You're James sister so you're not supposed to think like this, but you can't help but notice him. Your brother is the face just like you were at home. Logan is the smart one but considering not only is he gay but also James' boyfriend, he is so off limits, and you weren't all that into him. And yeah Kendall is gorgeous but he is so not your type, because you're the rebel and you can't stand someone who is so close to a goody-goody. So really it makes sense that you would fall for Carlos, you need to break the rules. At first it was simply for attention because it's really hard to compete with your amazing brother, but then you realize, the whole rebel thing is a lot of fun. And Carlos has absolutely no ability to follow authority, so you two are perfect for each other.

And there is no way he's going to be able to resist you because you're Maria Lemay Diamond and you are amazing. Now you just have to figure out how to get his attention.

You bounce in your seat as the plane comes down because for the first time in over a year, you get to see James, because no matter how hard it is to get attention from your parents, he's your brother and he always gave you twice as much attention as your parents ever could have.

And also, because James means Carlos. No matter how much he loves Logan, James and Carlos are attached at the hip for a huge portion of the day. There was a time when it was like clockwork, you walked home and started the electric kettle. Just as you finished the hot chocolate the boys would come in and you would hand out the cups. Black for Kendall, Blue for Logan and Red for James. Carlos and you would both have green. Then at about nine, Mother would drive the boy's home.

Now James spends a good portion of his time with Logan, but the fact is Carlos was and still is his brother for all intents and purposes.

You fall asleep on the plane and the next thing you know you're being woke up by the flight attendant. Your parents must have forgotten in their rush to see their son. You thank her and when she asks where your parents are, you lie and say they're waiting for you outside the door. You collect your luggage of jeans and two shirts. All of your stashed up money is in the bag, you totally plan to go shopping while you're here.

When you get inside, your brother is yelling at Mother and Father about losing their only daughter.

"It doesn't matter" you call, "I'm right here." Your parents smile as if to say see, we didn't lose anything but all eyes are on you. You stopped at the shop on your way over here and bought a tank top, showing off your somehow tan body, and, once they saw it, your tattoo. Because what can you say, you're the rebel. James picks you up and spins you around, grinning like he's stupid.

But he's not the only one staring. The boys have caught sight of you. Logan is staring because as he's now telling you as he gives you a hug, he can't believe how much you've grown. Kendall grins and when he gives you a quick hug he asks, "Do they know about the tattoo yet."

"Nope" you reply and he backs off, respecting your choices as only a teenager can when it comes to such things. But you're looking at Carlos now, because his eyes are glued to you, and dang he looks good. He's ditched the helmet, but probably only for today. He looks taller than before, and all around bigger. He looks, in short like he's nineteen. And he's staring at you. "Maria" he says, and his voice is deeper. You knew that, of course, from the album they just released, but it sounds different in real life. You actually kinda absolutely love it. "What..." he never finishes his sentence because James has grabbed him by the shirt collar and says, "If you so much as look at her or even think about her in that way, I'll punch you so hard your great-grandmother will feel it." You stare because your brother usually isn't like this.

Your parents smile and your mother says "That's just like him always looking out for her, no matter what she's done wrong." James is ticked, and he doesn't like what his parent just said about his sister, but you grin and say, "yep, and I do stuff wrong a lot." And then you pull up your hair and walk away, letting everyone see the tattoo on your shoulder, which has a deep red heart with a piece missing, and in beautiful blue letters, the words, Obviously, I've made some bad choices. As you walk, you hear someone behind you laugh.

James won't say a thing on the way to the Palmwoods, and he ignores you and Carlos the rest of the day.

It's midnight when the silence finally breaks. You had a nightmare, woke up in a strange and unfamiliar place and thought of James. So you pad out, down the hallway to their room and try the door. It's unlocked. You think this is strange, but when you go in you find Mrs. Knight making cookies.

"I couldn't sleep" she explains with a smile. "I guess you're looking for James?" you don't have to say anything for her to know the answer. "First, come sit and talk to me for a moment." You nod your assent and sit at the bar in their kitchen.

"James hasn't talked to Carlos all day, and he won't say a word on you, what happened this morning?" you hesitate a moment before telling her, and when you do everything spills out. How you got in this situation in the first place, your feelings for Carlos, even the things about your Mother and Father you've never told anyone.

She looks at you for a long moment, gets the cookies out of the oven, puts one in a bowl along with a scoop of ice cream and slides it across the bar.

"Don't tell him I gave you that. James and Logan share a room so you've been warned. However that is not allowed, so you should be good. Go in, wake up Logan and he'll get up immediately. Shake James' shoulder for a moment and he'll wake up. Then" she says with a sharp gaze, "Apologize for not telling him, tell him you love him and ask if you can spend the night with him."

Then she looks at you with a praising glance, smiles and says, "With a puppy-dog look or a pout, he'll melt in your arms."

Feeling silly, you walk around the bar, kiss Mrs. Knights' cheek the way James used to when he was little, and whisper, "Thanks Mrs. Knight."

Then you run into the room she points out and follow her directions. You were silly to hope he would just let it go. Now he has you sit on the bed and asks the golden question, "Why'd you do it" You glance at him.

"Which part?"

"The tattoo of course, I can kind of understand the whole Carlos thing, you grew up with him."

You snuggle into his side. For a moment you don't say anything, but finally you find your courage and, with it, your voice.

