Author's Note: Can you imagine Hidan as a teacher and especially in helping people?!
Disclaimer: Naruto, D Gray-man, Kuroshitsuji, and Soul Eater characters do not belong to me or things would be way different.
"Grell Sutcliff, Deidara, Death the Kidd, Arystar Krory and Kankuro, you have all been requested to go through the process of fixing ALL YOUR DAMN PROBLEMS CAUSE NO ONE ELSE WANTS TO PUT UP WITH YOU!!!!" Hidan yelled as he bolted from his desk and pointed his ruler at all of them in a dramatic screaming way.
"WHAT?!!!!" everyone else yelled. Grell and Deidara were pissed like hell, Kidd and Kankuro were confused, Krory just cried under his cloak.
"I'M GOING TO TURN EACH OF YOU IDIOT WEIRDO SISSIES INTO A MANLY MAN FULL OF MAN WHEN I GET THORUGH WITH YOU!!!!"
"So?"
"SO?!!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN SO?!!! A CRAZY MAN IS TRYING TO TEACH US HOW TO BE MANLIER, WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO SAY TO THAT?!!!" Grell and Deidara squealed as they shot up from their chairs complaining to Hidan very angrily and upset.
"Who signed me up for this?! I demand to know!!" Kidd yelled as he bolted from his chair and also complained to Hidan. Krory turned around from his seat to look at the boy with purple nervously.
"This is all free, right?" Kankuro murmured. Everyone got quiet and looked at him and back at Hidan on edge. Hidan shook his head. Everyone, except Krory, grabbed Hidan's arms and legs like revolting children and started yelling and complaining.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS ISN'T FREE?!!"
"WHAT IDIOTS WHOULD PUT ME UP FOR HELP AND NOT PAY FOR IT THEMSELVES?!!!"
"HOW MUCH IS THIS GOING TO COST ME?!!!!"
"I DON'T KNOW, I MYSELF AREN'T GETTING PAID!!!" Hidan yelled as he loudly smacked everyone except Krory, in the head with his ruler of justice.
"OWWWWW!!!"
"Now sit back in your seats you idiots!!! I myself had to go through this!!!"
"So others have been here too? Not just us?" Deidara asked raising his hand.
"Yes . . . ." Hidan murmured angrily as he sat back on the desk.
"Is that why Naruto isn't gay for Sasuke anymore?"
"Is that why Black Star doesn't look like a 30 year old exercise crazed steroid drug abuser stuck in
the body of a 13 year old boy?"
"Is that why Kanda doesn't sound like a 40 year old man with throat cancer in the English version of D Gray-man?"
"Is that why Sebastian doesn't wear a suit all the time now?"
"WILL YOU PEOPLE SHUT UP?!!!!"
Everyone flinched and got quiet as they sat still on their seats.
"Okay, that's better. Their's five of you and one of me. Five of you and one of me. Five of you and one of me. Five of you . . . And one of . . . . Me . . . ?"
"What is it sensei? Don't like those odds?" Grell sneered.
"Hidan, just get to the freakin point," Deidara murmured.
"YOU REPSECT YOUR TEACHER OR SO JASHIN HELP ME I'LL CUT YOUR HEAD OFF, STUFF DEAD BUGS IN IT AND USE IT AS A FISHING LRE TO CATCH A FISH AND THEN USE THAT FISH TO CATCH A SHARK AND THEN BURN AND BOIL IT ALIVE AND-"
"Sensei, I think you scared him to death," Kidd murmured as he pointed to Krory, who laid on the ground as white as a ghost.
Xxx
"Wh-wha? What happened?" Krory asked as he saw four figures towering over his on the floor.
"You passed out cause your such a sissy," Deidara sneered as he and Grell started laughing making fun off him. Kidd and Kankuro reached out their hands as they pulled up Krory, who embarrassed, sat back in his seat and covered himself with his cloak like if it where raining. Everyone else took their seats. Hidan sighed as he finished looking through some paper work.
