A/N : This was written for the 'Fanfiction Idol Competition' on HPFC by chasingafterstarlight, PrincessPearl, You're Amyzing and swirling-summernotes. I had to keep it within the 10K word limit, which was horrendously hard... so I might post a longer version of this at some point.
Warnings: Slash, swearing
Anything For you
###
"Sirius... I'm going to propose to her!"
Sirius' face fell instantly. He didn't just say that, thought Sirius as he looked into the excited eyes of his best friend. He couldn't have just said that. Sirius felt his heart break there and then. Trying not to show how he felt, he put on the biggest grin he could manage.
"That's wonderful," he lied. "I'm really happy for you, James."
"Well she hasn't said yes yet," James shifted in his seat. "What if she doesn't want to?"
"She'd be crazy to say no," Sirius said. He was surprised at how calm his voice sounded, when all he wanted to do was scream. James' face lit up and Sirius felt his heart melt.
"You think?" James asked.
"She adores you Prongs. Of course she'll say yes," said Sirius, leaning back in his chair.
"If she does say yes, you do know I'm making you the best man?"
"Really?" Sirius smiled – at least he knew that James did care about him in some way... maybe not the way he'd have liked, but he cared about him nonetheless. James nodded.
"Thanks, mate."
"No problem," James answered, standing up to ruffle Sirius' hair. "Well... I'm off to see Lily now... I guess I'll see you later?"
Sirius tried to hide the disappointment he felt. "Sure," he mumbled. "Have fun with your soon-to-be fiancé."
James grinned. "Will do," he said happily, saluting and apparating away, leaving Sirius alone with his thoughts.
Immediately, Sirius sighed and hunched forwards trying to hold back the tears that were forcing their way to his eyes. He knew he should feel ecstatic for his friend – after all, James had been after Lily for years and now they would maybe be getting married!
Married, Sirius thought glumly, tugging at his hair in frustration. The thought of James marrying Lily made Sirius want to throw up. He hated seeing his best friend with her. What did she have that Sirius didn't? She'd only started developing feelings for him three years ago! Sirius had had feelings for James since third year! Surely that counted for something...
Of course not, he thought. James is straight. He doesn't like me. He wouldn't ever want to be with me. We're friends... that's all. Nothing more; nothing less. Well, he's more than a friend to me, but he only sees me as his best friend. He's been in love with Lily for years and years... why would he give up his greatest dream to be with me of all people? He wouldn't...
Standing up and sighing, Sirius made his way to the kitchen. He opened the cupboard and pulled out two bottles of Firewhiskey. He needed to take his mind off things, otherwise he'd spend the entire day dwelling on the fact that he was going to be lonely for the whole of his life.
Concentrating hard, Sirius closed his eyes and felt the familiar sensation of being squeezed through a tube that's too small for him.
When he re-opened his eyes, he was standing Remus' small empty living-room.
"REMUS?" he yelled. After a few seconds, Remus came rushing in. He eyed Sirius curiously, and sat down on the sofa.
"What are you doing here?" he asked.
"No need to be so rude," muttered Sirius. Remus' eyes widened.
"I didn't mean it like that!" he said apologetically, shifting in his seat.
"I'm only joking with you Moony," Sirius laughed, plonking down on the sofa next to Remus.
"So what are you doing here then?" Remus asked. Sirius grinned, lifting the two bottles of Firewhiskey up and handing one to Remus, who took it hesitantly, while staring at Sirius in confusion.
"I thought we should have a drink, you know?"
"Why?" asked Remus suspiciously. Sighing, Sirius opened his bottle and took a swig.
"I just thought we should..."
"It's the middle of the day," said Remus. "There has to be a reason why you suddenly want to drink alcohol... are you all right?"
"I'm OK," lied Sirius, looking at the ceiling.
"You can tell me, you know?"
"You'd think I was crazy-" Sirius looked at Remus' disbelieving face. "- Don't look at me like that! Believe me... you don't want to know..."
"Why? C'mon Sirius..."
"If I don't want to tell you, then you can't make me," Sirius crossed his arms stubbornly, taking another swig of Firewhiskey. Rolling his eyes, Remus nodded.
"You're right," he said with a smile. "It's up to you." He opened his bottle and began drinking.
"Fine," Sirius sighed dramatically. "I should probably tell you. I need to tell someone..."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah," Sirius replied, though he looked unsure. He hated how he always gave in when people stopped questioning him.
"Go on then," Remus said, smiling reassuringly at him as he took in a deep breath and closed his eyes.
"James is proposing to Lily," he breathed quietly. There was a short silence, and then Remus spoke.
"And why would that make you upset?" he questioned. Sighing, Sirius carried on.
"I don't want them to get married," he took another drink of his Firewhiskey and looked up at Remus, who was waiting for him to explain why. "I... kinda... err... well... you see... I-"
"- Wow, something has succeeded in stopping Sirius Black from being able to speak! Ha, this must be serious," Remus said, grinning. Sirius smiled uncertainly and ran his hand through his hair. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to get the words out. Remus rolled his eyes. "C'mon Pads... you know I won't tell anyone... you can tell me..."
"I know I can trust you... it's just.. difficult for me to say... because I've never really told anyone about it before and... well... I'm nervous."
"Don't be nervous," Remus smiled, putting a comforting hand on Sirius' shoulder.
"Right, OK... well, the thing is... I'm... ah Remus, I can't say it!"
Remus laughed and smiled. "Fine," he said. "You don't have to tell me then."
Sirius groaned, frustrated. Why couldn't Remus force it out of him, like any normal person? No, instead, he was so damned calm about the whole thing...
"Moony! You're supposed to be making me tell you" Sirius whined. "It makes it so much easier to say..."
Remus raised an eyebrow. "You want me to make you tell me?"
"YES!"
"Ok... err... Sirius? Tell me now," said Remus awkwardly. Sirius sighed.
"You're not forcing me enough," he whined, finishing his bottle of Firewhiskey. "You're supposed to give me no other choice than to tell you."
"Sirius?" Remus said.
"What?"
"You're a strange, strange man."
"Thanks Rem... you're just so kind to me..."
"I didn't mean it! It's just..."
"-I know," muttered Sirius. He leaned forwards so that his head was rested on his hands, with his elbows on his knees. "I guess I'll just have to say it then..."
