Saying Goodbye
Author's Note: I appreciate all the great feedback and responses, and apologize it has taken me so long to update, but having so many things going on, I rarely had the time to write. But without further ado, here is the next chapter
Rachel tightly gripped Ross' arm as the funeral director escorted them to the room, with everybody else just steps behind. As they walk he said 'We have a Chaplain, in case anybody needs to talk with somebody'. Rachel thanked him, as he nodded solemnly. Rachel released her grip and slowly entered the room, as Ross froze in his tracks, not able to take his eyes off the small casket that was placed on the far end of the room, with a lost and confused look on his face. Rachel glances back and goes over to Ross, taking his hand, giving it a gentle tug, as he followed her inside.
They all file next to the casket that held his son, which was mercifully closed. Ross didn't think he could bear having to look at his son lying down in that dreadful compartment. 'You know Ben is not really in there, right', Phoebe whispered as Ross asked what she meant. 'Well that's his body, but Ben isn't in there...he's in Heaven'. Tears poured down his face, as he kissed her cheek, thanking her for the comment. He wanted to believe that, but from a logical and scientific standpoint, he doubted her. How could he believe in something that could not be scientifically proven? But at the same time, he wanted to believe Ben was in a better world. He struggled with these conflict of opinions as he knelt down, kissing the casket and whispered 'Where ever you are, I love you'
It's about an hour and a half later, and people slowly leave, pausing to offer their condolences to Ross. He just numbly stood there, unable to take his eyes off the casket, and oblivious to anything and everybody else. Soon everybody leaves, and it's just Ross and Rachel left in the room. She was not sure what she could do, and just stood next to him, gently rubbing his shoulders. Some men came to move the casket to the adjacent cemetery, and Rachel quickly grabs Ross' hand, taking him out of the room, as she did not want him to have to watch.
'Are you hungry', she asked as they walked back to the car. Ross doesn't answer and just lightly shakes his head. 'You really need to eat something, sweetie', Rachel gently offered as Ross said he didn't have much of an appetite. 'Ok, honey', she softly whispered as they got in the taxi and instructed the driver back to the apartment. Not a word was spoken the entire trip home as Ross got out of the car, saying he was going for a walk.
Rachel hurriedly paid the cab fare, went over to Ross and said 'I'm going with you'. Ross thanked her for the offer, but said he just needed some time alone. 'Honey, you don't need to be alone right now. None of us do, so please let me go with you'. Rachel walked with him to the park, watching other fathers play catch and Frisbee with their kids, knowing he would never have another chance to do that with his own son.
'I'm a lousy father' he said bitterly. Rachel turned to face him, and with a hint of anger said 'No you are not and I don't EVER want you to think that'. They sat down on the cool grass as Ross said 'I never took Ben to the park to throw the ball around. I never did anything with him'. She smiled and said 'You are a great father, Ross. Nothing will ever take that away'. They sit there for a few more moments, before Rachel suggest they go back to the apartment and get a good night sleep