Warning: Somewhat graphic scene of self-mutilation; mention of gay masturbation (but if you're reading this, that probably doesn't bother you).
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters mentioned in this story (so far). Yours to Hold is (c) to Skillet and Alive With the Glory of Love is (c) to Say Anything. However, I do own both on my iPod! ;D
To say that my shift at Cid's was a long one is a severe understatement. Once Demyx walked in, the walls I'd been building back up crumbled into a heap of debris once more. I felt the tears threatening to come back at that point, and I'm sure he could see it clear as day in my face. So he came over behind the counter and hugged me, just letting me cry as much as I had to. He got up, and for a minute, I thought he was going to leave, since he headed in the general direction of the door.
I looked up, confused when he came back over.
"Flipping the sign to the 'closed' side so we don't have any interruptions," he explained, sympathy oozing in his voice.
I noticed he also held two bottles of soda. Cherry Coke Zero (my favorite) and Mountain Dew for him. He put a couple munny on the counter, to pay for the drinks and handed me mine. Grateful to have such an awesome best friend, I opened my drink and took a swig.
We sat in silence for a few minutes, and I sighed.
"Roxas and I broke up…" I said under my breath. But it must have been loud enough for Demyx, because he reached an arm over my shoulders and pulled me into a bro-hug.
"God, Axel, I'm so sorry. Can I ask why?" he inquired.
"School."
"Ohh. Yea, you guys were fighting about that a lot, weren't you?" I nodded my head against his shoulder. "As much as that sucks, I think you guys needed a little space. And whatever you need, I'm here for you, Ax," he spoke, laying his head on mine.
After that, I must have fallen asleep, because I woke up in complete blackness, with my head in Demyx's lap. He was still leaning against the counter. His head is leaned back slightly, and I can tell his mouth is hanging open by the loud snore that tears itself from his throat. I think he just woke himself up, because now he's trying to stretch without disturbing me.
He sighs heavily, and starts running his dexterous fingers through my hair.
"Oh, Axel… I know you love Roxas, but I hope you can give me a chance now…"
Wait, what? Am I dreaming? I have to be dreaming, because this is my best friend… My best friend who's been dropping hints since Roxas started hanging out with us. God, I'm so blind. How could I not see that he's liked me for three fucking years! I'm an idiot! Granted, my idiocy led me to the best relationship I've ever been in, but still…
I take this moment to nuzzle my face into his lap some more, and he stiffens below me. I hear a sharp intake of breath as he does this, and that confirms what I thought I'd heard. Before I can stifle it, a yawn escapes my mouth, and I act like I just woke up.
"G'morning, Dem," I say, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. When I sit up, I feel a pain in my side, probably from sleeping on the floor of a convenience store for however long I did.
"Mornin' Axel," he replies, grinning like the goofball he is. I do note, however, that there's a slight blush on his cheeks. That's probably why he's grinning like that. It's always been what he does, for all our lives. Any time something embarrassing to him would happen, he'd just blush and grin. Like the time when we were eight and he mistook me for Reno. But that's beside the point.
Standing up, I look at the time on the register. It's a quarter to six. That means Seifer will be in soon. I nudge Demyx with my foot, in an attempt to get him up off the floor.
"What? Time to get up?" he says in a smart-ass-y voice.
"Yes, Dem, time to get up. Seifer's gonna be here in a few minutes for his shift. I want to clean a little bit up so it doesn't look like I slacked all night."
He huffs, but gets up to help. Within a few minutes, we've got the place mopped, shelves straightened, and lights back on. And just in time too, because as soon as we get everything done, Seifer walks in the door. He's a bit frightening in the mornings, which is why I wanted to look like I had done something in the ten hours I was "working."
"Why is the sign flipped to say we're closed?" he glares at us.
I cringe internally, and Demyx looks like he's about to wet himself. Clocking out, I grab Demyx's hand and run, pulling us out the door, as fast as I can, shouting to Seifer, "No reason!"
I drag us through the park, back to my apartment. We take a minute to catch our breath before I unlock the door and let us inside. I fix us both a glass of water and he gulps it down greedily. I sip mine before following his example.
Leaving the cup on the counter, I say, "I feel kind of gross after sleeping on that floor all night, so I'm gonna grab a shower. Feel free to make yourself at home."
"Will do!" Demyx responds, flopping down on my couch and turning on some crime show.
I walk quickly to my room, wanting to get out of my dirty clothes as fast as I possibly can. After shedding the material, I grab a clean pair of boxer briefs and some skinny jeans.