"Sirius? Why are you scared? I won't hate you... I mean, anything can be better than being a werewolf... I had it worse," Remus suddenly looked upset and Sirius sighed. He hadn't meant to upset his friend.
"Of course it's not as bad as your secret... I should be able to say it easily... sorry."
"Don't be," Remus smiled. "Just... know that I won't judge you or anything... because I know how it feels to be judged and I think it's completely wrong."
"You're right," Sirius sat back up and smiled at Remus. "Well.. the thing is," he said slowly. "... I'm, err... I'm... gay."
"Really?" Remus asked, sounding more surprised than disgusted, which sent a wave of relief over Sirius. He didn't answer; just nodded. Remus spoke again. "That's great Sirius!"
"Really? You think so?" Sirius asked incredulously, looking into Remus' eyes for any signs of lies. There was none.
"Of course I think so," Remus grinned and took a swig of Firewhiskey.
"Why are you so happy about it?" Sirius asked with one eyebrow raised. Remus shrugged.
"Aren't I allowed to be happy that my friend has come to terms with his sexuality?"
"Well yeah," Sirius said. "But you seem really happy..."
"Well you see... Peter and I... we sort of had a bet," Remus looked at Sirius apologetically. "I thought you were gay and Pete was like 'no way, he's definitely straight'."
"Why did you think I was gay?" Sirius asked curiously. "Do I look gay?"
"No! You just... never looked at any girls... never had a girlfriend... you never got excited when James bought you those posters of the muggle girls... I just thought, maybe he's gay... and I guess I was right," Remus said, nudging Sirius and grinning. Sirius rolled his eyes.
"Didn't know I was that obvious," he muttered.
"You weren't, don't worry," Remus assured. "I'm just perceptive. So what does this have to do with James proposing to Lily?"
"I... just... kinda, um... I'm in love with James," Sirius said as quietly as possible, looking down and feeling a blush appear on his cheeks. He heard Remus sigh next to him. Sirius grimaced and looked up at his friend, who appeared to be concentrating hard on something. When he realized that Sirius was watching him, he spoke.
"I didn't see that one coming," he said calmly, turning to look at Sirius with sympathy. "I can see why you're upset now. You're in a bit of a dilemma."
"Yeah, I know that," mumbled Sirius. "I don't know how to deal with it."
"How long have you been in love with him?" Remus asked softly. Sirius didn't have to think about it.
"I've been in love with him since the day he told me that I'd be welcome to live with him if I was disowned. It was the most amazing thing anyone's done for me... I just knew I loved him. I'd obviously liked him before that... I started liking him around third year." Sirius looked at Remus and saw the wide-eyed expression.
"That's... a long time," commented Remus. "Aw Sirius... I'm so sorry... if there was anything I could do, you know I'd help you."
"I know... thanks, Remus. But I can't tell him to not marry Lily... that would be cruel," Sirius said, sighing. Remus gave him a grim smile.
"Yeah, it would... especially since he's been after her for so long. Being married to Lily was always James' biggest dream," he said. "You wouldn't want to ruin that, would you?"
"What about my biggest dream?" Sirius asked sadly. Sirius could see the torn expression in Remus' eyes and he hated himself for making his friend have to choose.
"What's your biggest dream, Sirius?" Remus asked, keeping his eyes on the floor. Sirius smiled at the thought. His voice was distant when he answered.
"I want James to love me. I want to be the one he talks about all of the time. I want to be the one he thinks about. I want to be the one he's marrying. I want to be the one. I just want to be... his."
"Wow," said Remus quietly. "You really do love him..."
"You're just figuring that out now?"
"Well I didn't know how much you loved him," Remus scratched his head in thought. "It's going to kill you when they get married, isn't it?"
"It killed me when he told me he was proposing," moaned Sirius. "I have no idea how I'll deal with them actually getting married. He's made me the best man, too..."
"Really?" asked Remus, looking more than a little hurt.
"Yeah, but how am I supposed to make a best man speech when I can't stand the fact that he's marrying Lily?"
"Mmm, it'll be tough," said Remus. "I know this sounds... sort of crazy... but why don't you, you know... just tell him how you feel?"
Sirius' mouth fell open. How could Remus even suggest that? Sirius wasn't sure if he could deal with James knowing his secret. Inwardly laughing at the thought of James actually accepting that his best friend was in love with him, he rolled his eyes and spoke.
"Would you tell your best friend you were in love with him? When he's with the love of his life and planning on marrying her?" Sirius asked, and Remus frowned.
"I don't suppose I would," he said. "I don't know though. I haven't ever been in love... I don't know how it feels... I mean, I would have thought that you'd do anything to be with him... and that would mean at least telling him... but then again, when people are in love, all they want is for the one they love to be happy..."
Sirius thought about this. He did want James to be happy, and he knew that being with Lily definitely made James happy. He also knew that he'd always been the selfish type – always getting what he wanted and always expecting to get what he wanted. Maybe Remus was right – maybe Sirius had to do whatever it took to have James for himself. He knew it was terrible, and it may never work, but he was willing to try anything to have James love him back.
This was when it clicked. He was going to break James and Lily up, and after breaking them up, he'd slowly win James' heart... he grinned.
"Um Sirius?" Remus said uncertainly. "Are you all right?"
"Yeah," Sirius said happily. "I'm great actually! Remus, you gave me the best idea in the world!"
"I did...?" asked Remus suspiciously. "Err, what sort of idea did I give you?"
"James will love me back," Sirius said, as if Remus hadn't spoke. Remus' expression suddenly became serious and he looked at Sirius in one of those 'prefect-y' ways; meaning he disapproved of Sirius' tone.
"You're not doing anything... stupid, are you?" he asked.
"Of course not! When have I ever done anything stupid?" When Remus stared at him in disbelief, Sirius carried on. "Ok, I've done stupid things before... but this is about the smartest thing I've ever thought up!"
"I thought it was me who thought it up?" said Remus.
"Yes! Thank you Rem!" Sirius said, pulling Remus into a tight hug. Remus began gasping.
"Ah... air... Sirius...!"
"Oh, sorry!" Sirius grinned, pulling out of the hug and rubbing his hands together.
"Tell me your plan," Remus demanded. Sirius grinned even more.
"No."
"I'm demanding you tell me, now!" Remus looked angry, and this only made Sirius laugh more.
"I don't want to tell you... you'll find out soon enough anyway."