"Well, lets start, I guess, introducing ourselves. I am Hidan, your sensei. Now, lets start from left to right. You, red-head, go."
'I'm Grell and if you refer to me as a man, I will kill you with my chainsaw."
"I'm Deidara, and if you call me a girl, I'll blow your brains out cause art is a bang!!! Hmmmm?!!"
"I'm Death The Kid; and you must al let me make you symmetrical or else I'll go crazy!!! Symmetry symmetry symmetry!!"
"Uh, m-my name Is Arystar Krory t-the third and I-I . . . I DO NOT LOOK LIKE A VAMPIRE!! I'LL TEAR YOU IN HALF AND SUCK OUT AL YOUR BLOOD AND please don't laugh at me!!!" he squeals and covers himself with his cloak in shyness and misery.
Everyone looks at him weirded out. This guy has serious bi-polar issues . . . .
"My name is Kankuro, AND I AM NOT WEARING MAKE-UP THIS IS FACE PAINT!!!! AND I DO NOT PLAY WITH DOLLLS, THEIR PUPPETS!!!"
Oh Jashin, I'm going to die locked for 4 hours with these people . . . .
"Well, I've read all of your 'problems' before you got in here. And you all lack a manly side."
Everyone looked at him oddly.
"Excuse me? You were actually being serious about that manly crap?" Grell asked confused.
"Yes, I don't bluff!!! I'LL SACRIFICE YOU IF YOU DON'T LET ME FINISH YOU LITTLE MOSTER OF A PERSON!!!" Hidan yelled angrily as he glared at Grell's direction.
"Okay, well . . . . You people will be with me for about seven months; hopefully your habits will go way by then, I pray they do . . " Hidan murmurs thinking how long will it take till these idiots make him lose his mind.
"Sensei, what exactly are you going to do to help us?" Kidd asked as he raised his hand.
"I'm going to man the idiot, weirdo sissy out of you, that's what I'm going to do!!" Hidan proclaimed as he raised one of his legs on his desk and pointed upwards toward the sky in a determined way.
Everyone just stared at him weirded out.
"How?" Grell asked unimpressed.
"I am going to be on your ass like Orochimaru on Sasuke and use hard and vigorous training just like Cross did with Allen. None of that pointless explanation crap on training they give in Naruto or Naruto Shipuuden cause nobody cares or gives a rat's ass and you will be a man when I get through with you!! We'll climb through mountains, run across rainforests and fire, we'll eat broccoli and drink onion juice, I don't care! Whatever it takes!!! As long as I never see you here again and have to put up with your horrid personality kinks again!!!!" Hidan laughed proudly, which just creeped out his students.
"So, that's it for today's session, any ques-?"
"Stop poking me!!" Krory squealed as Grell, from behind Deidara's and Kidd's seats' poked Krory's shoulder with a sharp pencil and giggled at Krory's whinny misery as he covered himself with his arms. Kankuro was too busy clicking through songs on his Ipod, Kidd was drawing out a sketch of the room and holding up a ruler, so he could see how things would have to be measured to make it evenly and symmetrical looking, Deidara was chewing and making a horrid annoying popping sound with his gum; Hidan just stared at them , his face turning pure red with boiling fury.
"YOU STOP BOTHERING HIM AND YOU PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE IF HE BOTHERS YOU!!! THAT'S WHAT A REAL MAN DOES!!!" Hidan yelled as he bolted right behind his student's seats, grabbed Grell's pencil, broke it in half and smacked Grell on the head with is ruler and on Krory's hand with the ruler too.
"HEY!!"
"OWWWIE!!"
"A REAL MAN FIGHTS BACK AND DEFENDS HIMSELF AND A REAL MATURE MAN DOSEN'T BOTHER OTHERS!!!"
Then Hidan walked up to Deidara and Kidd, who sat in between Grell and Krory. Hidan glared at Deidara and just when Deidara was about to make a pop sound, Hidan used one of the broken pencils and popped it and then he grabbed Kidd's drawing board and broke it in half.
