allowed her to sob against her chest while she held her close and stroked her hair in an attempt to calm her down. Arizona let Callie bring her home and take care of her. She didn't argue Callie making her eat some dinner and drink a hot cup of tea. She didn't argue Callie drawing her a warm bath and even though she should have, didn't argue when Callie picked up her loofah and applied her body wash on it before starting to wash across her shoulders. She should have shied away at being naked and vulnerable, alone in her home with her ex, but the familiarity of Callie's gentle touch put Arizona at ease. She didn't argue Callie wrapping her up in her towel and bringing her back to her bedroom. She didn't argue Callie sitting her down on her bed while watching her search her drawers for some comfortable sleeping clothes. She didn't argue Callie drying her off and lifting up one limb at a time to slide a piece of clothing over it. She didn't argue Callie brushing through her hair before tucking her in underneath her warm blankets. And despite her mind screaming at her to take control of the situation and stop it, she didn't argue when Callie slid up against her and wrapped her arms around Arizona's waist. She should have fought, she should have pushed Callie away and told her to get out, but at that moment she was just too exhausted to do anything other than snuggle into and accept Callie's warm embrace and drift off into a much needed sleep.
Callie always being around pretty much became routine for them. They became oddly inseparable considering they hardly ever talked. Arizona made it clear that she didn't want to be around other people and much rather preferred to be away from the hustle and bustle and curious stares and not-so-subtle whispers. So Callie made a conscious effort to isolate Arizona and herself in the fourth floor on-call room that they unofficially dubbed theirs, or on the rooftop on decent weathered days, or in a nearby park that held a hidden bench that sat atop a hill overlooking the Seattle skyline.
They had their lunch together, sat in the same room to do work on their charts together, took their breaks and had an occasional nap together, and often spent what little free time they had, together. If she couldn't scrub in with her, Callie always made sure she was sitting in the front row of the gallery so that Arizona could just look up to know that she was there. There was an unsaid agreement to wait for each other at the end of their shifts so that Callie could walk Arizona home and take care of her for the night. After the first few weeks, Arizona didn't need Callie constantly doing every little thing for her, but the nightly ritual was something she didn't want to stop. She loved having Callie walk her home and spend the night making sure she was okay. She loved falling asleep in Callie's loving arms and waking up knowing the Latina was still there.
Of course Callie asked the blonde how she was feeling and if she wanted to talk, but Arizona immediately closed herself up every time she did. So Callie decided to just continue being her strong support system and let Arizona come to her whenever she was ready to talk. Waiting around was gnawing at her though. She wanted some answers and to know how to better be there for her grieving love. She wanted to know what was going on in that pretty golden head of hers. But she never wanted to push her too hard in fear of breaking her down. It puzzled her though, why did Arizona rarely cry? She expected the waterworks since she knew how much Timothy meant to her and how much his death broke her heart. She was definitely sad; Arizona's eyes always seemed dull and lifeless and her dimples hardly ever showed much these days, but she was still rather held together pretty well.
Arizona had the day off, Callie didn't and she hated not being able to be around the blonde. She was visibly distracted and running around the hospital in a frenzy. It was a good thing she didn't have any major surgeries today because she wasn't sure if she'd have been able to go through with them. She avoided the PEDs wing like the plague, stayed away from their on-call room and the rooftop, and settled for the loud, populated areas of the hospital so she could drown out her thoughts with the noise.
She was fidgety and on-edge when Mark finally caught up with her in the cafeteria looking over a chart while constantly checking down at her pager and phone. "Worried about Blondie?"
Callie looked up at Mark and couldn't help but let out a huge sigh. "I can't help it, Mark. I mean, I know that she's tried being strong throughout this whole thing, but I know it's only a matter of time before she breaks. And I want to be there for her when it happens."
"You need to take it easy on yourself, Torres. You've been there for Blondie day and night ever since her brother died. She'll be okay without you for one day."
"I still don't like the idea of leaving her at home by herself."
"Oh, so you two are shacking up now?"
"Can it, Mark. This isn't a time for your jokes."
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I couldn't help it. But seriously, what's the deal with you two? You practically live at her apartment now that you're calling it 'home' and never leaving her side. Not to mention you're the only one she'll allow near her for more than a minute unless it's work related. I don't get it. Before Timothy, she wouldn't even give you the time of day and now you're like BFFs?"