"I am now forcing you to tell me, Sirius! Nothing's stopping me from telling James that you have a sneaky little plan to get him to fall in love with you..." Remus said mischievously. When Sirius' eyes widened, Remus smiled and rolled his eyes. "You know I'd never do that to you, but I think you should think over this idea of yours... you don't want to do anything stupid."
"I don't have time to think, Rem," explained Sirius. "James is getting married and I need to stop that from happening."
Remus' mouth seemed to drop to the floor. His eyes seemed to pop out and he'd seemed to stop breathing. "You're not going to stop James and Lily from getting married! I refuse to let you do that! Seriously... don't! They love each other more than anything... you can't do that!"
Sirius huffed angrily. "Well I can see that you'd rather see James happy than me," he said, standing up and heading for the door.
"I'm only saying it because I don't want you to get hurt!" Remus shouted. "You would be devastated if you tried to break them up and ended up losing James' friendship!"
"Well at least then I'd know where I stand," Sirius said. He felt two arms wrap around him and sighed, leaning into the embrace.
"I really don't want you to get hurt, Sirius. I don't want James to get hurt either, and if you try to break James and Lily up, you'll both get hurt. At least let James be happy... I know I sound like I'd rather he was happy than you but I don't. If you leave James and Lily how they are, only you'll be getting hurt, and I'll help you through it Sirius... I'll help you, I promise. Just... don't do something you'll regret."
Sirius knew Remus was right, but there was no way Remus could stop the hurt he'd feel by seeing James and Lily married. It would be incredibly painful and agonising, and Sirius just didn't want to have to go through that.
"Remus... I understand where you're coming from, but you don't understand what it's like to be in love. You don't know how painful it is, and I can't handle it any more, so I'm sorry... I'm going to do what I feel is right – for me. It might not be the right thing to do for James or Lily, but it's right for me. Just let me try, Remus..."
Remus sighed in defeat. "Well what if your plan works? What about Lily? How could you take James from her?"
"She can have you instead," Sirius said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Remus made a disgusted face.
"Ew, Sirius... she's just... not my type!"
"Exactly... nobody in this world is my type," Sirius said with a frown. "Except James."
"I highly doubt that. I'm sure you can find someone else. But, OK Sirius. I won't try to stop you. You do what you feel you should do... just talk to me if you need someone, yeah?"
Sirius smiled gratefully at his friend. "Thanks Remus. I knew I could speak to you. I knew I could trust you."
"Always, Sirius."
When Sirius arrived back at his house, he smiled to himself. He was really going to get the person of his dreams, and it was going to happen soon. Now all he needed was a plan... some way to get James and Lily to break up...
He knew that there was nothing he could do to make James want to break up with Lily, but there were many things that could make Lily want to end things with James. Sirius sat on his bed, thinking...
Lily hated it when we bullied Snivelly, he thought, grinning. I could do something to get James to constantly bring up the pranks we played on him... and Lily wouldn't like it if James got all pure-blood on her... maybe I could find a way for him to start treating her family badly because they're muggles... and she'd most definitely hate him if he cheated on her! Yes, that's a great idea! Lily could also 'accidently' overhear James saying that he's only with her after I'd dared him to ask her out...
Sirius couldn't help feeling happy. It was great – there were so many amazing possibilities...
He'd need polyjuice potion... if any of this was going to work, he'd need to look like James and pretend to be James. There was no way James would voluntarily do any of the things Sirius was planning. He knew he could play James well; they'd been best friends since first year. Nobody would know the difference...
The only problem was keeping the real James away... he'd ruin everything. Sirius couldn't let that happen. But how would he keep James away? He could pre-occupy him... but James would want to spend time with Lily, too...
He could trap James... leave him there until Lily officially says that it's over between them... but that would be cruel. He couldn't do that...
But he had Remus. Remus would surely help...right? He'd said he wanted Sirius to be happy... maybe he'd be able to convince Remus to help him...
Yes, that was what he would do. He smiled and leant back on his bed, closing his eyes. He opened them again when he heard a crack and he was in sent flying into the air – James had jumped so hard onto the bed that Sirius had literally bounced up.
"Ask me now!" James said excitedly, crossing his legs and grinning. Sirius tried to ignore how his heart nearly leaped out if his chest at that grin.
"Ask you what?" Sirius asked. James groaned and whacked Sirius so hard on the head that he fell backwards. Rubbing his head, he grunted. "That was uncalled for."
"Oh c'mon Padfoot! Ask me!"
"Er..." Sirius had no idea what he was supposed to be asking. He settled for just staring blankly at James, and finally, James sighed.
"You're so oblivious," he said. "I was going to propose to Lily..." he urged, a grin re-appearing on his face, and Sirius nodded in apprehension. He had a feeling he already knew the answer, but he asked anyway...
"So... what did Lily say when you proposed?" he asked in a monotone. Sirius thought it was hilarious how James seemed to melt at the question.
"She said YES" he shouted happily. "I can't believe it! You'd better be preparing that best man speech of yours, mate..."
"That's great James," Sirius said, keeping the smile on his face. "When are you planning on getting married?"
"We want to do it pretty soon... with this war going on, I'd rather be married to Lily just in case..." James trailed off, a frown appearing on his face. "We were planning to have it in three weeks. It won't be a big wedding, obviously, but at least we'll be married.."
"Three weeks?" Sirius asked with a lump in his throat.
"Yeah... I can't wait!" James said cheerfully. Sirius grimaced.
"Neither can I," he lied. "But you'll need to do something with that hair of yours, mate. Here, let me cut it for you..."
"Why the hell do you think I'd let you get near my precious hair?" James asked, jumping back a little. Sirius rolled his eyes.
"Look at my hair, James," Sirius said, pointing to his hair. "Doesn't it look sexy?" he asked, with a cheeky smile. James looked at Sirius' hair for a moment and then shrugged.
"Well, I guess..."
Sirius tried harder than ever to not squeal like a girl at that comment... James had just called his hair sexy!
"I cut it myself," Sirius said, smirking. "I could make yours equally sexy..."
"You could?" James asked hopefully, and Sirius nodded.
"I could do it for you right now if you wanted... I'll cut it just a little bit shorter, and then it can grow to a nice length for the wedding," Sirius pulled a pair of scissors from the drawer by his bed. James smiled at him.
"Thanks mate," he said as Sirius led him to the bathroom, where he began cutting James' hair.
