I Would Have Loved You Anyway

Chapter: 2

Pairing: Mary/Lou

Rating: PG

It had been about a month since Mary had moved out and into a furnished apartment across town. The apartment had a rather cold feeling to it. It was bare and undecorated for the most part. When she moved in she never bothered to add any personal touches. After all she hadn't planned on staying all that long. A month seemed like a lifetime. His words echoed in her head. And more often that she liked to admit.

"You don't have to do this." he told her. "You don't have to leave."

She and Lou were suppose to be working on their problems but so far the only thing were managing to do was avoid each other. And at this point they were both fearing the absolute worst even though no one would dare say it. Not even their family and friends.

They had met for lunch once, but instead of really talking to each other they talked about the things that were going on around them. The last three months of their marriage had been either long silences or loud battles. They were to the point where they would just argue to argue because anger was the only emotion they could display easily. And they had to do something to release their feelings.

The moment that John had kissed her she was finally able to admit that her marriage was in serious trouble. It wasn't so much the kiss as it was the thought that being with someone other than Lou actually crossed her mind however fleeting the thought was. And it scared the hell out of her. That evening she went home to Lou and basically broke down. That weekend she moved out of their house.

Mary was in tears when she entered their house. After the initial shock of John kissing her wore off she realized that the entire ordeal was probably her fault. She knew John well enough and he wouldn't have kissed her if he didn't think she was interested in him. And she wasn't interested in him. But maybe, just maybe, she was interested in the attention he was willing to offer her. She immediately found Lou and told him what happened.

"What do you mean he kissed you?"

Telling him was the right thing to do. "He kissed me." she repeated. "We were sitting on the sofa in my office going over the production schedule and he leaned in and kissed me."

"The nerve of some people." he mumbled. "He knows you're married."

"And that's not even the worst part, Lou."

Oh, God, he thought, there's more. "What happened?"

"Well I...I." she was struggling. "I kissed him back."

"Generally that's a natural response." he said. "Did something else happen? Did you try something with you?"

"No." she was starting to cry. "I practically threw him out of my office."

Lou nodded. "Good." he breathed out. "Do you want me to talk to him?"

"No." she replied, still crying.

"Then what's wrong?"

"I, uh, God, this is so hard..." she trailed off. "I kind of enjoyed the kiss."

Lou didn't know what to say. He didn't even know what he was feeling at the moment. Confusion clouded his brain. "What are you trying to say, Mary?"

"I don't know." she replied, honestly. "I just know that things aren't the same between us. And they haven't been for a while now."

"I know they haven't." he said. "So what do you want to do? You wanna talk about things? You want to see a counselor?"

Mary was silent for several long moments. "I think I just need some time." she told him. "I think I need to be alone for a while."

"What does that mean?"

"I'm going to move out, Lou." she said. "Just until I can sort things out."

He just shook his head. "Must have been one hell of a kiss."

Mary nodded. "He kissed me the way you should." said, softly. "The way you use to. And it made me realize just how bad things are. Our marriage isn't what it should be, it isn't what either of us deserve. Something that should have brought us closer together only pushed us apart. And it's my fault, I know it is. I'm just asking you for some time to sort out my feelings."

"Take as much time as you need." he said, turning his bak to leave the room. "Just don't expect to walk through that door as easily as you're going to walk out."

There was a knock at the door and Mary crossed the room to open it. Rhoda was standing on the other side with her infant son in a baby carriage. "Sorry we're early, Mare." she pushed the carriage into the livingroom. "I have a million things to do today at the store and I thought I would get an earlier start."

"It's perfectly alright." she closed the door. "I need to get some groceries and then I thought Richie and I would go to the park."

She sat the diaper bag down on the coffee table. "Sounds like fun." she smiled. "I can't thank you enough for watching him on such short notice. With David being out of town and Hemple's under construction everything has been crazy."