The hot water hits me, and feels like Heaven against my skin. I hang my head backwards under the stream, letting it soak my hair. I can feel my muscles relaxing, the knots and cramps leaving me. I stand there for another minute before I grab my shampoo. Roxas got me started on it, and I've been addicted ever since. Axe Fever. It's got some kind of Brazilian hot mud infusion with red dragon fruit, but he only ever described it as being "me." In fact, he even told me once, "If it's got the words 'hot' and 'red' in the ingredients, it's you."
I pour a generous amount in my hand and start lathering my hair, feeling the cleanliness already. My eyes close, and I'm in a state of bliss. I rinse the suds from my hair and grab my sponge. Using the body wash that came with my shampoo, I scrub myself almost raw, because who knows what kind of shit is on the floor of Cid's? I certainly don't, and I don't want to take any chances.
When I've decided I'm as clean as I can get, I shut the water off, ringing the excess water from my hair. Grabbing my towel, I wrap it around my waist. I set about drying my hair, loving the way it feels against my shoulders. I dry myself off and slip on my boxer briefs and skinny jeans, deciding for the moment to not worry about a shirt.
I find Demyx more or less as a zombie on my couch, eyes glazed over, more than likely brain-dead. I wave a hand in front of his face and I'm met with no response. Go figure. I pop a finger into my mouth for just a second and shove it in his ear. It's super effective. He jumps about a foot in the air and shrieks.
"Oh, Axel! Ick! That's so gross!" He's taken the hem of his Hellogoodbye shirt and wrapped it around his finger, trying to use it to dry his ear. I'm content, just standing there laughing.
"What can I say, Dem, I had to make sure you weren't a zombie. You sure looked like one."
"Yea, well, when you're trying to sleep sitting up with your butt going numb and about ten pounds of dead weight in your lap, you tend to not sleep very well."
Before I can respond, his stomach growls. Loudly.
"Haha! Hungry much?" I make fun of him.
Scratching his head, embarrassed, he says, "Yea… I kind of skipped dinner last night."
"Oh… Was it because you came in and saw me?"
"No, of course not! I just wasn't hungry is all. I promise!" he tries to reassure me.
"Okay… In any case, I want to say thanks, for staying with me all night. I don't know many people that would do that, and it means a lot to me. So anything you want to eat is on me today," I explain to him.
"Axel, you don't have to thank me for being a friend. It's what I'm here for. It's what I'll always be here for. Best friends forever, right?" he laughs, bringing up the promise we made when we were younger.
"Forever," I agree. "Now let's get some breakfast."
After I put on a random band shirt and my beat up pair of red Chuck Taylors, we walk to the diner a couple blocks from my apartment; because even though the food is greasy and the service is kind of lousy, it's still the best breakfast either of us has ever had.
We both order pancakes, eggs, bacon, biscuits and gravy, and hash browns. So sue us, we eat a lot. The dishes come two at a time, and soon enough, the whole table is filled. Demyx digs right in, his stomach making itself known again. I feel something wet hit my hand, and I wonder if there's a leak in the ceiling. When I look up from my lap, Demyx stops shoveling food in his mouth, a concerned expression painted on his face.
"Ax, are you okay?" He looks really worried.
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"You're crying."
Oh. I reach a hand up to my face, feeling the tears flowing freely. Damn it. Why in public? Why can't my heart break in the privacy of my own home? I choke down a sob, desperate not to let it escape. Demyx joins me on my side of the booth and just embraces me. This is happening too much for my liking. At least there's no one else in here.
Within a couple minutes, I calm myself down enough to stop crying and eat a few bites of my food. Demyx stays on my side of the booth. We eat in relative silence, neither of us very hungry any more. Despite Demyx's protests, I still pay for the meal, and we head back to my apartment.
"Dem, I think I need to lie down for a while; but… Would you stay over? I don't know if I can handle being by myself right now."
"Yea, of course. Whatever you need," he says, softly.
Heading towards my room, I know I need to get this pain out. I shut the door and sit down on the side of my bed. Even though Roxas helped me stop cutting, I still kept the razor blades. I pull out the drawer of my nightstand, seeing the silver glint in what little light there is in the room. I pick one up, and it's cool against my skin.
With a practiced ease, I slide the blade across my wrist, adding a little bit of pressure. Blood rises to the surface immediately, and makes me focus on the stinging pain I feel from going across old scars, effectively taking my mind off my broken heart. I watch the blood flow, watch it fall from my wrist and drip onto the carpet. Good thing it's black.
When it starts to congeal slightly in my wound, I add another line below it, letting the new blood mix with the old. Suddenly it's not enough. My mind shuts off while my right hand mechanically slices my wrist and arm, again and again. I don't even hear Demyx screaming at me to stop until he's next to me. I come out of my stupor to see my arm slashed and blood pouring from the innumerable cuts.