They spent the next twenty minutes chatting about Quidditch and Peters relentlessly growing stomach, until finally, Sirius was finished. Looking into the mirror, James winked at his reflection and grinned. Sirius felt his heart flutter.
"Don't I look like a sexy beast?" James asked, putting on various stupid 'sexy' faces that Sirius adored. Sirius coughed.
"Yeah, you're really something... so do you like it?"
"I love it!" James said, beaming. "I don't have to pay you, do I?"
"Of course not," Sirius laughed. "But... if it's not too much to ask, d'you think I could maybe borrow your invisibility cloak?"
James stared at Sirius questioningly, but nodded. "Yeah, sure... coincidentally, I actually have it with me, here."
"Thanks," Sirius grinned, taking the cloak off of him. "Why did you have it with you, anyway?"
"I like to have it on me at all times, just in case I need to use it," answered James, smiling and staring down at his watch. He sighed. "I'd better get going... do you want me to help you clear up?" he asked, looking at the remains of his chopped off hair lying all over the bathroom floor. Sirius bit his lip.
"Nah, it's OK... you get home and show off your new haircut to your fiancé."
"You sure?" James asked. Sirius nodded and James shrugged, waving and apparating out. Sirius grabbed a clump of James' hair from the floor and took it into the bedroom, where he stored it in a drawer. Getting into his bed, he thought out the plan for tomorrow...
This will be fun, he thought, while drifting off to sleep with a mischievous smile plastered on his face.
The next morning, Sirius woke up early to ensure that his plan went well. He grabbed the invisibility cloak and apparated to Diagon Alley, where he sat outside the empty apothecary in silence. All he needed was for it to open. He couldn't apparate in, because they'd restricted that to prevent robberies.
Sirius kept himself occupied by re-playing the same memory over and over in his head; James telling him that his hair looked sexy. That one comment had made his entire day. He couldn't wait till the day would come that he'd be able call James his boyfriend. He couldn't wait until James would call him sexy all the time. Sirius couldn't wait till he could shower James in compliments and declarations of his love, and have James smile back and say 'I love you, too'.
Lost in his thoughts, Sirius almost missed the old wizard unlocking the door to the apothecary and stepping in. He rushed towards the door and very impressively managed to slide through the gap.
Placing a hand over his mouth to prevent the old wizard from hearing his breathing, Sirius walked around. He knew the polyjuice potion wouldn't be in the main shop – it would be in the back somewhere...
Should be a piece of cake, Sirius thought. How different could it really be to sneaking into the restricted section of the library at Hogwarts?
Making sure the old man was out of sight, he headed for the door behind the till. Slowly and quietly, he opened the door and looked around the room. All of the potions were listed in alphabetical order. He knew he had to be quick, so he scanned the letters painted on the wooden shelves.
There its was! He grinned, and grabbed a couple of vials of potion, stuffing them down his robes. He quickly emerged through the door, back into the main shop, and ran out the front door, not caring that the old wizard would notice, as all he had to do was apparate home. With a crack, he had left the empty street of Diagon Alley and had appeared in his bedroom.
He jumped when he saw someone sitting on his bed... Remus.
He decided it was best to keep quiet and pretend that he wasn't there...
"I know you're there," Remus said suddenly, making Sirius jump again. "I heard you apparate in, you idiot."
Sirius pulled the cloak off and laughed. "Oops," he said, throwing it onto the bed.
"What's that you've got there?" Remus asked curiously as Sirius pushed the vials of polyjuice potion into the drawer.
"Nothing," Sirius said, folding his arms.
"Yeah, sure," Remus replied dryly. "If you're wondering why I'm here, it's because James appeared at my flat last night with a 'sexy' new hairstyle... why would you cut his hair weeks before his wedding, Sirius? Is this part of your little plan?"
"It could be," grinned Sirius. When Remus gave him 'The Look', he sighed. "Fine. I sort of... need your help, Rem..."
"What do you need my help with?" Remus asked.
"I need you to... distract James... until I come back..."
"Come back from where?" questioned Remus. "And why do I have to distract James?"
"No time to explain," Sirius said hurriedly. "I just need you to help me, please."
"Sirius... I don't know..."
"PLEASE, Remus... for me... I really need you to do this."
"Sirius... if it were anyone else... god, I'll do it... but how long will you be? Because I don't know how long I can distract James..."
"I don't know, Moony. It could take a few days to a few weeks," Sirius said.
"How am I supposed to distract him for that long?" Remus asked disbelievingly.
"I dunno... act really ill or something... act mental... pretend you're going insane... scream when he tries to leave... tell him that you think you'll die if he goes away..."
"Excuse me, but I don't really want one of my best friends to mistake me for Xenophilius Lovegood, thank you very much," Remus said, laughing. Sirius' expression remained serious.
"You actually want me to do that?" Remus asked.
Sirius nodded and smiled. "Please to it for me... anything, as long as you don't let James go home."
"I'll try Sirius... I'll try my hardest."
"Thanks," smiled Sirius. "You're the best!" He transformed into Padfoot and licked Remus on the cheek, only to have the other boy wipe off the slobber.
"Ew... that's gross, Sirius," he said, though it looked like he was trying not to laugh.
"Remus is asking for you!" Sirius yelled at James as he apparated into Lily and James' house. James looked confused, but shrugged, standing up and giving Lily a quick kiss on the lips.
"I'll see you later babe," he said to Lily, before apparating away. Lily looked at Sirius questioningly, but he only smirked and apparated to the outside of Remus' flat with the invisibility cloak.
Making no sound, Sirius stepped inside and listened. He could voices from the bedroom, so he tip-toed to the door and peered through the open door. He could see Remus lying in his bed and James standing next to him. He tried to hold back a laugh when Remus spoke.
"But James! What if something eats me? I DON'T WANT TO GET EATEN, JAMES!"
"You won't get eaten, mate," James replied, and he also sounded as though he was trying his best to keep a straight face. Remus sniffed.
"What's happening to me, Pete?" he asked sadly, staring up at James with his large, amber eyes.
"I'm James... not Pete... and Moony, I have no idea... maybe I should go and get Lily," James said uncertainly, looking longingly at the door.
"NO!" screeched Remus. "YOU CAN'T! If you leave me alone, I might be dead when you come back!" he said, in a ghostly voice. "Please don't go!"
"Fine! OK, calm down... you're all right...""