"It's really complicated. I just wish she'd talk to me so we can figure this out."
"Wait a second, you're essentially living with her, spending all your time with her, and you two don't talk? How is that even possible?"
"I told you it was really complicated, Mark."
"Then uncomplicate it for me."
"Ugh, you're relentless about this Arizona thing. Fine, I'll tell you, but not in here. I don't want this entire hospital knowing about my private life before I even leave the building to go back to Arizona tonight."
"And statements like that won't help you any, Torres."
"Shut up, Mark. Now follow me if you want to know the real story."
Callie led Mark over to her and Arizona's on-call room, knowing that it would probably be empty since everyone knew that the duo had claimed it to be theirs and left it unoccupied as much as possible for the blonde. She fell down onto one of the beds and pulled her knees up to her chest, trying to figure out where to even start. "Okay, here's the deal: once I tell you about Arizona and me, you have to swear that you will never utter a single word about to another soul, do you understand?"
"Wow, this is some serious stuff, huh? What'd you two do? Commit some perfect murder or something?"
"I said, do you understand?"
"Yes, I understand. I promise."
"And you can't let Arizona know that you know either."
"Aww, well that's no fun," Mark whined, but immediately shut his mouth when Callie shot him a death glare. "Okay, okay. No letting Blondie know that I know anything. Gotcha."
"Arizona and I… She…" Callie let out a big sigh. This is harder than I thought. "Okay, I love her. And not in that, 'you're my best friend' kind of way either. I mean that I'm in love with her. Before she came up here to start her residency, we were together during medical school down in LA. Well, at least that was until she found out about George and ran away from me to get a fresh start. I hurt her, Mark. I hurt her so bad when I lied and never told her about George or about not telling the truth about our relationship to my family. I transferred here to UW because I needed to get her back. I needed to apologize and not let her have the last memory of us be her kicking me out of our apartment. I love Arizona more than I've ever loved anyone else in my life. She's all I could ever want in a person and more. The love I have for her is not a lie. She might think it is because of this whole engagement situation, but I've never felt anything so real, so true. So I let her be angry at me. I let her not give me the time of day. I let her give me the cold shoulder and shrug me off as much as she wants. I let her scream at me and give me all the death glares she wants to throw my way, but I never let her push me away. I deserve it. I deserve all of it and I take it because I know that one of these days, she'll actually talk to me. Until then, I just have to wait until she's done being angry and ready to talk to me."
"So does her letting you take care of her mean that she's forgiven you?"
"I honestly don't know. She doesn't fight my constant presence, but she doesn't exactly welcome me with open arms either. I think she's just comfortable knowing that someone is there and cares for her. Someone who she knows, even if it's me. I know that I broke her heart and left her in a bad place by not being honest with her, so I want to make this right. I want to be there for her no matter what. I want her to know that she can lean on me and that I'll always be there for her even if she doesn't want me to be. I'm taking care of her because I still love her and she's still everything to me. I'm okay with her not talking to me yet because I know that it's still really painful for her to think about what I've done. But I will not let her be alone during this."
"You're a really good person, Callie. Arizona's lucky to have someone who cares about her like you do in her life."
"No, Mark, no. I'm the lucky one."
The rest of her shift was rather uneventful. A couple consults and casting here and there and the seemingly endless about of paperwork. Callie couldn't wait to get out of the hospital and check on Arizona. She rushed back to Arizona's apartment and knocked a few times on the door, not wanting to just barge into her home. When she didn't get a response from Arizona, she used the spare key Arizona handed her one day and let herself in. Darkness filled the living room and kitchen and that did nothing to calm Callie's nerves. There was a muffled noise coming from the direction of Arizona's bedroom and if she strained to hear, Callie could make out the sound of sobs and sniffles.
She immediately made her way over to the bedroom and found Arizona curled up in a corner of the bed with a pillow clutched tightly against her and tissues strewn all across the bed. "Oh no, Arizona? Arizona, what's wrong?"
The blonde looked up at her with red, tear filled eyes and tear marks streaked down her face that just about broke Callie's heart. "I-I-ca-ca-can't st-sst-stop crying." Arizona barely hiccupped out. "T-Tim-moth-Timothy is gone and I-I can't st-stop crying."