Demyx rushes to my bathroom to grab a towel and wraps it around my arm, trying to make a tourniquet. I'm scared now, because I've never had to cut that much in my life. At least, not all at once. I can't even speak. My fingers have gone cold and I'm very much afraid that I've gone too far. God, I didn't mean to!
I look at Demyx, my eyes wide with panic, and that's when I notice how bad I've scared him. He's pale, and sweaty, and freaking out. He's almost to the point of hyperventilating and I can see tears of his own threatening to spill out of his aquamarine eyes. He pulls the towel away from my arm enough to see that the bleeding has stopped. Dropping the towel, he pulls me, wordlessly, from my bed and into the bathroom.
He starts the water in the sink and grabs a washcloth from the cabinet below, getting it wet and soapy. Silently, I offer up my arm, which he wipes clean, being gentle so as not to open the cuts again. I'm stunned to see just how much damage I've done. From the middle of my forearm to my wrist, there's not one spot of skin that hasn't been sliced apart by the razor. Many of the wounds cross over each other, criss-crossing in a gruesome pattern of red.
After looking for a moment, Demyx gets out my first-aid supplies from under the sink. He pulls out the roll of gauze and wraps my arm until we can no longer see any skin through it. He uses some medical tape to bind it and finds a self-adhering bandage to put over it.
That's when he looks me in the eye.
"You. Fucking. Idiot." I hear the pain in his voice, and the guilt strikes me deep. "Do you even realize how shit-out-of-luck you would have been if I hadn't been able to stay? Do you realize that you could have died? God, Axel, you told me that you'd stopped! You promised me that you wouldn't cut anymore! You fucking promised!" He's practically shouting now, and I'm so ashamed that I just shrink back, until my back hits the wall.
"What would I have done if you'd died, Axel? Huh?" he whispers, the tears finally spilling down his cheeks. "Do you know how much that would have affected me? Or Reno? Or Roxas, for God's sake? You're going through so much, but I know that I could be the one to hold you…" he trails off, and pins me against the wall. My head just hangs in shame and he lifts it to make me look at him.
In the next moment, he's kissing me, his lips warm against mine. His arms wrap around my waist, and I relish in the feeling of being held like this by my best friend. He pulls away from me and rests his forehead against mine.
"Do you know… How long… I've been wanting to do that?"
That day started my unofficial relationship with Demyx. That was also a month ago. He's been living with me ever since "the incident" and has been keeping a watchful eye on me.
My cuts have almost healed completely, leaving slightly raised scars on my arm. I've started wearing arm-warmers to hide them, since a wristband will no longer do the trick. I've also been a lot more impulsive since then, and decided one day to get my lip pierced.
Dem was a little shocked when I came home with a lip ring, but he came around rather quickly.
"Hey, Axel. Come here for a minute," Demyx calls to me from the kitchen. It's been a month and a half since "the incident." Dem's taken up being a chef for us, after he discovered his love of cooking. And he's pretty good, too. So I figure this is probably just another 'will you taste this and tell me how it is' moments.
When I walk in the kitchen, he's got the sad excuse for a kitchen table set with a few tea light candles that smell vaguely like the ocean, and two place settings. Then I catch the scent of garlic, and lemon, along with several spices and something distinctly fishy. Demyx is serving some kind of pasta with shrimp. Oh. Shrimp scampi. My mouth is absolutely watering.
"That smells so good, Dem," I say, almost drooling.
"Well, come eat then. I didn't make it so you could stand there salivating all over yourself. I made it for you to enjoy," he chuckles, an amused smile on his face. He carries both of our bowls to join the candles and garlic bread on the table. Once he sits down, my body finally regains movement and allows me to do the same.
Upon taking my first bite, I decide that I've died and gone to Heaven. And I'm guessing my face shows what I'm feeling, because Demyx is trying his hardest not to laugh at me.
After several more orgasms in my mouth, he's fully giggling. When he finally stops laughing, he pulls his chair over to sit beside mine, a light blush barely visible on his tanned skin.
"I was wanting to know something, Ax," he says in a slightly breathy voice.
"And what would that be, Dem?" I match his tone, his aquamarine eyes looking into my acidic green ones.
"Would you… would you be my boyfriend?" his blush becomes more noticeable, and I can't help thinking it's cute.
In response, I lean towards him, cupping his face in my hand. I press my lips swiftly to his and immediately let my tongue do the work. I lick his bottom lip, asking for entrance and he grants it soon after. Kissing Demyx is not like kissing Roxas. Where Roxas would submit and let me dominate, Demyx fights back to take control of the kiss. Our tongues meet in the middle, both of us fighting for domination. He pulls my tongue into his mouth, creating suction in our mixed breath. When he lets my muscle go, he takes it a step further, biting down on my bottom lip and moving to my lip ring. He gives it a slight tug with his teeth before pulling away.