"Just please don't leave, James?" Remus said, tears rolling down his face.
"I won't," assured James. This was all Sirius needed to hear. He ran back to the front door, and closed it behind him before apparating back to his own flat.
Taking a strand of James' hair, and dropping it into a vial of polyjuice potion, he waited until it changed colour. Taking a deep breath, he poured the potion into his mouth...
He could feel his skin changing. He could feel everything changing; his height, weight, hair, eyes...
After a oddly painless few seconds, the weird sensation stopped. Sirius walked into the bathroom and stared into the mirror; into James' reflection. He grinned James' signature grin – the grin the Sirius loved so much – and he knew that Lily wouldn't notice any difference at all. Closing his eyes, he concentrated on Lily and James' house, and apparated into the living-room, making Lily jump when he arrived.
"What was that about?" she asked him. Sirius scratched his head in confusion.
"Eh?" he asked stupidly.
"Why did Remus want to see you?"
"Oh! Right... er... it's wedding stuff... I can't really tell you," Sirius said, hoping that it was enough to stop her asking. To his relief, she smiled and beckoned him to sit with her on the sofa. He slowly walked over to her and sat down.
He almost jumped out of his skin when he felt her lips press against his. Knowing that he'd blow his plan completely if he backed out, he kissed her back. Well, this is boring, he thought. Why the hell does James do this for fun? When they broke apart, Lily looked a little flushed and Sirius ruffled his hair in the way he knew James did.
"I'm so excited to get married," she said happily, snuggling into his chest. He sighed and smirked. She seemed to notice this, because she turned her face so she was looking at him with a confused expression. "What are you smirking about?"
"Nothing," Sirius answered. "Just... there was this prank we played at school on old Snivelly-"
"-James, don't start with that again... Sev is my friend..."
"No, it was great! Mind you, Sirius and I got detention for a week, but it was well worth it. We transfigured his head into a melon," Sirius laughed at the memory. He smiled even more when he saw Lily frown disapprovingly. "I remember he kept falling over and crashing into things... haha... wow, that day was great!"
"Shut up, James" Lily said crossly. "That isn't funny!"
"Ooh, and I remember this one time-"
"-JAMES!" shouted Lily. "Please be quiet. I hate when you talk about this... you know that."
"Sorry babe," Sirius muttered. "But it's just so funny! And yes, that Whomping Willow accident that Sirius caused... man, I wish Snivelly had got bitten. It would have been hilarious!"
"GET OUT, JAMES!"
"Huh?" Sirius said innocently.
"GET OUT OF HERE, AND DON'T COME BACK UNTIL YOU'RE READY TO APOLOGISE FOR WHAT YOU'VE JUST SAID. NOW!" Lily's nostrils were flaring, and Sirius jumped up from the sofa and tried his best to look sad.
"...But-"
"-NOW, JAMES!"
"Fine," he said angrily, apparating back home and smiling smugly when he thought about what he'd done.
He left it a few hours before checking up on Remus and James, and he was glad to see Remus flailing around in his bed and James frantically trying to stop him. When he apparated back to Lily, after stocking up of polyjuice potion, Lily seemed to have calmed down a bit since last time he'd seen her.
"Hey," he said quietly, catching her attention.
"Are you ready to apologise?" she asked coldly. Sirius shrugged half-heartedly.
"Not really," he said. "I think I have the right to voice my opinion."
"I don't like your opinion."
"Well, what a great basis for a relationship if you don't like my opinion," Sirius said, falling down onto the sofa and trying his best to look annoyed.
"What's this all about, James?"
"It's about you, Lily," Sirius said. "You and your stupid friendship with Snivelly getting in the way of our relationship. It's either him or me... you choose."
"James!" she said angrily, dropping the frying pan she had been washing. "How dare you?"
"Er-"
"- You can't make me choose between my oldest friend and my fiancé! I won't choose."
"Too bad... I guess I'll have to be going now, then," Sirius stood up and Lily frowned.
"James, don't leave. I don't want you to leave... it's just... you can't force me to make choices like that, babe. It's stupid and childish," Lily said, her voice remaining strangely calm, which annoyed Sirius.
"Whatever," he muttered. "Have you told your mudblood family about us getting married?"
There was a long silence and Sirius didn't look at Lily at all – he knew she'd be glaring.
"What did you just say?" she asked finally, through gritted teeth.
"You heard what I said," Sirius said. "I was asking if your family knew about us getting married."
"You called my family mudblood's," she said in barely a whisper. "Why would you say something like that?"
"Did I? Must have just slipped out, sorry."
"A word like that doesn't just slip out, James."
"Well it did, OK?" Sirius shouted. "So... do they know?"
"No," muttered Lily. "I can invite them over tomorrow, if you want?"
"Yeah... I don't really care anyway... it's not like they'll be at the wedding anyway..."
"Excuse me? Why wouldn't my family be at my own wedding?"
"Because they're mudbl- muggles. Why would you even want them there, love?" Sirius asked, trying not to smirk at how angry she was getting.
"James," she said, in a voice indicating she was trying very hard to keep calm. "I don't know what has gotten into you, but this attitude needs to stop. Really, I don't like you like this..."
"Too bad. This is just the way I am," Sirius said, leaning back on the sofa, resting is feet on the coffee table and grinning.
"Then I'm not sure I want to talk to you," Lily answered. "You'll be sleeping on the sofa tonight, OK?"
"Whatever," Sirius said.
The rest of the day went painfully slow. Every hour, Sirius would 'slip to the bathroom' to take another dose of polyjuice potion, and his stock was deteriorating rapidly. He needed to break them up – fast. Finally, he cleared his throat. Lily ignored him.
"I'll just be going to visit Sirius," said Sirius. "Or Remus."
No answer.
"So I'll be sleeping at one of their houses," he said.
No answer.
"So, bye," Sirius tried, but once again, Lily ignored him. He rolled his eyes, muttered 'women' and disapparated.
When he appeared outside Remus' flat, he was pleased to see his friend still making a commotion. He'd definitely have to thank Remus for this afterwards.
Sirius stood in the doorway to let Remus see him. When Remus spotted him, Sirius mouthed, 'Keep going' and Remus sighed and nodded before doing a dramatic sneeze all over James.
