Matthew POV this time! You guys can kill me for late updating OTL School work takes up your time, ya know...?
"Why do you like to take photographs?" I asked the Russian infront of me. He was always taking pictures and I didn't understand why. He turned to me after taking another picture of some flowers and gave me a smile.
"It's like I can be in the pictures I take. If I take a picture of the sky, I can feel myself being in it. It's like an escape, something that calms me."
I hadn't understood at that time, but I wish I had.
"But...why flowers? You're always taking pictures of them."
"Arn't they so warm and gentle? It's like I can carry them around everywhere. Where I come from, there arn't many that survive. Of course, I also take them with me, but I still take many photos of them." He bent down and picked a small pink flower from the garden, standing back up afterwords.
"I think I understand." I smiled at him, and he smiled back.
I think I'll get him-
My eyes shot open as I abruptly awoke from my dream, hands clenching the bedsheets nearly as hard as I could. I gave a shaky sigh as I tried to tell myself that it was just a dream, seeing as it seemed so real to me. I felt better than I did yesterday, but I still felt bad, so I guessed that I hadn't gotten rid of the flu just yet. I looked over to the over side of the room and saw that Alfred was snoring loudly as usual; Checking that calender I saw that today was Sunday. Coulda sworn that it was Monday, but then again I wasn't really keeping track of the time, being sick and all. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, grabbing my glasses and putting them on before looking out the window that was letting in the bright, afternoon sunlight.
Why had I dreamed of that? I hadn't had a dream about that in 3 months. Maybe it was just a wild stroke of chance? Whatever it was I didn't like it. I saw that my backpack was placed near my bed and reached into it, pulling out my camera. I held it in my hands for a few minutes, just staring at it. I hadn't thought much about why he had taken pictures of such warm, gentle things for a while. There was a good reason for it, I know that, but it still made me want to sit in silence and regret any negatives thoughts I'd ever had. I held it up and took a picture of the window, capturing the glare of the sun and the giant oak tree that was near it.
"Came out good..." I muttered to myself as I sat it down once more. I wasn't feeling up to doing anything for some reason. My stomach was feeling very iffy and naseous, and I felt a little spaced out. I jumped when I felt a hand on my hand.
"Ah!"
A laugh was what came first before the actual reply.
"Haha, dang Mattie! You're totally outta it! Feel better? Cause you're not looking as pale, but you still look bad." Alfred grinned at me before sitting on my bed next to me. I patted my chest and gave out a sigh before slightly glaring at him.
"What have I told you about doing that? You scared me! Geez! I could've had a heart attack." At the state I was in, I might as well have had one. Alfred rolled his eyes at me.
"Yeah, yeah, heart attack and what not. Anyway, you hungry? I'll make ya something!"
I felt even more naseous after Alfred even suggested that.
"No way. You can't cook, and you'll probably burn down the house!" I held my stomach for effect, and because it slightly hurt. Alfred pouted at me and crossed his arms for his own effect.
"You're just jealous of my awesome cooking! I'm not that bad of a cook and you know it!" I rolled my eyes and patted his hand gently.
"Ok. Whatever you want. Go kill me with your charcoal hamburgers." Alfred jumped up from my bed and pumped his fists.
"Haha, I knew you would want my charcoal burgers!- Wait. Heeey!" He narrowed his eyes at me before walking out of our bedroom and going downstairs. I got out of bed and walked over to the window and looked outside, the suns' rays feeling good and warm on my skin.
"Maybe I should visit him when I feel better. I haven't done that in awhile, and I'm sure he's lonely." I haven't visted him since last Tuesday. I promised I'd vist everyday, but I've failed to do that. I wonder if he's mad at me. But I'm sure he'll forgive me. He always does. I crossed my arms on the window seal and rested my cheek on my right arm, staring at the cars passing by. He's only 5 minutes away, so maybe...
"Hey Mattie, I changed my mind! I can't find any meat, so I'm just gonna make some popcorn or something!"
I didn't look up from putting on my shoes as I heard Alfred's footsteps getting closer and closer to me. When I looked up, Alfred had a puzzled look on his face, one blond eyebrow raised and everything.