"Shh, come here, come here," Callie said as she schootched over to where Arizona was and wrapped her up in a hug. "It's okay. I'm here now. Just let it out."
Arizona continued crying for a while longer and Callie just held her tightly as she did. Eventually the sobs became less frequent and Arizona managed to gather herself up a little to try talking to Callie again. She looked up into the deep brown eyes and could see that Callie was going to open her mouth to say something. "Don't. Please, please just don't say anything."
Callie closed her mouth and just looked sympathetically over at Arizona. "Okay."
"I'm just exhausted. My parents, bless their souls, are exhausting. What happened to Timothy and you… Hating you is the most exhausting." Arizona leaned her head back down on Callie's shoulder and took a calming breath before finishing her thought. "And I don't want to do it anymore."
The breakdown that night was what Callie was waiting for. She knew it was bound to happen sooner or later, but she had hoped that it would be a turning point for Arizona. Sure, Arizona changed after that night, but it definitely was not for the better. She no longer relied on Callie for every little thing and started talking to other people in the hospital again. She had even told Callie that it wasn't necessary for her to spend the night and take care of her anymore. Callie wanted to protest, she wanted to insist on Arizona letting her be there, but she cautiously backed away and granted Arizona her wishes and gave the blonde the space she wanted.
Just because they didn't spend every moment together like they had before, didn't mean that Callie didn't keep a close eye on Arizona. She watched her talk up the nurses and other good looking doctors, laughing to herself as they turned to goo from the Robbins charm. She followed her to the bar whenever she was told the blonde was there and simply sat back in the shadows to make sure Arizona was okay. Some nights, Arizona had a date with her and Callie couldn't help the jealousy that coursed through her veins. She knew that she shouldn't feel that way considering she was the one who screwed everything up, but that didn't mean she was going to sit back and enjoy watching the woman she loved 'get friendly' with another woman.
Most nights, Arizona was able to control herself and keep the alcohol consumption and wild behavior to a minimum. But there were some nights where Arizona got crazy and totally wasted within a couple hours of her first drink. It was those nights that worried Callie and she tried stepping in and telling Arizona that she had had enough and that it was time to go home, but Arizona fought her off and yelled that Callie wasn't her mother and to leave her alone.
So Callie, once again, granted her her wish and left her alone. She watched as week after week Arizona would walk into Joe's bar and leave with a different girl on her arm without fail. She wasn't sure what was going on with Arizona. She didn't know if this were some type of coping mechanism or a way to numb the pain or a way to distract herself from her present reality, but Callie didn't like it one bit. She knew she had no right to get into Arizona's business, but she couldn't just stand by and watch someone she truly cares about go down the dangerous path Arizona was currently venturing down.
At first she tried being nice about it. She attempted to pull Arizona off to the side and bring up her recent promiscuity, but Arizona always managed to shrug her off and told her not to worry about it, that she had everything under control. She let it go every single time because she didn't want to crowd and pester Arizona when it was clear that she wanted to be left alone, but enough was enough. She followed Arizona into the stairwell after witnessing her sneak out of an on-call room that she probably just fucked her current flavor of the week in. "What is wrong with you?" Callie all but shouted at her as she ascended a flight of stairs.
Arizona froze mid-step and spun around to meet Callie fiery gaze. "What are you talking about?"
"You think I don't notice? You think that I'm blind? You think that I don't hear it from every doctor in this goddamn hospital? What happened to you, Arizona? Since when did you start sleeping with every female that moves?"
"Why does it matter to you?"
"Are you seriously asking that question? I was there for you when you could hardly even make yourself get up in the morning. I was there for you to make sure that you ate, bathed, got dressed, and made it work every day. I was there for you when you pushed everyone else away. I was there for you when you were so broken that you wouldn't even say a word the entire day. I was there for you when you closed yourself off from the world. It matters to me because I care about you and I worked so hard to make sure you stayed on your feet after Timothy died. If he could see you right now, he'd be so ashamed of you!"
Callie's words stung, but Arizona fought to maintain a calm, collected front. "I never should have let you get close to me again."
"No, you know what? It's fine. I'm glad that I know now what kind of person you are. You really get around."
"What did you just say to me?"
"So is anything a phase? Who's next? Nurse Olivia? Cause I hear she likes to sleep around."
