Bureaucracy
Note: this bit of nonsense takes place after the 2007 Transformers movie, which shows Lennox's title as "captain".
Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers, which is probably good, since I don't have any energon for them. I wonder if they'd eat cookies…
Warning: There is some mild seeming "Canada bashing" in this fic… but it's all done in jest. Any flames on this point will be used to melt the cheese on my poutine. *grins* (I'm Canadian, I'm allowed to make fun. *wink*)
Captain William Lennox strode purposefully down the hallway of the army base, running an agitated hand through his short, brown hair. Bureaucrats, he thought with an aggravated huff. The solider was still seething after his hour-long video conference with the Secretary of Defence and other in-the-know suits from Washington regarding a 'problem' that had suddenly popped up concerning their Autobot allies and guests.
"Huh… problem," he snorted dismissively. This 'problem' had been an almost non-issue just a few short weeks ago and now, because some ignorant senator had gotten his shorts in a twist, the incident had come back to bite Lennox in the ass. The brisk walk was doing nothing to calm him, especially given his destination and mission. He paused, took in a deep, calming breath and rotated his tense shoulders. Everyone was aware of the nature of his video conference, everyone was nervous about what this may mean for them, and everyone was anxiously awaiting his return so that he could break the news to him. And they had all been certain the news would not be good. Oh, well… things could be worse…
"This is stupid," Lennox muttered to himself as he squared his shoulders and continued on his way. "Absolutely stupid." He shook his head, trying not to let his temper flare. Letting everyone see him this upset would not help matters at all. "Just freakin' ridiculous." He stopped again, sighed and let his shoulders slump. "They are going to be pissed off…"
In the oversized hangar the Autobots now called home, Optimus Prime stood stoically silent in a far corner, physically distancing himself from his allies and friends. Everyone tried to act normally, but respectfully allowed their leader his space so that he could take time to gather his thoughts, assess the situation, try to foresee possible outcomes. At the moment, Prime was observing his soldiers, trying to gauge their moods and how they may react to what news Captain Lennox brought back. The bonds between Autobots and their human allies were just being forged; they were still at that stage of establishing trust, of developing mutual understanding. A fragile time, and any upset in that new relationship could do irreparable damage. If such an upset would occur, and from which side it would originate, may very well be determined today…
He watched as his old friend Ratchet puttered around, surveying their new (perhaps temporary) home and taking stock of what equipment was needed, what changes to be made in order to create as acceptable a medical bay as was possible on this foreign planet. Prime smiled inwardly, remembering countless occasions on which he had witnessed his medical officer planning out medical requirements before a battle. Optimus had long suspected that this wasn't merely done as part of his medic's thorough nature, but also as a way of dealing with nervousness before a confrontation.
Ironhide sat off to one side as he inspected his arms… checking the servos and gears as he extended and retracted his cannons, running diagnostics to confirm that the timing was up to his high standards, that the transition from normal mode to battle-readiness was smooth, almost flawlessly executed. The old mech, absorbed in his task, ignored the humans as they milled about making changes to accommodate their visitors… he was completely unaware of the intrigued, sometimes concerned, looks they sent his way.
The Prime watched and noted their reactions for future consideration. He realised that Ironhide must seem an imposing, almost menacing, sight to them now, what with the way he continuously, almost obsessively, focused on his weapons. Optimus hoped that, in time, the humans would come to understand that it was just Ironhide's nature to be ready to protect and to fight. More troublesome to Prime was the humans' fascination with the Autobots' weapons. He knew that someday, probably very soon, the American government would start asking about those weapons, hoping to use the advanced Cybertronian technology to their own advantage. Optimus had already decided that he would not yield on that point: the humans would not have access to their technology. Not only would it give one country an immense advantage over the rest of the world, but he feared that the misuse of their weapons by humans could have disastrous consequences.
