You are not alone
The following week had come and gone in a blur, as Ross numbly went thru the paces and put himself in auto-pilot mode, as funeral and memorial services were hastily arranged. And despite the protests of Rachel and the rest of the gang, Ross had opted to handle everything by himself. Rachel had warned him not to go to the morgue and view the bodies of his son and parents, and now he wished he had listened to her. He tried to get the image out of his head and kept telling himself, 'That's not my son. That's not my parents', as if he was trying to convince himself that none of this was real.
He had just gotten off the phone with the funeral home, confirming the services for Ben, which was the next day and for his parents, which was the day after. Rachel went over, gently reaching out to him, took his hand and guided him to the sofa. 'Sit down for a few minutes', she softly commanded. Ross did as he was told, as Rachel sat down next to him as she continued and said 'Don't you think you're taking on too much? I mean I don't see how you do it. This would be too much for anybody to deal with, alone'. Ross just stared at his feet as Rachel gently placed her hand under his chin and lifted his head up, forcing him to make eye contact and said 'It's ok Ross... it's ok. You don't have to be Superman, and you don't have to pretend to be strong for the rest of us. There's nothing wrong with saying you need help. It's ok to let your guard down, sweetie'
Rachel knew Ross better than anybody... perhaps even better than Ross knew himself. She knew Ross would take on the brunt of the responsibility, just so he wouldn't have time to think about it. 'There is so much that still needs to be done', Ross protested as Rachel nodded in agreement. She put her arm around him, drawing him close to her and said 'No, I know there is sweetie. But even so, you need to take some time out and take care of yourself. I mean you're not eating and you're hardly sleeping, and that's not good, honey. That's not healthy'. She paused and added 'Like I said, you don't need to carry around all of this weight by yourself. You have me and everybody else who want to help you Ross. You don't need to do this alone'.
Rachel gently helped Ross off the sofa, saying they were both tired and could use a good night sleep. They slipped under the covers, as Rachel turned and gave Ross a kiss, soothingly stroked his arm, telling him to think about what she said, as they drifted off to sleep. Rachel awoke in the middle of the night and discovered Ross was not in bed. She frantically reached for her robe and threw it on, afraid Ross had gone and done something stupid. She froze when she saw the back door was ajar, and saw Ross leaning on the balcony railing, looking at a photograph of Ben, under the light of the full moon, which hung brightly overhead
Her heart just about broke in half, seeing Ross like this and desperately wanted to say something... anything that would perhaps bring him some comfort or peace on mind, but she could not find the words. She quietly went over to the balcony, and just stood behind him, looking at the picture, over his shoulder. She gently wrapped her arms around Ross, from behind and after a few moments, she spoke and said 'That's a great picture'. Ross nodded wordlessly as Rachel kissed his shoulder and said 'And Ben was lucky to have such a great dad'
Ross started to sob and Rachel felt like kicking herself for not choosing her wording better, as this was certainly not her intentions. Rachel just hugged Ross tighter as he continued to cry and said 'I still think I'll see him come running thru the door, and when he doesn't, it's as if I lost him all over again'. Rachel buried her head in Ross' shoulder, and nodded as tears started to fill her own eyes. Rachel gently held Ross, caressing his back, as he struggled to regain his composure and she whispered 'You've been trying to be strong long enough. Let me be the strong one for a while' She knew that showing emotion was something Ross very seldom did, but also knew that his denial was not the answer, either.
She stayed out there with Ross for quite some time, as the first rays of morning light started to peak across the distant horizon. She gently tugged on Ross' hand as she led him back inside and whispered 'We still have some time before we need to leave. Why don't you try to get some sleep? I'll wake you in an hour or so'. Ross said he wasn't sleepy as Rachel ran her hand across his cheek and said 'Sweetie, you have to be. Please try and get some sleep'. Ross climbed back into the bed, as Rachel sat next to him, just holding him trying to encourage him to close his eyes. She knew nothing she said or did would, or even could ease the pain that he felt, but it didn't stop her from trying.
After some gentle coaxing from Rachel, Ross was able to fall back asleep as she just stayed there with him. holding him. She let him sleep for another few hours, before gently nudging him awake, saying it was time to get up. Ross sat up on the foot of the bed as Rachel asked if there was anything she could do for him, and he just shook his head. Rachel hugged him and left the room so he could change. Rachel gave him a few minutes, and when Ross didn't come out of the room, she went over and lightly knocked on the door and asked if she could come in.
When there was no answer, she quietly opened the door to find Ross staring out the window, holding his tie in his hand. 'Oh, honey. Come here', she coaxed as she took his hand, and helped him put the tie on. She gave him a peck on the cheek, gave a sad smile and said 'Sweetie, it's time for us to go'. Ross shook his head and said 'I can't do this'. Rachel took Ross' hand and leaned forward, whispering 'I know this will be the hardest thing you will ever do. But you're not going to go thru this alone...I promise you'. She took his hand and walked with him to a taxi that was already waiting, by the curb.
She opens the door and motions for Ross to get in, and she scoots next to him, shutting the door and telling the driver to go to the funeral home. He looked back, mumbled his condolences as he started the car, and pulled onto the street. The ride to the funeral home was uneventful, and Ross and Rachel got out of the car, as Rachel hands the driver the fare. Susan sees Ross, runs over to him in tears and just engulfs him in a hug. He was not expecting that from Susan, and he was genuinely touched by her concern and for once, had nothing but compassion for her. 'How are you doing, Ross', she asked.
'I'm...I...I'll be ok' he stammered, trying to stifle the tears he could feel building up. He asked how they were doing and Susan sighed and said 'Carol isn't doing very good right now, at all'. Carol. The first true love of Ross' life and the mother of his son. Ross gave Susan a quick kiss on the cheek, excused himself and went over to where Carol was standing. Her eyes were so full of tears she didn't even see Ross approach, as he placed a hand on her shoulder.
'Oh, Ross', she sobbed as he hugged her. She wiped her eyes, asking why this happened. 'I don't know. I spent the past week asking myself that very question', he replied while choking back tears. 'It's not right. Parents are not supposed to have to bury their children', she lamented as Ross nodded his agreement. Susan came by, saying they were getting ready to start and Ross turned to Carol and said 'You know, Rachel told me that I'm not in this alone. If you guys need or want anything, please let us know'. Both Susan and Carol hug Ross thanking him, before entering the funeral home.
They go inside as a taxi approaches, and Chandler gets out, helps Monica out as they walk to where Rachel is standing, and a few moments later, Phoebe and Joey arrive in Phoebe's taxi. Ross goes back to where Rachel is standing, as she asked if Susan and Carol were doing ok, and Ross could only nod. Rachel asked Monica how she was doing, but was told it didn't quite sink in, just yet. 'Honey, I think we need to go inside', Rachel said. Ross froze, unable to move as Rachel took his right arm, and Phoebe took his left arm and walked inside with him.