A/N: Hi guys! I know, it's been awhile, I've had a TON of work (and even worse, a screaming and nagging mom to go on top of it). Anyways, I'm here now, I'm on, and... yeah. That's that.
*~*~Sorry for taking forever!~*~*
James Diamond had a heart. Really, he did. Even through all the sleeping around and crushing people, it was technically there. It was just... hidden. There was a brick wall covered in cement and Gorrilla Glue, a layer of barbed wire, an electric fence, and a bunch of huge Freight Train-like body guards riding tigers. That way, no one could get to it.
Not even Kendall.
Still, Kendall was there, chipping away at that brick wall with a pickax. But he'd just been bit by a tiger, punched by a Freight Train, or maybe really badly shocked.
He'd been hit with a wave of Cold James.
Since that night, James had barely talked to him. They'd sat next to each other, sure, and they asked to pass the chicken nuggets and all that shit, but they weren't acting close anymore. And it really fucking worried Kendall.
"Hey, Logan?" Kendall said, knocking lightly on Logan and Carlos's open doorframe. Carlos was off being stupid, so it was just him and Logan.
"Yeah?" Logan said, looking up from his book.
"Can we talk?"
Logan pulled a chair over to his bed, ready to listen.
The difference here was what the boys saw. Logan knew how to read people. He knew James wouldn't give Kendall his heart, not because he didn't like Kendall, but because he didn't like. There was a risk there. And while James was willing to risk pretty much anything for the dumbest reasons, there was one thing he would never take his chances with: love.
Kendall, on the other hand, only saw as far as the surface. He thought James hated him, simple as that. Kendall just thought he'd screwed up beyond belief and now he had to figure out how to fix it.
"I- James hates me. And I can't take it. I can't stand this, not for another second. Logan, I just don't know what to do, that night was just so fantastic, but I did take advantage of him being drunk-"
"Whoah," Logan cut him off, "You think James hates you?" Logan KNEW that Kendall thought James hated him, but he had to pose it as a question. The whole point was to make Kendall realize how incredibly ridiculous that was.
"Well yeah, he does," Kendall replied, looking down. It had been five days since they'd slept together, four since the incident on the roof. They'd barely spoken for four entire days. That was longer than Kendall could ever remember. He could feel hot tears burning in his eyes and he looked away even more. He couldn't cry. Not here, not now, not in front of Logan.
"He doesn't," Logan said, putting an arm around Kendall, "he's scared."
Kendall laughed a little, "Funny joke, Logan. James. Scared. Sure."
"I'm not kidding, Kendall," Logan told him.
"James is probably the bravest dude I've ever met. He has no fear," Kendall told Logan.
Logan rolled his eyes at this glorified image of James that Kendall apparently saw. "He has no shame," Logan corrected, "but he has fear. He has fear of anything real. He runs from it."
Kendall just shook his shaggy head of hair, "No, Logan, James doesn't run. James sticks up for what he believes in."
"Really," Logan crossed his arms, "when, exactly, has James been so brave?"
Kendall bit his lip. He couldn't just come out and say it. Logan just didn't know. "I- I can't-" he thought of his dad. He thought of being hit on the head, the side, the back. He thought of watching James run his scrawny little ass off to get him help. He thought of wondering if he'd come back, if James would really get him help. He thought of not really knowing if James would get back in time, or if he'd just get killed, right then and there, and go burn in hell like his dad always said he would. He thought of the moment of relief when he was finally rescued. The tears finally escaped. They ran down his face, at first a couple, then streams. He'd tried to think of anything BUT his dad since they came to Hollywood. But now, now that he'd lost the person who saved him from his own personal patriarcal hell, he couldn't help it.
"Kindle?" Logan asked quietly, mispronouncing his name the way he always did when he talked about him. He didn't know what to do. Logan put an arm around Kendall, reaching to give him a hug. Kendall didn't hug back. He just cried.