"You don't get to call me a whore. When I met you, I thought I had found the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was done. So all the girls and all the bars and all my attachment issues, who cared? Because I was done. You lied to me. You chose George and your promises and commitments. I'm putting myself back together now. I make no apologies for how I choose to repair what you broke. You don't get to call me a whore."
Callie held Arizona's stare and clenched her jaw. "What this was between us, it's finished. It's over."
"Finally."
"Yeah, it's done."
"It is done."
Callie turned away and pushed past Arizona the rest of the way up the stairs and nearly ran once she was out of the stairwell to their on-call room, not even making it to a bed, as she slid down the door the moment she shut it and collapsed into a heap on the floor, letting the sobs finally escape from her lips.
[Present Time]
Before Arizona took off from the on-call room, she hastily removed the necklace she had been given all those years ago and placed it in Callie's palm as a hot trail of tears burned down her face. Callie stood there, speechless, stunned, confused, shocked; what in the world just happened? For a moment, Callie thought she had dreamt the whole thing. There was no way that Arizona pulled her into an on-call room, their on-call room, and pushed her up against the door, ravishing her and only a few moments away slipping her hand into Callie's pants…except she was. Her swollen lips, pulsing heart, and throbbing center were all signs of what Arizona did to her mere minutes ago and it all infuriated her.
What if she hadn't stopped her when she had? What if she allowed Arizona to take her and do what she's only dreamed of for so long? What if she said to hell with her inhibitions and morals and still had Arizona get up, choose Caitlin, and walk away? What was Arizona thinking? She couldn't just avoid Callie for days and then nearly fuck her up against a door the first time she saw her again.
So far, Callie had been patient and understanding about Arizona being reluctant in trusting and talking to her again. She understood that it would be difficult to see her and spend time with her again. She understood that she wouldn't be as receptive of her as she wanted. But this, this drew the line. Arizona was leading her on, possibly giving her hope where there wasn't any. For years, Arizona preached about being an honorable woman; whenever you make promises and commitments, you honor them. But what was this spontaneous move? As far as she knew, Arizona was still with Caitlin and what they were doing, especially what they were about to do, definitely constituted as cheating.
Whatever was going on in the blonde's head, she was going to figure it out because these mind games they were playing with each other couldn't go on any longer. Not if they both didn't want to hurt all parties involved even more than they already had.
For the next few weeks, Arizona had perfected evading the Torres room and floor for that matter. She threw herself into her work and spent many nights in her office or research lab, nose book-deep into medical journals and other materials hoping to find something useful for her research thesis on, what she was hoping was, a new pediatric breakthrough. She kept her mind focused on her work. Surgery, rounds, consults, and research was all she knew for days as she made her mind focus on something either than Callie and Caitlin. She still hadn't let Caitlin know that she picked her because she still needed some time to figure out if that's what she really wanted.
Caitlin is a good, wholesome girl. She is the type of girl you are proud to bring home to meet your parents because you know she will blow them away. She is the type of girl that will always be there for you no matter what and will always sacrifice her happiness for yours. She'll let you watch whatever movies and TV shows you like without any complaints. She'll make you dinner and snuggle up on the couch with you when you've had a bad day. She'll let you choose what you want to do for date night and make a decision for you when you can't pick. She'll pick you up when you're at your lowest and build you back piece by piece. She will get to know you and never pry about your past unless you're willing to open up about it. She won't ever lie to or betray you. She is the type of girl who will hold your heart in her hands and treasure it forever. She is the type of girl that balances out all the cruel and terrible things in the world. She is the type of girl that when you have her, you hold her tight and never let go. She is the type of girl who would never leave you and break your heart. In so many ways, Caitlin is the perfect girlfriend. In so many ways, Caitlin is the woman anyone would be lucky to spend the rest of their lives with. In so many ways, Caitlin should be Arizona's one. But she wasn't. No matter how much she wanted it, Caitlin couldn't fill that void in Arizona's heart and put back that missing piece to her puzzle.
