Here it is! Are you all shocked and amazed! And it's a whole 24 hours earlier than I promised! Even more amazing? I had it ready to post last night, but I lost my internet connection! Truthfully, I had to post it by the end of today since I leave for Haiti tomorrow for a month and the internet will be spotty at best (don't let that stop you from reviewing though! You're words will be especially nice to hear out there!).
So I realised something after I posted the last chapter: I must be a masochist or something. Every single time one of you threatened me (I'm looking at you Celeste J. Evans, TheID, killmypatience, and Taly-chan) I spent the next 20 minutes grinning like an idiot...longer if any of you mentioned picking up pitchforks or lighting torches. I really am one sick puppy. :p
A special shout out to all my awesome reviewers who have stuck with me from beginning to end! You guys are amazing! Here's to you (SilverStella, Taly-chan, karamarieross, lolo1234, killmypatience, castlebecket_siempre, Minal, keal, LittleLizzieZentara, Bella Paige, TheID, DeBo81, Celeste J. Evans and genedoc)!
Enough out of me for now - on with the final chapter!
Chapter 7
Her first thought upon hearing Castle's choked up words had to have been 'this can't be real', followed very closely by 'this can't be happening'. The pain in her skull was increasing exponentially as her battered brain fought to discern the real from the imagined.
"Kate?"
She's startled out of the whirlwind of confusion by the worry she hears in his voice, but she finds herself unable to do anything but stare back at him, her jaw opening and closing as if to form words, but incapable of stringing together words in any coherent way as he lowers himself down to sit on the hospital bed next to her legs, still clutching the hand not weighed down by tubes in his two.
But she doesn't understand, she can't understand. It was so real.
"What was?"
She's startled to realise she's spoken the words aloud and forces herself to speak the question she's the most terrified of hearing the answer to, "how do I know this isn't all a dream?"
Seeing a glimmer of understanding spark amongst the worry in his eyes, she feels him tighten his hold, moving one hand to rest on her leg below her knee. She twitches her leg in surprise at the heat of the contact, which he clearly mistakes for her shaking his hand off and he sighs, moving his hand back to his own lap.
She sighs, knowing she's hurt him, but is powerless to do anything about it through her confusion.
"I should let you get some rest," he says, his tone deliberately neutral as he gets up to leave.
Before she's even aware of her actions, she's tightened her grip on his hand, tugging him to a stop.
"Stay," it's little more than a rasped whisper, "please. I don't – I can't – I just…" she trails off unable to put her thoughts into words, unable to give voice to the scared little girl that seems to have taken up permanent residence in the back of her head.
She can see him battling his own demons as he hovers between her hand and the door, poised to stay just as he's poised to leave. Finally he smiles gently, settling himself back into the chair at her bedside, "Always."
The next time she wakes up she's still confused, still unsure of what world she truly exists in – is this the real world and the other a dream? She feels a terrible sadness at the loss of the life she'd finally learned to embrace.
It never happened.
It's like a slap in the face. She feels it like a physical blow causing her a pain in her chest to rival the throbbing in her head.
She turns her head to find the man, the one who held her once, if only in her dreams. He's sound asleep, his head resting on their joined hands, snoring softly. She reaches over with her free hand to brush his hair from his brow, smiling a little as he twitches but doesn't wake up.
"I still love you, you know," she whispers to his sleeping form, a silent tear rolling down her face as she begins to mourn the loss of the love that she'd never really had.
The next time she wakes up, it's complete chaos in her room. Thankfully, she notes wryly, the throbbing in her head has dulled to a low roar, but the cacophony that fills the small space makes her wince nonetheless as she opens her eyes to the daylight. Her sight is filled with her family, all of them: Lanie, the boys, her father, Castle, Alexis, Martha, and a man she doesn't recognize – she figures he must be her doctor.
Through the tumult and the relief, she's able to work out that both she and Castle had been in a car accident, just as she remembered from the dream, but that only she had been seriously hurt, having hit her head hard against the side window as the car spun out of control. There had been some concern about intracranial pressure, but the doctor believed that she would make a full recovery over the next few weeks.