~*~*Guys what the fuck am I doing I was wondering if kendall would cry in BT Break Up and then this happened oh dear lord*~*~
James was lying on a beach chair, staring up at the sky. He had no idea what to do. Kendall wanted to be with him, really be with him, but he just didn't know. Sure, the sex was fantastic. And of course James liked Kendall. But with liking someone comes vulnerability. James wasn't down with vulnerability.
"Hey, whatcha thinkin about?" Carlos asked cheerily, bouncing up to the taller boy and blocking his sun.
"Carlos, move it! You're blocking the sun!" James told him, an extra note of frustration in his voice.
"Yikes, grouchy," Carlos said, "why so grumpy?"
"Just- no, just shut up, Carlos."
"Oh, Kendall. I see," Carlos said, surprisingly insightful.
James sat up quickly, glancing around. People near them didn't seem to have heard him, but either way, James dragged Carlos off to the elevators, where no one was paying any attention to them.
"What are you talking about?" James asked through gritted teeth when they got there.
Carlos shrugged, "You clearly like Kendall. And he likes you. What is there to talk about?"
James shook his head, "I do NOT like him."
"Why do you keep denying it?"
"We're both dudes. If I have feelings towards him, that makes me vulnerable, that's bad. And again, we're both dudes."
Carlos shook his head and shrugged again. "I think if you like eachother, you should be together," he said plainly.
"Carlos! Are you not listening to me!" James yelled.
"No, not really," Carlos admitted.
"Well listen up. I. Don't. Like. Kendall. Forget it."
"Then why did you sleep with him?"
"I... I-" James ran through his hair, "Just because I sleep with someone doesn't mean I really like them. It just means that I want to put my dick in them."
"Ok," Carlos replied, starting to turn on his heel, "Then I'll just go tell Kendall you don't like him."
"No! Wait!" James called.
Carlos turned around, grinning. "Yes?"
"Don't tell him that."
"So you do like him?"
"No- yeah- well- just don't, ok? We may like each other a little more than just as friends or fuck buddies, but we're not going to work out together, alright?"
"Why can't you work it out, then?" Carlos asked. He was always full of questions.
James shook his head again, crossing his arms. "Stuff doesn't just work out, Carlos. Not in the real world."
"Sure it does," Carlos told him, "just look at my parents. They worked out."
James balled his fists, looking away from Carlos. Parents weren't exactly a great argument for Carlos's side.
"Well isn't that dandy for them," James growled, turning off towards the elevator to go to the second floor.
*~*~Different focus, shall we?~*~*
Kendall closed the door to 2J behind him with a click. He rubbed his eyes one last time. He'd just washed his face, in hopes of not looking like he'd been crying. It hadn't totally worked, but he was done caring. He needed to go for a walk. Silently, he really hoped he didn't see James. He didn't want James to see him like this. Or maybe he deep down, he wished he would run into James, just so that bastard would see what he was doing.
He was almost to the elevator, when James stepped out. He came storming down the hallway, clearly pissed about something or the other. Kendall studied the wallpaper, trying not to make eye contact. Still, he knew James's hazel eyes were burning into him like a fucking laser.
The next thing he knew, James had closed the gap between them and grabbed Kendall by the shoulders. He shoved Kendall up against the wall, then proceeded to rape his mouth. James forced his tounge through Kendall's lips, which only resisted for a minute. Kendall was pinned between James's body, his muscles tensed as he held Kendall there, and the wall. James threw himself into it, his teeth clicking against Kendall's and biting his lip a little bit. All Kendall could do was open his mouth and try to keep up.
Then, suddenly, it was over as soon as it had happened. Without even glancing at Kendall, James let him go and continued to walk away, stalking right past the door of 2J and to the stairwell.
Kendall just stood there in awe, a hand on his lips, which almost hurt a little bit. James's sing-song voice echoed in his head.
"It's not rape if you like it."
~*~*Well that was completely unplanned but hey I guess I'm just spontaneous.*~*~
A/N: So uh... Yep. That was that. I hope you liked it? I just... ok. I'm gonna go away now. Review if you dare.