Dean woke up the next morning, trying to remember if the night before had been a dream. He turned in his bed to see that he was only one still in the room on this lazy Saturday. His eyes wandered to Seamus's bed, and he couldn't help but smile remembering how good it felt to hear the silly little Irish boy say the magic three words to him.
Filled with euphoria, Dean quickly dressed and ran down to the common room, which consisted of Neville, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Seamus.
"Hey Shay." Dean smiled. But he wasn't expecting Seamus to shoot him a mix of a confused and disgusted look and then turn back to the card game he was playing with Ron. He thought for a moment, did Seamus and him really kiss last night? Did they exchange 'I love you's? Yes, it was real, he knew it was.
An even harder reality hit him when he realized why Seamus reacted like he did to the too friendly greeting he just recieved, he didn't want to people to know. Dean stood for a few moments as he went over everything in his head. Seamus glanced up when no one was looking, and their eyes met. His sympathetic blue eyes met the brown, trying to form a silent apology.
Dean ran back up the stairs, plopped down on his bed and began to draw. He knew Seamus would be back up shortly to apologize to him. He wasn't sure whether he'd accept it or not. He thought the confession and the kiss meant they would be together, boyfriends. He thought it meant he could hold Seamus's hand in the halls and buy him drinks when they went to Hogsmeade. But all of Dean's simple desire's were crushed with that one look.
Just as Dean predicated, Seamus stepped in the room, quickly shutting and locking the door behind him. The sketch pad was set aside as the dark boy curiously looked over at him, admiring every little part of him. From his ocean eyes right down to every little freckle on his nose.
Seamus kept his face agaisnt the door as he spoke. "I'm sorry. I just don't want people to know. I saw what happened when you came out, and well...I can't handle that. You're stronger than me." He muttered.
"So what? You're just gonna tell me that you love me and act like it meant nothing?" Dean asked, furoius as he flew up. The Irish boy kept his face pressed agaisnt the door to hide his emotions.
"I didn't say that. It meant...everything."
"If I mean so much to you than you shouldn't care what other people think." He had waited years to finally share mutual feelings with Seamus, and he finally did, but nothing would come of it. It angered him that he couldn't have what he wanted after waiting for years.
"It doesn't mean we can love each other in private." He turned around, suddenly wanting to kiss Dean.
"No." Dean said after a moment, storming past the significantly shorter boy. "No, I will not do this stupid seceret realtionship thing. Why are you ashamed of me?" He added the last sentance with his hand on the door knob.
"I'm not ashamed of you. I'm ashamed of your gender." Seamus couldn't bear to look Dean in the eye, so he kept his eyes fixed on a spot on the floor.
"Honestly, Seamus. Last night you told me how much it hurt that I wasn't with you. And now-" But Dean was cut off.
"No!" He looked up. "I want to be with you! So much. I just don't-"
"Want people to know. Yeah, I get it. Bye Shay." Dean finished as he left the room. Seamus stood in the same spot for a good minute after Dean walked out. He managed to get to his bed before silently breaking down. He loved Dean, he really did. But could he lose all his friends for him? Would he lose the repsect and love of his parents for him? Would he become an outcast and be secretly hated by everyone for him? Seamus wondered to himself why he was even a Gryffindor if he was such a coward.
Dean sat silently in an arm chair, thinking to himself. Would being in a secret realtionship be so bad? Yeah, it would. He reminded himself. He wouldn't deal with that again, not like he did with Blaise last year. The constant worry of being caught is what initiatally drove them apart, and he feared that would happen with him and Seamus. Deep down, he knew it would best to eitheir be in a public realtionship or just not one at all.
If we were public, we could deal with everything together. Seamus told himself. No, Dean can't help me when it comes to my parents. He can't stop them. He plunged back down into his pain, the same feeling when Dean would give him the daily reminder of not caring for him. The hurt feeling.