Finally, he shifted his gaze to the youngest of their group. Bumblebee was by far the easiest to read… even the humans could sense the nervous tension radiating off the young Autobot. Unfortunately, the sympathetic looks they sent him did nothing to help the young scout feel any better. While he usually stayed with Sam to fulfill his continuing role as guardian, Bumblebee had been brought to the base temporarily while this situation played out. Sam had been very obliging to their request; he always was. The young human had once gone so far as to offer to buy another car so that Bumblebee could stay with the Autobots on base at all times, but Optimus had assured him this would not be necessary. The Prime had noticed Sam's sorrow at the thought of losing his friend, even though he tried to conceal it, and Optimus had found the bond between the two to be very touching… and encouraging.
And now, the young scout sat alone, fidgeting slightly, drumming his fingers softly against a wooden crate. Earlier, his nerves had him pacing the room or wandering aimlessly within the confines of the barracks. It had been hours since Ratchet had snapped at him, telling the young mech that he needed to be careful around the humans and that he was distracting those who were trying to work. The medic had stopped just short of making the mistake of suggesting that Bumblebee go for a drive to ease his worries. That may not be a luxury any of them could indulge in later, and Optimus knew that Bumblebee still blamed himself for their current situation.
"Well," a voice announced as the bay doors opened. All eyes turned to Captain Lennox in anticipation, and Bumblebee nearly leapt up from his seat. "While that wasn't exactly pleasant, it could have been worse. I see there's no point in asking everyone to gather 'round and listen up…" he observed wryly. All activity in the room had stopped, the soldiers had automatically fallen into ranks and the Autobots had moved in behind them. Lennox once again tried to shrug the tension from his shoulders and breathed out a puff of air.
"As I'm sure many of you are aware," he commenced, "there was an… incident… involving a member of our team during a recon mission in Nevada three weeks ago." Although the Captain had purposely refrained from naming names, Bumblebee made an unhappy noise and slumped his shoulders. "A Decepticon scout had been discovered, we pursued and, unfortunately, the chase lead down some busy streets. Our actions had, indirectly, caused a motor vehicle accident." As Lennox stressed 'indirectly', Epps snorted and rolled his eyes.
"I was there, man, remember?" he chimed in. "And things were relatively under control, all things considered. There wouldn't have been an accident if that damned fool driver hadn't panicked and gone into the ditch. Sure, we were going fast, weaving in and out of traffic, but we had to or that 'Con would have gotten away. 'Bee was in control the whole time, he didn't even come close to hitting that car!"
Behind him, Ironhide muttered "Some humans just shouldn't drive…"
"Ironhide…" Prime warned.
"Well, I don't mean anyone here," he amended, raising his hands defensively. "Just some humans."
"Amen to that," Epps stated.
William rubbed his eyes, shrugged his shoulders again. "Look, I'm not trying to place blame here, neither are my superiors. We understand that this is necessary, that this happens sometimes, much like police chases happen sometimes. But, unlike the police, people can't know that we exist, we have no good way of warning people to get out of the way. And, in this case, the driver," he had to struggle not to say 'damned fool' as well, "happened to be a Senator."
Shoulders slumped, some of the soldiers groaned, Epps declared "Aw, hell, no…"
"Yeah… not good," the captain agreed. "And, while he wasn't injured, he was making a lot of noise about the entire thing. Now, luckily for us, he thinks the accident was just caused by some reckless kids joyriding, so now he's looking to pass laws to crack down on car thieves and reckless driving. Unfortunately, the senator's not privy to our special operations… nor will he ever be. Which is too bad, 'cause he would probably be a lot less angry if he understood that our actions were a matter of national security. But, given this incident…"
He paused, thinking of how to phrase this. No one was going to like this, Autobot and human alike, and he felt like an absolute moron for having to say it. It was a policy from higher up, and as their captain, Lennox had to stand in front of his men and try to break the news to them without flat out saying that he thought it was a damned stupid idea. With all eyes and opticals fixed on him, Captain William Lennox swallowed his pride and relayed the bureaucrats' decision.
"Given this incident, Washington has decided that the Autobots must remain here on base pending the results of a driver's licensing test." A disbelieved silence reigned for a few moments.