"So you weren't hurt at all then," she asks turning to face Castle, who had remained remarkably quiet since she'd woken up, though he hadn't left her side or relinquished her hand.
"Not at all, though I can't count the number of times I offered to trade places with you while you slept," his eyes mist over again, refusing to use the word 'coma' again if he can help it.
"So that means that you never lost your impulse control?"
The silence that greets her question is strained as every person in the room bites their tongue.
"What impulse control?"
It's Castle who finally breaks the silence causing everyone in the room to chuckle in spite of themselves.
"So you were never hospitalised?" she asks as he shakes his head 'no', still smiling gently, the smile finally reaching his tired eyes. "So I guess that means the nurses never tied you to the bed to stop you from streaking down the hallways naked then?"
"He never what?" this time it's Lanie who jumps in as everyone else's mouth hangs open in shock trying to process the mental picture she'd just given them all. She smiles, knowing her words had the intended effect with her friends, even as her heart aches a little knowing it was never real.
It's not long before everyone jumps in to take the shot they so desperately wanted to make until they're all laughing openly at the writer's expense.
As the room finally quiets down, it's her father that notices her eyes starting to droop closed despite her best efforts to stay awake for her friends.
"You still need your rest, Katie," he smiles at her, walking over to kiss her on the forehead, "we should probably get going."
Promising to return sometime later in the evening or the next day, one by one they all shuffled out except for Castle, her ever present shadow.
Once alone he turns to her again, a smile creasing his face, "if it would make you smile, I'd streak down that hallway in a heartbeat," seeing her roll her eyes as he'd hoped, he continues, "though I don't think Nurse Ratchet out there," he jerks his thumb in the direction of the nurses' station just outside the door to her room, "would be too pleased with it."
"Castle?" she asks, her eyes widening at the nickname, "have you been calling her that the whole time I've been here?"
"Who?" he asks confused, "Nurse Ratchet? Yeah – she kept trying to make me leave!" he pouts a little at the memory of the nightly battles with the 6'3" nurse. "Why?"
"It was all your fault!" she hisses, slapping him in the shoulder as it suddenly clicks. She knew that wasn't a name she would have ever come up with on her own!
"Apples! Apples!" he shouts, jerking away out of her reach, "What's all my fault?"
"You!" she sputters a little, "in my dream – you kept calling the poor nurse 'Nurse Ratchet'."
He chuckles then, pleased to have corrupted her, even in this small way – though he wonders how much more she heard while she slept.
It's another week before they release her from the hospital, wanting to keep her under observation for any lingering damage from such a traumatic brain injury.
As the week went by Castle hardly left her side unless she told him to go him to shower, sleep and spend some time with his daughter, and even then, he did so with reluctance.
As the days crawled by, she found herself telling her family and friends many of the highlights of her dream – much to everyone's enjoyment and to near constant affirmations that she had a 'twisted mind' (that last one courtesy of Ryan). But there were many parts of the dream that she kept to herself – it was too painful to share – too painful to admit what she and she alone had lost.
It wasn't until he was helping her up to her apartment that she finally felt ready to tell him the truth – the whole truth.
After settling her on her couch and rushing around to get her a glass of water and her pain medications set up within easy reach, he finally begins his reluctant shuffle towards the door.
"Castle?" her words stop him in his tracks. "Can we talk?"
He hates those three words, he really does. Nothing good ever comes of them. But as she holds out her hand to him to beckon him back to her, he finds his feet moving of their own volition towards her.
"I haven't told you everything," she starts quietly as he sits next to her on the couch, "about the dream. I just – I couldn't, you know."
"You don't have to explain you know," he stops her, a little afraid of hearing her next words.
"Yes, I do," she looks him square in the eye, "you see – that dream, it taught me a lot – especially about what 'truth' means. The truth about lies is that we can't live without them, not even the white ones. Sometimes you need them to protect yourself or to protect the people you love," she sees him nod as he tries to understand where she's going with this. He knows about her own 'dream affliction', but she hasn't told him, or anyone else, the results of her 'condition'.