"What are you doing? You're supposed to be in bed, sleeping and stuff!" Alfred crossed his arms as I ran my fingers through my hair as a make-shift comb.
"I need to visit someone really, really quickly. He's only 5 minutes away, so I could just walk or something." Even though I felt worse and like I was going to puke just by standing up. Alfred put his hand on my forehead before narrowing his eyes.
"No way! You're just gonna get worse! Go lie down."
"I need to go, Alfred. Please?" The one time where I DON'T want him to care this much! He closed his eyes in thought before scratching his nose and opening them again.
"Ok, fine. But I'm driving you! No way are you gonna WALK all the way there and back!"
He walked over to his desk and picked up his car keys, grabbing my jacket and handing it to me before grabbing his own. I put it on and grabbed my wallet; Well, at least I could buy him a gift before I visit him. Makes it easier. As we walked out and got into his car I carefully put my wallet in my coat pocket.
"Oh, can we stop by somewhere first? I need to get my friend a gift." Alfred shrugged as he started the car and pulled out, looking back to check for cars.
"Yeah, sure, don't see why not. Any reason?"
I relaxed against the carseat and crossed my arms on my lap, looking straight ahead.
"It's a get well gift. Also kind of a "Come-back-soon" gift as well."
Even though I know that can't happen.
"Where exactly do you need to go to get it? Gamestop or something?" I shook my head.
"No. A flower shop." Alfred was silent for a moment or two.
"Flower shop? Well, I guess it makes sense. But if I were sick, I'd want a video game! Or maybe just a T.V." I gave a small laugh at him.
"He can't play video games, Al." Alfred's eyebrows raised as he made a right turn.
"Whaat? He can't play video games? Dude, is he blind or something?" Haha. Just like Alfred.
"No, he has perfect vision. He just can't play them. He's not able to."
"Ok, ok, if you say so." Alfred gave up as he pulled up to the flower shop. I gave a heavy gulp as I tried not to barf as I got out of the car. Alfred walked over and placed his arm around me, probably to make sure I didn't fall or something.
"You ok? Maybe we should just go home Matt. You look really, REALLY, bad!" I shook my head as I walked into the shop with him.
"No, I have to visit him. It's important." Alfred frowned at me but didn't say anything for a while as I tried to find a certain type of flower.
"They have to have it somewhere..." I mumbled under my breath. Alfred's hands were in his jacket pocket as he lingered behind me, obviously getting bored.
"What kind of flowers does he like?" I smiled and rushed over when I saw the flowers, picking up three of them before turning back to Alfred.
"Sunflowers. He absolutely loves them! This'll make him happy." Alfred threw his head back in a huff.
"We came here for those? They're so boring! Wouldn't roses be better in your case?" He nudged me with a wink, causing me to almost choke on air.
"W-What? No! No! It's nothing like that! We're friends!" Face red, I rushed over to the counter to buy them, Alfred smirking after me. The lady behind the counter gave us a weird look as she saw Alfred nudging me and doing his annoying laugh. We really couldn't get out of there fast enough! Ugh! As we walked back to the car I felt some barf coming up and, in a last -ditch effort, quickly put the sunflowers on the carhood before upchucking on the parking lot. Alfred cringed before rushing over and rubbing my back once more.
"Ya know, if you just give me his address I could give them to him-" I interrupted him before he could continue.
"No! I have to do it myself." I wiped the barf off the corner of my mouth with my jacket sleeve before gently picking up the sunflowers and getting into the car. As Alfred turned on the engine he asked me something I didn't want to answer.
"So, who's your friend anyway? Do I know 'em?"
I felt my face pale. I didn't want to say, but I knew that he was going to find out anyway.
"...Ivan." Alfred slammed on the break, causing my stomach to do a frikkin' flip!
"Holy maple Al! Why'd you do that?" He turned to me with one eye twitching.
"You mean RUSSIAN Ivan? You know I don't like him! Geez, you should have told me! I knew I should've kept you in bed!" Lucky for us no one was behind us. As Alfred continued to drive again I gave a heavy sigh.