"Mother and Father never loved me like they love you. It's always, James would have done this, and James could have done that. I try but it's never good enough. Izzy made me a promise she'd help me get back at every person who'd ever hurt me. It started with tee-peeing Kirby's house and ended at the tattoo parlor. Besides, I like being a rebel." He looks at you for a long time, and then he smiles.

"Nice choice" you grin and he lies back down.

Why don't you just stay down here for the night?" You fall asleep with a smile on your face.

The next morning, you walk out of his room to see Logan asleep on the couch. You feel a pang of guilt for forcing the teenage boy out of his own room so you fix him his favorite breakfast. Eggs scrambled the way your dad used to do them, bacon and pancakes. This is California and it's stupid hot right now so you add a fruit salad to the plates.

Now you whistle sharp and the boys come sliding out of their rooms, Logan almost falling off the couch and Katie jumping on her brother's back for a piggy-back ride across the living room to the dining room table.

Mrs. Knight comes out and gives you a hug around the shoulders as you slide the plates to the boys.

"Do me a favor" she whispers. You look at her waiting.

"If Katie asks, tell her you regret the tattoo." You grin.

"totally." She grins.

"Thanks."

You turn to make the next plate and hear "cool!" Turning your head, you see Katie staring at the heart on your shoulder.

"Good looking, huh" you say, "But my parents almost killed me and, to tell the truth, it wasn't worth the pain." She visibly deflates.

"Really"

"Yeah" you say "but when I was younger I used to use sharpies to do things like this, if you want I can draw something for you." She grins

"Awesome" You smile. Looking up, you see Carlos grinning at you.

"What" you demand. He just shrugs. But the smile on his face makes the frustration totally worth it.

You're just about to sit down and eat when your parents come barging in.

"What do you think you were doing," your mother snaps "You just disappeared in the middle of the night; we thought you had been killed." You raise an eyebrow.

"And it never occurred to you to check the apartment where my brother lives?"

"Don't you get an attitude with me, young lady, I'm in charge here" You nod as you go back to eating your breakfast. Finally James interrupts.

"You know she's not listening right?"

"She better be" your father says.

"Mmhm" you say as you walk to n the sink, wash your plate and put it in the drying rack. Then as he says something else, you walk out the door.

When you come back from changing and taking a shower, your parents are still there. You groan on the inside.

"We are very disappointed in you" your father says, and you can't help but think of a time when he grinned at you and twirled you around. You can feel the tears behind your eyes.

"You can't just walk out whenever you don't like something."

"Mom" you try to say but she cuts you off.

"You know, James never did anything like this." Everyone stares.

"Are you kidding me" you finally ask, "James did this all the time, he always walked away from you guys, and you didn't care because back then Mother wasn't always working and it wasn't a big deal if he walked away cause you could find him. You didn't care because back then dad wasn't always drunk and he was always there to support you. And somehow all this is my fault. It's my fault you got fired for being a bitch to your boss and it's my fault dad couldn't deal with the pressure. It's my fault you two stopped acting like parents and just gave up on me."

"Oh you know that's a load of bullshit." Your mother says and you look at her for a long moment. Then the tears building behind your eyes win and with a final shake of your head, you run away.

Up, up, up. That's all you think about. You race up stares and down hallways before finally finding the door that leads to the roof. You know you probably shouldn't be out here but you open the door anyway. Outside it feels like you could do anything. You step up to the ledge and wonder if you could fly away. Or if it would feel better to just fall, down and down, hitting the pavement and knowing somewhere inside you that there would be no more pain, no more waking up to a drunken father. No more being slapped by your abusive mother. You wonder, but you can't manage to take the risk.

They say killing is a sin. Killing others or yourself. You can't make yourself step over and see what's on the other side. So, as the door opens, you throw yourself away from the ledge, remembering suddenly your fear of heights.

You're off balance now and you trip into someone's arms. Then you're being whirled around to see Carlos, gripping your arms like he's afraid you'll disappear.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he asks and you try to explain that you weren't going to do anything but he's already speaking again.

"Don't you think about it" he says and his grip is tighter as he shakes you.

"Carlos, owe"

"Don't even consider it" he yells, then his voice is softer and his grip relaxes.

"Don't. Please don't leave." And you have a feeling this all comes from more than just brotherly affection. You smile at him.

"I won't. I'm not going anywhere." He hides his face in your neck as he hugs you tight. As you stand there you think you here him whisper something.

"Hm?" you ask. He steps away as he looks at you and shakes his head. He walks away from you, pacing back and forth under your curious gaze.

He looks back at you and sighs, crossing the space between you in only a few steps. You stare at him and he must have seen the question in your eyes because he explains.

"I don't have the strength or willpower to stay away from you anymore, so if you're interested, I'd like to take you out to dinner tonight."

"I would love to" you say "But I don't think my parents are letting me go anywhere for a while."
He grins, saying, "Maybe, but James sent them home. He wants you to come live with him."

You stare. "Are you serious?" he nods and you hug him before stepping back just enough to look him in the eye.

"But won't I get in the way?" you ask.

He and Logan were planning on getting an apartment anyway, and they agree that they would rather have you crashing some of their alone time than living with abusive parents." You pull away again and see concern in his eyes. Again, you don't have to say anything for him to know what you want to say.

"We talked to Mrs. Knight" you nod and let it go for now, content to stay in his arms until James comes to find you.