Arizona hated that instead, she was still in love with a stubborn, fiery, married Latina who did nothing but break her heart. She hated that no matter how much time passed, her heart still yearned for Callie. She hated that she built herself back up just to have Callie come knocking it all back down the moment she walked back into her life. She hated that she didn't have the strength to ignore Callie and the way she affected her. She hated that Callie stirred up so much uncertainty in her when she previously thought she was happy. Why couldn't she just be happy with Caitlin? Why couldn't she just be happy with the woman who never let her down and picked her when she was shattered into pieces? Why did she still want Callie despite all the pain she's put her through? But she made a decision. She was going to protect her heart and go with the safer choice by picking Caitlin. She hoped that in time, she would grow to love the beautiful soul of the heartwarmingly kind woman and that it would be enough to forget about the passionate heart of the love of her life.
No, this weekend, Arizona was going to take Caitlin on a spontaneous weekend getaway and reassure herself that she was making the right decision.
"So, no Arizona again today I see."
"I've already told you a million times, Daddy. I don't know where she is or why she hasn't come by to visit. I didn't do anything to upset her or push away. I've tried talking to her, but she's been the master at hiding from me. I haven't see her since the day you woke up from your coma, okay?"
"The day you came back here with a hickey on your neck." Callie pursed her lips into a thin line, not knowing how to react to her father noticing the mark Arizona left on her neck after their on-call room rendezvous. "Relax, mija. I may be old, but I'm not blind and oblivious. I know that she caused that mark. I just want to know why she hasn't been by to say hi ever since then."
"She chose her girlfriend."
"What?"
"She chose her girlfriend over me. I told her I loved her. That I'm still in love with her and she kisses me. She kisses me and sets my body on fire, but she turns around and chooses her girlfriend. I honestly don't know what's going on or how this all happened, but she chose her girlfriend over me." Callie hadn't even realized that tears were starting to form in her eyes and spill over. "I'm sorry, Daddy, but I love her. I love her so much that it's killing me. I've been absolutely miserable in a marriage I never wanted for almost three years now. George is a great guy. Mr. O'Malley raised a good boy, but I don't love him. I haven't loved anyone except for Arizona for as long as I've known her. And I know this isn't what you want to hear because you told me to break it off with her, but I can't help the way I feel. I can't help that she's the love of my life and the holder of my heart. I can't help that she's all I've thought about for years. I'm sorry that I've disappointed you, but I just can't do this anymore. I need to live my life now and I can't let her slip away from me again."
"I agree."
"Please don't ar- Wait, what?"
"I said I agree with you, Calliope. I know that you love Arizona. I know that she's your everything. I know that it broke your heart when you couldn't be with her. I know that she's a fantastic girl who loves you. I know that your heart belonged to her ever since you first brought her home to meet us. You'll never meet another girl like that, Calliope. You only have one great love like that in your lifetime and you have to chase it."
"Wha-where is this all coming from?"
"I've been a stubborn man. I've turned the other cheek at your unhappiness over the years in hopes that you'd soon forget about Arizona and learn how to be happy with George. I was hoping that it was just a phase, as clichéd as that sounds. But when you truly fall in love with someone, when you finally find your soulmate, you'll never get over it."
"Thank you so much for that, Daddy."
"You're welcome my Calliope. I'm just sorry that I never told you sooner."
"I'm just glad that you finally told me. But what do I do now? How can I prove to her that I'm serious this time? I love her and I can't lose her again."
"I think you know what you have to do, Calliope."
The weekend getaway was a bust. Sure, Arizona and Caitlin had fun, but Arizona didn't feel that spark, have that lightbulb in her head flash on, like she was hoping for. That didn't go unnoticed by Caitlin. If she was going to be honest, she was surprised when Arizona showed up at her door and told her that she was taking her away for the weekend. She was certain the blonde was going to choose Callie that she spent a lot of their time away from each other preparing for the worst.
Arizona was sweet and caring, but Caitlin could tell it was forced, like Arizona was willing herself to feel for her. That was what prompted her for this hospital visit a couple days after they got back. Arizona had been staying at her apartment, giving them ample time to talk, so Caitlin knew that Arizona had a huge surgery today that would have her in the OR for most of the day. This gave her the perfect opportunity to talk to Callie without the fear of being caught by Arizona.
Caitlin roamed the familiar halls and came to a stop at Carlos' room. She knocked and proceeded to enter the room slowly, disappointed to find no Callie in sight. "May I help you?" Carlos asked, clearly puzzled by the mystery guest.