"Don't worry, I think you're going to get along better this time around. He's changed since summer." It's September now, so I'm pretty sure he's changed more that just a little. Alfred gave a huff at me.
"Yeah right! We HATE eachother! Do I have to talk to him? Cause I'm not talking to him," I inturrupted. "Turn left here." Alfred did so and continued, "But if he talks to me then I'm totally starting something!" He gripped the steering wheel tightly.
"Turn right, then go straight."
I waited for the place to get near before instructing him again.
"Ok, now turn right here. Oh, and you can't really park in this area, so you'll have to park over there," I pointed with my finger, "Or you'll get in trouble."
Alfred's eyes widened.
"Matthew, this is-"
"Yes, yes. Now park and let's visit him."
Alfred quietly did so and followed quietly behind me. As we approached Ivan, Alfred's face paled and his eyes narrowed a bit. I bent down in front of him and placed the sunflowers in front of him as well.
"I'm sorry I haven't been visiting you Ivan. I've just been busy." I noticed that Alfred was just staring, mouth slightly opened. I got up and walked infront of him.
"What? I told you he's changed. You can't argue anymore, and you don't have to see him, so what's wrong?"
It was as if Alfred had never seen a grave before. Was it really that shocking? He shook his head slightly at me.
"Matthew, how long has he been dead? I mean..." He trailed off. I tilted my head back in thought before replying.
"June twenty-third. Right after you left for that summer camp thing."
That I had wanted to go to, but I hadn't said anything. I knew it wasn't going to happen, and Ivan was just so sick. I couldn't do that to him.
"Alfred, could you wait in the car? I need to talk to him privately." Alfred just nodded before fast-walking back to the car. I turned back to the headstone and sat infront of it criss-cross.
"So, how's it been going for you? Is it good over there?"
Of course there was no answer.
"Is it better than here? Is it warm all the time over there?"
Just the soft faint breeze answered.
"I kept your camera. I've been taking pictures, you know. Of the sky, of everything. I think I understand why you said that before. About why you like taking pictures of the sky. Since you had lung cancer, and you couldn't go out much...since you were so restricted because of it...the sky was like something that wasn't like that at all. It never ends. But it seemed like you couldn't go past your room at the hospital. I'm sorry that I didn't understand before."
I brought my knees up to my chest, still looking straight at the grave as I wrapped my arms around my legs.
"If I could trade places, I would. You know that, right? You know that I really miss you, right? That I want to see your smile again."
I felt tears beginning to come up.
"That I want to see your face."
My lip quivered.
"That I want you back."
I began to sob.
It wasn't fair. God's so cruel. He's just too cruel.
I placed my hand on the dirt infront of the tombstone.
"I want to see you so bad. So, so bad. You don't even know how bad! I'm so selfish, I know that, but please just come back. That's all I want from you! I just want you to hug me, and tell me that it's ok! That it's not my fault people are so mean! That's it not my fault I can't please my brother! Please tell me it's ok!"
I had to choke out words I was crying so bad.
"Kiss my forehead, hold my hand! Make me feel like I'm important again! I want to make you feel the same again as well! I never even got to say goodbye to you!"
And that was all I could say before all I could do was sob. The tears wouldn't stop, and my nose wouldn't stop running. Even if my invisible life depended on it I couldn't stop.
That really was all I wanted again.
All of that.
I didn't care that my stomach was turning in, or that I felt like I was burning up once more. That didn't compare to any of the feelings that I couldn't stop from stabbing me, over and over until I couldn't take it.
The only other thing, besides all of this that I could clearly think about, was how long I was going to keep Alfred.
I hope he doesn't get mad.
Please don't.
Everytime I type something sad, I can't help but think to myself, "Why am I so horrible to this characters...?" and, "Why do I feel like crying as I write this?"
I'm sentimental, can't expect much from me |D;;
Anyway, sorry for it being short AGAIN. :I You guys can shot me now. I guess I'm just one of those people who don't write incredibly long chapters...? Ehh, quality over quantity, right?