"REAL MEN DON'T POP THEIR GUM!!! THAT NOISE IS TERRIBLY ANNOYING IT GETS ON MY NERVES!!! AND REAL MEN DON'T FREAK OUT ABOUT LITTLE THINGS SUCH AS SYMMETRY!!!!"
Then, Hidan raised his great ruler of justice and smacked Deidara on the head and Kidd on the hand.
"HEY!!!""MY MASTERPIECE!!!!"
And lastly, Hidan dashed in front of Kankuro and yanked his head phones out of his ears and stuffed his Ipod down his pants.
"REAL MEN DON'T . . . . . . YOUR JUST NOT BEING MANLY!!!!!!"
Hidan smacks Kankuro on the head with his almighty ruler and stomps up to his desk and sits angrily on it.
"HEY WHY'D YOU SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR PANTS?!!!" Kankuro yelled as he rubbed his sore head along with the others. Hidan sat on his desk and crossed his arms in compete anger.
"BECAUSE YOUR NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO ME, AND IT FEELS GOOD, THAT'S WHY!!!" Hidan yelled as everyone else flinched from his loudness.
"You're so weird . . . ." Deidara murmured as everyone else shook their heads in agreement.
"I'M MORE NORMAL THAN ALL OF YOU PUT TOGETHER!!!" Hidan yelled as he raised his ruler at all of them. Everyone flinched in fear as Hidan petted the ruler, " WE'LL CONTINUE THIS IN OUR NEXT SESSION!!! BE READY TO BE TAUGHT HOW TO BE A REAL MAN BY A REAL MAN!!!"
Deidara: Sensei, that wasn't four hours. ^.
Hidan: SO?!! DX
Grell: I thought our classes were four hours. ^o^
Hidan: SHUT UP!! I WANT TO BE AROUND YOU PEOPLE AS LEAST AS POSSIBLE!!!DX
Kankuro: I'M GOING TO DIE WITHOUT MUSIC!!! T~T
Death the Kid: AGH!!! MY ARTWORK!!! -cries in a corner-
Hidan: Great; two obsessed artists . . . -.-'
Krory: Artists? =o
Kankuro: Someone who does something creatively and admirable. -.-
Krory: Uhhh . . . I'm an artist too!! ^0^
Everyone: . . . . . What?!!
Krory: See, I am an artist!!! -Krory jumps up and bites into an akuma, sucking all of its blood and spilling it everywhere- See!! I'm an artist!!! =D
Everyone except Hidan: AGHH!!! VAMPIRE!!!! -they run away in screaming fear-
Hidan: You get a shiny sticker for being manly!! -Hidan puts a golden shiny sticker shaped like a star on Krory's chest-
Krory: OH ITS SO SHINY!!! -squeals- XD
Hidan: THAT WASN'T MANLY!!! NO STICKER FOR YOU!! -Hidan tears it off-
Krory: NOOOOOO!!!! -passes out-
Hidan: I get lots of stickers cause I'm manly!!! -puts a load of stickers on himself from a 1,000 sticker book and laughs proudly-
Krory: . . . . . You . . . .
Hidan: What is it now unmanly man? -looks down to see Krory reaching out to Hidan from the floor-
Krory: I'M MORE MANLY THAN YOU, YOU SORRY EXCUSE FOR A MAN!! I'LL KILL YOU!!! -Krory pulls Hidan down and tries to bite him-
Hidan: NO BITING THE TEACHER!!! -Hidan hits Krory with the ruler- WHAT'S WITH YOU AND YOUR BI-POLAR PERSONALITY YOU BLOODY VAMPIRE?!!!
Krory: Uh . . . WAHHH!!! -Krory starts crying like a little kid sitting on the floor, Hidan sighs-
Hidan: . . . . Humph, your not taking my stickers . . .
Krory: THE STICKERS ARE ALL MINE!!! -Krory pulls Hidan back down and tries biting him-
Hidan: BLOODY GOTH!!!
Krory: SISSY MAN!!!
Both: NO I'M NOT!!!!! T~T