"Lovely, Remus," Sirius heard James say. Sirius felt himself changing back when he was back at home, as he prepared himself dinner. He spent the rest of the evening by himself, thinking about everything that he'd accomplished that day. The only thing gnawing on his mind was James. Would he finally snap, and tell Remus he had to go home? Or would Remus finally snap and tell James the truth? What would happen when Remus fell asleep? Would James leave? Sirius sighed. He just hoped that James wouldn't return home.
The next day, Sirius arrived at Lily's house and she was frantically tidying up and making sure the house looked clean. When she spotted him standing in the living room, she smiled in relief.
"James? My family will be here soon, so please be nice," she warned.
"Of course I'll be nice!"
When the muggle family arrived at the door, Lily forced Sirius to open it for them.
"Hello," Sirius said in a bored voice. "Welcome to our house. I'm James... come in."
"It's lovely to meet you, James," said Lily's mother.
Sirius led the family through to the living room, where they sat down awkwardly for a minute. When Lily emerged from the kitchen, she squealed.
"Hi mum, dad, Tuney!" she said, giving her parents a hug and her sister a reluctant hug. "Well, I guess you've met James..."
"Yes, he seems like a lovely boy," said Lily's father, and Sirius scoffed.
"I'm not lovely," he said immediately. "I'm the best! I'm richer than ever, and I'm pure-blood too. Lily made the right choice here. Not many pure-blood wizards would take in mudbloods like Lily."
Lily gaped at him, but didn't say anything. Sirius could tell that she was more hurt than angry.
"So," Lily attempted to change the subject. "Mum, dad... I'd like to announce that James and I will be getting married."
"You will?" asked Lily's mother excitedly. "Oh sweetie, that's wonderful!"
"You won't be attending the wedding, of course," Sirius said pointedly to Lily's mother. She frowned back at him.
"Why not?" she asked.
"Because you're a mudblood."
"What's a mudblood?" asked Lily's sister, who until the point, had not spoken.
"It's a rude word for people with no magic," Lily said angrily. "And of course you may come to the wedding! I wouldn't have it without you there."
"Fine, invite the mudbloods," Sirius said. "See if I give a sh-"
"-James!" hissed Lily. She looked at her family apologetically. "I'm sorry, I don't know what's gotten into him lately."
"Why did you agree to marry him?" asked Lily's sister suddenly, pointing at Sirius rudely. Before Lily could answer however, Sirius spoke.
"None of this would have happened anyway without my best friend daring me to ask her out in the first place," Sirius said. "Some dare, huh?"
"WHAT?" shouted Lily furiously.
"I thought you knew that..." Sirius said innocently, receiving a 'if-looks-could-kill' glare from Lily. Abruptly, she stood up and forced a smile onto her face.
"Mum, Dad... it's been great to have you, but I'm afraid my fiancé is doing my head in," she said through gritted teeth. "I'll call you later."
"Ok darling," said Lily's mum, smiling. "We'll see you soon. It was nice to meet you, James."
"Wish I could say the same for you," muttered Sirius. "Next time you visit, make sure you at least act less like muggles..."
"JAMES!"
"Sorry..."
Two weeks later, Lily was still refusing to talk to her fiancé. After two days of acting like a mental patient, Remus could no longer keep up the act, and gave up. James had found refuge at Sirius' flat after been accused of acting like an 'asshole' and James didn't have a clue what she meant, which got him into more trouble.
James and Sirius were sitting on Sirius' bed talking about Lily's silent treatment with James.
"You don't think that maybe you could go and talk to her?" James asked.
"Me?"
"Why not?" James asked hopefully. "Maybe she'll tell you what I supposedly did to upset her..."
"She hates me," commented Sirius.
"She probably likes you more than she likes me at the moment," moaned James grumpily. "We're getting married in five days! How can I marry her if she won't even talk to me?"
"Fine, I'll speak to her," Sirius said, smiling when James grinned at him.
"Thank you! Can you go now, please?"
"Fine..."
"Thanks mate," James grinned goofily and Sirius rolled his eyes, apparating to Remus' flat.
Remus looked at him questioningly.
"Can you apparate to Lily's please?"
"Why?"
"Tell her that you saw James cheating on her," Sirius said.
"Sirius! No!"
"For me?" pleaded Sirius desperately. Remus sighed.
"Don't blame me if you get hurt in the end," he said, shaking his head. "I'll do it, but I'm not happy about it..."
"Thanks," smiled Sirius. "Come back when you've finished speaking to her, and then I'm going to see her."
With one last disappointed nod, Remus disapparated.
The wait seemed to last forever, and Sirius was sure that James would get impatient and apparate home if Remus didn't hurry up. He was pacing back and forth trying to think of anything else. Finally, after what felt like years, Remus appeared.
"She's not happy," he said angrily. "And neither am I..."
"Whatever. Can I go in now?"
"Yeah."
Crack.
Before entering the house, Sirius drunk the polyjuice potion he'd been keeping in his robes, and waited until he looked like James again. Then, he apparated into the living-room, where Lily glared up at him.
"Hey honey," he said cheerily, putting an arm around her, which she shoved off. "No need to be rude."
"James, I'm not happy with you."
"I'm not happy with you either," Sirius said. "You just shoved me away for no reason!"
"You cheated on me."
The words lingered in the air, and Sirius loved how devastated she sounded.
"No, I didn't."
"Stop lying to me, James!" screamed Lily with a mixture of sadness, anger and hurt.
"I'm not lying to you."
"I hate you!"
"Then why are you marrying me?"
"I thought you'd changed! I thought you had grown up!"
"This is the way I am!" Sirius shouted, so close to her face that she cowered away, with tears rolling down her face.
"I HATE WHO YOU ARE!" she screeched. "YOU'RE AN UGLY, NASTY, ARROGANT, LOW-LIFED BASTARD, WHO DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ANYONE BUT HIMSELF!"
Without thinking, Sirius swung for her. He didn't mean to do it, but the words hit home. How could she call James all of those things? James was nothing like that!
He struck her hard on the cheek, making her fall backwards and scream in agony. He had a feeling it wasn't just physical pain that made her scream, but he didn't care.
Lily went silent, touching her cheek. Her eyes were bloodshot and tear-stained, and she had a horrified look on her face. There was a loud crack but neither Lily or Sirius turned to see who had apparated in. Sirius found it difficult to speak – he didn't know what to say. He hadn't meant to hit her.
"Lily," he struggled to formulate the words. "I- I'm s-so sorry..."