"I'm sorry. I was just looking for Callie, is she around?"
"Yeah, she just went down to the cafeteria to grab some food. She should be back soon. And you are?"
"Oh! I'm sorry, where are my manners? I'm Caitlin. Caitlin Thomas."
"Ah, nice to meet you Caitlin. I'm Carlos Torres, Calliope's father. May I ask how you know my Calliope?"
"The pleasure is all mine, Mr. Torres. And I actually don't really 'know' Callie. I'm Arizona's girlfriend."
"Oh, is that right?"
"Yes sir."
Before either could get another word in, Callie walked in through the door way. "Man, you'd think that after all these years they'd find a way to make the food not suck so- Caitlin! Umm, what are you doing here?"
"I wanted to talk to you if you had a minute."
"Oh, umm, sure. I'll meet you outside in just a second."
"Okay. Nice meeting you meeting you, Mr. Torres."
"And you, Ms. Thomas." Carlos waited until Caitlin was out of the room before addressing his daughter. "She's a nice girl."
"That she is."
"I can see why Arizona would be with a girl like her."
"Hey, whose side are you on?"
"Yours, mija. Of course, yours. I'm just saying."
"Mhmm, whatever you say, Daddy. I'm going to go see what she wants, okay?"
"Okay, what did you want to talk about?" Callie asked when Caitlin led them to an empty patient room.
"You know what I want to talk about."
"Umm, clearly I wouldn't ask you if I already knew."
"Don't be smart with me, Callie."
"Caitlin, it's not like I can read your mind or something, so you should just tell me."
"It's about Arizona."
"What about her?"
"Ugh, stop playing dumb with me!"
"I'm not playing dumb with you. I'm just trying to figure out what you want to talk about."
"You need to leave her alone."
"I beg your pardon?"
"You heard me! I want you to stay away from my girlfriend. You hear that? My girlfriend. I've tried so hard for so long to just be patient and let Arizona react to having you back here to Seattle. But enough is enough. I'm generally a really nice person, but a girl can only take so much before she has to fight back. Ever since you've been back, Arizona has changed. Our relationship has changed. She was okay, she was finally happy with me and you just had to come waltzing in to ruin all of that for us. Arizona is not the kind of woman you let go if you can help it. You know as well as anyone how easy it is for fall for her. I know that you two have this big, huge history, but I'm asking you to walk away. Walk away from her and give me back my girlfriend. She asked to go on a break because she needed to figure out her feelings a few weeks ago and she finally came back to me, but I can tell that something is different. I can tell that she's trying to force herself to want to be with me. I don't want her to have to try. I want her to know that she wants to be with me. And she can't do that if you're here, reminding her of the past. So please, woman-to-woman, give me back my girlfriend."
Hearing the vulnerability and pain laced in Caitlin's voice almost made Callie want to throw in the towel and surrender, but she had to stay strong and fight for what she wanted. "I can't do that…" Callie said softly. "I can't do that because I'm still in love with her. You said it yourself, Arizona is not the kind of woman you let go if you can help it. I know that I've screwed up in the past and let her go, but I'm not letting it happen this time. I'm here for her and I'm staying this time. I'm choosing her over everything else in my life because I still love her and I know that she still loves me. You're an amazing girl, Caitlin and I can't thank you enough for being there and picking Arizona back up when I left her the last time, but I can assure you that it won't happen again."
"No, no! It's not fair. You can't break her heart, have me fix it, and then come back and break it all over again. I will make sure of it!"
"I'm not here to break her heart, Caitlin. I'm here to finally make it whole again. You know as well as I do that wanting her to love you will never be enough for the both of you. It's the best she can do, but it won't be enough. You deserve so much more than that. You deserve someone who will make you their world. You deserve someone who knows that they love you and don't have to make themselves feel that way. You deserve someone who can give you so much more than what Arizona can."
"But I love her…"
"I know. I know you do and I am so sorry. But I'm not backing down."
A few days later, Arizona was still avoiding Callie and trying to make it work with Caitlin. But Caitlin seemed to distance herself from Arizona and always claim exhaustion to get herself out of having to face or talk to the blonde. She wondered what was going on with her, but she was so busy at work recently that she didn't have the chance to talk with her. But she made it a note to figure out what was going on later.