After Demyx and I became official, I did something impulsive again. I went and got a tattoo. Actually, I got two. They're dark purple tear-drop shaped triangles below my eyes, so hopefully I won't have to do any more crying.
It's now late July, and I realize that Roxas will be leaving to move into his dorm, or apartment, or whatever the hell it is he's getting to live in. That'll give him roughly a month to get settled before school starts up at RGU.
I throw a mild temper tantrum while Demyx is in town.
"Happy Thanksgiving, Axel," Demyx says sweetly to me, passing some gravy my way. We're at some friend of Demyx's house. I think he said the guy's name was Zexion, but I'm not totally sure.
"Happy Thanksgiving to you too, love." I smile back at him.
Very briefly, I wonder if Roxas is back in town, for Thanksgiving with his parents, and I mentally slap myself.
When the snow storm hits Twilight Town, I cringe. I've always hated any weather that gets me wet. But Demyx loves it, so of course he manages to drag me outside in two feet of snow to build a snowman in the park. We spend a good portion of the afternoon not getting much accomplished because Demyx keeps trying to shove snow down my pants.
But I laugh it off and tackle him into a drift that's waist-high. After a minor make-out session, we return to the apartment, deciding a couch or a bed would be more comfortable and less freezing. Before we can continue though, we need to warm up, so I draw a hot bath for us in the jacuzzi style tub. It's in this bath that I learn there's no better feeling than having the warmth return to your extremities while they're fisted in someone's hair and that someone is jerking you off below the water.
Two weeks later, we put up the Christmas tree that I haven't touched since I've lived in my apartment. Decorating it takes a couple hours since we didn't know what kind of color scheme to go with. Eventually we decide on teal and green, and before you can say, "Did you get that from your eyes?" we've got the lights on and every empty space filled with some kind of decoration or ornament. It makes me wonder why I've never put up the tree before now.
Once we're done, I fix us both some hot chocolate, with extra marshmallows. If only my apartment had a fireplace… That's the only thing that could possibly make this moment even more perfect; because at the moment, we're cuddling on the couch, under a blanket, sipping our hot chocolate, and enjoying each other's presence while we admire our work.
I toss a present to Demyx, hoping he can catch it before it hits his face. It may be small, but it's kind of heavy. Luckily, his hand-eye coordination works today, and he manages to catch it. I've slowly been amassing a collection of guitar picks for him, since most of my munny goes towards paying my bills.
"Holy crap. What's in here, Ax?"
"Why don't you open it and find out, you dork."
He tears the paper off of the small box and gasps when he sees the varying picks inside. I know it isn't much, but he loves his sitar and his guitar, so I know it'll make him happy.
"Thank you so much, Axel," he says, voice absolutely soaked with affection. "Here, this one's for you." He hands me a small silver bag.
I pull out the tissue paper and see what looks to be a necklace box inside the bag. When I lift the lid, I'm more than a little stunned to see a razor blade on a chain. Then I realize it's just a decorative one, and even has a heart cut out of the middle.
"I know it's kind of ironic, but I figured with how we got together, it'd make sense, and oh God, you're upset aren't you? You hate it, don't you? I should have realized-" I put a finger to his lips, shushing him mid-sentence.
"I love it," I tell him.
"Really?" Who knew he could doubt himself so easily?
"Really. Now shut up and kiss me."
After New Year's Eve was over, I swore I'd never drink again. I've never been so hungover in my life. At least, I don't think I have. And I certainly don't remember getting a tongue piercing. Oh well.
We're almost into February now… It's been six months since Roxas left for school. This is the first time since Thanksgiving that I've allowed myself to even think about him. I know that if I do think about him, it's just going to make me remember all the heartache I caused myself seven months ago.
I know I really can't complain, even mentally, because as I said, I caused all the pain. I was the one who broke things off. I was the one who was too worried about munny to realize I had the best thing to ever happen to me. I was the one who was too egotistical to ask his parents for help even though they'd probably be more than willing to help me out if it meant that it made Roxas happy.
For once, I'm grateful that Demyx is in the other room, because he hates seeing me mope around at night when he realizes I'm still not over Roxas.
No, I won't let them take you, won't let them take you, hell no no… My phone goes off, startling me out of my thoughts. I don't recognize the number when I look at the screen.
"Hello?"
"…Axel?" the familiar voice says, barely audible.
My eyes go wide when I realize who it is.
"Roxas!"
A/N: Hey guys, I'm so sorry I was as late with this as I was! I really have no excuse, except that homework overwhelmed me and I had mild writer's block while trying to write this part.
Anyways, again, thank you to RabiesIsContagious for helping me out with this. You give me so much feedback when I'm writing, and I love you! -hug-
As always, leave a review. Let me know what you think, now that I've decided to expand this from a two-shot to a three-shot.