Lily didn't reply. She only pulled her engagement ring off of her ring finger, threw it by Sirius' feet, and disapparated – all in less than ten seconds.
Sirius stared at the spot she'd been sitting, gaping. He'd hit her! He heard movement from the doorway, and turned to see the real James staring at him, open-mouthed. He looked... heart-broken.
"James... I can ex-"
"- Go on then, explain."
"I... er..." Sirius looked at his feet.
"Why Sirius?" James asked angrily. "What was the point of doing that? What will you get out of it?"
"I... I can't tell you."
"Why are you pretending to be me?"
"I can't tell you, I already said that!" Sirius was trying to fight back the tears.
"Why did Lily throw away my engagement ring?" James whispered.
"I... kind of... hit her."
"What!"
"It was an accident! She was saying horrible things about you! I didn't like the things she was saying!"
"What was she saying?"
"She was calling you low-lifed and arrogant and nasty," Sirius said, telling the complete truth.
"I wonder why?"
"Beca-"
"-BECAUSE YOU'RE THE LOW-LIFED, ARROGANT, NASTY ONE! YOU WERE PRETENDING TO BE ME! YOU MADE HER BREAK UP WITH ME! YOU MADE HER HATE ME! SHE'S THE LOVE OF MY LIFE! SHE NOW THINKS I HIT HER! BECAUSE OF YOU! YOU'RE THE WORST FRIEND I COULD EVER ASK FOR SIRIUS! DON'T TALK TO ME AGAIN!"
"I'm SORRY!"
Crack.
Sirius felt something die deep inside him. What was it? He wasn't sure... All he knew was that he'd hurt James, hurt himself, and hurt Lily. He was a rotten friend.
Sirius sighed and let the tears fall from his eyes. He'd never get James now – he'd lost him as a friend, so he had no chance of anything more. He'd messed absolutely everything up. What was he supposed to do? The only way he could explain his actions would be by telling James the truth; that he was in love with him. He could never do that.
He needed to speak to Remus. Remus was the rational one. He was the sensible one, who always knew what to do in tough situations... he could help. Taking in a deep breath, he let himself apparate to Remus' flat, where he collapsed on the wooden floor and everything went black.
"Sirius?"
"Remus?" said Sirius quietly, taking in his surroundings. He was lying on the sofa in Remus' flat, and Remus was standing over him, looking worried.
"Are you all right?"
"Mmm... just... ah man, I messed up."
"Is this to do with your plan?" Remus asked, though he no longer sounded as disappointed or angry as he did earlier.
"I did something bad," Sirius said. "I hit Lily."
"Oh Merlin," breathed Remus. "She could get James in trouble for that!"
"I think James is going over there to tell her what happened now," Sirius muttered. Remus' eyes widened.
"You told him? Oh, that's a good thing to do Sirius. I'm really glad you did that... but what did he say about it? Why did you hit her?"
Sirius sighed. "I hit her because she was saying horrible things about James, and I didn't mean to, but I got so angry and swung for her. And... er... I didn't tell James. He apparated in and saw Lily throwing her engagement ring at me."
"Oh Sirius! You idiot! He's mad with you, isn't he?"
"He doesn't want to talk to me again, because I have no valid reason for doing what I did," mumbled Sirius.
"Well, you do have a reason... just tell him you love him!"
"I can't do that... he'd hate me – more than he already does!"
"Well it's better to at least try to make up with him, right?"
"Right," muttered Sirius, though he knew that he'd never tell James the truth. Crack.
"Speak of the devil," said Remus quietly as James apparated into the living-room, glaring at Sirius for a moment.
"I came to see Sirius," James said coldly.
"I'm here," Sirius croaked from the sofa.
"Well I can see that," James snapped sharply. Sirius felt more tears forming in his eyes as James continued. "I spoke to Lily. I told her that you'd been pretending to be me. She wanted a reason, but I couldn't give her one because you're refusing!"
"James, I thi-"
"-Shut up, Remus!" shouted James crossly. "Anyway, she understands that it wasn't me, and so your plan to stop us from getting married – for whatever reason, I don't know – failed. Lily and I will be getting married on Friday and there's no way you can stop it. I'm only talking to you right now because I needed to inform you that you're not invited to the wedding, because only friends and family are invited, and you're neither." He turned to face Remus. "Will you be my best man, Remus?"
Sirius didn't hear the reply. He was too busy re-playing James' words in his head. Each sentence was another blow to his heart. 'Only friends and family are invited, and you're neither', 'you're not invited to the wedding', 'Lily and I will be getting married on Friday and there's no way you can stop it.'
Sirius hated how James had sounded so formal when he'd spoke. James was never formal, so he knew he'd really annoyed his best friend – or, ex-best friend. He was aware that James had disapparated out, and Remus was staring at him with worry and concern.
Remus looked after Sirius for the next few days. Sirius wasn't talkative; moping around, moaning about how much of an idiot he'd been. Remus didn't bother him too much, and Sirius liked it better that way.
One morning, Sirius opened an eye tiredly when he heard movement in the living-room. Remus was hurrying about with a formal clothes on, and Sirius could see that he was trying to be quiet so as to not wake Sirius up. James' wedding thought Sirius glumly. He let out a loud yawn to get Remus' attention.
"Sirius! You're awake?"
"No, I'm just sleeping with my eyes open," Sirius said sarcastically. "Are you going to the wedding now?"
"Yeah, I was just about to leave. I'll see you later, OK?"
"Mmm," grumbled Sirius, turning over and facing the back of the sofa. "Where is it, anyway?"
"It's at James' house... it's only a small wedding."
"Ah," Sirius said, pretending not to care.
"OK, bye then." Crack.
Sirius desperately didn't want James to get married today. He knew he'd never find anyone else he'd love as much as he loved James, so without James, he'd be lonely forever. He needed to do something. He needed to be happy at least once in his life...
He didn't want James. He needed James.
Sitting up quickly, Sirius grinned. He would get James. He'd do whatever it took to get him, and if that meant crashing the wedding, then that's what he would have to do.
An hour later, Sirius was wearing his best robes and his winning smile. Looking in the mirror one last time, he apparated to the bathroom of James' house. Carefully opening the door, he tip-toed over to the window in the hallway. When he looked down on the garden, he could see the decorations for the wedding, and the few wedding guests.
He gulped when he saw James standing by the alter. He looks amazing thought Sirius. He couldn't take his eyes off of his best friend. His heart was fluttering at the sight of James.