She was in her office looking over a case file when there was knock on her door. "Come in!" she bellowed, however was shocked to see Callie standing here. "Oh, umm, hi, Callie. I'm kind of busy here at the moment, so now might not be a good time."
"Now would be a great time actually."
"It's just that I have a lot to do and-"
"Stop talking. It's my turn to talk this time." Callie stopped and waiting until she had Arizona's full, undivided attention before going on. "I love you. I have always loved you and I will never stop loving you."
"Callie, I-"
"I said no talking! I'm still in love with you and I know that you're still in love with me. I should be mad at you for that stunt you pulled in the on-call room, but I can't make myself be mad at you. You're the one I am destined to be with for the rest of my life. Not George, and not some other person out there. And I am the one who was made for you. You are meant to be with me. Not Caitlin, not any other girl you've dated the past few years, me. I'm sorry that I hurt you in the past. I'm sorry that I walked away and let you go. But that was then and this is now. I'm here to stay and I'm here to fight for you. I couldn't live with myself if I were to leave Seattle and not try to make things right. I messed up and you have every right not to trust me, but all I'm asking for is another chance. Another chance at us, another chance to make it right."
"Callie, I've told you already that I chose Caitlin. Now, I'm sorry if that's not what you want to hear, but I've made my decision."
"No, you see, that's the problem. You're choosing the safe road. You know that Caitlin would never hurt you. She's a nice girl who was there for you and helped you get back on your feet. She's the easy pick, the one who won't break your heart. But you can't just take the easy road out. Sure, you'll be safe with Caitlin, but you won't ever feel alive like you do with me. I know that you can't trust me yet and I know that I'm a danger to you and your heart, but you can't fight fate. You and I are meant for each other, Arizona. No matter how safe and protected you feel, nothing can rival our love."
"God, why can't you just accept it and leave me alone? What do you want me to say?"
"I can't leave you alone because I know it's not what you want. Just tell me how you really feel."
"You want to know how I really feel?" Callie nodded. "Fine. I never got over you, okay? Happy now? You are the love of my life, but you're constantly leaving me. You're always leaving me and breaking my heart. I'm scared that if I give you another chance, you'll just do the same things over and over. And I'm not sure I can go through that heart break again. The only reason I got through it was because Caitlin was there to pick me up and put me back together. If I choose you, I'll lose her and if you hurt me again, I won't have her there to hold me up. I love you, too. I've never stopped loving you. I never stopped wishing you'd come back for me. I never stopped wishing I was finally worth it for you. I never stopped hoping that I'd see you again. That I'd be able to look into your eyes, melt at your smile, be enveloped in your warm embrace… I have missed you so much and I never stopped wishing that I could have you back. Is that what you wanted to hear?" Callie just slightly nodded her answer before handing Arizona an envelope. "What's this?"
"It's my divorce papers. They were finally finalized just a few hours ago actually. I'm serious about this, about us. I love you and I'm here to stay. The ball is in your court now, Arizona."
Can I just say WOW to all response I got from the last chapter? I simply cannot thank you guys enough for being the best readers ever! A few of you told me that you were new to the story and read the whole thing through in one sitting while a few others told me that they have been following this story from the start.
For all of you who are new, I am extremely flattered that you have taken the time to read this through and give me a comment on what you thought so far. And for those who have been there since the beginning and are still reading and loving it…Wow. That is probably one of the greatest compliment I could probably get.
So I want to know where you fall. If you're new and just read through this, I want to know what you think so far. If you've been with me since the start, I want to know if you're still reading and loving it and why. What makes you want to keep reading and I also want to know what you think. There has to be a reason why you've stuck with me for so long, right? And if you fall in the middle, well, I still want to know what you think too! Your opinion definitely matters just as much!
I managed to get this one together rather quickly I think for the length and everything. I attribute it to being a motivated, happy writer. You know what makes writers happy and motivated? Reviews! So in short, I guess reviews can possibly get you faster updates. =P
I hope you all loved this. Sorry for my excessively long A/N,
Rox
P.S. Yes, I stole MerDer lines. They just seemed to work perfectly here for me.
P.P.S. It's like 6 in the morning now for me and I can't believe I stayed up all night finishing this chapter! I probably just screwed up my sleep pattern for good, but it's probably worth it if you guys loved it. Please be worth it!