"If we keep moving at this pace, the horses are going to pass out before we reach other city."
Annoyed, Richard looked over his shoulder at the blonde, who rode closely behind him and then slowed his horse to a fast walk. "I need to find her."
"She may not even be alive. You could be looking for a ghost."
Shaking his head, he brushed his fingers through his hair and sighed as he looked back ahead of them. "I don't know what else to do. Cara she is the only one who would have enough power to heal Kahlan. If I can't find her, if I can't undo what I've done, I- I don't know what to do."
"Some things you cannot fix." She was riding beside him now, hoping that he would understand how foolish it was for him to believe that he could change anything.
"No, but if this is one of them, I will die trying." He looked over to her, meeting her eyes for a moment. "I took away something very important and not only from Kahlan, but everyone. The last of the Confessors die with her. I have taken away a part of her life. I cannot sit by and watch- She isn't even trying to fight it, Cara. She's accepted that this is the way that it is and she- She sent for Ren. Cara, she wants a child so badly that she doesn't care if it's hers. She took my advice and sent for Ren. How could I have suggested something like that, when I knew how badly it hurt her?"
She didn't know what to say. She kept thinking that they should go back, that he should be with her, but it was not her place. He had ordered her to go with him and that is what she was going to do. "Maybe he will be enough," she offered quietly, feeling like she was supposed to make him feel better. "She wants a child, he will be the child."
"But he won't be ours and I know Kahlan. She will try so hard to make this all right that it will kill her. I have to fix this."
"Maybe you don't need to fix it. She may not want you to get her hopes up and then not be able to..." Her words trailed off as he looked over to her. There was no need for her to continue. He knew.
"I have to try."
Kahlan walked quietly through the halls, her mind racing with the news that Ren would be arriving before midday. Zedd hadn't left her side since Richard has left four days ago and his constant presence was starting to make her feel uneasy. She could feel him now, walking behind her in case she suddenly changed her mind and wanted to talk. She hadn't spoken about it to anyone other than the High Council and he seemed to think that she needed to. She couldn't disagree more.
Each time she talked with the members of the council, they made her feel more worthless than before and she didn't want to feel that way with him. Kahlan walked into kitchen and took a deep breath as a smile came to her lips at the smell. It was Ren's favorite. She hoped that it would help him want to stay with them. She had personally seen to everything for him, thrilled to have her mind focused on something pleasant. If he agreed, she would have a child and Richard would have a son.
With the final touches on the meal, Kahlan rushed to the front gates, wanting to be there when he arrived and the time was near. She could see the horses in the distance, three with the small boy in the center. Her heart began to race in fear that he wouldn't want to be theirs. She would not think of it until the right moment. He shouldn't hear it in her thoughts until she was ready. When that would be, she didn't know.
It was different traveling without the fear of banelings and D'Haran soldiers attacking them. Richard was grateful that he didn't have to feel the rage of the sword anymore. With the way he felt about his mistake, the sword would have torn him apart. His mind had left thoughts of his wife only a handful of times when he was questioning the merchants. Cara hadn't spoken of the Confessor, not wanting to make the journey anymore harder on him.
She was more than pleased when they would stop in a town and question those who lived there. Many times she had been able to draw blood, gathering more information than questions alone. They had now learned enough to know that Nicci was alive and was with Darken Rahl. This news changed everything, but nothing in Richard's mind.
They would come near their camp within three days and the way he stared ahead of them told her that he would be ready for anything.
"What are you going to do I she doesn't want to come with us?"
Reaching into his pack, he pulled out something silver. "I wasn't planning on giving her the choice."
"You're going to take it from her and then what? Run back to your wife in the hopes that you can use it? You don't know how to use the magic."
"I have to try and she would never go along with helping her. If I don't so this, there is nothing left."
They laughed throughout their meal. It was a welcomed change from how they had been for the past few days. Kahlan kept her mind busy, hoping that he wouldn't be able to pick out one thought alone. He didn't need to. The staff that moved around them stared at her constantly, thinking about how hard it must be for her and Ren didn't miss it.
"They're all worried about you," he said softly as Kahlan leaned back in her chair.
"What do you mean?"
"Everyone who's walked by is thinking about how hard this is for you." He met her eyes just as she let her guard down. "You want me?"
She smiled, pushing down her nerves. "If it's all right with you."
"What happens when you have your own?" he questioned before he read her answer. "Oh." He didn't know what else to say. He could see that she needed to be comforted so he did the only thing he could think of. Getting out of his chair, he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly. "Do you really want me to stay?"
"Yes." It came out in a soft whimper as she wrapped her arms around him.
Pulling back, he smiled widely. "Do I get my own room?" She laughed, relived for the first time in days as she nodded. "I guess I'll stay then."
Blood covered his face and sword as he cut through Darken Rahl's men. He was surprised there weren't more of them. Cutting through the last of the men, Cara and Richard stopped at the sight of her. Nicci was hanging from the ceiling, covered in blood, cuts and bruises. They almost didn't recognize her.
"Help me get her down and then we'll tie her to a horse. If we hurry we can be back in two weeks."
"She won't make it out of this room."
Looking over at the blonde, Richard sighed and walked from the small house. When he returned he had the silver dacra in his hand. "Then she won't leave."
He stabbed the metal into her side, letting the magic flow out of her and into him. The colors of it flowing between them took his breath away; it looked the way he had always imagined Kahlan's magic would look. By the time it stopped, his head was pounding and he could no longer see straight. He leaned against Cara as they walked outside. For a few moments, he wasn't sure he would make it home.
"Lord Rahl and his Mord'Sith are arriving at the gates. I've sent for the healer."
Kahlan jumped at the servants words and turned around. "What?"
"The Seeker, M'am. He appears to be wounded."
Dropping the book that she held in her hands, she stood up and nodded at the other woman. "I'm sorry, Ren. We can start again after we've made sure Richard's all right." He nodded in understanding as he followed her out of the room and down the hall.
The people in the palace moved around quickly, trying to get everything prepared in case they were needed. She ran out to meet them, wanting to see him as soon as possible. The moment her eyes landed on him, she stopped. Instantly, she knew where he had gone and what he had done. She was there to catch him as he fell from his horse, blinded by the pain to hold on any longer.
They carried him inside, carefully as Kahlan and Ren walked anxiously behind them. "The blood's not his." Cara told her as she knelt down beside the bed and grabbed his hand. "We had to kill some of Darken Rahl's soldiers to get to her."
Looking over her shoulder, she looked at the blonde. "Nicci? What happened to her?"
"We left her there. He took all of her magic."
"Why would he do that? He knows that he can't-"
Cara sighed, "He wasn't thinking about what it would do to him. He kept saying that it would be the only way to fix it."
"He could have brought her back!" She shouted louder than she intended. "He didn't have to take her magic and then kill himself trying to fix anything!"