Sirius decided to go downstairs, but just as he was about to move, music began playing in the garden, and he looked back out the window. Everyone was seated, and Sirius could see Lily walking down the aisle with he father on her arm. She was wearing a white dress – the whole ceremony was traditional.
Sirius was fighting back tears when he saw Lily's father hand her over to James, who looked incredibly happy. Opening the window silently, he began listening.
"We are gathered here today to join James Potter and Lily Evans in holy matrimony. Who gives this woman in marriage to this man?"
"I do," Lily's father spoke clearly and Lily smiled at him. The vicar continued speaking.
"If it is your intention to take each other as husband and wife, please unite your hands and step forward."
Lily and James did as the vicar said, and Sirius could see the loving looks on both of their faces.
"If anyone objects to this marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace."
Sirius felt his heart beating rapidly. Now was the time – he could stop the wedding! Clearing his throat, he shouted across the garden:
"I OBJECT!"
There were gasps from the crowd, and then everything went silent as people stared up at Sirius. He could feel his cheeks growing hotter as he marched down the stairs and straight up the aisle to stand in front of Lily and James. James looked furious, and Lily looked close to tears. He saw Remus standing by the side, and he looked disappointed.
"Excuse me," James spoke finally. "I need to talk to Sirius." He grabbed Sirius by the wrist and pulled him back into the house roughly, throwing him down on the sofa angrily. Sirius heard footsteps running towards the house, and Remus appeared by the door.
"Sirius!" shouted Remus. "Why the hell did you do that!"
Sirius didn't answer; he continued staring down at the floor.
"Yeah Sirius," said James. "Have you got something you need to say to me?"
"No," lied Sirius.
"Yes actually, he does have something to say to you," Remus said, and Sirius turned to look at him angrily.
"Oh yeah? Care to share then Sirius?"
"I don't have anything to say," Sirius muttered quietly.
"Just tell him!" yelled Remus.
"Sirius, look," James said, in a soft tone. "If you ever want me to forgive you, you at least need to tell me why you object to Lily and I getting married..."
"It's hard to explain," said Sirius, still not looking up from the floor.
"C'mon mate, try!"
"Do you want me to tell him?" Remus asked.
"NO!"
"Then tell me," whined James.
"Fine. It's because I sort of l-l-love-"
"Oh Merlin!" interrupted James. "You're in love with Lily!"
"I'm not in love with Lily!"
"Oh... sorry... carry on..."
"I'm in love with you," Sirius said, his voice shaking. He couldn't believe he'd actually said it to James. He hadn't stuttered or cried. He'd done it. He forced himself to look up into James' face – he was showing signs of anger, frustration and pity – not good.
"Why didn't you tell me before?" James asked.
"I was scared,"
"If you could tell Remus, then why couldn't you tell me?"
"Because... I..." Sirius sighed. "I don't know."
"I'm sorry Sirius," James said. "I know it must be hard..."
"You don't know," Sirius muttered. "You don't know how it feels."
"I know how it feels to have the person you love not love you back," said James.
"Oh yeah? The person you love is marrying you!"
"Not any more she's not! Not after you went and objected!" shouted James. When he saw Sirius' expression, he calmed down a bit. "I spent six years with Lily hating me," he said. "Remember? I loved her, and she wouldn't give me the time of day."
"But you've got her now," said Sirius.
"The difference is, at least I talk to you... I'm your best friend. I love you – to a certain extent. I know how it feels because she wouldn't speak to me at all. She hated my guts! I know how painful it is, and I'm truly sorry you have to go through it Sirius."
"I guess you're right."
"I can't believe everything you did though! I wish you'd have just told me from the start!"
"I'm sorry... I wasn't thinking."
"You idiot," said James, but it was in a joking way. "OK... think about this...what if I finally admitted I loved you back? What if we began dating, and eventually we decided to get married, and then someone came in and tried to ruin that? What if you and I were really happy together, and then Remus came along – who's known how much you liked me for years – and he tried to break us up? Do you know how much it hurt to see my best friend try and ruin the happiest moment of my life?"
"I understand," Sirius said, forcing a small smile onto his face. "Sorry I messed it up."
"Hey, it's all right!" James said, pulling Sirius into a friendly hug. Sirius savoured it, smiling more than he'd done in a while. When they broke apart, James spoke. "Will you let me get married now?"
"I guess..."
"Woohoo! Come on... you can come to the wedding if you want..."
"I can?"
"Yeah! Can't have a wedding without my best friend there," grinned James.
The remainder of the wedding wasn't as painful as Sirius had imagined. Maybe it was because James now knew the secret, or maybe it was because Sirius knew there was no chance for him, and that he should just be happy that James was happy.
It was now the after-party, and Sirius was sitting alone in the corner of the room. He nearly jumped out of his skin when James spoke.
"Hey," he said. Sirius turned to see Lily standing by him, and he smiled up at the newly wedded couple.
"Congratulations," Sirius said. He was trying his hardest not to look angry or jealous or upset.
"Thanks," Lily said understandingly. "James told me what happened – why you did it... Sirius, I'm so sorry... really, I am."
"Thanks Lily," Sirius said. "Sorry about everything I did to you."
"To be honest, I'm more disgusted by the fact I kissed you at one point," Lily said, making a face. Sirius laughed.
"Yeah... it was pretty gross..."
"Thanks," Lily rolled her eyes. "Anyway, James and I have some news, and we wanted you to be the first to know."
"Since you're the closest person to me, and I think you deserve to know," James said. Sirius stared up at both of them, confused.
"What's the news?" he asked. Lily and James exchanged glances.
"I'm pregnant," Lily said finally, and Sirius couldn't help smiling. The thought of a little green eyed, black haired child with glasses was adorable, in Sirius' opinion.
"That's wonderful," Sirius said.
"Sirius... we want to make you the godfather," James said.
Sirius gaped. He was going to be the godfather... of James' child? He couldn't contain his excitement. Being made the godfather of the child made him a part of James' life forever, and he couldn't ask for more. Sirius was aware of jumping up and hugging the both of them, grinning. Maybe he would be happy after all...
And being the godfather of this child would be like being the childs second dad. If James and Lily ever broke up, Sirius would always be there for the baby. If James and Lily ever broke up, thought Sirius mischievously – that brought another whole list of crazy ideas to his head.
The End