"I'm tired of lying, Castle," she sighs, "so much more happened in that dream that I don't think I can really talk about yet – but I need you to know that you were always with me, always. Every step of the way. And I realised something – I felt safe. For the first time in my life, I felt completely at peace and totally safe – and it was because of you. It might not have been real, but it was real to me, and to be honest, I miss it. I feel like I've lost a part of myself."
Seeing his stunned look she feels her stomach twist a little with nerves. As his silence continues to grow, she feels her heart sink. Maybe it was too late. Had she waited too long?
Blinking back the sudden moisture in her eyes, she ploughs on, trying to save as much of her shattered dignity as she can. "I understand if I'm too late – if you've moved on, but—"
"Katherine Beckett," he cuts her off, finding his voice at last "I would wait for you until the world ended, if that's what it took. I don't know how you could ever think otherwise."
"But you weren't saying anything," she mutters, blushing at the soft scolding and tenderness in his voice.
"Because I was trying to figure out whether I was the one who had just slid into a coma for six days and dreamed up the words I've wanted to hear from you for over three years," he smiles, reaching forward to lift her chin gently, forcing her to meet his eyes again. "I love you, Katherine Beckett, and don't you ever doubt it."
The relief she feels flooding through her system is quickly replaced by the growing heat in her belly as their lips come together, his soft and comforting, hers desperate and aching to know for sure that this time, this time, it's real.
Eventually the need for air forces them to pull apart, though neither breaks the physical connection as their foreheads remain pressed together, his hands gently cupping her cheeks. She realises after a moment that he's brushing away tears she'd had no idea she'd even shed. She's sees the question in his eyes, 'what's wrong?'.
"How do I know this is real?" she whispers, her voice shaking a little afraid that at any moment she would wake up again to find that she'd lost him all over again.
"I can't promise you this isn't a dream – I feel a little like I'm dreaming myself. But this is right - I know it's real."
She smiles through her tears, moving in to capture his lips again, her hands moving to his hair. Her last coherent thought before succumbing to their shared passion is that, if this is all a dream and she wakes up again in a hospital, she's jumping this man's bones the minute her eyes open, to hell with whoever else might be in the room too.
It takes nearly a month for Kate to finally, truly and wholly believe that she's not suddenly going to wake up in a hospital bed again, and though she's spent the last month afraid to go to sleep, she's found that she wouldn't trade the experience for the world. The fear of losing the man that she loves more than life itself has taught her to live her life to the fullest. While she's still all about the job and would be lost without her shield, she's learned to live for the small things too – like seeing his face first thing when she opens her eyes, even if he's usually lying sprawled out with his mouth hanging open, a tiny droplet of drool threatening to spill from the corner of his lips.
She's discovered that while she can live without him, she'd never want to. Without Richard Castle, Kate is little more than Detective Beckett. With him, however, she is Kate Beckett, police detective, surrogate mother/sister to his teenaged daughter, and above all, a woman who knows what it's like to be loved for who she is.
Above all she's learned that the truth about lies is, while they can make life easier, they never make life better, especially when the only person you're lying to is yourself.
THE END
Very afterschool special of me on that ending, I know. Sorry about all the cheese! Maybe you guys can make something edible out of it – personally, I recommend poutine (as it seems I have a large contingent of fellow Canadians among my readers! Hi guys! Happy Canada Day! (this made more sense when I wanted to post last night and it was still Canada Day)).
For those of you who don't know what poutine is – it's fries with cheese and gravy – but oh, it's SO much more than that! Look it up. Seriously. Make some. It's AMAZING.
So there you guys have it! It's done! It didn't do a single thing I had planned – it decided the path it was going to take and it turns out that I had very little say in the matter – but here it is nonetheless.
I hope that you guys were able to enjoy it thought it wasn't what you were expecting, I'm sure!
Please, drop me a line to let me know what you think.
Thank you again, ALL of you for your support, your reviews, your favourites (both the story and me as an author) – I am truly humbled by all of you!
Only 78 days left till the premiere! See you all in the fall! HUGS! ^_^