"You cannot be serious!" Ironhide growled menacingly. Bumblebee let out a disappointed groan and slumped even further. Ratchet snorted in disgust and muttered something that sounded like "absolutely ridiculous and insulting." Even the humans voiced their disapproval and rolled their eyes.
"Very well," Optimus intoned as he stepped forward, effectively silencing the dissent. "If that is what your government desires, we will respect their decision." Lennox looked up at him gratefully. "While we had familiarized ourselves with your driving rules before coming to your planet, we will all take this test. I presume that the driving guides we had studied are still valid?"
"Revised 2006 or 2005, depending on the state, and we have studied all 50 states," Ratchet informed them. "Surely, human driving laws could not have varied much in so short a time."
Lennox smiled at the medic's precision. "No, they haven't. And don't worry, you won't have to take the test for all 50 states. Just one will do, and they've decided it should be for the state of Nevada. According to Washington, if there ever becomes a need to establish a permanent Autobot presence on the mainland, a desert base in Nevada is the most logical choice."
"How long do we have to wait before we take this test?" Ironhide groused, his huge arms crossed over his chest. Despite his leader's assurance of Autobot cooperation, the weapons specialist was still being testy. Will really couldn't blame him, though.
"They'll have someone come in next week." More groans of protest. "That's pretty good, considering all the security clearance this person's going to need."
"Then we shall all take that time to review the driver's testing process for the state of Nevada," Prime assured the captain. "Better to be over-prepared than to risk failing and having further delays," he explained to his affronted troops. "If that is all, Captain…"
Lennox ran his hands through his hair. "Well, my superiors have informed me that the Autobots are still free to drive on the compound and the access roads leading to the storage areas. Basically, anywhere directly within the base's jurisdiction. So you won't be cooped up in here, and you'll have a place to practice… not that you'll need it," he added apologetically. Optimus nodded curtly and turned away, motioning that the others should carry on their business.
"'Hide, I'm going to head back to the soldiers' barracks. Did you want to come with me for a spin?" the captain offered. The tall, black mech snorted.
"Are you sure my knowledge of human driving laws is sufficient for this task?" he groused. Lennox signed and massaged his temples. It begins…
"Or I could take an army truck…" he offered. The old Autobot said nothing, but transformed into his vehicular mode, and swung the passenger side door open. The human smiled slightly as he took his seat. "Crotchety old man…" he murmured teasingly. The truck's engine just growled in response.
They drove for a few minutes in… well, not exactly companionable silence. William sighed. He needed to get this off his chest. "Look, 'Hide…" The truck slowed slightly, allowing them more time to talk before reaching the barracks. "I'm sorry… I know this whole thing seems absolutely stupid to you guys. Hell, I'll agree, it is absolutely stupid. I tried to talk them out of it, but the bureaucrats wouldn't budge. I have complete faith in you guys… everyone on base does. But these guys in Washington… they haven't worked with you, they don't know you like we do. And we trust you with our lives."
The truck was silent for a few moments, then the radio flicked on. "So you agree with us? Ratchet was right… it's insulting. How would they feel if we turned around and asked your president to take a test proving he knows how to walk properly?" William suppressed a snort of amusement at the thought. "And as much as I complain, I have to, grudgingly, admit that Optimus is right. We have to work with your government and respect their decisions… even the stupid ones. And even if Optimus weren't right about this… he is my leader, and I would follow his order all the same."
Lennox smiled, reflecting on how glad he was to be working with these unique soldiers. "Well, thank you for not making a big deal about it… this will all be over soon. You guys will kick butt on that test and we'll go back to hunting 'Cons."
"If I really had any spark-felt objections," Ironhide intoned, "I would just run away to Canada. Maybe they'd be more reasonable…"
The human snorted. "Well, then, I hope you like hockey and maple syrup, pal."
"Unfair… there's really much more to Canada than that. I hear it's nice this time of year…"
"I'm sure you would know all about that, traitor," Lennox muttered mutinously. Ironhide's amused rumble vibrated through the steering column and seats. "Hey, enough laughing, eyes on the road. My life is in your hands here…"