Mary lifted the cubby, dark haired, five month old out of the carriage. "No worries." she said, kissing his round, puffy cheek. "We're going to have a great time, aren't we sweetheart?" Richie cooed at the attention his Aunt Mary lavished him with.

Rhoda smiled at the two of them."I'll be back as soon as I can, but don't count on anything before five o'clock." she told her. "Maybe we can have some lunch this afternoon." she suggested. "It'll give us a chance to talk."

She knew what Rhoda meant. And as much as she didn't really want to she knew that she had to. Dancing around the topic of her separation wasn't going to get her anywhere. "Okay." she agreed. "We do need to catch up."

"You've been working too much." she said. "I feel like I never see you anymore. You should slow down and take some time for yourself."

"We've just been busy." she replied. "Channel six is a much biggest station."

"I know, but I feel like you're throwing yourself into your work." she told her. "And I don't like not having my best friend around. It almost feels like I'm still in New York."

"We'll have lunch this afternoon and catch up, I promise. Richie and I will come by and pick you up around noon." Mary told her. "I really do need you, Rhoda. I just haven't wanted to deal with everything."

"I know, kid." she said, softly. "The sooner you do though the better you'll feel."

The morning went by rather quickly. Mary and Richie ran a few errands and then made their way across town to the park. It was early May and the weather was absolutely perfect. Not too cold, not too hot. And lots of bright sunshine. She pushed the carriage along the greenway for awhile. She needed some time to sort out her thoughts, to really think things out. Something she had been avoiding.

When Richie started to get a little fussy they headed for the swings. Mary lifted the baby out of the carriage and placed him in the infant swing. It was then that she heard a familiar little voice, one that was getting louder and louder as he approached her. "Hi, Mary." five year old Billy smiled.

Mary smiled back at the little blonde headed boy. "Hi, Billy." she gave Richie a slight push. "Are you here with mommy?"

"No, granddaddy." he said. "Mommy and daddy took my sisters to a birthday party. One filled with girls."

"Icky girls, huh?" she smiled.

"Uh huh." he made a face. "Very icky!"

Mary gave the swing another small push. "Where is granddaddy?"

Billy looked around until he spotted Lou on the bench. "He's over there." he told her. "He's tired from my tee ball practice."

"Sounds like you've had a busy morning."

"Very busy." he said. "Where's Aunt Rhoda?"

"She had to work." she replied. "So I agreed to watch Richie."

Billy looked over at the baby. "Can I play with him?"

"Sure." Mary stopped the swing and lifted the baby out. "We'll go sit down on the bench."

Mary placed Richie back in this carriage and the made their way over to where Lou was sitting. He looked a little rough around the edges, a five o'clock shadow covered his face, and he had this sadness about him. A sadness that even playing with Billy didn't even seem to take away. In fact she wasn't entirely sure he saw her approach. "Lou?"

He looked up from under his ball cap. "Hi, Mary." he gave her the best smile he could, but it was weak at best. "Fancy meeting you here."

"Billy spotted us." she took Richie out of his carriage and sat down next to him, placing the baby in her lap. "He wanted to play with Richie."

Lou looked at the baby and smiled. Truly smiled this time. And for a brief moment he thought about the baby he and Mary had lost. He wondered if she ever thought about it too, especially when she was with Richie. "Cute little guy." he said. "Be gentle with him, Billy."

Billy was sitting on the other side of Mary, occupying the baby with some toys from his carriage. "I am."

Mary felt like her heart was sinking in her chest. There was so much she wanted to say, so much she needed to say. It was apparent now more than ever. She wasn't the only one hurting and she could see that now. They needed to be alone. And they needed to take things one step at a time. "Do you have plans for dinner?"

"No." he replied, glancing down at his watch. "I have to take Billy home around four and I thought I would stop Mac's and grab a quick bite."

"Why don't you come over to my...to the apartment and have dinner with me." she suggested. "I have Richie until about five."

"I'd like that."

"Really?" she asked. "You'll really come?"

"Yeah, of course." he said. "Around six?"

Mary nodded. "Six would be great."

tbc...